by Maree Green
I didn’t need to be told it was going to be a dangerous mission. Raqqa was one of the enemy’s biggest strongholds in Syria. And if I didn’t already know that, the air inside the briefing room would’ve been enough to tell me. It was so thick with tension I thought I might need to cut my way out.
Safe passage was not guaranteed. Regir, our Kurdish guide and translator, was riding with us again, but there was only so much he could do. The road to Raqqa was exposed and doubtful. The enemy itself was constantly changing, not to mention easily blending in with the populace. They had been pushed out of some of the areas outside the city, but Raqqa was definitely still their stronghold, and they had supporters everywhere.
But that was what I was here for. Straightening my shoulders, I gave Nelson a hard stare. “Let’s do it.”
Filing out of the tent, I piled into a Humvee with Nelson and McAdams, Mann at the wheel again, and prepared myself for the journey ahead.
Our first port of call was back at Tal Tamr with Adar Nahai’s armed forces. If anyone knew what lay ahead for us on the road to Raqqa, it was them.
From the rear Humvee, I watched Sergeant Cooper talking to the rebel fighters. It was hard to gauge what was being said from the body language. There were a lot of hand gestures, pointing to the west, and head shaking. It didn’t give the impression of anything good.
From the briefing we’d received before we left camp, Lieutenant Colonel Hammond was hoping for our safe arrival on the northern outskirts of Raqqa just before sunset. With the new moon forecast for the night after tomorrow, it was hoped we would then be able to infiltrate the city under the cover of darkness. It was our best chance at success.
Shifting in my seat, I watched Sergeant Cooper move toward us, his pace fast and sure on the dry dirt. “Heads up, fellas,” he said, leaning in through the open window.
My gaze narrowed on the hard lines of his face. I was starting to get used to the subtle meanings of the creases. This one was serious.
“There’s been word of Assad’s forces taking a compound north of Fatisah. If those reports are correct, we may have trouble.”
Nelson groaned. “I thought we pushed those fuckers out last month.”
Sergeant Cooper threw him a side glare and continued. “But once we get through Fatisah, the Kurds have a stronghold in a compound to the northwest of Raqqa, where we can set up base and proceed. We need to get to Fatisah by nineteen hundred.”
With that, he tapped the window frame and marched back to the front.
“All right,” McAdams said, nudging Mann to crank the engine. “Let’s get this shit done.”
With Sergeant Cooper’s Humvee finally in motion again, we moved out of town to the hopeful stares of the Kurdish fighters.
The road to Raqqa was a hard one to stay focused on. It was like watching footage on a never-ending, continuous loop. Dry, hot sand disappearing into a hazy horizon. It would be easy to lose concentration if we weren’t traveling at such high speeds, watching every civilian compound we passed for signs of activity and hostility.
Even though I’d seen enough footage of the war-torn areas in the Middle East to last me two lifetimes, I still had a hard time processing it in real time. If entire towns weren’t reduced to multiple piles of rubble, parts of them definitely were.
It was difficult to comprehend that these were once homes and places of peace for the people of Syria. Seeing children foraging in the ruins, searching for lost comforts or food, was heartbreaking. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must be like trying to raise a family amidst this kind of conflict.
An hour down the road we began to slow. My body instantly rose to a new height of alertness. At my curious glance, Nelson tilted his chin ahead. “Checkpoint.”
As we came to a complete stop, I watched the process with a mixture of nervous energy and wariness. Following Nelson’s lead, my hands stayed firmly on my rifle.
The Kurdish soldiers moved slowly and methodically around both vehicles. They took their time to look inside, while Regir spoke to the checkpoint soldier in command. A few minutes later we were on our way again, but with a warning.
The reports of Assad’s forces taking a civilian compound just to the north of Fatisah were confirmed, and the Kurds were in the process of taking it back.
The first signs of the conflict came as we entered Fatisah from the east. With the sun low on the western horizon, this wasn’t a disadvantage we could afford.
Sergeant Cooper’s voice confirmed my concerns through the radio. “We can’t go in blind. We’re going to have to hedge our way around through the south.”
Gunfire came sporadically, and then the rockets, one exploding way too close to the front of Sergeant Cooper’s Humvee for comfort. I clung to the holding strap as we made an immediate detour into the closest civilian compound.
“Go, go, go!” McAdams shouted, jumping from the Humvee, his arm making frantic swipes at the air as he scanned our position. “Find cover.”
The second I was out, he banged on the door and the Humvee shot out again, leaving a trail of dust in its wake. I followed closely behind Nelson, as we took cover behind a half-shattered wall of what used to be someone’s home.
“Nelson, Johns, Stephenson. Eyes. Now!”
Crouched behind the wall, I held my rifle at the ready, trying to get a sight on the enemy. Gunfire rang out, the dust spray giving away its location a second later.
“Eleven o’clock,” I said, taking aim. “On top of the wall.”
“Hold your fire,” Sergeant Cooper barked. “We don’t want to give away our position. We’re sitting fucking ducks here.”
I held, but I watched the fucker like a hawk. He was still shooting, but it was to the west.
“Sir, take a look.” From my peripheral vision, I saw Gardner hand Sergeant Cooper some binos. “If we can get to that civilian compound, we can use it as cover until morning.”
Scuffling movement sounded behind me. “McAdams. We’ve got three hundred yards of open ground. We need to get over there and secure it before darkness sets in.”
McAdams grunted his assent. “Nelson, Stephenson. With me.”
Following close formation, we moved toward the right, while Sergeant Cooper moved left with the others.
More machine-gun fire rang out, this time followed by the unmistakable sound of an RPG. McAdams cursed, ducking around an abandoned car and across the open road to slip into the early night shadows. Following closely, Nelson and I swiftly slipped inside the target area behind him.
Sergeant Cooper appeared a moment later, grabbing Johns to get on the radio.
“McAdams, secure the compound and set up security. Fortify our position. We need to be like fucking ghosts. If we can get to the Kurds without Assad’s forces knowing we’re here, we can get our fucking job done and get the fuck out again.”
I nodded my head in agreement. That sounded like a good plan to me.
Chapter 41
Amy
Deployed time: 8 weeks
A deep, low whooshing sounded through the speakers beside me. My heart continued to beat at a slightly faster pace than usual, while my mouth ran dry and my stomach churned with anxiety.
Dr. Anderson’s brow creased with concentration, pressing the Doppler farther down to my pubic bone. “Well, the heartbeat’s still strong,” she said, lifting the device off me and wiping my stomach with some paper towels to rid me of the cold, sticky gel.
I swallowed, trying to force some calmness into my nerves.
Giving me a kind but intense look, Dr. Anderson placed her hand on the table beside me and sighed. “I think it’s best if I give you a physical exam to check if your cervix is starting to dilate. That way we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on.”
I nodded, too scared to think what it might mean if my cervix was in fact starting to dilate. In fact, I was too scared to think anything in that moment. I was more or less running on adrenaline.
It had happened as soon as I starte
d closing things up for the week at work. I was filing the last of the papers when I felt a sudden need to go to the bathroom. The amusement I felt at my questionable bladder control quickly turned to panic when I saw the blood. It wasn’t a lot, but it was blood. You weren’t supposed to bleed when you were pregnant. Right?
I’d called Dr. Anderson’s room as soon as I got back to my desk, thankful and panicked all at once when she told me to come straight in.
Lying there, I averted my eyes, staring at a picture that had been strangely stuck to the ceiling. I pondered its place there for a little while before realizing it was meant as a distraction. A greatly appreciated one.
With a concentration that was nowhere near justified, yet desperately needed just the same, I tried to lose myself in the bright and busy landscape above me while I willed the lingering tears to stay away.
The procedure wasn’t nice. In fact, it hurt. I concentrated on the little girl in the picture, taking in as much detail of her dress as possible. Then I moved on to her mother, a short, chubby woman with long dark hair.
The pressure down there vanished, and I heard Dr. Anderson snap her gloves off.
“You can get dressed now, Amy,” she said, tossing them in the trash. “I don’t think we have anything to worry about just now. Your cervix is still normal, so I don’t think you’re starting to miscarry.”
Relief flooded through me. I didn’t realize just how much the idea of losing the baby had stressed me out. Slipping on my panties, I pulled my dress back down and put my shoes on.
“Like I said before, it can be common for some women to have a little bleeding during pregnancy.” She tapped on her computer keyboard while I took a seat. “But if it continues or if you have any pain, call me straightaway. No exception.”
I smiled, the relief making me dizzy with happiness. “I will. Thank you.”
Tidying myself up, I slung my bag over my shoulder and left the doctor’s office, never happier it was a Friday. Amber had organized for Jess and Kaeli to come to her house for the big announcement. After the last two hours, I was looking forward to a bit of girl time more than ever, but if I didn’t hurry, I was going to be late.
The idea of everyone finally knowing made me part excited and part terrified. I knew it was stupid of me to think any of them would be anything less than happy for me. How accepting they were of me marrying Daniel told me as much, but I just couldn’t help the doubt that niggled at me. The importance of good, clean-cut appearances had been drummed into me so much growing up that I just couldn’t seem to shake it.
Both the girls’ cars were already parked in the drive when I got there. My nerves hummed, but I was glad to feel excitement taking a more pronounced stance inside me. Even though I could, and I did, talk to Amber about all things pregnancy, I wanted the freedom that came from not having to hide anything. Especially from my best friends.
Walking inside, I was greeted by a chorus of squeals that only girls could make, before being enveloped in a pair of arms. The pile of curly, red hair suddenly in my face told me it was Jess.
Laughing, I squeezed her back. “Hey, gorgeous.”
She gave me one more squeeze before letting me go. “Oh my God. It’s been way too long. How’s the married woman?”
My mind gave me a one-second chance to decide on an answer, before coming to the conclusion that now was as good a time as any. “Pregnant,” I said, grinning as I waited for the word to sink in.
Her eyes bulged. “Shut up!” she said, her mouth popping open dramatically. “You’re kidding me, right?”
I smirked at her before meeting Kaeli’s gaze over Jess’s shoulder. “Nope. I’m having a baby. I’m just over twelve weeks.”
“Oh, Amy . . . ” Kaeli said, moving to hug me. “That’s awesome, babe. Congratulations. You’re going to be a wonderful mom.”
My happiness grew to a greater height than I’d ever known. Laughing, I just let myself feel it for a change. When she released me, I turned to Jess again. She was still standing there, staring at me with her mouth wide open, but the corners were turned up now.
“Holy shit,” she said, shaking her head with slow, deliberate movements. “I can’t believe you’re actually pregnant. You’re going to have a freaking baby.”
“Yeah. Apparently, I’m not the planning type anymore,” I said with a shrug. “Who knew?”
“No shit,” Amber said, coming to stand beside me. “Even I can’t freaking keep up.” She smirked before pulling me into a soft hug. “You just need to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Everyone on the planet has a different life journey, babe. Just because yours doesn’t look like everyone else’s, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
Sighing, I gave her a helpless shrug. “You know me. I just don’t like being judged.”
The look she gave me was very pointed. “And you know I’ve said this before. People only judge what they don’t understand. This little peanut right here,” she said, placing her hand on my stomach. “Is here to teach you to be okay with that.”
Glancing down at her hand, I felt the warmth of love spread through me. “I’m okay with that,” I said. “I just need Peanut’s dad to come home to me in one piece, and I’ll be the happiest momma bear on the planet.”
Jess laughed. “You’ve done it now. You know this baby’s name will forever be Peanut now, don’t you?”
With a proud grin, Amber pet my stomach like I was a Buddha. “Ah, Peanut,” she said, speaking to my still-flat stomach. “I hope you’re prepared for what you’re to be born into.”
“Imagine if it’s a girl,” Kaeli said, eyes wide with mock horror. “It’s going to take one brave boy to face all the uncles she has. I can just see Noah now. He’ll be running background checks on anyone who tries to even friend her on Facebook.”
Amber’s expression turned dreamy as she faced Kaeli. “Ah . . . Noah . . . I think I’ll be forever jealous of you with him. Why haven’t we seen him lately?”
Kaeli laughed as we moved toward the kitchen. “I’m hiding him from you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. As if that boy even sees anyone else but you. Fuck, he’s hot.”
Jess grabbed some glasses from the cupboard. “I kind of have to agree with you there. Noah and Daniel have some serious swag going on. You’re both freaking bitches.”
Sliding into a chair at the table, I grinned. “I’d say I’m sorry, but . . . ”
“I have to say it definitely runs in the family for Noah, though,” Jess said, lifting herself up to sit on the counter. “I see Eli on campus all the time and almost trip over my tongue, he’s that freaking hot.”
Kaeli laughed. “Welcome to my life. I feel like an airhead when I’m around those boys. I swear, they have the capability to make you forget your own name sometimes.”
“And melt,” I added, thinking of every time I’d been wrapped in Daniel’s arms. “Like seriously boneless. They’re all dangerous.”
Amber huffed. “Yeah, yeah. You’re all surrounded by hot guys wherever you go. Whatever. I’ll find my own tatted and pierced hottie one day.”
I laughed, but inside, all I wanted was for my hottie to come home to me and our baby. It would be every wish and prayer I would whisper until it came true. It was all I had.
Chapter 42
Daniel
Deployed time: 10 weeks
The incoming sound was ominous. With bated breath, we watched and we waited. Darkness pressed in from all directions, raising the tension inside the compound a little more with every breath we took. Chaos was imminent.
And then it was above us like a shadow, almost invisible in the obscurity of the cloud-covered night, but its presence was undeniable. As the sound of the fighter jet passed, I felt myself pause, holding the breath inside me as my heart thundered out an abnormally fast beat.
Less than two seconds later, the bomb reached its target.
Just like the two airstrikes in the weeks before this one, the explosion stunned me. The fo
rce of it could be felt for miles. The bomb’s own power was enough to flatten the building it hit, but when it combined with the weaponry concealed inside, the result was terrifying.
Fire rose like an angry cloud, reaching high into the atmosphere, lighting up the destruction that now lay beneath it in a pile of dust and rubble. As the thunder of explosions lessened, and the reverberations of the falling rubble diminished, screams began to pierce the air like ghosts in a non-existent wind.
In this deep darkness of hot, dry night, the sound was chilling. Even when I knew it was coming. It still haunted me. And I knew with a sickness inside my soul, it would be a sound that would stay with me until my very last dying breath.