by Maree Green
The guard remained, watching us all with sharp, hate-filled eyes. The paper taunted me, the corner only just visible from where I stood. Unable to wait a second longer, I carefully sank down to the ground, resuming my position of defeat. And with slow, cautious movements, I slid the paper toward me.
On it, in small, scribbled handwriting, were three words.
Help Is Come.
Chapter 57
Amy
Deployed time: 32 weeks
MIA: 22 weeks
From: Amy Benson [email protected]
To: Daniel Stephenson [email protected]
Date: Fri, November 18, 2016 at 8:07 PM
Subject: Home
Daniel,
I can’t believe it’s been 8 months since I said goodbye to you. Time is moving too fast. Mae is already 10 weeks old. The doctors say she can come home tomorrow. That’s a whole month before she was supposed to be born. She’s still only 4lbs. But she’s so strong. She’s just so beautiful Daniel. I wish you were here to see her. I wish you were here to see it all. It hurts so much to do this without you. You should be here.
Everything is making me so confused lately. I wish I could put my thoughts into words. For both of us. I know I told you I would always wait for you. I want to. But everyone’s telling me you’re gone. That I should let you go. That I’m only hurting all the other people who love you by insisting you’re still alive. But I meant it when I said I would wait for you. You’re my soul mate. How am I supposed to let you go when I know we’re meant to be together? I want someone to tell me what I should do. I love you so much. Please, just come home to me. Come home to us.
Amy xxx
Sitting on the sofa in Susan’s living room, I held Mae gently in my hands. She was still so small. Her little bottom fit perfectly in one hand, while her head fit perfectly in the other. I knew if Daniel were here, she’d probably fit perfectly in just one of his.
“Are you happy to be home?” Amber asked across from me.
Meeting her gaze, I smiled, but it was strained. “Of course.”
She gave me a deadpan look. “Awesome. Now I’ll have the extended version, thanks.”
I sighed. “I really am happy. Knowing she’s healthy enough to come home is a massive relief.” Lowering Mae down into the little carrier on the floor, I straightened. “It’s just tainted, you know? It’s another thing Daniel’s missed out on.”
Amber sat silently and watched me.
“It’s the not knowing that kills you, you know?” I said quietly.
“Explain it to me,” she said. “In what way does it kill you?”
I studied her for a minute. If it was anyone else, I would’ve been offended by the question. But I knew Amber. It was typical for her to ask me the kind of questions that made me challenge the way I thought about things.
Shifting a little with discomfort, I tried to find the answer she was looking for. “Well . . . I guess it’s the not knowing if he’s alive or dead that hurts.”
“Why?” she said, sitting forward. “How would it help you right now if you knew he was dead?”
Her words stung. A lot. I had to hold myself back from yelling at her. Taking a minute to calm myself, I stood and moved over to the window.
“Okay.” Turning, I sat on the arm of the sofa closest to me. “If someone came and told me he was definitely gone, I could stop living in limbo. I could let him go and move on with my life.”
Amber’s head cocked to the side, a look of confusion creasing her brow. “How so? How are you living in limbo?”
Frustration flared. “Because I don’t know if he’s alive or dead!”
She shuffled forward in her seat. “I mean, how would you be living differently if you knew he was gone? How would you ‘move on’? Do you mean that you’d start dating other men? Get remarried?”
My eyes popped. Jesus. “Of course not! That’s not what I mean at all.”
“Well, I didn’t think so, but I can’t think of any other explanation for the meaning of moving on. I just want to know how differently you would be living your life right now if you knew Daniel was never coming back.”
My whole world stilled. Shit.
Mae stirred, a tiny cry cutting through the air between us, but it was Amber who reached for her.
Scooping her up and holding her to her chest, she looked up at me. “I just want you to see it in its most simple form here, Amy. I know you. You’re not the kind of girl who needs to have a man in her life to feel complete. Not knowing if your husband is alive or dead is shit. Immeasurably. But if someone came and told you right now that he’s never coming back, you’re not about to say, ‘Okay, now I know that, I can start moving on with my life and dating me some men,’ are you?”
My breath shook. “No.”
“The real question here is, why the hell are you feeling this way? If you knew Daniel wasn’t coming back, you’d devote yourself to being the best mom you could be, while giving your heart time to heal. Period. That’s how you would live your life. That’s how you’d move on. And what are you doing now?”
Running my hands over my face, I exhaled in a rush. “I don’t know.”
Amber gave me a hard look. “You’re devoting yourself to being the best mom you can be, while giving your heart time to heal. You don’t need to let go of Daniel to do what you’re doing. You just keep doing what you’re already doing.” Placing Mae back down, she came to take my hand. “Babe, trust me, you’ll know if the time ever comes when you need to let Daniel go. You’ll just know, and there won’t be any confusion or guilt. It will just feel right. Until then, just do what you’re doing without apology, and if anyone has a problem with that? Fuck them.”
I didn’t know exactly what it was about her words, or even which ones made sense, but I was suddenly filled with the most peace I’d felt in a very long time. Tears sprang to my eyes.
Grabbing her, I crushed her to me. “Thank you.”
Squeezing me back, I heard her sniffle in my ear. “That’s what best bitches are for, babe. I’ll always have your back.”
Chapter 58
Daniel
Deployed time: 35 weeks
MIA: 25 weeks
Amy, You’re my everything. You’re all I have. You’re the only thing that makes me want to take my next breath. I miss you so much. Please, be happy. Daniel.
Six months. Give or take a week.
That’s how long I’d been in this hellhole.
As hard as I’d tried to get some form of answer as to what they wanted with me, I still had no idea. There were others, just like me. Some who’d been here longer. But none of us knew why. Some thought it was to break us. Slowly reduce our mental state until we were nothing but pure despair. Others thought it was just a strategic game, waiting for the right price.
I didn’t know. It really didn’t matter. Either way, they were winning.
With legs spread out across the dirty concrete floor, I slumped back against the wall and closed my eyes. It had been over a month since Mali had left her note for me. At the time, I’d taken it to mean help was on the way. My hope had risen, my adrenaline spiking, ready for action.
Now, I had to admit I’d most likely misinterpreted it. She’d obviously meant she would try to help. And it seemed she’d failed. I hadn’t seen her since that day. I prayed she hadn’t been caught trying to do something to save me. I didn’t know if I could handle having that added to my list of regrets. What I carried now was already so heavy.
Bringing up one of my favorite memories of Amy, I drifted off, immersing myself in the only form of happiness I had left. Occasionally, I would picture her with a baby bump, my heart softly humming, knowing she carried a part of me with her. Sometimes I wondered if that helped her get by. Did the baby distract her from the pain I was sure she would be feeling with my disappearance? I hoped so.
I wondered what she would be doing right now. Did she have a nice Thanksgiving? Had she started shopping for Christmas? What
colors did she decide to decorate the tree with? What kinds of gifts did she dream about buying for the baby? Did she know if we were having a boy or a girl? What names did she like?
I pondered for a minute about that. Of course, I didn’t mind whether the baby was a boy or a girl. If it was a boy, I could teach him the importance of respect and being a gentleman, and if it was a girl, I could show her just how strong she could be to make her own mark in life. It was just so easy to picture both. I wanted the chance to experience it so much.
“Stephenson.”
My eyes flashed open at the sound of my cell neighbor’s voice.
“Listen.”
Picking my head up, I strained to hear. There were explosion’s going off in the distance, but that wasn’t uncommon. Closer, though, I heard gunfire. That too was fairly common, but it was slightly different this time. It sounded more sporadic and calculated. Like an infiltration.
Or extraction . . .
There were no guards in the cell room at this time of night, so I couldn’t get a feel for what was going on from their point of view.
The other prisoners started murmuring to each other. We all felt it. Something was going on.
Pushing myself to my feet, I tried to gather my wits. If this was an extraction, I needed to think clearly. I didn’t know who it could be they were there to extract, but I wanted to be sure I would be going with them. I wanted to make sure we all got out, if possible.
Gunfire sounded. Louder now. Just beyond the outer door. My pulse raced. I heard one of the guards shout, before more gunshots rang out.
Silence fell.
Hurriedly, I ran through the calculations. As far as I was able to tell from the other prisoners, there were a total of eight cells, each with a locked door. Mine was the third cell from the end, on the right-hand side. I was sure whoever was coming would have explosives to take the locks out, but if they didn’t, I knew where the guard kept the key on his person. In my head, I went through the motions of how I would get the key, and the order in which I would unlock the doors.
The main door blew open. Concrete and dust flew everywhere, reducing visibility to a minimum.
“Lance Corporal Stephenson!”
Emotion swept through me like a freight train. “Sir! On your right. Second cell.”
More gunfire came outside, then the sound of an explosive charge to my right.
“Move, move, move!”
Footsteps hurried along the concrete. Voices called out from the other cells, desperate to not be forgotten.
“Stand clear!”
Two more charges went off, one blasting the door to my cell wide open. Then, through the dust, came the best sight I could ever hope for. A United States Marine.
“Lance Corporal, are you injured?”
“No, sir,” I said, stepping forward.
“Good. You’re with me. All right, fellas. We have the target. Let’s empty this place and get out of here.”
Handing me a rifle, he signaled me to follow him out. I did as I was ordered, but checked to make sure the other prisoners were being taken care of as I went. The last door was being busted just as we slipped outside. That’s when the RPG hit.
The force of it sent me flying sideways. I landed on the ground, pain ripping through the same shoulder I’d dislocated six months ago.
Voices yelled at me, but I was too disorientated to answer. Arms grabbed me, lifting me up and throwing me into the back of a Humvee.
Then all I saw were the stars in the night sky as we flew through the darkened streets.
Dropping my head to the side, I locked gazes with the marine beside me. Lawrence, his patch said. “How the hell did you find me?” I said, my voice a little gruff.
“We got word there was a marine in captivity a couple months back from an Italian journo, but he couldn’t tell us the location. We tried piecing together what he knew, but it just wasn’t enough. Then, a couple days back, a little Muslim girl landed on our doorstep, claiming she knew exactly where we could find you.”
The breath stuck in my chest. “Mali.”
Lawrence nodded. “That’s the one. She was upset she wasn’t able to get to us sooner.”
Looking back out the window, I said a silent thank you to Mali. She had no idea how much I owed her.
As I watched the stars sail by, I smiled. I was going home, baby.
***
I closed the last e-mail and stared blankly across the room. Emotions were running around inside me completely unchecked. There were so many things to process, and I had no idea where to even start.
The most pressing one was the baby. What Amy must’ve gone through. The stress, the pain, the fear, the anxiety. And she had to go through it all without me. I didn’t know how to swallow that one down. I should’ve been there for her. I should’ve been there to carry some of the weight for her. The pain I felt for failing her was bigger than any I’d ever felt before.
And then there was the baby. Our sweet little angel, Mae. The pictures Amy had sent were heartbreaking. She looked so tiny. So fragile. But as Amy wrote, she was a little fighter. I couldn’t believe she was home already. She was the most perfect little thing a man could ever ask for.
But the deepest worry was Amy’s feelings for me. The tone of her e-mails had changed so much over the course of the last nine months. I was scared she’d given up on me. Given up on us. I wasn’t ready to face that. Not yet.
Giving the phone one last look, I pushed myself to my feet. I just couldn’t bring myself to use it. In less than two hours, I would be on a plane home anyway. I would know soon enough.
Chapter 59
Amy
Deployed time: 35 weeks
MIA: 25 weeks
Hanging the last pink balloon up on the little hook, I smiled. With the help of Amber and Kaeli, Susan’s living room now resembled sugar and spice, and all things nice. The place looked perfect.
Amber sighed contentedly beside me. “I can’t believe today’s the day she should’ve been born.”
Kaeli shook her head. “I know, right? It blows my mind. Did you know she’s exactly one hundred days old today? I did the math.”
I blinked at her. Shit. One hundred days. So much time was slipping by.
“Aw, honey,” Kaeli said, giving me a quick hug. “Think of it in a positive way. She’s reached a wonderful milestone. It’s her happy this-was-when-you-were-supposed-to-be-born day.”
That did it. I laughed. “I’m beginning to think I’m not meant for ‘normal.’ ”
Amber scoffed. “Normal is boring. Why be a white sheep when you can be a rainbow one instead?”
I giggled, but it was strained. “I don’t know. White would be a whole lot less painful.”
Taking my hand, Amber linked her fingers with mine. “White sheep might not feel deep pain like you have, but they don’t get to feel deep love, either.”
Noah turned from the window he’d been peering out of. “Whoa,” he said, exaggerating a look of awe. “Deep . . . ”
Shrugging, Amber flipped her hair. “It’s been known to happen occasionally.”
Noah shook his head with a grin before pointing his thumb over his shoulder. “What’s with the rent-a-cops?”
We all glanced out the window at the large hulking men scanning the perimeter.
“Josh fired his entire security team after those pictures were leaked to the media,” Kaeli said.
I scowled, remembering seeing the tabloids at the grocery store. It hadn’t been anything bad. Just pictures of Josh by the pool with an actress he’d been dating at the time. But it was a private moment. Stolen by someone who was employed to protect him.
“So, he’s just going to hire a bunch of jocks from now on?” Amber asked, flopping down onto the sofa.
“Until I can convince some people I know to come work for me . . . ”
We turned at the sound of Josh’s voice, finding him striding in from the kitchen, a tray of food in each hand. Corey, Cain, and Ryan fi
led out behind him, all loaded up with food as well.
“Hey, we’re totally on board with it, man. You just say the word,” Corey said with a smirk.
“Oh my God. You’re seriously not going to get these clowns to do security for you,” Amber said, mock horror on her face. “You’re so going to die.”