Running Forever

by Emily Camp

  ***

  “Bree, wait.” Spencer jogged up beside her just before she could reach her class. It’d been almost a week and a half since she began avoiding him.

  Breathing heavy, he skidded to a stop in front of her. His sneakers squeaked on the floor. His hair was styled in its normal spike today and his clothes were crisp and neat.

  “You … did I do something?” He watched a couple pass them and scratched the back of his head.

  “No,” Bree said; what else was she going to say? That she’d been avoiding him because Garrett didn’t want her anymore? Or that she was avoiding him because she was afraid he loved her and was going to tell her? “I’ve been busy.”

  Spencer nodded as he took in a breath. “You can’t return a text?”

  She shrugged, “You know I have a toddler and school … and …”

  “Yeah,” he frowned. “I get it. That’s exactly how I get rid of a girl.”

  “Spence …”

  He lifted a hand, “If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, all you had to do was say it.”

  Her heart sank, “It’s not that …”

  “I’ve been trying to tell you…” He frowned. “To get the nerve…”

  Oh no. She looked away, hoping he’d change his mind.

  “I’m just going to say it.” He lifted his hands to his head and looked at the ground.

  She opened her mouth to stop him, but he continued. “I don’t care what happens from here, but I’ve been trying … I care about you.”

  Her heart dropped and she fidgeted with her backpack. “I care about you, too. You’re one of my best friends.”

  “No,” he shook his head. “I’ve been…I try to go on with my life like before I met you. But the truth is, it’s not the same. I…those other girls they don’t…”

  “Spencer, please,” she held her hand up. “I’m sorry.” Her heart hurt as she spoke. This was exactly what she didn’t want to happen.

  Spencer blinked his confused, hazel eyes at her.

  “I don’t … the truth is, I think of you like a brother.”

  He flinched like she’d just punched him in the gut. “It’s worse than I thought.”

  “What?”

  “I haven’t been friend-zoned. I’ve been family-zoned.” His shoulders slumped.

  “Hey, Spencer.” A girl trotted by. Spencer didn’t even look, he kept his eyes on Bree.

  The truth was, he could probably have any other girl on this campus. Why did he have to want her? “I’m sorry.”

  He cursed and ran his hand across the back of his neck. “I didn’t realize how much those words hurt coming from the other side.”

  “We’ve been friends for two years. You’re the one who wanted to be just friends.”

  “I’ll always regret that.”

  ****

  Garrett thought that letting Bree go would be easier than it was. Shutting his feelings off seemed to be impossible. Earlier, on the ride to school, in her car, which was now fixed and the only running vehicle between them, she didn’t say much.

  He noticed as she kept looking out the window, bottom lip in her mouth. The last few weeks had been hard to keep his distance. He thought that might be what she wanted. They spoke only when they needed to about Bailey. Maybe he should have said more to her. When he rounded the corner, knowing she was headed toward her class, his tennis shoes squealed as he halted.

  The thing he’d feared all along. Bree’s back toward him as Spencer held out his arms for her. She fell into the hug, wrapping her arms around him in return. Spencer’s hands roamed up and down her back and he spoke something into her ear.

  Spencer met Garrett’s gaze and smirked over Bree’s shoulder.

  Bree’s back shook in a giggle and Spencer turned his smile toward her.

  Garrett clenched his fists at his sides and turned around.

  He thought maybe it was just him thinking Bree wanted to let them both hang by a string, though he was sure Spencer’s intentions were completely different than his.

  All Garrett wanted was to be a family with Bree and Bailey. He wanted Bailey to grow up like him, with her mom and dad both in the same home, happy, together. He still loved Bree, he thought that would be enough. Perhaps loving her meant finally letting her go.

  Maybe now he needed to be content with what God gave him. He could be happy raising Bailey, even if it meant giving up the dream of being with Bree. If it meant she was happy.

  It wasn’t the easiest thing he’d ever done, and he was definitely going to take it out on the weights today, but he turned and walked away.

  This time he’d let her go.

  Chapter 12

  This was not happening again. Bree hovered over the sink, between her hands, flat on the counter, was the stick. She stared at the window, praying the second line wouldn’t show up. Maybe she was just being paranoid. Maybe she was only late because of stress. But why was she sick to her stomach? That could be nerves, too. Her heart pounded as the extra pink line appeared like a magic trick as she watched.

  “No, no, no.” She picked it up and shook it as if that would make it disappear. On the other side of the bathroom door she could hear the normal household commotion: Isaac’s video game; Randy’s scolding about turning the game down; Garrett’s high-pitch voice he uses when playing with Bailey; and Bailey’s giggles.

  Bree squatted. Her heart jumped in her throat. How could she let this happen again? She was a hypocrite. That’s what everyone would say.

  Up until now, she was able to defend herself because she wasn’t a Christian when Bailey was conceived - when her mom mocked her about going to church, or Maggie tried to defend being boy crazy by making Bree the example.

  Bree pushed herself up and peered at the test again. Both pink lines were darker now. She shuffled her feet back and forth as she gripped the edge of the counter.

  What were Randy and Robin going to think? They trusted her. She wanted them to be right, that she’d changed, that she was right with God and wouldn’t do this again.

  Then there was Garrett.

  She pressed her lips between her teeth.

  Things had been awkward ever since she stayed with Spencer several weeks ago. She couldn’t blame Garrett any, and she felt horrible even though nothing happened. By now, she’d think Garrett would have been over it, though.

  When summer quarter ended and fall quarter began, his football schedule took up more of his time. She thought that things might go back to normal, but they didn’t.

  Her stomach plummeted when there was a knock on the door.

  She threw the stick back in the box like they were going to barge in, though she knew better than that here; nobody would just come in the bathroom on her.

  “Bree,” Garrett shouted from the other side.

  “Yes,” her voice squeaked and she held the box behind her back. “Yeah?”

  “I’m taking Bailey to the park, you wanna come?”

  Bree nodded, though he couldn’t see her. She glanced behind her at the box; the evidence. She couldn’t leave it in the trash. What if somebody found it? “Yeah, give me a minute.”

  Was this him trying to get back to the way they were? Or was he just asking for the sake of Bailey? After all, he hadn’t been home much and Bailey started getting clingy with him.

  “We’ll be outside when you’re ready.”

  When she was ready? Bree’s heart hammered. She waited until the footsteps faded before she pulled the stick back out of the box and it shook in her hand.

  There, staring back at her, were two very dark pink lines.

  What was she going to do now? She had at least four years of school left, even if she worked over the summer. She already shared her bedroom with Bailey. She didn’t want to live here for the rest of her life; that was, if they would even let her stay after this. It was bad enough she let God down and now everyone was going to know.

  She looked around the room, trying to find a way to hide the test. Finally,
she decided on wrapping it up in her dirty clothes and carrying it back to her room. She shoved it in the back of her underwear drawer; nobody would look there. At least, she hoped not. She twisted her hair into a ponytail and shoved her walking shoes on before heading out the door.

  Other than what she’d just found out, the day would have been perfect. Garrett stood under the oak tree, the leaves were just beginning to change from green to red. Bailey was already in her stroller, looking up and pointing above her. Garrett’s deep voice broke up Bailey’s squeaky chatter. Bree couldn’t deny what a good parent Garrett was, much better than she. When the door smacked behind her, Garrett and Bailey turned her way. She hated that it ruined the moment.

  “Look Mommy.” Bailey pointed that little finger up again. “Twee pwetty.”

  Bree jogged down the porch steps with a forced smile. “Yes it is.”

  “Daddy walk now?” Bailey mumbled something else Bree couldn’t understand then finished with, “Mommy.”

  “Ready?” Garrett met Bree’s eyes for the first time in weeks as he pushed the stroller forward.

  Bree started toward them, but had to look away. How was she going to tell him? Though he was good with Bailey, she knew he wouldn’t want another one right now and he’d be just as concerned about his parent’s reaction as she was.

  She walked beside him, her heart hammering harder with each step as Bailey pointed out everything around her. “Cloud, Daddy. Flower, Mommy. Look. Look. Oooh pwetty.”

  Garrett gave the quick, automatic answers, “Yeah. I see. It is pretty. Uh huh.”

  In a way, Bree was thankful for this, since it kept her from slipping up and telling him before she knew exactly what to say.

  Even though things had been weird with Bree lately, Garrett hated seeing her sad. Just because he was giving up, didn’t mean he didn’t want to see her happy. That’s why he chose to step away. He thought that’s what she wanted. If nothing else, they should get past this and be friends. As hard as Garrett thought it might be, he had to try for Bailey. Bree walked quietly beside him only responding to Bailey a few times to the several times Garrett did.

  As soon as he pulled her stroller up to the park, Bailey began to wiggle. “Daddy ball.”

  Bree giggled, “She’s the only two-year-old I know that gets excited about football at the park instead of the slides.”

  “I didn’t bring a football.” Garrett bent over and unbuckled Bailey. “You want to swing?”

  “Bailey play ball,” she said, pointing over him.

  Garrett picked her up and turned around as she squealed, “Ball.”

  But when he looked up and saw who was throwing the football, everything froze. Immediately he turned to Bree, who stood shoulders stiff, chin up, and eyes wide.

  “Ball,” Bailey wiggled on him.

  The football flew through the air and just across the park; no doubt it was Bree’s dad who caught it. Garrett had only seen him once, but his large frame and bald head were recognizable, along with Bree’s step-brother, Corey. Corey was stalky and Bree’s dad corrected his form, though Garrett wasn’t too impressed with her dad’s form as he tossed the ball back toward Corey.

  “Ball,” Bailey cried. This time Bree’s dad looked right at them, at his daughter and granddaughter, then turned away as if they were complete strangers. Bailey kind of was. As far as Garrett knew, Bree hadn’t talked to her dad since she told him she was pregnant. Bree’s dad caught the ball again as Bailey shouted for it. The sad thing was, a complete stranger probably would have let her throw it once or twice.

  “That’s not yours, Bails. We’ll go home and play with ours.”

  With tear streaked cheeks, Bailey put her hand in her mouth and nodded. “Home.”

  “Are you ready?” He didn’t know why he bothered asking Bree this. He should have known the answer already. Some things he did to help her feel better, only made things worse.

  After strapping Bailey in her stroller, he stood by Bree and placed his hand on her back. “You all right?”

  Her only response was a head shake. She didn’t look at him, nor did she look toward her dad, who had moved further away since noticing them. More importantly, Bree didn’t pull away. Not that he expected her to. Lately, it’d been him, not her, who wanted to keep a distance. With one hand, he steered the stroller. He couldn’t remove his palm from Bree’s back. It felt natural, as if that was something he was meant to do, even though he couldn’t remember the last time he walked with her like this.

  Bree was tense under his palm and he gently rubbed back and forth, hoping to give her some kind of comfort. As mad as he got at his dad sometimes, he couldn’t imagine him looking at him like he was someone he’d never met, while hanging out with someone else’s kid.

  Bailey didn’t talk much on her ride home, either. Garrett only had to confirm three times for her that he would play ball with her when they got home. It was as if she knew something was up; like she knew the man at the park should have spoken to her. As soon as they reached their yard, Bree sped up, getting way ahead of him and rushing to the house. Bailey kicked in her stroller. “Ball, daddy, ball.”

  Garrett was torn between running after Bree and keeping his promise to Bailey. “Hold on, Bails.”

  “Ball,” she wined as the stroller rocked from her squirming.

  “I know, we’ll play ball in a minute.” He pulled her out of her stroller and was relieved when his younger brother, Isaac came out of the house, bouncing a basketball on the porch.

  “Zeke, play ball?” she said, as she pointed at Isaac, who looked up wide-eyed.

  “Please, Isaac.” Garrett headed toward him.

  Isaac looked from side to side, pulling an earbud out of his ear. “What?”

  “I need to talk to Bree, will you play ball with Bailey?”

  Isaac wrinkled his nose, his lip curled over his front teeth. “What can she do?”

  “Ball,” Bailey whined and pointed toward Isaac’s ball.

  “Just toss it back and forth with her.”

  Isaac wrinkled his brow under his long blond bangs. “But I’m trying to improve my skills for basketball season.”

  “I’ll get her when I’m done. Please? Bree needs me and Bailey wants to play ball.”

  “Pease?” Bailey blinked her big eyes, “Zeke play ball.”

  Isaac let out a huff and flicked his hair out of his face. “Fine.”

  When Garrett sat Bailey down, she reached up for Isaac’s hand and said, “Bailey play ball wif Zeke.”

  Isaac glared at Garrett. Not the most promising of babysitters, but he’d have to do for now. “Thanks. I owe you.”

  “Yes, you do,” Isaac said in monotone.

  Garrett wasn’t even in the house yet when Bailey started talking again, saying, ‘look’ and ‘Zeke’ and ‘ball’ over and over.

  “Is everything okay with Bree?” his mom asked as he stalked into the house. “Are you two fighting again?” She stood by the sink with her hand on her hip.

  “Not this time. We saw her dad at the park. He didn’t even acknowledge her.”

  She gasped and held a hand to her chest. “That breaks my heart for her.”

  Garrett headed toward her room.

  “Do you want me to talk to her?” His mom followed.

  “I’m going to try to first.” His mom meant well and she was great at being there for people, but Garrett felt this was something he needed to do.

  He gave her door a quick tap, “Bree?” To his surprise, she flung herself out of the room, threw her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt.

  When her heart broke, so did his. It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he held her against him, running his hands up and down her shuddering back. Her hair smelled like vanilla, her shampoo. It took him back to before things got complicated.

  “What’s so wrong with me that my own parents can’t even love me?” she sobbed.

  His chest grew damp from her tears. “There’s nothing
wrong with you, Bree.” He wanted to run back to the park to tell her dad what a jerk he was. Bree and Bailey meant the world to him, he couldn’t imagine anyone not wanting them in their lives. “They’re the ones with the problem, not you.”

  Chapter 13

  Bree backed away from Garrett, she placed her hand on his chest and wiped the tears from her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to dump on you.” Garrett’s arms made her feel safe and his hand was warm and comforting splayed over her back. She stared at her flip flops as she continued to dry her tears with the tips of her fingers. That’s when she realized how quiet the house was. “Wait, where’s Bailey?”

  “Isaac’s playing with her outside.”

  “Isaac?” She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. That’s when the familiar loud cackle echoed through the hall. Her sister was here, meaning Isaac probably pawned Bailey off on her.

  “Bree,” Maggie came storming in with, as she’d guessed, Bailey on her hip. “You have to help me.” Maggie’s curls bounced as she tossed her head back and forth. She craned her face toward Garrett. Bailey grabbed at her cord necklace. “Sorry, can I borrow her for a minute?”

  Borrow her?

  An amused smile flashed over Garrett’s face. “Yeah, but I expect her back when you’re done.”

  Completely missing the joke, Maggie pushed passed him, into Bree’s room.

  Garrett leaned down, his mouth next to her ear. She felt shivers when his breath hit her skin. “We’ll talk later.”

  Bree felt butterflies in her stomach, despite the ache she’d just experienced. She’d always wondered how Garrett could claim to love her when she didn’t feel like she was good enough to be loved. Now, with not only one baby, but a second on the way, she wasn’t sure what she was going to do if he didn’t want to be with her.

  “Maybe after Bailey goes to bed?”

  “Definitely before you go to bed.” He didn’t remove his hand, instead he let it slip off as she walked away. After hesitating for a minute, looking back and smiling at Garrett, she shut the door behind her.