Fast Connection (Cyberlove #2)

by Megan Erickson

  “Eh yo, look who came to visit you, sis.”

  As the voice registered in my gut, Adriana turned and hissed. “Go away, Nicky.”

  Nicky came into view as he rounded the deli case, and my stomach dropped into my shoes as my heart pounded in my ears.

  Blue eyes met mine and went wide.

  Nicky was Adriana’s brother. Nicky was Dominic. Dominic Costigan.

  I’d been fucking the older brother of my son’s girlfriend.

  Last time I’d seen him, he’d been on his knees in the shower, my dick in his mouth as he peered up at me through a mess of wet blond hair.

  Now here he was, wearing a mustard-stained apron, looking at me as his face went red. His gaze shifted to the twins standing on either side of me, and my hackles went up.

  I couldn’t do it. Not after all I’d been through with Jake and all I’d done to keep my life simple and my priorities in check. After all I’d done to protect my family. Dominic Costigan was going to be another casualty in my battle to keep my worlds from colliding, and like watching a train wreck, there was no way to stop it.

  Dousing ice water on the warmth I’d felt for him, I turned away. My kids were ordering, and I stared at the menu blindly, ignoring everything and everyone. When it was my turn, I wasn’t even sure what the fuck I’d ordered.

  Chelle and I waited by the door while Micah whispered with Adriana at the front counter. I alternated between staring out the large glass windows and fooling around on my phone.

  When a knife clattered, I glanced up. Dominic was behind the glass case making our food. His shoulders were tense, his lips thinned, and a large furrow was in his brow. He chopped tomatoes with jerky movements, unlike the self-assured way he typically moved.

  Fuck.

  Fuck my life.

  When he began to shove parchment-wrapped sandwiches in a bag with enough force to tear a hole in the bottom, I stood up. “Chelle, grab the sandwiches and meet me outside, I have a call.”

  When Dominic’s head went up, I didn’t wait to meet his gaze. I didn’t want to see what was in those eyes, how bad I’d hurt him.

  So I went outside like a coward and pretended to talk on the phone until my kids came out.

  When we got home, I ate my sandwich without tasting it while my kids stole glances at me without comment. Probably because I had a face like thunder. When they retreated to their rooms after lunch, I let my head drop into my hands.

  My phone sat on the table below me and with a hesitant finger, I opened Grindr. There was a new message from Dominic from a couple of minutes ago.

  StaffSgt: Hey so… that was crazy today, right? I was hoping you would never walk into the store and see me looking like a loser behind the counter.

  StaffSgt: Look I didn’t say anything to anyone, if that’s what you were worried about. Hope everything’s okay.

  No, it wasn’t okay.

  I didn’t reply. And when he messaged me every day for the next three days, I still didn’t reply. When he didn’t message me on the fourth day, I worked out in my basement until I threw up.

  Chapter Eight

  Dominic

  Mother’s Pub was pretty much a cesspool. A two-room clusterfuck packed with bodies, one bar, and no room to breathe let alone dance, and yet people managed. They also managed to hook up in every corner despite the entire north shore of Staten Island being present to watch. It was basically an overpriced house party.

  And here I was because I had shit else to do on Friday night now that I’d been ejected from Luke’s life.

  “Nicky!”

  I winced. I hated that name almost as much as I hated the guy who was shouting it across the bar.

  “Ey yo, Nicky C! Get yer ass ovah heah!”

  John’s accent was twelve times more pronounced when he was slurring and sloppy drunk. Which meant this could go one of two ways—irritating or disastrous.

  I downed my drink and slid off my coveted barstool to make my way over to John. He had the whole crew there—Petey, Jackie, Crane, and a gaggle of girls I didn’t know, but who all managed to look as similar to each other as the guys did. It was an army of douchenozzles with a similar uniform of gelled hair, dark orange tans, and skin-tight clothing. John’s shirt was about two sizes too small.

  “What’s up, John?” I gave him pound, dredging up a memory of the complicated handshake we’d created in high school. “How you doin’?”

  “Pretty fuckin’ good now that motherfuckin’ Nicky Costigan is in the house.”

  “Heh.” I nodded at the others. “Long time no see, guys.”

  “Yeah, yeah, long time.” John tipped back his beer. “Which is kinda funny because I coulda sworn I’d heard you came back from Afghanistan last spring.”

  “You heard right.”

  “So then how come you ain’t come ’round?”

  Fuck, he was drunk. I didn’t want to deal with this interrogation. How did I even begin to explain that I’d changed over the past near decade and basically despised them now? Sure, we’d had a good time drag racing on Arthur Kill Road and getting fucked up at the various island hot spots before working our way through every single female we knew, but now it all seemed like baby shit. Which begged the question of why I’d even come to the bar tonight.

  To forget Luke.

  I cursed my brain and turned up the wattage on my smile. “Just readjusting to life back home. I didn’t re-up, so I’m officially a vet.”

  “No more going overseas?” John’s eyes narrowed. He didn’t exactly look thrilled. “You’re back for good?”

  “I guess. Yeah, sure.”

  “Huh.”

  John took another long gulp. He kept staring me down. It was so awkward that the rest of the crew looked at him sideways before changing the subject.

  “We’re going to Ultra in a few,” Crane said. “You should come with us. When’s the last time you went dancing with a hot girl?” He tickled the back of a petite blonde with a pink crop top on. She looked ready to knock his teeth out. “We got plenty to spare.”

  Vomit. How did anyone hang out with these dudes? And more importantly, had I ever been this obnoxious?

  “Nah,” John said. “Nicky’s got better shit to do. Big army vet like him? Shit. He don’t wanna hang out with us.”

  I leaned against the bar and gave him a once-over. More like John Connolly was feeling intimidated by the “big army vet” and wanted me to fuck off before the ladies in question were swept away by the infamous Costigan charm. Lucky for him, I had no interest in charming anyone but a thirty-nine-year-old dickhead with prematurely silver hair and a huge schlong. But that ship had sailed.

  There was no doubt Luke was done with me. Whether that was because I was a loser working at my parents’ bagel shop, or because he fucking wrongly thought I’d hid the fact that my sister knew his kids, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know anything. Except that he was over it, and I was left in the dust. Just after things had started feeling like more than a series of quick and dirty fucks.

  Shit. Had that been it? Had I gotten too comfortable in his house? But he’d been the one to take it to that level. Making me a real sandwich, playing music, inviting me to showers before yet another round of mind-blowing sex…

  A fist closed around my heart. I wished I could be mad enough to despise him for making me feel this rejected and awful, but I missed him too much. I wanted him too much. It had been two weeks of radio silence, and I felt like my reason for looking forward to each day had been taken away. Funny how a few chats had made such a big impact on my quality of life.

  “Knock knock!”

  I jerked away when Crane’s knuckles connected with my forehead. He held his hands up, eyes wide.

  “Whoa! Just playing, man.”

  “It’s cool.” Jesus, I was jumpy. And now they probably thought I was a head case. “Sorry. I’m on edge tonight.”

  “The old man still smacking you around?”

  The blond girl whipped her head around to nail
John with a lethal glare. “Jesus, John! You’re such an asshole.”

  John’s lips briefly tightened before he rolled his shoulders. “It’s all jokes, Kayla. Nicky knows I’m joking. Right, man?”

  It was like swallowing a spoonful of acid, but I forced myself to say, “Yeah. Just jokes.”

  John and I stared at each other for a long moment before Petey broke the ice with an impromptu story about his cousin finding a dead body on South Beach. The tale captured their attention for long enough for me to tune them out. I returned to the task of getting shitfaced.

  One beer, then two, and then I ordered three of Luke’s favorite in his honor. By the time I’d worked my way up to the level of drunk and stumbling, Kayla was hugging on me and John had murder in his eyes. I didn’t give a shit. I wanted Luke but would settle for a fight.

  Ultra was on the other side of the island so we car-pooled since I was too drunk to get there on my own. Kayla cuddled me the entire time. It was pretty harmless, but I had to admit that having someone stroke my hair and nuzzle me had a way of soothing my nerves. Too bad it wasn’t the person I wanted it to be. I’d never admitted to being a total fucking kitten for affection to Luke, but he’d started getting it on his own. Like maybe he’d noticed how much I liked being touched and petted.

  But no more of that. No more lying in bed while he licked down my body. No more lazy kissing after making each other come.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?” Kayla ran her hands down my face. “Are you okay?”

  Luke’s voice asking me the same thing echoed in my head. “Not really.”

  She frowned, looked between me and John, and said, “How about I call you a cab? He’s gonna start shit with you tonight. I know it.”

  “Why do you care?”

  “Because he’s an asshole who started the night by telling me he wanted to fuck me in the bathroom, and you’re just sad and cuddly.”

  I laughed out loud. “Fuck. That’s what it’s come to? I’m the cuddly one?”

  “Well. You’re gorgeous too. Hotter than a ten-alarm fire.” Kayla winked. “Good cuddle material. It helps that you’re not hitting on me.”

  “Heh. A few months ago I would have been all over you. But I got it bad for someone at the moment.”

  “Aw.” She pinched my cheek. “Okay, buddy. Let’s do this—get a drink, dance, and then you go home in a cab. If you let John get you drunker, it won’t end well.”

  “Aiight.” I nodded. “Deal.”

  Except I didn’t follow the good advice.

  We did three rounds of shots as soon as we got to the bar, and then everything went black.

  Saturday morning started with a shrill ringing sound cutting into a throbbing headache. It took several minutes of trying to drag my eyes open and two rounds of vomiting to realize that I was hungover. I was still wearing my clothes from the night before, but they were filthy.

  Instead of trying to figure out what had woken me up, I stripped and sat on the floor in the shower. Hot water washed away sweat, grime, and blood. It looked like I’d been in a fight.

  “Fuck.”

  I banged my head against the tile and instantly regretted it. Whatever had happened had destroyed me. My stomach was in knots, there were weird bruises on my torso, and my hand was swollen. It was the hand that indicated a fistfight, and it didn’t take much to assume it’d likely been with John. The jealous fuckrag had probably poked and prodded until I’d responded with the lightning temper I’d inherited from my father.

  I tried to remember what had happened, but could only put together vague pieces. John yelling in Kayla’s face, me shoving him away, us both stumbling onto the dance floor and ripping into each other. I had no memory of who had come out the victor, but I’d never given a shit about that. Despite my tendency to throw hands when pushed too far, I hated fighting. I always felt guilty about it.

  The shrill sound started up again, and I dragged myself out of the shower. Garrett’s name flashed across my phone.

  My eyes went wide. The first smile I’d managed to genuinely summon in days crossed my face and faded just as fast. The jerk had hung up. I’d missed his call.

  I called back three times before he texted me.

  Garrett: On Twitch with Kai. Call me back in a few hours.

  Hell naw. I was in desperate need of advice. I didn’t have a few hours.

  Squinting through my hangover, I booted up my laptop and logged onto Twitch. It was shockingly easy to find his boyfriend’s channel. The guy was apparently one of the top streamers on the entire website. I didn’t know what that equated to in terms of dollar bills, but I was pretty sure I needed to get my ass a following on a livestream so I could get subscribers and endorsements like Kai.

  I set my handle as “SgtCostigan” after Kai’s channel loaded, and I couldn’t stop from smiling broadly as my friend appeared. The screen was split so on one side I saw Garrett fucking Reid scowling intently at his screen and on the other, I saw a video game character running around with a giant bow.

  In the background, I heard a male voice yelling instructions to Garrett.

  “Stun him! G—oh my God, if you die—”

  “I won’t die!” Garrett snapped. “Damn, let me play.”

  The Twitch chat went wild.

  BoricuaX1: Kai is mad bossy.

  Cherrycakes: OMG LISTEN TO HIM GARRETT. YOURE GONNA—-noooooooooo

  BoricuaX1: oh damn. You got rocked, son

  Garvy: Wow. Good job, Garrett [crying laughing emoji]

  Cherrycakes: try again next time, G!

  “Fuck this fucking game.” Garrett slammed his hand on the desk. He looked so pissed off. It was hard to believe he was emoting this much over a video game. “That dude had over-enchanted everything. It wasn’t a fair one-versus-one.”

  “That’s why I told you to stun him! If you’d stunned him and then did bleed-and-poison, he would have had so much damage over time that he’d be almost—”

  “Oh, whatever.” Garrett scooted the chair back. “I’m done playing for now.”

  SgtCostigan: No you don’t, fucker. I need to talk to you!

  On the screen, Garrett paused. He made a face. “Seriously, Costigan?”

  “Costigan?” The voice in the background got louder. A face popped into view beside Garrett. Holy shit, his boyfriend was a fox. Big blue eyes, dark hair, and a gorgeous pair of lips. “Costigan who gave you handies that one time?”

  SgtCostigan: Those few times, you mean? Lol

  “Yes! Hi! Nice to meet you.” Kai grinned widely. “Uh, sorry Chat. This is totally not gamer related. Costigan is my Army Boyfriend’s army hookup! Before meeting me, obviously.”

  “For God’s sake, Kai,” Garrett grumbled. “They don’t need the details.”

  “They do if we’re interrupting gamer time for this reunion!”

  SgtCostigan: I’m cool with it. Plus, maybe other people can chime in. I’m in need of gay Dr. Phil type advice. I like a guy who don’t like me. Help.

  Garrett raised an eyebrow. “I don’t even like you, so this isn’t shocking.”

  Kai glared at him. “That’s not very nice.”

  BoricuaX1: none of this is nice. idgaf about your white people probs. Play games!

  Garvy: seconded

  Cherrycakes: SSHHH. I want to hear.

  Kai hid a smile. “I’m good at giving advice that I don’t follow. Tell us everything, Sgt. C.”

  In front of an audience, and not giving one damn, I spilled the entire story. How I’d met Luke on Grindr, his skittishness and cold demeanor, and how he’d almost defrosted before shutting me down hard.

  SgtCostigan: I just wanna know if I should keep trying or if he wants me to give up. With a girl, I’d keep trying until she told me to fuck off. With a guy? No idea. I’m not good at this shit.

  “Well, I don’t see how you can even give up if he won’t tell you what’s wrong.” Kai curled up in Garrett’s lap. They were so cute it was a little painful. “Like, for all you kno
w he’s been sick or busy. Have you scoped his social media?”

  SgtCostigan: he doesn’t have any

  “Then I’d call him.”

  SgtCostigan: I don’t have his number, and he hasn’t logged onto Grindr in days.

  “Then go the hell over there,” Garrett said. “If you really like this guy, and he hasn’t told you to stay out of his life just yet, maybe you need to step it up. This one here—” He pinched Kai’s side. “—tried to shut me out, and I came over anyway and sat in front of his door. Uh, not that I’d advise that. We had circumstances that made that not stalkerish.”

  SgtCostigan: that’s the thing. I’m worried it would seem crazy or stalkerish if i go over there. But… we’d just been really fucking good and I don’t even know what I did to ruin it. It’s killing me.

  “Then go over there,” Kai jumped in. “It has nothing to do with dating a girl or a guy. People are people, you know? Everyone’s different. Like, just because me and Garrett are gay doesn’t mean we have any insight into your guy. The only way to find out what’s going on and what he really wants, is for you to go talk to him and stop relying on an app.”

  It was true. Truer than I was ready to deal with.

  I was scared to death of him rejecting me, but at the same time… I was scared of never finding out what had gone wrong between us. And I was terrified of never getting to speak to him again.

  Chapter Nine

  Luke

  I nailed the art of detachment.

  When Jake had cried as I’d told him I never wanted to see him again, I’d remained unaffected by his hysterics. When irrational clients hated the exact design they’d asked for and took out their anger on me, I always remained calm.

  When Nadia had asked for a divorce, I’d signed the paperwork without a flinch. When fuckboys whined at me and tried to get me to change my rules, I had no problem tossing them out on their tight, recently fucked asses.