Silken Desires

by Laci Paige

  ***

  Something really cold touched her back, and she inhaled a quick breath. Someone was icing her, but pulled away when she jerked her body. “Just do it,” she gasped.

  “Roxi?” Jonathan stopped and knelt by her side. She smiled up at him and all the worry and concern on his face washed away. “You’re back with me,” he said, more to himself than her.

  “I am. Thank you.” He kissed her lips quick and soft then went back to applying an ice pack on her back for several minutes. She looked around and saw they were in the playroom across from her apartment.

  With delicate fingers, Jonathan applied a salve to her back and dressed two spots with gauze, and then iced her again.

  When he finished administering first aid, he wrapped the two of them in a huge fuzzy blanket. He nuzzled his face into her hair and she could hear him inhale a deep shaky breath. Pulling away from him, she said, “Hey,” and ran her fingers along his cheek. “Look at me.” He raised his head slowly and his bloodshot green eyes focused in on her. He’d been crying. “You okay?” she asked, tenderly.

  “I need you to explain it to me someday. Not now. All I need right now is this.” Shivering, he hugged her firmly to his chest.

  She knew it had to be hard on him to see her at a low point, and never mind what he had to do to bring her out of it. He only did what was desperately needed, she had to make him understand, and accept that. She didn’t want to go to another Dom, she needed Jonathan’s touch.

  As the love of her life held her, she noticed a lot of emotion pass through his eyes, but they were the same eyes that used to look at her in elementary school. He would follow her around like a lost little puppy, and that was the start of the inseparable Roxi and Jonathan, until she went and screwed that up. So much time had passed since they met, with so much history between the two, but he still stared at her sometimes with that same puppy dog look that used to make her knees weak and her heart flutter.

  It was a bonus that her brother and Jonathan were best friends because she got to see him at the house, a lot. He was around most of the time because his father worked 24/7 raking in a lot of money, and his mother hated being alone, so she would go off with her friends and travel. The only constant at the house, and in his life, became his nanny.

  No one dissuaded Jonathan from spending time with the Foresman family. They were a good influence in his life, and gave him the experience of being in a real family.

  She sighed in contentment in his arms, thinking back on being each other’s first kiss, first love, hell, first everything, she would never have had it any other way.

  A soft knock sounded at the door. “Come in,” Jonathan called.

  “How’s it going?” Frank asked.

  Roxi sat up and grinned. “Hey, Frank. How ya doin’?” Frank’s wardrobe only knew leather and denim, he owned a couple of Harleys and was a badass guy when he needed to be, but other than that he was a sweet man nearing sixty. His face was tan and weathered from riding his motorcycles year round. No matter the weather, he rode them anyway. His wavy black and gray hair hung, as usual, in a low ponytail on the back of his head.

  “I’m doing all right missy. Question is, how are you doing?” He gave her a stern look. Her submissiveness kicked in, and she looked down. “I’m fine, Sir.”

  “Bounce back pretty quickly, huh? My guess is you’ve done this a time or two.”

  “Yes, Sir. I lived the life for almost seven months. My Master wasn’t much of a companion, but he knew me inside and out when it came to play time. I—I like it rough. He taught me, and he was good at what he did. Very tender during aftercare, and he took really good care of me for the most part, but he wasn’t much outside of the playroom. He offered for me to be his slave indefinitely, I declined his offer.” She kept her gaze to the floor.

  “Didn’t run out on him too, did you?” His voice took on a sarcastic note.

  Her head popped up, she looked him hard in the eyes. “What? No!”

  “Missy, you are sitting with your Dom in aftercare, while talking to another Dom in a playroom. Mighty nice playroom, I might add.” He glanced around the room. “I think that pretty little head of yours should be kept down, and you address us accordingly. I’ll let it slide this time, but next time I won’t.” His stare was hard, his words harsh.

  Her chin dropped. “Sorry, Sir.”

  “That’s all right. You may look at me now. I want to see your face as you answer my questions.” She raised her head and looked at him carefully. “So what made you decline his offer? Isn’t that what you wanted, and why you left?” He crossed his arms over his chest, and continued with the hard look he’d been giving her.

  Surprised by his questioning, she fought from shooting a dirty look at Jonathan for involving Frank. “Sir, I couldn’t stay with him when my heart was elsewhere.”

  He gave a slow nod as he glanced at Jonathan, but he asked the question anyway. “And just where was your heart?”

  “Back here at home Sir, with my friends and family.” She, too, looked over at Jonathan who didn’t meet her gaze.

  “Well, I’m glad to have you back here, missy. I’ve missed seeing you around. I sure know the boys have missed you, too.” He gave her a wink and a lopsided smile.

  Jonathan stood and took Frank’s outstretched hand for a shake. “Thanks for everything. I don’t think I could’ve gotten through this without you. I sure learned a lot.”

  “Keep her at bay and you won’t be needin’ me again. You can avoid a repeat of what happened here as we discussed.” He stood in the doorway ready to leave.

  “In any case, thanks again.”

  After Frank headed out, Jonathan helped Roxi dress, taking care to slip her shirt slowly over her back. Once they left the playroom, Roxi turned to him, and yelled, “What the hell Jonathan?”

  Chapter Nine

  Jonathan felt his mouth pop open. “Huh?” What pissed her off? He thought he did exactly what she wanted. It certainly wasn’t what he wanted, and if she was ticked off about it, he didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. Roxi’s face turned red, and her eyes wild.

  It was into the early morning hours and it surprised him when the door to Jake’s apartment opened and Kristy popped her head out. “Is everything okay?”

  Roxi motioned for her to come out. Once she was in reaching distance she wrapped her arms around Kristy. At first Kristy hesitated, but then hugged her back eliciting a hiss from Roxi. Kristy pulled away with a puzzled look on her face.

  “Everything’s fine, just a little sore from playtime.” Roxi pointed toward the playroom. “I’m not ready to see Jake just yet. Tell him I love him and that I’m fine, please?”

  “Sure.” Kristy’s lips pulled into a small smile.

  Just then Jake looked out in the hall. He didn’t step over the threshold, but he stared at Roxi. Finally she ran to him, hugged him with a quick peck on the cheek, and then she said, “I’m fine. Love you, see you tomorrow.” Turning around she ran into her own apartment.

  Jonathan stood there for a brief moment, shook his head and followed behind her. As he closed the door, he saw Kristy wrapping her arms around herself and Jake walking up behind her.

  Slowly turning around, expecting Roxi to be there, he was curious when she wasn’t. “Roxi?” He heard nothing in response. “Rox?”

  The apartment had an open floor plan and she could only be one of two places; the bathroom, or the bedroom. Heading for the bedroom, he hesitated before going in. Taking a deep breath, he threw open the door. There she stood, in the middle of the room, staring hard at him with her hands on her hips.

  Her attitude set him off. “So what did I do to piss you off this time princess?”

  “Fucking Frank! How could you involve him in my personal life? You had no right. You know how I feel about keeping those two parts of my life separate. I didn’t want anyone to know.” Her strong voice gave nothing away, but Roxi plopped down on the bed looking exhausted.

  Jonat
han remained where he was. “You hit rock bottom, I didn’t know what to do. I panicked, and he has the experience. I actually learned a lot from him. It wasn’t a mistake or a bad thing, and I’d call him again, too.”

  “Like hell you will!” She grabbed a hairbrush from the nightstand and threw it across the room.

  “If I don’t have a backup, then I can’t do this. I thought I could, but this isn’t what I signed up for.” He shook his head keeping his sight on her.

  “What exactly did you sign up for?” Her words softened.

  “To take care of you, Rox. You need someone, I want to be that someone, but not if I can’t get help when I need it. I’m out of my league here. You aren’t the same woman that left last year. You’ve changed into someone different, someone I don’t recognize anymore. It’s only fair you give me the time to adjust, and the means to educate myself for your benefit. Don’t you think?” He walked slowly over to the bed and sat at the far end from her.

  When she didn’t move or speak, he inched over to be closer and took her hand in his. “I care about you so much, Roxi. I’d do just about anything for you, but that scene…so intense. I’ve never been a part of anything remotely like that. Sure, I’ve whipped others, but not as hard as you needed it. That was the heaviest corporal scene I’ve ever participated in.”

  “Would you be able to do it again?” Roxi asked, quietly.

  “Honestly? I—I don’t know.” He ran a hand down the back of his neck. “How often did you need it with your last Master?” He tilted his head toward her.

  “With Master it was a daily thing, but not always like that. He’d let me heal before he really gave it to me again. He had other ways to get me where I needed to be.” She rubbed her palms against her thighs over and over again.

  Jonathan reached over and pressed his hand against one of hers, stopping the motion. “What happened to you? I mean, what turn of events lead you to enjoy pain?”

  “I won’t discuss that, but it’s nothing bad, just a sad emotional journey I don’t wish to revisit.” She shrugged and crawled under the blanket yawning.

  “Shouldn’t I know if I’m to help you?” Jonathan remained seated on the edge of the bed.

  “It’s not important. What’s important is the person I am now. With Master, my emotions were stripped from me. Feelings were taken advantage of and manipulated all for his pleasure. It was humiliating, but the aftercare is what kept me going back. He had a way with restoration, and making things right again.” Her eye’s fluttered shut.

  “Was it always sexual?” He asked the question before he realized he didn’t want to know. “Don’t answer that if you don’t want to.”

  “No, I want to.” Her eyes remained closed. “It wasn’t at first, but as time went on I found myself oddly aroused when Master was harder on me than I wanted, but you know me, and I don’t safeword.” A small smirk played across her mouth. He watched her soft lips and wanted to feel them pressed against his. “Once he figured out that I wouldn’t safeword it was game on. He tried to break me, but that never happened, in fact I would usually end up having an orgasm if anything. At first it pissed him off, but then he came to enjoy watching me. We only ever had sex a few times at my urging. Our relationship revolved around the power we had over each other.”

  Roxi rolled over and snuggled in as Jonathan ran his hand through her hair. “Sleep, Roxi. We can talk more after you get some sleep.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her head and waited for her breathing to slow. Once he knew she was asleep, he left the room and quietly closed the door behind him.

  He didn’t want to leave her apartment, but he needed to get out. The hallway seemed too small as he paced back and forth. Learning more about her previous relationship was more than he could handle emotionally. He figured she’d been with someone in the time she was gone, hell he’d been with a lot of “someone’s” after she left, but the way he pictured it, he saw her in a normal vanilla relationship. He thought she ran to get away from the lifestyle, not to become totally immersed in it.

  Needing out of the hall, Jonathan dressed in his running gear and headed downstairs to the gym. Roy gave him a nod as he entered. Never having worked out in a gym before, he wandered around aimlessly looking from one complicated piece of equipment to the next. Finally, he asked Roy how to use the treadmill since running was his thing anyway.

  Once he got the hang of running on a machine, he could see the lure of getting a membership to a 24 hour gym. Running had always been therapeutic to him. Even on a bad day when there was no desire to run, he always felt better after. Jake had tried to get him in the gym for years, but he refused saying it wasn’t his thing. Just as the thought of joining hit him, he saw his buddy standing in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “So what’s got you in here? I gave up on you ages ago, and yet, here you are.” Jake walked around the machine and to his side.

  Jonathan kept his gaze forward, and didn’t look at him. “Just felt like a run,” he said, nonchalantly.

  “Now, I know that’s bullshit. When you’re done, come see me.” Jake turned and walked away.

  About an hour later, Jonathan went to see Jake to find out what he wanted to discuss. Pushing open the office door, he saw Jake on his phone so he took up residence in a chair across the desk from him. He sat back and, to kill some time, he found a fitness magazine and paged mindlessly through it until Jake ended his call.

  “Want to talk about it?” Jake asked.

  “About what?” He tossed aside the magazine.

  “Why you’re running in my gym. I’ve had this place for five years now and this is your first appearance. Something’s up.” Jake’s narrowed gaze told him he wasn’t getting out of there without some kind of confession. His friend knew him well.

  “Roxi has me stressed out. I really can’t go into what’s going on with her. That’s her business and the rest is between the two of us. It’s hard and out of my league, but I want to get through it for her. I love her and always will. It’s confusing, and I don’t know if I’m coming or going with her. She’s got some hold on me, and I just want out. It sucks.”

  “What sucks?” Jake leaned his chair back and propped his feet on his desk.

  “All of the above. What doesn’t?” He shook his head. “I gotta head out. I’m supposed to meet with some people at the club. Can you check in on Roxi for me throughout the evening?” Jonathan stood looking down at Jake wanting to say more, but he would be crossing many boundaries in doing so.

  “Sure. Are you going out for an all-nighter? Or will you be back tonight?” Twisting his wrist he read his watch.

  “I’ll be back, but probably late.” Jonathan tapped his fingers on the desk. “Thanks man.”

  As he headed out, Jake spoke to his back. “If you need to talk and have no one else, maybe we can lift the rules a little to get you through whatever it is you’re dealing with. I hate seeing you like this.”

  Without turning around, he said, “Sure. Maybe.” But he knew that would never happen, and Jake probably knew it too, but it felt good knowing his friend had his back.

  After his shower he heard Roxi moving around in the bedroom. The bathroom had two doors, one out into the hall and the other to the bedroom. They never used the door in the hall, but this time he did. Heading out with a towel wrapped around his waist he almost ran into her in the hallway. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  “You didn’t, I was already awake when I heard the front door open, and then the shower came on shortly after.” She never once looked to his face, and made no bones over checking out his body. She took a step toward him and he fought the urge to step away. “You look good Jonathan. You took care of yourself.” She reached out and ran her fingers down his chest to his abs, stopping at the trail of hair below his navel. He tried so hard not to think about what her fingers were doing and where they were headed, but his dick twitched anyway.

  She smiled as the head of his cock tented against
the towel, and he groaned. “Roxi, stop. I’m going out to the club tonight.” Her head lowered. “Don’t wait up.” He walked to the bedroom to dress for the evening.

  Chapter Ten

  Three days later in his SUV, Jonathan sat thinking of Roxi and the past few days they spent together. They fell into a monotonous routine as she healed from her injury and her whipping. No matter what though, he couldn’t help the emotions he had toward her. All of which he didn’t want to have. She left him, damn it. It wasn’t fair that she could just take up residence in his heart again after all that time apart.

  Jonathan started his engine and headed for dinner with Linda at a nice casual restaurant, and following that, a chick-flick she wanted to see. His feelings were all over the place. He thought about things so much before the evening with Linda began, that by the time he met up with her, his mood turned melancholy.

  After the movie they walked silently, holding hands. Once they reached the passenger side door, just as his hand reached for the handle, she grabbed his wrist.

  “You haven’t said one word tonight. What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “Nothing.” He tried to smile, but it felt all wrong.

  “I haven’t known you that long, but I do know when you’re lying. Let’s go.” She tugged on his arm, took him to the sidewalk, and sat on a small concrete ledge outside of the theater.

  Her feet dangled and he pressed in between them lowering his lips to kiss her. She turned away from him. “Nope. Talk first. What’s wrong?”

  He sighed. “Roxi’s what’s wrong. I know you don’t want to hear about it, so let’s just go on with our evening. Do you want to go to the club or a hotel?”