Silken Desires

by Laci Paige

  As he pondered that, his exit was fast approaching. He really did want to get home. “Okay.” He merged off the exit ramp heading to his house.

  The house stood dark so he knew Pilar was at her place and there’d be no big fanfare when Roxi entered with him. He’d have to make sure to get up early enough to sneak Roxi out before Pilar could find her there. As far as she knew, he and Roxi were over for good. At least that’s what he’d told her. Pilar had gotten very upset with him and went off on a tangent in her mother language saying something about his foolishness.

  Jonathan used his key fob to turn off the house alarm and then he unlocked the door. Brushing past him, Roxi went off on her own. He put his keys on the table in the foyer and looked up at the mirror. He did look tired; his eyes were lined with dark circles underneath.

  Heading to his room, he didn’t see or hear Roxi. He had no idea where she went. In the past, she would stay in his room. Walking down the hall, he saw light streaming along the floor from the door directly across from his. He knocked on the door. “Roxi, do you need anything?”

  “No, I remember where everything is. No need to worry. Good night.”

  “Good night.” Roxi was in his house. He never thought she’d be there again, what an odd feeling, and this situation was just plain weird. He needed a nightcap.

  Drink in hand he stood outside overlooking the pool where he watched as the LED lights in the water changed colors. The sound of the fountain in the garden nearby set him in a trance until the soft hoots of an owl brought him out of it. He looked at the glass in his hand and swirled the amber liquid. Before it could still, he kicked it back, enjoying the burn as it went down.

  In his bathroom as he readied for bed, he heard the crinkle of paper when he removed his pants. He didn’t remember putting anything in there so he reached in and pulled out a white paper folded into fours—a note. Glancing at the bottom it was from Linda.

  Jonathan,

  I wish I had the nerve to tell you this in person, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to go through with it. So, a note will have to do.

  I’m not one to settle down, and you know that. What I know about you is that you need to be with someone. I know who that someone is and so do you. So, please go to her and love her like I know you do. She loves you too, Jonathan. You might not think so, but she does. Everyone around you can see it but you. Open your eyes and your heart. Give her another second chance.

  Don’t try to contact me, at least not for a long while. I wouldn’t mind being invited to a wedding one day, though. Thank you for being a great friend, and for sharing your world with me. I enjoyed it and I learned a lot about myself.

  All the best…

  -Linda

  Jonathan grabbed his phone and dialed Linda’s number. The phone rang three times before a recorded message informed him that she was “not accepting calls from this number.” She’d blocked him. Fuck!

  Jonathan sat on the edge of his tub and read the note again. He felt as if his lungs were being restricted. Linda was the best thing to happen to him after Roxi dismissed him from her life. But had she dismissed him? She slept just across the hall. Did that mean she was speaking to him again? “What the hell?” He was so confused.

  Knowing he wouldn’t be getting sleep anytime soon, he put on his swim trunks and headed to the hot tub. Walking from his room, he could smell Roxi’s perfume in the hall, and he stopped a moment to breathe it in. The scent made him turn to her door. Splaying his hand across the panel, he leaned his head against the wood frame.

  He almost fell in when she swung open the door. “Shit! You scared me!” She stood there staring from huge eyes. “I was heading to the kitchen for a glass of water.”

  He blurted out the first thing he could think of. “Sorry. I’m heading out to the hot tub and wanted to check on you before I went out. I can get your water for you.”

  “I can handle it. Go unwind so you can sleep.” He’d told her that was the driving force for his purchasing the spa. It helped him relax into slumber.

  Sitting in the warm water with jets pounding his back, he tried to free his mind from everything, which turned out to be an impossible task. He abruptly left the tub and stormed back to his room. He showered quickly and read Linda’s note again. With anger gnawing at him, he balled it up and threw it across the room. It landed between the tub and the shower, and that’s where he left it.

  ***

  Roxi drank her water in the kitchen as she looked out of the window over the sink. When Jonathan jumped up out of the water and stormed off, a sense of dread filled her. He probably couldn’t sleep and he was angry because she was there. When she saw how tired he looked, she figured she’d be thoughtful by suggesting his house instead of hers, and it backfired. She wasn’t helping him any by being in his house.

  Feeling horrible, she wanted to clear the air. The door to his bedroom stood open so she went in and heard the shower running. She should have walked away, but was drawn to the closed bathroom door. Opening it slowly she could see his silhouette through the frosted glass in the shower. She missed him and ached for him, but she’d safeworded their relationship. That was the one and only time in her life uttering a safeword. He infuriated her and never before had she felt guilty about it. She thought putting an end to them was the right thing to do, but now she couldn’t be sure.

  She had no clue why, but watching him wash his hair and lean back under the stream of water to rinse, she knew she’d made a horrible mistake by putting an end to them. She knew it as sure as she needed air to breathe. Being in his house again, smelling his scent everywhere and feeling at home, a pain rippled through her body like never before. This hurt worse than anything a sadist could offer her.

  Pulling the bathroom door shut, she retreated and headed to the living room. Pacing the room, she knew she had to make a stand for their relationship and she needed to do it fast. Understanding him better than anyone, she could tell he was starting to fall for Linda, but reading Linda’s body language around him, she didn’t think the woman felt the same for him. She could spare him that pain and humiliation by being true to her own feelings, and telling him how she felt. But maybe it was too late.

  Hearing footsteps heading her way, she wasn’t ready to see him so she ducked behind the couch. The footsteps disappeared and a door opened and then closed. She let out a breath she didn’t know she’d held and sat on the couch.

  Music came from the playroom, and her demeanor switched over as her breath caught and her pussy clenched. As if led by an invisible wire, her body rose from the couch and went to the playroom door. Turning the knob, her heart raced. What would he be doing? Would he be wielding a whip? God she hoped so. Her nipples tightened at the thought.

  What she saw she wasn’t prepared for. He sat straddling the spanking horse, dressed only in his boxer shorts, with his face buried in his hands. His body heaved as he cried. She froze. Should she back out quietly, or should she go to him?

  Watching for a moment, her heart ached and she knew she had to approach him. The angry music blaring overhead concealed her movements in the room. Standing directly in front of him, she got the full impact of his emotions, and became overwhelmed by his sadness and her need to comfort him. Her hands automatically wrapped around his wrists. He was so overwrought with feelings that he didn’t flinch. At her touch, he dropped his chin to his chest.

  Roxi positioned herself over the bench facing him, and wrapped her arms around him. At first he did nothing to respond or to even acknowledge her, but then he grabbed her and buried his face into the nook of her neck in what felt like the act of a desperate man.

  She let him cry, and the way he cried was something she never experienced before with anyone. It was frightening, as if his soul cried from deep within. He’d been inconsolable, and unresponsive to her.

  The lump in her throat thickened and she felt the urge to cry herself. Unable to bear another moment, her eyes welled with tears at his pain. She shushed him, w
hispering in his ear and stroked his back, his arms, and ran her fingers through his hair.

  She knew that he’d never be able to be this raw and true to his feelings around anyone else so she didn’t discourage him. After long minutes, he pulled himself together, peeled his body away from hers, and went to turn off the music.

  Facing her from across the room, he spoke with a raspy voice. “There’s no talking in the playroom.” He pointed to the door.

  She stood her ground, glaring at him through watery, swollen eyes, and said, “Punish me then.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Jonathan watched as Roxi disrobed slowly and sensually. He was unable to look away. After she was completely naked, she walked to the wall and chose a riding crop from his collection. Her head was held at a respectful level as she presented the implement of her choice.

  He had no plans to use it on her, but accepted her offering. Once it left her hands, she knelt at his feet, hands behind her back with her breasts jutting out toward him. Her nipples pointed in hard peaks beckoning him, but he fought his initial impulse to control her.

  Then she did something she never had before, she leaned forward and softly kissed the tops of his bare feet. His breath caught in his throat, and he fought against the moan threatening to leave his mouth as his dick stiffened at the presentation before him.

  “You cannot know how beautiful or desirable you are in this moment, and I want nothing more than to dominate you and fuck you, but we can’t.” Roxi’s head popped up with disappointment all over her face, her brow crinkled and her lips turned down. Jonathan shook his head and walked out. There was no way with the pain in his heart over Roxi and now Linda that he could possibly pursue any kind of relationship, in the playroom or out.

  At the sideboard bar in his living area, he poured himself some whiskey and drank it fast. It wasn’t enough; he poured another and enjoyed the heat of the alcohol sliding down his throat. Soon his mind would be numb to the pain.

  “Jonathan, look at me.” Roxi’s voice held strong and he knew she was up for a fight.

  He took a deep breath and slowly turned to face her. She had dressed and stood with her hands on her hips. An invitation to argue.

  “Rox, I’m not in the mood to fight. In fact, I’m not in the mood for anything. I’d just like to go to sleep.” Back at the sideboard, he closed the whiskey bottle and picked up his glass to bring it to the kitchen. When he turned, she stood right there in his face.

  “I don’t want to fight either, but if it’s the only way you’ll listen to me, then I have no choice. We need to discuss things. Now.” He knew he’d have to indulge her if he wanted any sleep in the near future.

  He placed his glass back on the bar, and sighed. “Like what Roxi? How we’d play around and we’d fuck, and eventually fight. The past few years that’s all we consisted of. What the hell kind of relationship is that?”

  “Need I remind you? I wanted more.” Her voice dropped into a dangerous tone. She did ask him once if he’d ever collar her and he got upset over it. He wanted more than that, but she never asked about what he wanted. He wanted to marry her, to love her for the rest of time, and give her anything she wanted. Well, almost anything. All hope vanished, he had no confidence that he could give her the pain and torture her body craved, and that’s where he would fail her.

  “Roxi, quit fucking around. We’re right back to square fucking one in our relationship. If you could ever say we had one.” He shrugged nonchalantly, which in hindsight was probably the wrong thing to do.

  Her face reddened and she picked up Jonathan’s whiskey glass and threw it like a pro baseball pitcher. It shattered against the wall and shards of glass went everywhere. He stood there stoically as his insides were devastated just like the broken mess at his feet. “Do you feel better?”

  She let out a piercing scream. “Jonathan Sinclair Montgomery, you fucking infuriate me!”

  “How does it feel?” He picked up a new whiskey glass and helped himself to another drink. “Because I’ve lost track of the number of times you’ve infuriated me. It sucks doesn’t it?” He swallowed the last of his drink, and headed to the kitchen to place it in the sink. Roxi followed him silently, but he could see she was still fuming. “Good night, Roxi.”

  She followed behind him, mumbling. Just as he stepped into his bedroom, she asked, “What? You’re going to bed now? Aren’t we going to talk?”

  He couldn’t deal with it, his heart or his mind. He knew they’d just fight as usual and then probably fuck, and the cycle needed to be broken. “No, Roxi. We’re not.”

  He closed the door in her face.

  Roxi stared hard at Jonathan’s bedroom door. If she glared any harder, it might catch fire, she was so angry. Taking a deep breath, she walked across the hall to her room and slammed the door. “Who the hell does he think he is? I offered myself to him, and he fucking refused me. And now he won’t talk to me?”

  Once her heart rate began to slow, she felt a need ramp up inside of her. A need for pain. The only time she ever needed pain was when she’d think about Jonathan. There was a connection and she knew it, but never took the time to figure things out.

  Grabbing her cell phone, she started to call Kristy, then remembered she and Jake were playing at the club. Who else could she call? Liam. He was her safety net, and the only one who could awaken her pleasure for pain. That man had a gift and he knew exactly how to use it, and for that reason, he was granted the top spot on her speed dial.

  Before the man could say hello, she blurted out, “Liam, I’m in need.”

  “Where are you?” he asked, delicately.

  She hesitated before she answered. “Jonathan’s.”

  “Is everything all right?”

  “With him? No. I was only crashing here for the night, and we…we fought, and now I need…” Her voice dropped almost to a whisper. “I need you.”

  He chuckled softly. “Ah, I see. Really, you don’t need me, love. You just think you do.”

  “Great, you too?” She huffed in his ear.

  “Me too, what?” His voice was filled with confusion.

  “Jonathan pissed me off earlier, now you?” She groaned in his ear out of frustration. “I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t mean to yell at you or get nasty with you. I’m having a bad night.”

  “We all do every now and then. I want you to do something for me. I’m still at the club, and involved in a group activity so I cannot leave at the moment.”

  Roxi strained to listen but she couldn’t hear anything in the background. Not one noise. She suspected he was lying to her. “What do you need me to do, Sir?”

  “Go take a nice hot shower, and I want you to give yourself three orgasms and then go to bed.” He used his Dom voice.

  “Yes, Sir. For you.”

  “No, you do this for you. You need to unwind, and I can’t always be there for you. Now go relax. Good night, love.”

  He ended the call before she could say another word. Deflated, she did as he instructed. By the third orgasm, she was leaning against the shower wall crying. This isn’t what she wanted, none of it. The non-fight with Jonathan and the non-play with Liam did her in. It left her body and mind needing and wanting more. She couldn’t think, in slow motion she got out of the shower, wrapped herself in a bathrobe, and blow-dried her hair.

  Sleep came easily as she was mentally and physically drained.

  ***

  Jonathan headed for the kitchen, and just as he rounded the corner, he caught Pilar’s eye. She didn’t respond to him, but listened with deep concentration to whatever Roxi was saying. Roxi’s back was to him, so he backed away out of sight and stood around the corner, listening.

  Pilar’s accent carried around the room. “I’m just so happy to see you niña, even if it’s just for breakfast this morning. You should keep in touch, you know? I miss you dearly.” Jonathan felt guilty for being the wedge between the two women. They enjoyed one another immensely. They used to go shopping together, w
atch movies, and they just sat around talking casually while he went on about his day. He’d have to make sure to change that somehow, even if Roxi wouldn’t ever speak to him again after the way he treated her last night. But it was her own fault, she brought it on herself by safewording their life together.

  “I miss you too.” Roxi sniffed.

  “Mi bebé, you know you can talk to me about anything.” Jonathan heard a chair scraping across the floor, probably Pilar sitting next to Roxi. “Tell me why you’re so down? What’s going on with you? Your eyes don’t shine like they once did.”

  “I love Jonathan.” Roxi sighed.

  “I know dear, you have since childhood. You two were always inseparable. Jake used to get real jealous of the two of you, but he’d never admit it.” Pilar laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. You took his best friend away from him.” Jake never said anything to Jonathan about that either, he’d have to ask him about it one day.

  “No, I really love him. Not just as a friend or in a family kind of way, but I really truly love him. There’s no one else, and there never will be. I have no room in my heart for anyone else, it’s so full of Jonathan. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don’t know how.” She started to sob and Jonathan went through many feelings. He wanted to grab her and hug her never to let go, then he wanted to discipline her for the hell they’d needlessly gone through, and then he wanted to run away from it all because it couldn’t be.

  “Oh, Niña! No crying. You just tell him. Simple as that.” Pilar said, matter-of-factly. “You love each other the same. I know this. You two kids need to stop the bickering and just love one another.”

  “There’s more to it that that, Pilar.” Roxi’s voice quieted.

  “What else could there be? Love is love and that’s that. With true love everything works out in the end.”

  “Well, you know about the playroom, right?”

  “Ay Dios mio! Yes, I know about it. Jonathan goes in there sometimes and insists on talking to me from that room. I will not step in there; I talk to him from the doorway. You kids are much kinkier than back in my day.” Jonathan tried to hold back a laugh hearing her say “kinkier” with her native accent, and she was clearly uncomfortable with the topic. “You know Carlos would give me a spanking every now and then, but that was it for us. None of those silly contraptions or gadgets.”