Megalodon Lives

by Flash Rex

  I stepped into the Post Office and found that my father was second in line. The man behind my father kept checking his watch and jingling his keys. I looked at my watch. It read 8:01. "Are you going to open today?" The patient man asked. My father turned around and saw me. He just smiled at me. "Let's go in there!" The patient man said. Finally one window opened and a postal clerk just stood behind the counter. The barber just stood at the front of the line and didn't go up to the window. "Hey, Pancho! Move it along!" The patient guy yelled.

  "May I help you?" The postal clerk asked the barber. The barber put two stacks of cash on the counter.

  "Two money orders, please," said the barber in heavily accented English. The postal clerk started counting the first pile of cash.

  "For the love of God, will you please hurry?" The patient man started to jingle his keys even louder now. The postal clerk was distracted so he stopped counting and started over. That's when we heard the first horn from the 8:09. The pressure in the Post Office was just ratcheted up another few notches. If you weren't a regular on the train, you figured the train was already at the station, but it was actually still a mile or two away.

  The horn got louder and louder as the clerk processed the money orders. The commuters started rumbling louder and louder. "Okay, you got your two money orders. You know how to fill them out? Great. Anything else?" The barber shook his head and started to fill out the money orders at the window.

  "Take your God damn money orders and move on! Get out of here before I kill you!" The only thing between the barber and the lunatic was my father. My father wasn't there long because he went up to the window next to the barber.

  "I just need a book of stamps, please," said my father as he slid a ten-dollar bill across the table.

  "Do you have anything smaller?" Asked the clerk. The horn was louder than ever and the railroad crossing warning lights and guard arms just kicked into action.

  "What?"

  "Do you have anything smaller?" Asked the clerk again but louder this time.

  "Anything smaller than a ten? No!"

  "It's so early in the morning, we just don't want to run out of change."

  "You just took thousands of dollars in ones and fives from this other guy and you're afraid you're going to run out of change? Just give me a book of stamps and my change, please." The train just came into view. My father got his stamps and his change and we walked out of the Post Office. We had time to jump on the train without running.

  "I just need one Goddamn stamp!" We could hear the lunatic at the window. Another satisfied customer. Just as we reached the platform. The lunatic ran past us and stopped at the end of the line of commuters waiting to get in the first car.

  "Tough way to start the day," said my father.

  "The Post Office: It's FAN-tastic." We walked farther down the train and climbed into one of the less crowded cars. I didn't see Grimshaw on the platform so I assumed he'd already gotten on board.

  My father and I sat down in an empty row with an empty seat between us. Unless the train was absolutely packed, no one sat in the center seat. "What's going on?" My father asked me.

  "We got the big one, dad."

  "You got a great white? The one that killed the little kid?"

  "We got the shark that killed the little kid, but I don't think it's a great white."

  "What do you think it is?"

  "A megalodon," I whispered.

  "Megalodon. The ancestor of the great white? I thought they were extinct."

  "So did everybody."

  "How do you know it's not a great white?" He asked.

  "I don't for sure. We have to get a tooth and no one's volunteered to go in and get one yet."

  "Are you sure it's the same shark that killed the little kid?"

  "No one's ever seen a shark like the one we caught and no one's ever seen a shark like the one on TV yesterday. I find it hard to believe there were two of these sharks at Fire Island yesterday," I said. "It has to be the same shark."

  "You could be in luck then."

  "We've been pretty lucky so far. How could we be luckier?"

  "Doctors found a tooth in the kid's shoulder. Some experts from Coney Island took a look at it but there's a press conference today at the Museum of Natural History."

  "The Museum of Natural History? Why would they..."

  "I would guess the experts at Coney Island were surprised by what they found and wanted confirmation from experts over at the Museum."

  "It's a megalodon tooth then. It has to be. No one's ever seen an actual megalodon tooth. They've just seen the fossilized remains so they went to the fossil experts."

  "Sounds like a reasonable assumption to me."

  "A megalodon. Wait 'til you see it, Dad. It is a monster. A monster. It's all black. It is the fastest thing I've ever seen."

  "How big is it? I thought megalodons were supposed to be like a hundred feet long."

  "It was about ten feet long. I don't have any idea how much it weighed. I think it's a baby. It's the hungriest thing I've ever seen. You wouldn't believe what it ate this morning."

  "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were the marine biologist now. Shouldn't you be taking care of the baby?"

  "I wouldn't know the first thing about taking care of it. I'm more afraid of outside threats than anything else."

  "What do you mean? Who's going to threaten that thing?"

  "I mean legal threats and terrorism and revenge. This thing is going to be worldwide news and what more could a terrorist ask for. Plus this shark could be the target of some revenge or racial attack. Who knows? Physically we just need better security. As for any legal problems, I'll need your help on that front."

  "What help do you need?"

  "Basically, I'd just like to use your law library today to do some research. Grimshaw and I would just like to slip into some quiet corner somewhere and do some research. If that's okay. I didn't want to use Grimshaw's library because, one, it probably sucks and, two, we aren't ready for the publicity yet."

  "There shouldn't be any problem with using our library but you probably are going to need some litigation specialists."

  "I know, Dad. Grimshaw and Burns are looking into it. I didn't volunteer you because I don't want you to be involved. After the riots last night, I'm afraid this whole situation could get even more messy."

  "I can't believe my son brought a prehistoric monster to Pearl River. I'm going to have a lot to answer for at the next town council meeting."

  "People thought they hated the Aquarium before, just wait until they get a load of the crowds to see the shark."

  We finally saw Grimshaw stumbling down the aisle of the train, presumably looking for me. He had serious difficulty walking with the swaying of the train. Grimshaw finally had to stop when he encountered the conductor (I assume he was a conductor) who was checking tickets. I've never been real sure about anything in my life but I was quite sure there was no room in that aisle for two asses the size of Grimshaw's and the conductor's. I looked out the window to avoid being a witness to an act as heinous as those two men, with buttocks a-tingling, squeeze past each other.

  "I thought they were going to start sumo wrestling," my father said.

  The ride in was uneventful. The city was already getting hot again, but it wasn't going to be nearly as hot as it had been since the front moved through last night. Maybe I wouldn't sweat to death on our way to Mickey Mantle's for lunch. I figured I'd give Katie a call to see if she wanted to join my father and I for lunch.

  "Did you catch it?" She asked me.

  "Yeah, I still can't believe it! We were so lucky. It was like..."

  "Maybe you shouldn't have caught it."

  "Why do you say that? This could be the scientific find of the century!"

  "It killed a little boy! Remember! How do you think his family and friends are going to feel when they find out you caught it and are making money off it?"

  "So we'll set aside some of the pro
fits for a charity in the kid's name. They'll get over it.

  "How will his parents get over it? First, they got to see the replay a thousand times. They got to watch their son get his arm bitten off on TV a thousand times."

  "What do you want me to do? Do you want me to start crying? The shark could be a scientific windfall. Sharks don't get cancer. Maybe this shark will save lives!"

  "You are so full of it! That shark is going to lead to nothing but more money for Burns and you know it!"

  "You really shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you. I could be rich because of that shark. And if I'm rich, you're gonna be rich since we're getting married in a few months!"

  "That reminds me. Deacon O'Malley called me yesterday and said we've got the pre cana meeting on Friday night at 7:30. We can't be late."

  "I don't know if I can make it. The shark..."

  "You have to make it! You've...we've delayed this long enough! This is the last chance! If we're going to be married on October 27, we have to go to this one!"

  "Look, Katie, Friday is going to be the first day the shark is open to the public. I don't know if I can just..."

  "I am so sick of this damn shark. I'm not going to see or talk to you between now and Friday. Get the shark out of your system and think about what's really important to you! If I'm more important than the shark, I'll see you at the church Friday at 7:30. If not..."

  "If not, what? You're giving me an ultimatum?"

  "We're not getting married!" She hung up. I forgot to ask her about lunch. She's always so dramatic. Everything is the end of the world to her. Sure I procrastinated when it came to the pre cana stuff. Hanging around church on Friday nights talking about all the problems we're going to have in the future isn't exactly how I like to kick off my weekends. Of course, if they threw a keg in the picture, the situation would improve dramatically. After a few frosty lagers, I'd give my take on the pros and cons of the Reformation, if they wanted.

  Dad made a reservation for 1:30. He told me the news at noon was going to carry the press conference from the Museum of Natural History live. He had a TV in his office so I could watch it down there. In the meantime, Grimshaw and I mostly just read about the general topics that we expected might come up. We didn't do any photocopying or anything more serious than just reading. It wasn't like we had a specific issue to research. We had a set of facts. From those facts we had to pick out and find solutions to potential issues. Basically we were looking at the facts as if we were going to take legal action against ourselves. We didn't even bother coordinating our efforts. We both just started from scratch and read whatever we thought might be relevant.

  Around 11:30 I gave Burns a call. I wanted to let him know about the press conference at noon and give him a feel for our progress. Burns had spent more time in courtrooms than I had so I figured he might even have a suggestion or two. "Mr. Burns, there's a press conference on at noon you 'll want to catch. They found a tooth in the kid's shoulder and somebody over at the Museum of Natural History probably found it was from a Megalodon.

  "You think so?"

  "I don't know why else the Museum of Natural History would be involved if it wasn't a megalodon tooth. The Museum may have a reconstructed set of megalodon jaws but I'm not sure. So in kind of a backwards way, we're getting expert opinions without any effort on our part at all."

  "Or compensation!" Burns added. Maybe Katie was right about Burns and his money.

  "That doesn't mean we don't need a new marine biologist."

  "I know. I said I'll look into it, but for now you're still the guy. How's the research coming along?"

  "Okay I suppose. We're really just doing some general stuff. For instance, you are the legal owner of the shark. Basically the state owns wild animals, but any individual can capture a wild animal and make them his property. All you have to do is control the animal, like by confining it in a cage or tank. Only wild animals specifically protected by statute can't be captured. Say a bald eagle, for instance. You can't even legally possess the feather of a bald eagle, as far as I know. But if we have a megalodon, which was thought to be extinct, we don't have to worry about any specific legal protections. Even Congress wouldn't pass a Protection of Extinct Species law."

  "What about murder?"

  "What do you mean? What murder?"

  "The shark killed the kid. Can it be arrested for murder?"

  "No. Generally crimes require an act and an evil intent. Only humans are presumed to have the mental capacity to form evil intent. Some crimes don't require intent, like statutory rape, but I'd like to see someone accuse the shark of that."

  "So the shark can't be accused of murder? I figured that but since I'm paying two lawyers to do research, I might as well find out for sure."

  "Now there could be criminal and civil liability for us if the shark hurts someone again. The kid's death can't be attributed to us because the shark was a wild animal at the time and we did not own it. Besides the kid assumed the risk. He knowingly placed himself within reach of a wild animal known to be dangerous. If you swim in the ocean, you are probably considered to have assumed the risk of being attacked by a shark." When I was that kid's age, I sure didn't knowingly assume that risk. My father took my family to Fire Island dozens of times.

  "So how can we be liable?"

  "We can be liable if the shark hurts other people while you own it. Basically we need to keep people away from the top of the tank. We could be screwed if somebody falls in or even dives in without realizing the danger. And for God's sake don't order anyone to jump in the tank. If an employee got hurt in there as part of his employment we'd be looking at a whole host of other problems, from worker's comp to who knows what."

  "So do I need to take any precautionary steps now?"

  "Just have at least one security guard watching the tank at all times. And make sure you or I personally tell each one the dangers that the shark poses if someone were to go into the tank. In fact why don't you have some DANGER or WARNING signs printed up? Actually, let's wait on that. We don't want to alert the media yet. Any sign of the media so far?"

  "A couple of phone calls. They didn't ask if we had the shark, just if we had any comments on the attack yesterday."

  "What were they told?"

  "No comment."

  "Excellent. Hey it's almost time for the press conference. Keep your fingers crossed. I'll stop by the Aquarium later this afternoon. Oh, I almost forgot! How's the shark doing?"

  "He's chased and caught some of the fish in the tank, but he hasn't gone after the other tiger. Do you think we should try to remove the other tiger?"

  "There isn't another suitable tank for it. I'd just leave it. The megalodon is the one we're interested in. We know he can take care of himself. That's all that matters. The tiger never made you any money. As far as I'm concerned, it's sushi for the megalodon. I'll stop by later."

  Grimshaw and I ran down to my father's office to watch the press conference. The TV was already on. I closed the door to the office after Grimshaw and I entered. "We have no word yet on the reason for the press conference, but there are rumors that the tooth found in the dead boy's shoulder is from a type of shark that was thought to be extinct. Okay, we're going to go to the press conference now."

  "Good afternoon. Welcome to the American Museum of Natural History. I am Dr. Henry Thomas and this is Dr. Robert Williams. This is the most exciting day I've been a part of in my twenty years at the museum. The tooth that was brought to us is from a previously thought extinct shark. Its name is carcharodon Megalodon. Megalodon means "large or giant tooth." Up until yesterday we only had fossilized teeth as evidence of megalodon's existence. I'm sure many of you have seen the famous pictures of a group of men standing inside the reconstructed jaws of a megalodon. Dr. Williams would like to add a few words. Bob."

  "Thanks Hank. I'm Dr. Williams. We assumed megalodon was extinct because only fossilized teeth had been found. No one had ever found an actual tooth. This discovery is on par with
finding coelacanth earlier this century. This is like finding a living dinosaur. We assumed megalodon closely resembled the modern day great white. Based on the videotaped evidence from yesterday, that assumption appears to be correct. The major differences between megalodon and great whites, to the layperson, are the color and the size. As we saw yesterday, the megalodon was black. That's in stark contrast to the bluish-gray and white that we see in the modern day great white. The size of the megalodon is probably at least forty-five to fifty feet long maximum compared to about half that for great whites. The shark we saw yesterday was probably only a fraction of that maximum size, approximately ten feet or so. The shark we saw yesterday was probably very young."

  "Where's the mother?" A reporter yelled out.

  "Presumably swimming around the Atlantic somewhere."

  "Are you saying there's a fifty foot shark swimming off the coast of Long Island?"

  "Well it could be hundreds or thousands of miles away? We have no way of knowing."

  "So there could be a giant shark just waiting for someone to go swimming?"

  "I doubt a shark that has been around for millions of years without our knowledge is going to make humans a staple of their diet."

  "Is megalodon an ancestor of the great white?"

  "For years we've thought great whites were a direct descendant of megalodon but recently that theory is being revised. With their physical similarities, there is obviously a close relationship. How close is a matter of debate. Some experts would argue that there is such a difference in the teeth of the two animals that they are not closely related at all. Without an autopsy of a megalodon, we have no way to be sure how similar they really are, beyond the differences in the teeth."