Changing the subject to dissolve a bit of the tension building between them, Candasee began to ask him about the plans to reschedule the off-site outing for that year and if he’d had any success as yet.
“Candasee, I’m not sure if you noticed, but here we are in a completely romantic restaurant dining by candlelight and we have all this wonderful music, cool breeze and the sound of the ocean behind us, so the last thing on my mind right now is the intensive,” he replied simply. “Actually I would like to dance intensively with you on the beach, if you know what I mean.”
“So no dessert then?” she asked again laughing lightly.
“I thought you figured out who the dessert was already,” he said pinning her with an intent look that communicated his blatant desire for her.
Nathan signalled to the waiter and signed off on the bill and they both walked out onto the deck and down onto the beach.
“Let’s go down to the water’s edge,” Candasee suggested. “I love to feel the water on my toes!”
They both removed their shoes and left them on the deck so that they could feel the powdery sand between their toes as they walked closer to the water’s edge.
The water was cold but it felt refreshing against her feet. Feeling a bit mischievous she waited till the next wave came in and scooped up a handful of water and threw it onto Nathan. He was looking out to sea and admiring a line of fishing boats and how the moonlight reflected off of them and he almost jumped a mile when the cold water touched his head and neck.
“Hey! I hope you can finish what you started,” he taunted lunging for her arm. She stepped back and squealed as she tried to escape him but she was too slow.
“Come here,” said Nathan, drawing Candasee close to his body and enfolding her in his arms.
“Mmm, this feels really good Nathan. I’m glad I came out here with you tonight,” she replied.
Nathan’s heart swelled until he thought it would burst inside of his chest at hearing those words from Candasee. It wasn’t the three words he wanted to hear her say but for now they were just as potent. He tightened his grip around her body and ran his hand lovingly along her back as they swayed in the moonlight to the rhythmic music coming from within the restaurant. He brought his hand back up to the back of her neck and twirled a lock of her soft hair around his index finger. He allowed the strands to loosely fall away from his hand and leaned down so that his mouth was a mere breath away from hers and asked,
“Candee, do you love me?”
Candasee inhaled the warm musky scent of Nathan’s aftershave and looked into his dark eyes that now looked like black marble in the moonlight. She could trust these eyes couldn’t she?
“Nathan, “she began, uncertain about how to respond. She suspected that with every hesitation she made it probably cut him like a knife. She could actually sense that he had stopped breathing as he waited for her answer.
“Of course I love you,” replied Candasee even though she was not fully sure about her answer. Things seemed to be moving so fast now or maybe it was she who now felt uncertain after encountering Darius. For some reason she felt as though Nathan was taking their relationship into high gear and she wasn’t sure anymore that she was still moving along with him. But she did not want to hurt him especially after this morning’s mix-up, so she found herself saying what she hoped was true and what she knew he wanted to hear. She did love him, but was it the love you gave to a good friend or to your lover?
After her response, he rested his forehead against hers and allowed himself to exhale slowly before claiming her mouth with slow deliberation. This was not the kind of kiss they had shared before, but it now held a promise, and despite her best efforts to keep her senses about her she could feel herself slowly falling under the spell and the fantasy he was weaving around her. This would give her the freedom she was looking for from her past wouldn’t it? She told herself as she allowed herself to open up to the moment.
Neither saw Darius seated at the other end of the boardwalk inside the restaurant or the first tears to leave his eyes since his tenth birthday as he watched Candasee and Nathan embrace each other on the beach. It was as though her decision to leave him was all happening to him all over again but this time the pain in his heart was overwhelming now that he chose not to bury it under layers of reasoning’s and excuses. The vague memory that had haunted him for years once again made its connection in his heart and mind and he could see clearly now why he had literally wrecked his marriage with his own hands.
Scotland Twenty-eight years ago
“Mom, what’s wrong? Aren’t we planning for my birthday party anymore,” Darius asked his mother who was just standing staring blankly through the window at the activity on the street below. He hated seeing her like this, but it seemed now that every day this standing and staring out the window was becoming a habit.
Marianne Selby-Brogan looked down at the disappointment on her son’s face and swore to herself that today was the last day that she would allow him or herself to suffer this kind of disrespect anymore. She had already placed a call home to Derrien Island to her sister Petra to make plans for her to be on the earliest flight back to her homeland.
Marianne stooped down until she was at eye-level with her son. He was too young to experience this kind of pain, too young to truly know and understand what was really going on and she wanted to shield him from any further pain.
“Darius sweetheart, I’m taking you on a trip, and it is going to be exciting!” she said pinching his cheeks with a smile.
“Really, where are we going, Mummy?” he asked with his innocent gray eyes wide and searching hers.
“I’ll tell you but it has to remain a secret between us, okay?”
“Can I tell Dad?”
“No, Darius,” Marianne almost shouted and shook his small frame insistently. “You mustn’t tell your father anything about this, do you hear me?”
“But...”
“No buts, this will be our little secret!” she whispered pulling her son in close for a hug.
Today was the final day she would endure the lies, the disrespect and being treated like a common mendicant. She did not bring herself up here to Scotland to live but she sure was abandoned here by the man who promised to love her till death.
At that moment, the front door of their home slammed open and in staggered his father Iain Brogan, drunk at two in the afternoon.
“Where’s Darius?” he bellowed with his red cheeks puffing with the effort it took to speak!
Marianne pushed Darius behind her and stood facing her husband with her chin raised defiantly.
“You are not taking my son anywhere, not like this, not now, and not ever!” said Marianne. She would die fighting to save Darius from any future that involved having to stay here with this man.
“He’s my son and I will take him anywhere I choose, woman.”
“Over my dead body!” shouted back Marianne.
“That can be arranged right now then!”
Darius peeked from behind his mother’s skirt and watched as his father advanced toward her with his hand raised. He was about to strike her when he ran out between them screaming for his father to stop at the top of his voice. He hated seeing his parents fight like this and even more hated when his father came home drunk. He wasn’t always like this! Before he was kind and often took him out to play on evenings after school and even helped him with his homework. But it all changed last year when he saw his parents fight for the first time.
His screams seemed to have brought his parents to their senses, even if only temporarily and they both stopped shouting to look at him.
“Stop fighting, please!” he begged with tears streaming down his face.
“Iain listen to reason, I don’t want Darius to spend the weekend at your family’s home, you know that they hate him! I will not send him there to be abused. He is better off her with me,” said Marianne in a calmer voice.
“He needs to know who his family is!�
�� slurred Iain angrily.
“Look Iain, just sleep off the alcohol and we can talk about it later,” said Marianne trying to get him to see reason.
“There’s no time for that, I have a taxi outside waiting for him. He will be back in a day or two,” said Iain reaching down and grabbing Darius’ hand.
“No Daddy, I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go without Mummy!” Darius protested tearfully pulling back his hand.
Iain Brogan looked down through hazy eyes and heard the cries of his son and they made him angrier. Ever since he made the mistake of marrying Marianne and bringing her to live in Scotland, he had no end of bad luck. His parents simply could not accept that he married a black girl and had a son, considering that they had planned his wedding to Aileen MacLeod for years to unite the family businesses. Marianne just did not fit into his society and because of her neither did he anymore. His parents cut him out of the trust and he had to go and work like a commoner. Now that jobs were hard to find, he wished he’d listened and forgotten Marianne when his family threatened him the first time.
“Boy you will go where I tell you to go! Do you hear me!” shouted Iain suddenly reaching out and twisting Darius’ ear until he squealed in pain.
Marianne rushed forward to defend her son and Iain shoved her against the table. She grabbed the vase in the centre of the table and was about to throw it at Iain’s head when a woman’s voice called from outside. She walked cautiously through the door and peeked around it.
“Iain, are you alright in there?” she said looking around the door.
Marianne stood there hand still raised and now incredulous that Iain would finally bring his disrespect to their home in the full view of his son!
“How could you Iain, how could you think to take my son to see his grandparents with your girlfriend on your arm,” spat Marianne bitterly. “You are married and it is bad enough that I have to endure your reputation as a drunk and an adulterer but to bring it here for Darius to see is unforgivable.”
Darius recognized the woman as the lead dancer in the travelling troupe his father currently managed. He was barely at home lately, always on the road promoting some new show.
“Marianne, you know this marriage is over, it’s just a formality now,” laughed Iain as if it was a joke.
Darius watched as his mother trembled with rage as Iain trotted over to the other woman and kissed her full on the lips in full view of Darius and Marianne.
“Here son, meet your new step-mother,” he laughed.
Darius shrank back toward his mother and clung to her legs. His entire world felt as though it was turning black around him. He had never seen his father behave like this and how could he call this strange woman his step-mother while his own mother was still standing there!
“Leave Iain, right now or I swear I will...”
“You’ll do what? You wouldn’t know what to do without me! I hate you, I hate everything about you. I ‘m leaving, you and Darius can stay here and rot for all I care,” said Iain once again half-stumbling toward the open door.
“Oh and by the way Darius, happy birthday!” he said before looping his arm around the dancer’s waist before pulling her back outside with him. Darius and Marianne heard the sound of a car door closing and after that Iain was gone.
Hot thick tears were flowing down Darius’ cheeks and the pain in his chest was unbearable. He felt the warm reassuring hand of his mother touch him gently on his head and all she said was,
“Come we have to get packed, we are leaving tonight!”
That evening he and his mother packed up their belongings and checked into a nearby hotel for a few days while she arranged the travel details and then they left for Derrien Island.
As Darius sat at the table and recalled the scene still vivid in his mind after all these years, he knew that he’d allowed his past to cloud his judgement terribly. It was irrational of him really to think that just because Candasee wanted to be a dancer that she was exactly like the woman who took his father away from him and broke his mother’s heart. He was not like his father for choosing her either but every time he’d watch Candasee dance back then he felt as though he was betraying his mother’s trust.
His mother Marianne always tried her best with him even though the light in her eyes was never quite the same after that night for many, many years. She struggled to provide for him and refused the help many offered because she was a proud woman and it was embarrassing to let people know that she left with such high hopes for Scotland only to return in shame, poverty and disgrace as a divorced woman and a single mother. But she held her head high and she taught him to do the same and it was that strength that he attributed to the success he enjoyed today.
He’d been so happy for his mother this year when she found a wonderful man who really cared about her. It took her reaching her sixtieth year to do it but she eventually found someone to love and someone who loved her. They just got engaged and now his mother had a new bounce to her step and the full light of life in her eyes.
Reaching into the pocket within his jacket, Darius took out his phone and dialled her number, needing to hear that she was alright. The phone rang about three times before she answered.
“Hello? Darius?” came his mother’s voice over the line.
“Hi Mum, yes it’s me! How are you doing?”
“Oh son, I am wonderful, Francis is keeping me happy in my old age,” she joked.
“Is that Darius?” He could hear Francis’ muffled voice from the background.
“Yes, love its Darius!” his mother replied.
“Tell him I said hello then!” said Francis.
“I think he already heard you, but I will pass on your message! You heard Francis, son?” she asked.
“Yes, I did! By the way, the plans for your party are all set. You guys really deserve this happiness!” said Darius as he imagined how his mother must be smiling right now. Her voice sounded light and happy and that was what he wanted for her all along! Although she was now sixty, she did not look a day over fifty. Her hair was still mostly black and lustrous and her skin was not as wrinkled as it should have been for a woman who saw as many troubles as she did.
“I’m so excited about this, and thank you again for humouring the extravagant wishes of your mother!” she said.
“Mom, you know that I would do anything to see you happy! I’m just glad that I could!” he said with his voice registering a touch of sadness as he continued to watch how close and intimate Candasee and Nathan looked together as they kissed and talked.
“Hey, I don’t like how you sound, where is my confident son?” asked Marianne with concern.
“He’s here somewhere,” replied Darius trying his best to laugh even though it felt like a hot iron was being passed straight through his body. It was a strange sensation, feeling unable to breathe, like he was dying and waking up at the same time.
Marianne was not fooled at all by Darius false bravado. The world knew him as powerful and wealthy but to her he was always her caring son, who all his life made sure never to add a day of worry to her life. The hardest thing about raising him was in getting the work she needed to pay the bills and to put food on the table. When Darius came of age he vowed to her that she would never have to work as hard as she did again and he followed through on that word. She now lived the life of luxury and ease and knew that she was the first motivator for her son’s success.
Right now though, she could hear the unmistakable sound of pain in his voice.
“Darius, you know you can’t fool me, I gave birth to you and raised you. What is it?” she pressed.
“You were always very sharp mom!” he replied wondering if he should say all that was on his mind at the moment.
“Okay Darius, Francis and I will be there at the hotel tomorrow and then you can tell us what’s bothering you!”
“Mum, there’s no need for all the fuss. I just thought of you and wanted to see how you were, that’s all! How is Francis?”
“Both Francis and I are fine, you have seen to that Darius, and stop trying to change the subject. I want you to hear me well. Thirty-eight years I have known you like the lines on the palms of my hands and I know when something is bothering you. I am coming down tomorrow and then you can tell me what is going on, okay! I am not taking no for an answer.”
Darius knew it was useless to argue with his determined mother and it was always good for them to catch up anyway. He’d remember to tell Portia to schedule her in for lunch the next morning.
“Okay, I will see you tomorrow!” he relented and said goodnight before disconnecting the call.
Candasee and Nathan were now walking back to the boardwalk to retrieve their shoes. Candasee looked strikingly beautiful and radiant in the moonlight as her flowing white ankle length dress clung to her legs in the light breeze. Even in the dim light he could see how she was the centre of Nathan’s gaze.
“Your boss huh?” whispered Darius to himself wondering why Candasee felt the need to lie to him this morning about the depth of her relationship with Nathan. He almost thought Nathan was the one that was interested and that perhaps their relationship was a little one-sided but now he could see that he was the one intruding on what seemed to be a very close relationship. Maybe Candasee was right, their time was long past. Perhaps it was best that he found out now than to have gone to Barbados with any grandiose expectations.
Nathan hopped up onto the boardwalk before taking Candasee’s hand and leading her up the stairs. They were laughing and having a great time together, the way he was beginning to wish he’d done while they were still married.
At this point in his life he had it all, money, prestige, businesses, houses around the world, a private yacht, a private jet and right now in this moment he knew he would give it all away just to hear Candasee say, “I love you”, to him again. What were his billions when he was still sitting alone, wishing he could have what money could never buy him. Candasee was right about following the heart and following her dreams. She looked so radiant and happy and she was doing what she loved and she was finally with someone who she...
Hidden Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) Page 9