“Yes we kissed but ...!”
“I knew it! Here you are trying to sugar coat all of this. If you thought of me you wouldn’t have kissed him at all,” said Nathan standing to his feet angrily. “So are you here to break up with me?” asked Nathan not daring to breathe.
“That is not the reason I’m here. I need a few days to allow myself to think about all of this. We’ve been here four days now and we still have four more days ahead to get through and I don’t want to string you or even Darius along with being indecisive. It isn’t fair to either of us and it isn’t who I am!”
“That sounds like a break up to me!” said Nathan.
“Maybe it is then, but I think it is best and with Darius away I will have a chance to really think about all of this.”
“I think my brother might be right about you. I should just cut my losses now and get out of this relationship while I still can with some kind of dignity left!” he muttered.
“I’m sorry Nathan! I never meant for this to happen! If that is what you want to do, I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry too!” said Nathan. “Look I am willing to move out of your room for the rest of the stay, but I am not going to let you just break things off between us like that! We have not even had the chance to explore us fully and like you said we are great together! You and Darius obviously have some serious differences and issues and I want you to know that those don’t disappear overnight either! I am offering you a fresh start, happiness, love, passion, my friendship and my support. I have done nothing else but show you that and we have many shared goals. This fantasy of reconnecting with Darius is just that and you need to get him out of your system once and for all.”
“I know Darius and I had our problems but we had a great marriage and for a long time we were really happy together. I now know what changed all of that for us and I have made my peace with it. I don’t want to live in the past either and nor do I want to try and predict who will give me the best future. It is not about that. I need to be able to love and be clear on my commitment and to know what my heart is truly saying. Right now and I am finding it difficult to do that so I need this quiet time. That is all I am asking!”
Nathan reached out and held Candasee’s hand and a tingle of warmth flowed through them both when he did.
“Did you feel that Candasee? That is real, and that is just the beginning and that is your now! Don’t ignore it for what might seem familiar and comfortable. Sometimes you just have to find the courage to let go of the old.
Chapter 13
It had been two days now since Darius left and since she and Nathan took a break! He tried his best to keep his distance as promised even during the hours of the intensive. Even the other instructors began asking if they were okay.
The academy was again preparing for their closing night at the hotel and everyone was busy making preparations to award the scholarship winner at a special dinner and dance tomorrow evening. The addition of the travel show performance to the intensive had really helped to sharpen the students and they really gave their best. It was very difficult to select the scholarship winner this year but they managed to choose a talented male from Derrien Island whose rendition of “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars and his tap routine were two of the favourite pieces at the travel show. He also was tops in the instrumentalist class on saxophone and was one of the best interpretive dancers in Candasee’s group. It was a real pleasure meeting him and many of the others whose performances were just as good.
Candasee was about to leave the conference area to take a walk through the grounds when Dave called out to her.
“Hey Candasee, wait up a moment!”
He and Nathan were now sharing 510.
“Hi Dave, what’s up?”
“Look I know it is none of my business what goes on between you and the boss but I thought you should hear it from me that I had nothing to do with taking your place in co-ordinating the scholarship presentation with Nathan. He asked me to replace you and I told him I would do it once you did not have a problem! I don’t want there to be any tension between us,” Dave explained.
So Nathan was taking this separation worse than she’d thought, but what really did she expect. He was probably just protecting himself and that was the smart thing to do!
“That’s okay Dave, I know you aren’t the type to usurp people like that. Nathan’s the boss and he knows what he is doing! So enjoy!” said Candasee continuing with her walk.
“That’s all you are going to say? Enjoy?”
“What else do you want me to say?” asked Candasee halting sharply as she began to walk off.
“You know he loves you right?”
“Yes I know, but what business is it of yours or anyone else here at this hotel?” asked Candasee slightly exasperated.
“You are right it isn’t my business but the way the two of you are walking around here with those long faces and short tempers, its affecting everyone! We all just want to see you guys getting along again. Even the delegates are noticing that something is up!” replied Dave.
“Look I didn’t mean to snap at you like that, I just have a lot on my mind!”
“I hope it’s not about if you two should pursue your relationship. All of us at the academy have accepted you guys even though you work together. Actually we think it’s pretty cool, so why all of this? Why can’t you two see what I and all the rest of the instructors at the academy can?”
“Dave things aren’t always as simple as you might think!”
“Yeah? Well, I happen to disagree. Decisions are just energy and your body is already giving you the answer. You aren’t listening because you think your mind will know. Your mind only has the answers it has learned, but your heart has access to universal answers and to truth.”
Dave’s words piqued Candasee’s attention and she raised an eyebrow and asked him to explain what he meant.
“Look it can be as simple as this. When a person feels that something is wrong for them it is the same thing as the feeling you get if you say the word ‘no’ aloud about ten to fifteen times!”
“Seriously Dave, I am not into this mumbo jumbo, Sorry!” said Candasee laughing and turning to leave.
“Candasee, please humour me a little, look let’s sit on this bench here, I swear this technique will help you!”
“Okay, but you have three minutes; I just want to be alone right now.”
“That’s all I need”, replied Dave leading Candasee to the bench and sitting down beside her.
“Okay so you were telling me about feeling the word ‘no’?”
“Exactly, so go ahead and say it now and I’ll do it with you.”
Candasee took a deep breath and said no fifteen times. Dave looked so concerned and she did feel a bit bad about snapping at him. He was only trying to be a friend.
By the time she’d said the word about eight times she noticed that her abdomen was becoming tight and by fifteen it felt as though she had been tied up in knots inside!
“Wow!” she exclaimed wide-eyed now as she looked at Dave and held her abdomen.
“Yeah, you feel that? That is the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you are experiencing a heart no! The painful knots feel nothing at all like the butterflies of excitement.”
“So you are saying that I can know what to say no to or to choose based on this feeling?”
“You are exactly right and I am sure you have felt it many times before but you might not have been aware of what it meant.”
“Okay, so what about a heart yes? What does that one feel like?” queried Candasee curiously.”
“Let’s find out!” declared Dave smiling now that he had caught Candasee’s full attention. “Just say yes about fifteen times and feel it in your body.”
Candasee repeated the exercise this time saying yes and as she did her chest and heart became lighter and by the end of it all, she was laughing for the first time that day.
“Dave I
can’t believe this!”
“Believe it! You can trust your heart to tell your body through the spoken word and feeling what you believe and what you really want. Whatever it is that you two are trying to work out, just try this. I don’t know if it will help but I hope it does.”
Candasee leaned back against the bench and became thoughtful for a moment before looking at her colleague again. “Dave I think you just taught me something very, very important! Thank you!” she said sincerely placing her palm against her chest.
“I know, I’ll send you my bill later!” he joked. “No but seriously, this is a technique I use every day and I have not seen it fail me once! So give it a try, you have a finely tuned internal guidance system just waiting to help you. Don’t fight it!”
Dave squeezed her shoulder briefly and got up and jogged back over the conference centre. Candasee remained seated on the bench for a little while longer after Dave left trying out her new energetic technique with some basic questions about herself and they were all confirmed by her feelings. Still marvelling at what she learned, she once again stood up to continue on her walk through the grounds. Could she really base such an important life decision on this? Her mind just wasn’t giving her the answers she wanted. Both men were successful, handsome, and were family men who loved children. Each had a great sense of humour and both were attentive and passionate lovers. They were both suitable choices but who did her heart know to be the right choice. Yes she loved Darius more but wasn’t that because she knew him longer and had gotten to know a lot about him over the years? Nathan now was still in many ways a mystery and she had yet to peel back the layers and discover what could be.
Candasee was about to try one of their names when she saw Marianne waving at her from the pathway ahead!
Smiling immediately she walked briskly and embraced her! “Hi Mom, what are you doing here? You do know Darius is away right?”
“Of course love, I came to see you! I wanted to have dinner with you but we seem to have forgotten to exchange numbers. Did you ever get my card?”
“Yes I do have it now, but I need to program your number into my phone still,” she admitted wryly.
“We can do that tonight if you aren’t busy?”
“Actually no I’m not. It seems that I have been relieved of my duties tonight so I was planning to eat alone. It is the second last night for the intensive here and tonight they are preparing for the awards ceremony, but I am not going to be involved in coordinating the event anymore.”
“Why not, you actually look a little disappointed?” asked Marianne.
“I am a little disappointed but that is a long story, which I don’t want to think about now!”
“Okay, so let’s spend the night together. You did promise we would before you left. I know of a wonderful restaurant about ten minutes drive from here where we can go and relax and find a good meal. What do you think?” asked Marianne with a broad smile.
“It sounds wonderful, just let me run upstairs to shower and change my clothes. I am a still bit sweaty from my last session.”
“I will wait for you in the lobby area!” said Marianne looking radiantly happy now that Candasee agreed to spend the evening with her.
Candasee began to go to her room when a thought struck her and she stopped and turned back to where Marianne was still standing. “Mom, I just have one condition about tonight.”
“What is that?”
“No talk about Darius and me tonight!”
“But...”
“I mean it, I have enough on my mind already and I am taking some time to think, well rather to feel and I just want to relax and catch up with you tonight okay?”
Marianne considered the bargain and quickly agreed but began to wonder now if this was the reason behind Darius leaving the country in such a hurry two days ago. He often did his business with the Los Angeles office by video conference instead of taking such a long trip. He usually reserved making trips for when he made visits to his other properties around the world. She began to wonder if somehow his plans on Krispin did not turn out right a few nights before! She was so sure that Candasee and he would have had that all important conversation by now.
As Candasee walked away again, Marianne quickly dialled her son’s number. He would be about four hours behind making it around two in the afternoon there in Los Angeles.
“Hi Mom,” he answered, “Is everything okay?”
“Yes I’m fine. I just called to see how my son was doing?”
“I’m good as well!” he replied flatly.
“Hmm, okay if you say so but maybe you should inform your voice. I am about to take Candasee to dinner at Shores Restaurant tonight and she looks just as flat as you sound.
“Candasee?” he said, with his voice perking up. Marianne smiled inside knowingly at his reaction to her name being mentioned.
“Yes, Candasee, the woman you are hiding from under the guise of a business trip!”
Darius exhaled as an image of Candasee flashed across his mind.
I’m not hiding from anyone Mom, you know this is a legitimate business trip!” he argued.
Marianne ignored his denial and asked when he would be returning instead.
“I plan to fly out tomorrow afternoon so I should be back on Derrien by late morning the following day! We completed the negotiations already. I’m just taking some extra time to rest and to think about a lot of things! You know how you keep accusing me of being a workaholic. I think this rest is good for me.”
“True but this seems to be a strange time to take such a trip especially with Candasee still here! I thought you two would be spending more time together by now. By the way, how did the night on Krispin go with her?”
“It started well but then quickly became a monumental disaster. When she figured out we weren’t on Derrien anymore she got upset and I ended up sailing back at night to appease her boyfriend and to help her keep her job!”
“Didn’t she see that we flew off-island?”
“No, her eyes were closed as usual in-flight. You know how much she hates flying!”
“So what now?” asked Marianne.
“I think this is all too overwhelming for her and she wants to do the right thing by her present relationship, so that leaves any idea of us reconciling pretty much out to sea, right now”.
“I’m sorry I know how much this means to you!” replied Marianne with concern.
“Yeah, well maybe that is the problem, I wish it were all up to me, but unfortunately it isn’t!”
“So when will she give you a decision?”
“She is leaving in two days and I asked her to have dinner with me again then. She is scheduled to leave on an early morning flight for Barbados the following morning. I guess it will be a moment of truth for us both then, if I can hold out that long!”
“Just have faith! I am sure she will come around!”
“Perhaps!”
“Give me a call to let me know you’ve reached home safely. I will take care of Candasee tonight and make sure she has a good time!”
Darius laughed, “I hope she can keep up with you!” he said knowing his mother well.
“I’m sure that she will be just fine!” and with goodbyes they disconnected the call.
Candasee and Marianne had lots of fun and laughter that night as they exchanged stories about their lives since the divorce and her engagement to Francis. Being with Marianne was always such a great pick-up for her that she practically forgot all of her problems. After dinner, they visited a new sorbet store and enjoyed the sweet desserts before finally going to catch the late movie at the cinema. Before they both knew it, the time was nearing midnight!
“Marianne, won’t Francis be worried about you being out so late?”
“No, I am going to stay at the hotel tonight in my private suite and he will pick me up in the morning. So don’t worry I won’t have to take that long drive back home tonight.”
“I see again where Darius gets his pers
onality”, said Candasee thinking of their whirlwind of a night. Darius had the tendency of making our date night’s big events full of memories too. Case in point two nights ago, we flew to a private island and sailed home in a yacht”, said Candasee rolling her eyes and laughing. In a way she wished that she could have experienced all that Darius had planned for them that night, but it wouldn’t have been right at the time.
“Somehow he could always make a simple dinner turn into so much more and I’ve always had fun with him,” sighed Candasee.
Marianne smiled and squeezed her hand, “Maybe it’s the company we keep that inspires us!” she replied knowingly. “Darius only goes out to business functions and family functions these days!”
“That can’t be because of me surely!” said Candasee still in disbelief at the suggestion that his life ground to a complete standstill.
“You don’t realize what a powerful effect you have on my son! I know I promised I wouldn’t speak about him but seeing as you were the first to bring up the subject, I can’t help saying that he hasn’t been the same since you left!” she said frankly. “You see, what you don’t realize is that you give him the perfect balance that takes the edge of that invincible persona he likes to carry around and in turn he fills you with the life and passion that feeds your creativity and your boldness. I’ve always noticed it!”
“I’m sure Darius can find other forms of inspiration,” said Candasee.
“If you haven’t been able to, why should he?” she asked pointedly.
“What are you trying to say?” asked Candasee puzzled by her statement.
“When you were here on Derrien you wanted to open your own dance studio and you made the plans to do so and you began designing your programs as an independent business owner. Now you are working for someone else. Where did all that inspiration and confidence go?”
“I am still confident Marianne. I just like the community at Carthswright Academy! We fit together well and we all work well together! It’s like having a new family of sorts.”
Hidden Love (Derrien Island Trilogy) Page 20