Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  Before I knew it the last leg of my trip was over and I found myself home. I’d missed my apartment, its warmth, sanctuary. I walked in with my luggage and as I dropped it, I fell to my knees and wept. I heard the words of his mother playing over and over in my mind and had never felt so ashamed.

  “My boy might be easily distracted but make no mistake he’s in love with Ella. She’s a part of our family and I will not have my family disrespected.” I had stood there looking like a fool with damp hair from my long hot shower. I’d done just as he’d suggested and let myself imagine us together.

  His mother was brutal as she continued. “You need to get your ass on the road back to where you came from and find some other singer and another home to wreck.”

  I had wasted no time, running upstairs and gathering my things. Ella followed me and hovered. “Just like a city girl coming down here with your wiles and talks of big dreams, trying to steal my man. We’ve made plans, we have dreams of our own of family and children and running this ranch.” I didn’t slow down. I wasn’t sure I had even grabbed everything, but it didn’t matter. I just wanted out of there. My temper was so hot I thought I’d burst into flames before I got to my car. They’d made me the villain, but David was the liar.

  I picked myself up off the floor and left my luggage where it lay as I headed to the kitchen for something to drink. The bottle of wine was a welcome sight on the top shelf of the fridge and I grabbed it and pulled the cork with my teeth, spitting it to the floor. I wouldn’t need that again. Housekeeping could wait. I’d finish this bottle and sleep, but first, I’d wash the hours of driving, and all the nastiness of Ella’s harsh glares, off of me.

  After using all the hot water, I came to the conclusion that no amount of washing would end the feeling I had blanketing me. I’d allowed myself to be used like some second-string whore, and maybe it was what I deserved. I’d set out to Texas with the intent of sleeping with my old boss, only to find that he was married and the client was a complete fraud. I’d so hoped that trip would change my life, instead, I’m right back here where I started, with a broken heart, no hot water, and a half a bottle of wine.

  I lay on my bed numb, not caring that my wet hair was soaking into my pillow. My life was a mess. My career was worse. Just months ago I’d changed firms after losing a big client to my competition, and I was lucky to find another that would give me a chance. I’d been trying to pick up the pieces and prove myself since, but it seems I failed at every turn. Why would I think David would be so different? Because he had the talent. There was no doubt about that. If I’d only kept things professional, I could be setting up studio time instead of feeling sorry for myself. I gave my misery to the sandman and woke up the next morning not feeling any better.

  ***

  My phone woke me the next morning and I ran from my bed to the living room hoping to catch it in time. My handbag was buried under the suitcase where I’d dropped everything the night before and I dug inside and found my phone just as it stopped ringing. Three missed calls and all from Jennifer, my best friend, who I forgot to call and let know I’d made it back into town alive. A small part of me hoped it was David, but then I realized I had never given the sexy cowboy my number. He’s engaged. My heart sank all over again and I wanted to crawl back in bed and forget the world, but I knew I better call Jenn instead.

  “Sarah, what the hell?” she said.

  “I’m sorry. I got home late and forgot to call.” I braced myself for her tongue lashing. She and I had been so close for years and she’d been worried since I’d left Texas and messaged that I was lost in Oklahoma. I’d left her a frantic message when I left David’s house.

  “I was worried sick, I called all night and almost drove over.” A sigh of relief sounded through the phone and in the silence that followed I could imagine her trying to gather her thoughts. “Have you eaten yet?”

  My stomach growled in response before I could speak. “No, I don’t feel like eating, but I guess I’m hungry.”

  “Well, I want to know everything and I have a feeling it’s going to take a while.” Jennifer had always wanted to know every detail when an incident occurred and wouldn’t say her peace until she had all the facts. “Meet you at Dixie’s across town?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there in half an hour.” I was torn between wanting to forget every second of Oklahoma and wanting to tell her all about it, but as I went to find my toiletry bag, I realized that I didn’t have any makeup or a toothbrush for that matter. I hadn’t cared the night before. I’d let the wine cleanse my palate, but it would take more than a breath mint to make it better.

  I dug through my cabinets until I found a new packaged toothbrush and used baking soda for my paste. It would work in a pinch until I could get to the drugstore on the corner and replace everything I’d left in David’s bathroom.

  Once I looked human, I headed out toward Dixie’s Café. The place had once been a small mom and pop diner, but it had grown into a thirty-year business for the owners who still worked their shifts cooking and waiting tables. I entered the quaint, but charming diner with its teal blue floors and red and white booths and spotted Jenn waiting at the bar. She smiled and grabbed her coffee and motioned me to a corner booth in back. “I figured you and I could use a little privacy for this heart to heart.” Concern plagued her expression as we slid into our seats across from one another.

  “I don’t know where to start,” I said, slouching over the table and resting on my elbows.

  Jenn ran her hand through her long, black hair. The tips looked to have been dipped in hot pink paint, but it was just her color of the month. I wished I could do that edgy look, but I hadn’t been brave enough to dye my hair since high school, and that was one memory I tried to forget since. “You can start by telling me how you went to Texas and ended up spending so much time in Oklahoma on your way back home.”

  “I just needed to drive, I guess. To get lost. Get away from everything. I know it sounds crazy.”

  “It sounds dangerous and irresponsible,” she said. “Now tell me more. Who’s this David you mentioned. Your message was a bit frantic, and I’m hoping I don’t have to go all the way to Oklahoma to kick his ass.”

  “Maybe I shouldn’t tell you.” I waved the waitress over. Caffeine was a must, especially if I was going down this dark road of recollection.

  “What can I get you, hun?” The waitress flashed a crooked toothy grin and poised her pen against her pad.

  “Coffee, thanks.” As she walked away I took a deep breath and stared into Jenn’s eyes as my own began to water. Before she could do more than take my hand I went into my recap of the days before. How I’d left Texas and got lost on my way home. By the time I got to the part about pulling into Kinsey’s, my coffee had arrived. I sipped the bitter black swill and winced while reaching for the sugar.

  “So what was this Kinsey’s like?” she prodded.

  “Just your average hole in the wall; a dive bar. The hotel next door is more of a motel, but, I guess the small towners don’t know the damned difference. The owner is a real piece of work. Kept hitting on me from the moment I sat at the bar.”

  “Was he hot?” She grinned wide like that cat from Wonderland and then giggled as I frowned.

  “He most certainly was not, and he stank like cheap aftershave and stale sweat.” We shared a shiver at the thought and then I continued. “Suddenly they introduced this singer—”

  “Was he hot?” asked Jenn leaning in closer.

  “Oh yeah, he was smoldering. And could he sing? Oh, girl.” I fanned myself remembering his mouth on me and I crossed my legs, pinching my knees tight.

  “So you want to be his agent, right?” She squeezed my hand.

  I pulled it away and waved it dismissively. “I screwed everything up.” My heart sank as I continued. “I slept with him.”

  Her eyes widened and she sat back in her seat as if putting distance between us would give her a better grasp on what I’d just said. “What
! Girl!” She looked at me like I’d just lost my mind, but in true Jenn fashion she leaned in and grinned. “Was he good?”

  “Yeah, he was amazing, and like a big fool I fell hard and fast.”

  “So, how does he feel?”

  “He’s in love.” I glanced up to the ceiling as if it suddenly interested me.

  “So what’s wrong with that?” Jenn huffed, then she took a big sip of her coffee.

  “He’s in love with his fiancée.” My eyes met hers as she gulped and her face twisted. I knew it wasn’t from the bitter coffee.

  “Oh shit, Sarah.” She shook her head and stared. I didn’t feel like she was judging me, I knew her better than that, but it still stung to have to admit it.

  “Yeah. Shit.”

  “Well, look, we’ve all had one-night stands. It happens.” She shrugged and waved it off casually.

  “It wasn’t just once. It wasn’t like that. I mean, it didn’t feel like that. I thought he was opening up to me and that he cared for me. He even punched that smelly guy for me.”

  “Was that before or after you gave him the goods?”

  “After, why?” I shook my head and she shrugged as if she had no good reason for asking.

  “Still, he’s a liar and a cheat. It’s not your fault.”

  “His mother and fiancée seemed to think it was when they were chewing my ass out.”

  Her cup clanked against the saucer and she choked down another sip. “His mother and the fiancée caught you hooking up?”

  “Well, no. He brought me home and after we made love in his barn he told me to go up to his room and shower and take a nap. When I got done, his mother had called his girlfriend over to their house to put me in my place.”

  She gave me another strange look. “He lives with his mother?”

  “They all live on a ranch. A huge one. He’s got three brothers and they all still live at home and work the ranch. It’s like a way of life for those people.”

  Jenn nodded that she understood, but then paused and shook her head. “Something isn’t adding up. If he was cheating on his girl, why would he bring you home and around his family? That’s a little bold, if you ask me.”

  I hadn’t understood that part either, but it didn’t matter. He was a son-of-a-bitch and a cheat and he obviously didn’t care about anyone but himself. “Who knows? I got the hell out of there. I didn’t even leave my number. I did leave my makeup bag though, so I get to replace all of that. My best damned lipstick was in that bag.”

  She placed her hand over her heart. “Not the coral cocoa.”

  I nodded and let out a long breath. “I am so messed up inside. I need to get my head on straight and focus on work, but I just feel so terrible. I feel foolish. I thought he was the one. Not just the one for me, but the talent I needed as well. I’m not sure I can take many more hits to my battered career.”

  She met my eyes. “Look, you need to just think of it as a getaway. You went on an adventure, had some hot sex and a little fun. You’re better off without that lying cowboy.”

  I played with the spoon in my lukewarm coffee. “He taught me how to ride a horse.”

  “Oh, I bet he did,” she said. As our eyes met and my reddened cheeks gave me away, we shared a laugh.

  Despite my time with Jenn, my heart still stung. I decided I couldn’t face my boss just yet, and called in. After stopping by the drugstore and replacing all of my makeup, except for the coral cocoa lipstick, I went home to spend the rest of the day wishing I had kept things professional.

  Chapter 9

  David

  Ranching is a never-ending job and my father was a pro at making more work for me and my brothers. I’d done rubbed him the wrong way by sleeping in till five a.m. and I’d decided to try my damnedest to be out of his sight for most of the day. He made it easier by heading across town after giving me my orders.

  I put on my gloves and headed out to find my brothers waiting on me in the supply shed. Round pens don’t build themselves, especially when your father won’t hire outsiders to do what his boys can. Mason and Luke both turned away from me and made busy with the lumber we’d had delivered a week ago, but Ted met me with a hard stare.

  “Bout damned time you showed up. Late night?” he said.

  I ignored him and started hauling boards to the lowboy. He knew damned well it had been a late night at Kinsey’s and I couldn’t do a single set without him making an issue of it the next day. I’d shot myself in the ass by sleeping in, but Ted didn’t have to be a dick about it. He knew I was raw with what happened the day before, and that was the only reason it had happened. I’d never been late before and was usually the first one up and out to work. It wasn’t like I’d gotten a good night’s sleep. Sarah had been on my mind all night.

  I still couldn’t believe she’d left. All she had to do was come get me out in the barn and I would’ve set things straight. My mama had pulled some stunts in my lifetime, but this was a doozy. Inviting Ella? What was she thinking? Though I guess I could blame myself for never explaining what had happened with Ted.

  Ted had mumbled a few more words at me before getting to work, but I didn’t hear him. I’d been trying to tune him out and forget he was my brother for most of his life. You’d think he was the oldest with his ability to torment his siblings, but that was my birthright. Sure, I’d done my fair share of picking on the others, we all had. Brotherly ribbing was natural, it strengthened our bonds, but Ted had overstepped his boundaries and broken those sacred bonds when he’d slept with Ella. The thought of the two together had once turned my stomach, but now I know they were made for each other. We hadn’t been right since and probably never would be.

  Mason loaded the last few boards and we drove out to the patch of dirt we’d designated for the round pen. Ted and Luke stayed behind to gather the rest of our supplies and joined us minutes later on the side-by-side.

  “Let’s see if we can have this done before Mama rings the lunch bell,” I said, tossing the first posts to the ground. We’d built fences all our lives and this round pen would go quickly if everyone kept it steady.

  Mason unloaded the tools and Luke grabbed the post-hole diggers, while Ted and I dropped the posts along the circumference we’d marked the day before. We started setting the posts and made good time, measuring and digging.

  About two hours into our work, Ted closed his measuring tape and released a long sigh. “Who forgot to mark the post settings?”

  “No one forgot, it’s just as easy to mark those as we go.” I tried to keep working, but he kept on.

  “No, it would have been easier to just mark the damned settings yesterday. If your mind wasn’t on your music and that Tennessee pussy, you’d have gotten your work done.”

  My temper flared and I found myself in his face with my nose so close to his, you’d think we were about to kiss. “I didn’t mark them on purpose.”

  Ted stepped away. “Should have known you’d let her get in your head. Just like the last one. We saw how devoted she was, didn’t we?” He laughed, taunting me.

  He’d never bragged about his romp with Ella much, but he knew I was still bitter and liked to bring it up now and then just so I wouldn’t forget. It’s like he wanted me to hate him.

  “Get to work, fellas. Lunch bell will be ringing before we know it,” Luke said.

  Ted narrowed his eyes at Luke and then turned back to me for one last jab. “Yeah, no need to bring up the past. I mean, I did do him a favor. Maybe if that little agent pops back into town, I’ll show her who has the better talent in the family.”

  Mason stepped over and put his hand on my chest, knowing I was about to wail on our brother. Ted laughed and threw out his hands as if challenging me. I stepped forward and took a swing, but Mason grabbed my waist from behind and wrestled me back before I made contact.

  “Easy, big brother. I did you a favor. Ella was a lousy lay. Never shut up the entire time. I honestly don’t know how you could stand her.”

 
“Man, shut the hell up,” said Luke. He and Mason were doing their best to diffuse the situation, but I only relaxed enough for Mason to loosen his hold on me and then I charged for Ted, knocking him face first to the ground. That smirk he’d been flashing was full of dirt and he spat on the ground at my feet once he’d regained his composure.

  “Sucker punched like a pussy,” he said, spitting another taste of sand.

  I didn’t mind him rattling on about Ella. Those wounds were long healed and though it still pissed me off for my own brother to betray me, the idea that he’d go after Sarah had my blood boiling. “I’ll show you pussy.” I swung again and this time Luke pulled me off as Mason and Ted stormed away toward the house.

  “Don’t let him get to you,” Luke said, taking up the post diggers where Mason had left off. He pushed the ends into the ground and then cut me a look. “That woman really got to you, didn’t she?”

  “Yeah, she did. I’ve never had anyone so interested in me. Not just me, but my singing too. I kind of liked the idea of it going further, with her and the music. I really, for a minute there, thought I might get the hell out of here and away from this ranch and all that comes with it.”

  “You hate it that much?” Luke gave me a quizzical glance and kept digging and the hole was almost ready for me to set the post.

  “It’s not that I hate it, Luke. Don’t think I hate any of it. I just didn’t want my life to be here. Don’t you ever think about getting out of here?” Of course he didn’t. When he looked up at me with that sandy hair, much lighter than the rest of ours, and those big hazel eyes that matched Teds, only with less contempt, I knew he would always stay right here on this ranch and work for the rest of his life. Just barely out of school, he didn’t know any better. He should be in college, partying his ass off and going through more women than Ted, but he wasn’t as hard. Maybe that’s why we’d always been the closest despite our age difference.

  Luke shrugged. “I don’t think it’s so bad. Maybe you just need a break. I mean, not a permanent one, we need you here too bad. Have you thought about going after her?” My brother set the diggers down and I set the pole as he filled the hole he’d just dug.