Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  "Nope. Just giving her a little bit of space." I shrugged and walked toward the kitchen to wash my hands.

  "Did she ask for space?" Natalie followed after me.

  "Who asked for space?" My father's voice caused me to turn and glance over my shoulder.

  "It's nothing, Dad. Rebecca and I are just working through some stuff. She's older than I am and more set in her ways. She feels like she's got a lot to lose in our relationship, so she's very timid about moving forward."

  "Then give her time and space," he barked and walked toward the dining room. "You're always trying to suffocate people, Jason. Just let her come around, boy. You can't force stuff like that."

  I nodded, but didn't say anything else. He was right in some ways. I used to be the type to force a relationship if I wanted it, but after Mom died, I backed off a lot - from life in general.

  Finding Becca and falling in love with her helped me to find my heartbeat again.

  "Hey. It's going to work out." Natalie rubbed my back and leaned around me to smile up at me. "I'll feel her out on the trip and see what's going on."

  "Hell no." I lifted my eyebrow and pinned my sister with a hard stare. "Seriously. Leave it alone."

  "Maybe." Natalie smirked. "Maybe not."

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see her calling. "I'll be right back."

  I made my way out to the yard and closed the front door behind me before answering the phone. I forced my tone to sound normal, happy, content. All the things I wasn't.

  "Hey, Becca."

  "Hey. Where are you? I miss you."

  "I'm out at my dad's place." I glanced around as my heart ached. "I figured you'd want some time to yourself."

  "Well, you figured wrong." She let out a soft sigh. "Tell me where you are, and I'll be there in a few minutes. I want to see you. I'd love to meet your family too."

  "It's just my dad and my sister. My mother-"

  "I know your mom died, Jason. I listen when you talk, baby." Her voice was soft, but I could hear the subtle hint of pain in it. What were we doing? Tearing each other apart because I wanted more than she was going to give me? Or because I wanted it faster? Or hell, maybe it was because I wanted it all.

  "You don't have to do that." I lifted my chin toward the sky and brushed my hand down my face. I wanted to see her so damn bad. To hold her and force her to promise me that she wasn't going to tear my heart out. I had plenty to lose. What was I thinking? I could lose her. I was risking my future, my heart, my deepest desires.

  "I want to. Please don't turn me away."

  "Never." I let out a sigh. "I'll give you the address. I'll text it to you. It's just down the road from your place."

  "Okay. I'll see you soon."

  I dropped the call, texted her the place and walked back to the house.

  My father opened the door and stared at me. "Everything all right?”

  “I guess. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Giving Becca space sounds like a good idea, but it ain’t gonna happen. I want to move in closer, not back up.”

  He gave me a look. “Nat said you were having women troubles. But that’s partly because you don’t listen."

  I shook my head. "She's full of shit. I'm not having troubles, I'm just dealing with an older woman who thinks I'm still a boy, and I do listen, Dad."

  "No you don’t, and you are still a boy." He moved back and reached out to grip the back of my neck as we moved into the house. "Though, you're a lot like my daddy, your granddaddy. Old soul in a young body."

  "I love her. I want to put a ring on her finger and a baby in her belly, but she's not going to allow that." I shrugged and dropped down at the kitchen table, feeling like I weighed a million pounds.

  "Then take your time with her." My dad sat down beside me. "Your mom was six years younger than me, but smart as a whip. She wanted what the hell she wanted, and there wasn't no telling her no. You're just like her."

  "I could give this woman the world, Dad. I want to."

  "Good, but maybe she ain't the type to want the world handed to her." He lifted his eyebrow as a smile played on the side of his mouth. How in the world he was making it without Mom was a mystery to me. If something happened to Becca... something wasn’t going to happen to Becca.

  I was going to lose her if I wasn't careful.

  "Maybe so." I glanced down at my hands as the sound of a car door filled up the kitchen. "That's her. Be nice, all right?"

  "Am I ever not nice?" He patted my back as I snorted. There was no reason to answer that question.

  He was an ass, and I had to be careful not to act just like him.

  Chapter 9

  Rebecca

  I knew he was pulling back. I could tell by the way he stayed busy all week at work, and avoided me most evenings. He was studying for his CPA, so I understood about his evenings being taken up by that, but it was something more.

  I'd spent half the morning pacing the floor while Parker gave me hell at the house. His words hurt a little, but he was right. I needed to stop pushing Jason away and start moving forward. I just hoped like hell that it wasn't too late for that. It almost seemed like it by the sound of his voice on the phone moments before.

  I parked outside the older two-story house. The land around it was beautiful and the lake was just down the road. I couldn't help but wonder if he grew up in the house.

  He walked out as I climbed out of my car and held my breath. I was going to cry if I wasn't careful. Nothing made sense in a relationship with someone so much younger, and yet I was overthinking everything. That, and I wasn't being very fair. He was giving up everything and risking his heart. What more could someone risk? Was my heart so much more precious than his?

  "Hey." He glanced up and slipped his hands into his jeans pockets.

  I wasn't going to get through another tense, emotionless conversation with him. I loved him too much. He'd stolen my heart and after the way we made love the week before, he'd stolen the rest of me too.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered and reached for him as I closed the car door.

  He pulled me into his arms and buried his face in the side of my neck, breathing softly and holding me tightly against him. "Me too."

  "No," I mumbled and pressed my cheek to his as I closed my eyes. "I'm sorry for pushing you away. I was just scared. Fuck, I still am scared."

  "I am too." He turned his face and brushed his nose by mine. "But you're worth every minute of that fear to me, Becca. I shouldn't have pushed you toward moving in together. I just figured after nine months that it was time. Seems like a small step to me, but I-"

  "It is a small step." I kissed him softly at first, but shifted a little to better hold on to him as he tilted his head and brushed his tongue against my lips. I opened up and let him in, groaning at how good it felt to have his strong hands on me, his mouth pressed tightly to mine.

  I could lie to myself all I wanted to, but I belonged to him. And I wanted to risk everything to keep things that way.

  The sound of the door opening in the distance caused me to pull back. Jason's eyes were hooded, his breathing off, lips swollen and red from kissing me so hard. "Let's get out of here. I want to strip you down and touch every inch of you."

  "You guys coming?" The girl sounded young.

  I moved a little to the left and smiled. "Hi. I'm Rebecca."

  "I'm Natalie, but you can call me Nat." The girl walked toward me, her hand extended, a smile on her pixie-like face. She was cute, but much smaller than Jason. "I'm Jason's sister."

  "I figured that. It's really nice to meet you." I shook her hand, and half-expected her to drag me into an awkward hug. Jason had said the girl was touchy-feely. My mom was the same, and would hug a stranger if she felt like doing it.

  Much to my surprise, the girl shook my hand and released it. "Nice to meet you too."

  Jason reached out and took my hand. "Come on, let me introduce you to my father. He just cooked up a bunch of fried catfish. Hopefully you lik
e seafood."

  "Well, lake food in this case." The girl laughed, and I couldn't help but smile. I liked her already, but I wasn't sure why.

  "I love it." I wrapped my arm around his back. "You gonna get your sister and Adam to help us get your stuff moved out to the house?"

  "When you're ready for me to. Yeah." He smiled and moved back to open the door for me. "You sure about this?"

  "Positive." I stopped in front of him as he held the door open. His sister had already gone inside. I pressed myself to the front of him and kissed his chest before looking up into his warm brown eyes. "I'm in love with you. I want to wake up every morning next to you."

  "What if we just don't go to sleep?" He touched the side of my face softly.

  "I like that too." I moved away from him and walked into the house to find a large older man standing by the table. He was Jason's height, but twice his size. His smile was tight like he was nervous or unhappy about me being there.

  I stopped and waited for Jason to move up beside me. "Dad, this is Becca. She's, well, hell, she's my boss and my girlfriend."

  "Nice to meet you." He extended his hand. "Charlie."

  "Rebecca. Nice to meet you too, sir."

  "You kids come on and sit down. We'll eat and then I'm going to put you to work."

  I shook his hand and moved to sit down next to Jason as I let my eyes move around the dining room. The house was warm and comely. It reminded me of my grandmother's house, and I found myself relaxed with the idea of truly belonging.

  "This looks great, Dad." Natalie sat down across from me and smiled. "You want to say grace or you want me to do it?"

  It took me a second to realize she was talking to me. "You go ahead."

  I bowed my head as Jason's hand gripped mine under the table. Something about the scene was so right. I'd made a good decision coming to find him. Parker would be proud of me, as would my momma.

  ***

  "These lights are a mess, Dad." Jason glanced up from the bucket of lights as Natalie and I finished stringing garland on the tree. It wasn't much to look at, but something told me it was the first time in a long time that Jason's family had decorated.

  "Yeah, hell, I know. There's a box or two in your old bedroom. In that closet in there, but be careful. You know your sister is a hoarder." Jason's father winked at me as Natalie tossed a pillow from the couch at him.

  I chuckled and took Jason's hand as he offered it to me. "Come on. Let me show you my old room and some of these pictures that'll make you laugh."

  "Where you from anyway, Rebecca?" Jason's father called after us.

  I paused and turned around. "My parents lived in Conroe, just up the road a little when I was younger, but they moved up toward Dallas when my mother retired."

  "Oh nice. So you're from around here. That's good." He turned back to the couch and tossed the pillow at Natalie.

  "Come on," Jason whispered, a lot closer than I thought he was. Something about being in his old bedroom left me turned on, my hands sweaty and heart beating a little too fast.

  He moved up behind me as I reached for a picture of him in a baseball uniform. "Wow. You look amazing."

  "Pervert," he mumbled as he brushed his lips over the top of my shoulder. "I was like twelve there."

  "Such an old soul." I pressed against him and set the picture back down.

  "Maybe." He ran the tip of his nose up my throat and sucked the bottom of my ear into his mouth as I groaned.

  "Don't. I need you so bad. I've missed you."

  He ran his hand down my stomach to cup my mound over my jeans. The soft tap was in tandem with his wet kisses down my neck. "Good. I'll come with you tonight and we can make up."

  "Do we need to make up from something?" I turned my hips a little, rubbing my ass by his erection as need pulsed deep inside of me.

  "Yeah, whatever the hell was happening between us." He squeezed my sex before moving his hand up under my shirt to cup my breast. "We could always shut the door and make up in here."

  "With your dad down the hall?" I froze in place. "I'm too old for that."

  "I should lock the door and strip you down just for saying that." He chuckled and released me. "Come on. Help me find these lights. The sooner we get this done, the faster we can get back to your place or mine."

  "Or our place?" I gave him an innocent look as he glanced over his shoulder.

  "I like the sound of that better."

  "Me too," I mumbled and sat down on the edge of his bed feeling one hundred times better. Nothing was going to happen to us. We wouldn't let it.

  We couldn't.

  Chapter 10

  Jason

  Two Days later

  It almost felt like we were back on track as we packed up for the trip on Monday morning. I knew we had a ways to go to getting me moved in and us taking the next step, but I felt better... wanted.

  "Hey. How many rooms did we get?" Rebecca moved up beside me as I loaded my truck up with her luggage. I'd tried to talk Natalie into riding with us, but she had a few things she wanted to wrap up before we left town and promised that she wouldn't be late getting to the airport. I half believed her. She wasn't nearly as reliable as I wanted her to be.

  "Three. We had two because Parker said he was fine bunking with Adam, but I added the third one when Nat said she was coming with us. Why?" I reached out and pulled her close to me. It was hard to be around her and not have my hands all over her.

  "Just wondering." She pressed her hands to my chest and studied my face. "We're okay, right?"

  "Yeah. We're good." I leaned down and kissed her. "I'm just set on making the future happen, but we talked about this a little last night in the tub. If you want me to slow down, just tell me. Otherwise, hang on tight and let me move us closer toward being one with each other. All right?"

  She nodded, but I could sense the fear inside of her. "Okay."

  "Now, no more of this serious stuff. Go get your bag that you're taking on the plane and get your fine ass in the truck."

  She rolled her eyes and pulled away from me, and turned to go back into the house. I stood in silence and watched her, falling more in love with her, if that was at all possible. Nine months. The love affair for her had finally started nine months ago when her old boyfriend came back into town. I'd moved in and asked her out just in the nick of time. A few days later and it wouldn't be me that she was headed to Denver with.

  Funny enough, I'd fallen in love with her a year before that. Everything about her turned me on, drove me to want things I thought I'd never want again after my mother died.

  "What are you thinking about?" Her voice was soft, sensual.

  "Hmm?" I came to and realized that she hadn't gone into the house, but rather stopped to watch me.

  "You. Us. The future."

  She shook her head. "Can you just stay in the present for the next couple of days with me? I'd kinda like to enjoy the here and now."

  I smiled. "Of course. How could I not?"

  "Right. I'm watching you. Dreamer." She spun on her heel and walked into the house as I stared after her. The tan jeans she wore fit her beautifully, leaving my body to harden and my thoughts to skip back in time to the night before. Hearing her moan my name as she gripped my sides and begged for more was enough to undo me.

  She was more woman than I felt capable of handling most days, today being especially tough for some reason.

  "All right. I have everything. Let's get to the airport." She walked toward me and brushed her fingers by my crotch as she walked to the truck. "You're getting turned on."

  "You're here. Why wouldn't I?" I repositioned myself as I walked to my side of the truck and got in. "Hey, how's Trisha? You haven't said anything about her in a few days."

  She buckled up and shrugged. "She's okay. I feel bad that she's not going with us, but she didn't have the money or the energy to pack up all four of her kids for the trip."

  "I get the money, but the energy?" I started the car and reached over to
run my fingers over hers as she gripped her thigh. "She not feeling good?"

  Becca didn't respond, so I glanced her way. She looked a little ill.

  "Becca? What's up?" I took her hand in mine and pulled the truck out of my usual spot.

  "She's pregnant." She shook her head and let out a soft sigh. "Kiddo number five."

  "That's awesome." I smiled, wishing like hell it was us we were talking about. I was more than ready to get a move on with it.

  "What?" She jerked her face toward me. "No. It's not. She's super depressed."

  "Birth control, condoms or not fucking might help." I smirked as she swatted at me.

  "They use all that stuff, but she still got pregnant." She shrugged and glanced down at her hands. "What if... what if I can't get pregnant?"

  "Have you tried?" I released her and put my hands on the wheel.

  "What? No." She shook her head before settling back in her seat. "I'm just worried that-"

  "Don't be." I licked at the side of my mouth and tried not to dive into pure depravity. Having a child with my woman sounded like heaven, but working on making a few of them... way better. "We're going to be fine, baby. One thing at a time, right?"

  She chuckled. "Yeah. I guess we need to get you moved in first."

  "Then marriage and then five babies."

  "What? Hell no." She turned to face me. "You really want that many kids? I'm almost forty."

  "You are not." I pulled onto the freeway. "You're so full of it."

  "I'm close. There isn't enough time to have five kids before I am forty." Her voice was tight with tension. "Besides, do you really want five kids?"

  Here we were talking about kids and the pretty thing was terrified just to talk about moving in a week before. My head was swimming with the possibilities.

  "No. I'd like two or three. Whatever you want is fine though. I just want more than one." I offered her my hand. "Let's talk about something else. Like skiing."