Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  I chuckled and picked her up, surprised that she didn’t weigh as much as I expected. I carried her closer to the table, so we could watch Andrew fail. When Andrew tried to pull out a piece as everything toppled over, Faith and I cheered louder.

  She was squealing in delight. “I finally beat you, Uncle Drew!”

  When I put her down, I glanced at Andrew playfully and shook my head. “Even with a kid, you’re competitive?”

  Andrew scoffed. “I let her win for a while and then she got pissed at me because I was letting her win. The kid’s more competitive than you think, Ryan.”

  Faith wiggled out of my grasp and I set her down. She shrugged when I looked at her as she began to fix the Jenga pieces and put it back in the box. “Just because I’m a kid doesn’t mean that you have to take it easy on me.”

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the statement.

  When she finished packing everything and setting it aside, she turned to look at Andrew and me again. “And just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of winning.”

  This also took me by surprise and I watched as she sweetly asked Mila if she could start setting the table.

  Kate looked at her daughter with pride.

  I couldn’t help but make a comment, “Now, I’m pretty sure she doesn’t take after you, shortcake.”

  Her mother’s eyes then turned to me. Whatever softness and affection they had in them when her gaze rested on her daughter disappeared the moment her gaze rested on me.

  I could clearly see the annoyance whirling around like a wild tornado in her eyes, ready to wreak havoc on me.

  But rather than responding to my jab, Kate dismissed the comment and helped Faith set the table.

  It took another ten minutes until we were all seated for dinner. Faith was hurriedly eating after she was promised by Mila that she could watch her favorite animated series after she finished her food and ate her veggies.

  It took less than thirty minutes for her to finish all the food Kate had set on her plate.

  Kate and Mila then allowed her to eat her dessert in the living room while she watched.

  When they came back, I couldn’t help but say, “I’m pretty sure you had her bite the bait because a kid at the dining table makes us cautious.”

  Mila rolled her eyes and shrugged, unperturbed by my comment.

  But Kate did respond to this, “Knowing you, you’re bound to make a comment that isn’t suitable for a six-year old. It’s better to be cautious than let you slip up. I don’t want to traumatize my daughter.”

  Andrew chuckled. “Oh, but Katie, I think Faith’s taking a fondness on Ryan. Have you seen how comfortable she is with him?”

  Kate pursed her lips.

  I could see she didn’t like what she saw earlier between her daughter and me.

  “I did but it’s not like I could tell her to stay away from him when he’s your best friend. Besides, she’s always had this growing attachment with male figures.”

  There seemed to be something behind Kate’s words because it seemed to make Andrew and Mila drop the topic. Instead, Mila switched to another one, turning to me. “You leave as soon as the wedding is over?”

  I shook my head. “Actually, no. There’s research I’m meant to finish before I take another exam to be a full-fledged neuro-surgeon. I thought it’d be best to do it here. I already applied to the hospital that Andrew’s in and I start next week. After the wedding.”

  Mila nodded and smiled. “That’s good. But you’re still leaving for San Diego? Why not stay here for good again?”

  It wasn’t as if Tampa, Florida didn’t have its charm on me. I think all small towns always take such a big space in your heart. I would stay here if only it didn’t remind of the life I could have here. As much as I loved the Shaws and how I appreciated them for taking me in on all the summers I didn’t have anyone to stay with, they were a firm reminder of the life and love I could never have with my own family. But I couldn’t really say this either. I couldn’t really tell them that sometimes, whenever I saw their happy family, it made me feel insecure because I didn’t have my own. Sometimes, when I saw their parents, it made me wonder why mine could never make marriage work like Lois and Bob did.

  So rather than the truth, I flashed Mila my one-million dollar smile and shrugged. “I think it would be such a loss for the women at the San Diego Medical Center if I moved back here. You see, the sight of me in scrubs brightens their day a lot.”

  “I’m sure they only want to strangle you by using a surgical mask,” Kate responded monotonously.

  “I think,” I said slowly, leaning over the table and fixing my eyes on Kate as I smirked lazily. “They want to tie my hands with the strings of the mask, cover my mouth with one, and then strip me of my scrubs.”

  Andrew snorted loudly and shook his head at me while Mila sighed and focused her attention on her food.

  Kate remained unfazed, her eyes narrowing at me. “You know, for a while, I thought you’re simply just annoying as hell. But then again, I don’t think assholes ever mature.”

  I let her words bounce off me as if they were bullets and I wore a metal armor. “You know, I’ve met the likes of you in San Diego too, shortcake. That short fuse you run on, all it really needs is a good lay.”

  Andrew’s fist was quick to punch my shoulder.

  I winced, knowing I deserved it but I also knew it landed the right reaction from his sister.

  “Oh and do tell, Ryan, the girls that run on a short fuse in San Diego, did their names make it in another black notebook too?”

  For a moment, I stared at her blankly, unsure of what she meant.

  It was Andrew who reacted first, realizing what his sister meant. “How’d you know about that black notebook?”

  Kate’s gaze remained fixed on me, unblinking and angry. “I saw it. It was two weeks after I told everyone that I was pregnant. Vanessa came across it in the library. Apparently, she saw some guys mulling over it and wanted to see for herself what it was about. And what do you know? My name was recorded in that notebook too.”

  Now, I remembered. When Andrew and I were nearing sixteen, before he met Mila. It had been right after my parents finalized their divorce and my Dad remarried, I was dubbed at school as this geek who could never get laid. I deemed myself in need of an intervention and started to get the attention of a girl way out of my league. The notebook contained written instructions on how to get a girl who’d built such a high wall around herself that no matter how much you charmed her, it was impossible to get her. I also listed the names of the girls I’d gotten together with and evidently, the notebook gained the attention of the male population and had crowned me as the Casanova of Ravenwood High.

  I could feel Andrew’s sharp look fixed on me and I quickly shook my head, realizing what Kate just said, “Drew, we were in college and evidently in medical school when she started high school! Don’t give me that look!”

  “Who wrote your name there, Kate?” Mila asked, her voice cautious while warily looking at Kate as if she was a ticking time-bomb about to explode any second.

  It looked like all the light in Kate’s eyes suddenly died. Her expression smoothed out but she still wasn’t calm.

  I could see the mask that suddenly dropped over her face. The change seemed so sudden that it almost shocked me and all it took was one name to slip out of her lips to give me an answer.

  “Adam.”

  Andrew slammed his fist on the table. “What the hell?”

  Kate took in a sharp breath, ready to say to her piece, “Vanessa showed me the notebook when she found my name in it and Adam had his sign under it and it was stamped ‘done’. Apparently, I was just a conquest to him.”

  I didn’t really see her point and why she had to bring up the notebook, so I waved her off. “So your name was written on that black notebook by your ex-boyfriend. But it’s been years, shortcake, don’t tell me you still hold a grudge over that.” I sounded so dismiss
ive because I already wanted to dismiss this topic.

  But Kate seemed relentless to discuss it even more, “That’s not the point, Ryan. That notebook objectified women and I’m sick and tired of listening to you drone on and on about the women you’ve been with and getting laid. Then finding out it had been you that penned an entire notebook teaching guys how to get a girl and then dropping her like she’s trash the moment you get what you want.” Her icy gaze was fixed on me, as if attacking me meant she could attack all the other guys that lived by the same relationship style I did. “You’re a heart-breaking asshole, Ryan, and I don’t even know how you can sleep at night knowing the number of hearts you’ve broken.”

  I gritted my teeth in annoyance. Kate and I never really agreed in a lot of things and always tended to argue and bicker a lot, even over the smallest thing. I was aware of being an ass when it came to women, and a lot of people I knew, weren’t a fan of how I treated them, but I felt like Kate had thrown me down on the ground and stomped all over me with her heel.

  I honestly didn’t meant to, but I snapped. “Look, shortcake, I made that notebook years ago. So your name went into that notebook, big fucking deal.” Even I could hear my own venom laced in my words as I glared at Kate. “I break women’s hearts, and that makes me an asshole, but you know what? I think the issue here is your guy that wrote your name in that notebook, and then he knocked you up. That’s not on me. That’s on you who spread your legs for him.”

  “Ryan!” Andrew shouted, slamming his hand on the table again and glaring daggers at me.

  I could see he wanted to strangle me. I went below the belt, I knew that, but I didn’t want to take back what I said because Kate had pushed me to do so.

  “What’s going on?” Faith’s voice floated into the dining room and seemed to break the tension surrounding us.

  Kate was quick to stand up, her expression masked again, as she turned to her daughter. “I think it’s time for us to leave, sweetheart.”

  “Kate,” Both Andrew and Mila said, looking at her worriedly.

  Kate shook her head. “I’ve already finished my meal and Vanessa’s coming over. Thank you for dinner. It was nice.”

  I expected her to leave angrily, slam the door or throw something at me, and then storm off to prove a point. She did none of those things and left with Faith hurriedly, not even letting her daughter have some time to say goodbye to me before she quickly grabbed her hand and forced her out of the room, Mila following closely behind them.

  “You’re a fucking jackass,” Andrew said, glaring at me. He didn’t grab me by the shirt and punch me, even when I knew he wanted to.

  I let out a breath and tried to act coolly. “She started it.”

  “It’s her birthday today, Ryan, in case you forgot. I didn’t do this dinner for you. I did it because I wanted her to celebrate it with family again, even if it’s nowhere near how we traditionally celebrate it. Everything was going so well until you fucking opened your mouth and used your dick instead of your brain.”

  And that’s when my heart sank and I felt slightly bad for what I said. Yet, I still wanted to hold my pride high. “I didn’t do anything to directly hurt her. Her anger was misdirected, Andrew.”

  “And that still doesn’t give you the right to be an ass to her.”

  I sighed. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Apologize.”

  Scoffing, I shook my head. “You know I don’t do apologies, Andrew. Like I said, her anger’s misdirected.”

  Andrew stood up, looked at me for a second, and then shook his head at me as if he was a father disappointed by his son. “We’re nearing our thirties, Ryan. For now, it can all be fun and games, but until when will it be fun? Don’t you think it’s time to grow up, man up, and apologize for things even when you’re not entirely at fault?”

  “Is that what the process of getting married does to you?”

  Andrew sighed and then patted my shoulder. Before he left me alone, he said, “No, Ryan. It’s called maturity.”

  3

  Kate

  I never truly understood why my family fawned over Ryan the way they did. I used to hate it whenever he came around and stayed for dinner, and I always wondered why. I was young at that time, and I didn’t know his parents were fighting a lot and evidently divorced. Basically, my family became the only functional family Ryan knew.

  Yet, I never felt even an ounce of empathy towards him for what he had been through.

  He annoyed me more than Andrew ever did and our constant bickering always gave Mom a headache. We never got along, no matter how many times we were put in the same room together or were left alone together. It was like we were two opposing magnets constantly meant to repel against each other.

  And no matter how many years passed by, that still hadn’t changed between the two of us.

  “You know, you keep frowning like that you’re going to get wrinkles,” Vanessa mused as she stood next to me while I did my makeup.

  I was scheduled for a photoshoot with a brand. Since I’d always made sure my house was clean and tidy “Instagram-worthy”….as my generation would put it, we agreed to do the shoot here.

  “Then that’ll put the skincare you got me from Korea to the test,” I responded in the same monotonous tone I’d used since the argument I had with Ryan last night. I wasn’t really game to do anything but this had already been scheduled weeks ago and I didn’t really want to cancel it because of my sullen mood.

  “You know, since you gave birth to Faith, nothing has ever bothered you. It’s kind of surreal to see you this upset over an argument with someone you’ve known for years.”

  I sighed and set down my powder. I had a couple of minutes to spare to ‘bake’ my makeup. “It’s not that I’m upset because I argued with him, Ness. It’s just…he’s so obnoxious and nonchalant and acts like he has the whole female population dancing on the palm of his hand. It’s annoying.”

  Vanessa sat down beside me on the floor. We were in a corner of my living room while the team worked around the rest of the space to make sure everything was set for the shoot. I’d already gotten dressed but hadn’t finished my makeup yet and they gave me time to do it. I had a mirror sitting in front of me as I sat sprawled on the floor.

  “You’ve known the guy practically your whole life and you know he’s been like that since. And it still bothers you? You make me think at some point, you thought that the next time you met him, he would be this whole different guy.”

  “Oh god, if you’ve only met him, Ness, you’d understand why I literally hate him.”

  “Hate is a strong word.”

  “No other word suits what I feel better.”

  “And yet, they also say there’s a fine line between love and hate,” Vanessa started, wiggling her eyebrows at me.

  I glared at her.

  She raised her hands in defense. “I’m just putting it out there. It didn’t mean anything unless you put meaning to it.”

  Before I could respond, the doorbell rang repeatedly.

  Vanessa and I looked at each other. Aside from being my social media manager, she also doubled as my assistant. It didn’t really make sense for me to hire someone who barely knew me and it would require adjustment for both parties. Besides, Vanessa loved the work and we agreed that if it ever came to a point where she wanted to do something else, I wouldn’t stop her.

  “Did you already order lunch for everyone?” I asked.

  Vanessa stared at me and then shook her head. “No. But maybe it’s another crew member? I’ll get it.” She left me to open the door.

  I continued finishing the touches for my makeup. I swiftly applied eyeliner and then swabbed my lips with a ginger-nude shade lipstick and fixed my hair. Faith was in her room, playing with her toys since it was Saturday. I didn’t really mind if she came down to watch the whole commotion but she preferred her privacy too.

  “Kate!” Vanessa called just as I got up.

  She still stoo
d at the door as I approached her. “Who is it…” The question died on my lips when the door opened wider to reveal the visitor.

  Decked in khaki pants, a black polo shirt, white sneakers, and sunglasses, Ryan stood there. With his cologne wafting to where I was, despite the distance between us. He looked like a million bucks and I knew he was aware of it.

  Ryan licked his lips and took in a deep breath to speak.

  Before he could say anything, someone zoomed past me and I was shocked to see my little girl in front of me.

  “Ryan!” Faith greeted him cheerfully.

  Ryan’s face broke out into a smile as he knelt down, opened his arms and hugged my daughter.

  This sight was surprising to me because one, Ryan wasn’t a fan of children and two, they just met last night.

  Faith acted like she’d known Ryan all her life and when he stood up, she was holding his hand.

  Did his charm work on little girls too?

  Faith looked up at him. “Did you come here to visit me?” She sounded so excited when she asked the question.

  Ryan’s eyes flickered at me for a second. He cleared his throat. “Actually, I came here to talk to your mom.”

  Faith nodded her head and then glanced at me, still smiling. “But Mom’s still busy right now. You’ll wait for her until her photoshoot is over?”

  Ryan looked like a deer caught in headlights because he didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to say or do.

  I butted in their conversation, “Maybe Ryan has something to do and he can come by again, later?”

  “Actually, I don’t,” Ryan answered bluntly, in the same tone and manner he always did.

  I narrowed my eyes at him.

  He shrugged.

  Faith cheered beside me and then pulled Ryan into the house. “That’s great! You can teach me how to assemble my bike while you wait for Mom to finish!”

  “Faith.”

  She stopped the moment I called her name using the tone she didn’t like. Her stop was abrupt and she slowly turned to face me.

  “It’s not nice to force people to do what you want without letting them have a say in it.”