Heart Beats

by K. L. Myers

  21

  Rocky

  It’s bright in my room when I open my eyes, indicating that it is definitely past noon. I know this by the way the light is shining through the window on the northwest side of my room. I don’t get this much sun in my room until lunchtime. The first face I see when I open my eyes is Cayson’s. The next is Rusty’s, which takes me by surprise. “What are you doing here?” My question is directed at Rusty, not at Cayson.

  “Saving your sorry ass. What were you thinking?” Rusty questions.

  Before I can answer Rusty, Cayson immediately chimes in. “Buddy, why would you do this knowing we’re headed out”—he looks at his watch—“in five hours? Do you even remember calling me last night?”

  I sit up in bed and nod my head. “Yes, I remember. I need a shower.”

  “No,” Rusty exclaims. “No shower until you tell us what the hell happened last night. I have a job to do starting in five hours, and I need to know if this is going to be a reoccurring issue with you.” Rusty looks between Cayson and me. “I thought you said you weren’t using anymore. Did you lie?”

  “Fuck you.” The words leave my mouth instantly. “I’m not using. I’ve been clean. I just had a bad night last night, and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

  “Ya think?” Rusty says as his arm swings through the air over all the clothes that are still spread out on my floor. “Just tell us what happened, and we can go from there.”

  I guess there is no better time than the present to let the cat out of the bag. “Your sister, that’s what happened.” I know I’ve dug my own grave after I said the words.

  “What the fuck does my sister have to do with this?” Rusty is in my face before I can stand up.

  Cayson reaches for Rusty’s shoulder and tells him to step back and to give me some room. Once Rusty is out of my face, I stand and start pacing the room.

  “I’m in love with your sister.” There, I’ve said it out loud. Only I wanted to say it to her, not her brother. I see his fist fly through the air before I feel it connect with my face, dropping me to the ground.

  “My sister? How the fuck are you in love with my sister? You better explain yourself, like now, or I swear I’ll beat the ever-loving shit out of you.”

  I slowly stand up; I’m having a hard time getting my bearings. I stagger from the blow and sit on the edge of my bed. “I’m in love with your sister. I started seeing her a month ago, right after the barbeque at Cayson’s. The night we all met.”

  “Son of a bitch,” I hear Rusty say. “I’m going to kill her.”

  Just as Rusty lunges for me once more, Cayson stops him, pushing him out of my bedroom and down the hall. I can hear the two of them yelling at each other, but I don’t give a shit. I need a shower, so I can feel human again. My feet are a little shaky when I stand once again, only this time, I’m not sure if it's from the previous night or the blow to my jaw Rusty delivered that knocked me off my feet. That motherfucker has some power behind his punch.

  As I stand under the shower, all I can think about is Kathy. The last time I took her here in my shower. How she felt beneath me last night. And then how she broke my heart with her words. I know this isn’t one-sided, that she feels the same for me, but she won’t admit it. Who says you can’t find the one you love in thirty days? My dad said he knew it the day he met my mom. They were married in less than thirty days, and they had a happy, loving marriage up until the day they died in the accident.

  I don’t grasp my mistake until I’m lathering up my body with her shower gel. It smells like her. I hated the smell of honeysuckle until she came along. When I exit the shower, I see remnants of her everywhere in my bathroom as I look around. The hair ties she left lying on my countertop last night. The lotion I bought to keep here that she loves so much. And lastly, her toothbrush as it sits next to mine in the cupholder. Getting away from her and all these reminders might be the best thing right now.

  When I’m fully dressed and packed, I exit my room. The smell of coffee and bacon flows through the air. I hear Cayson and Rusty’s voices coming from my kitchen as I stroll down the hall. Both voices come to a stop when I enter the room.

  As Rusty raises his coffee cup to his lips, he says, “I’m not going to apologize for punching you.” Then he tips the cup and swallows his next sip.

  I pour myself some coffee and think to myself that I’m damn lucky that all he did was punch me. If I put myself in his shoes, I would demolish any guy I found sleeping with Ellie. Just as I sit, Cayson places a plate with BLT sandwich on it in front of me.

  “Thought you might need that. Now, I’m going to leave the two of you to work through your issues, and I’m going to go home to climb in bed with my princess and enjoy the four hours with her we have left before we have to go.” Cayson turns, slaps me on the shoulder, and walks out of my home.

  The tension between Rusty and me is high when I start to tell him about the relationship I thought I was building with his sister. When I’m finished telling him why we decided to keep it a secret from him, I don’t expect him to be so calm.

  Rusty looks me straight in the eye and speaks matter-of-factly, “We're only as sick as our secrets, Rocky. Remember that the next time you feel you need to lie to me.”

  “That’s it, Rusty? That’s all you have to say?” Part of me is thankful that he and I aren’t brawling right now, but part of me is quite irritated that he isn’t knocking the shit out of me for sleeping with his sister.

  “What do you want me to say, Rocky? That you’re not good enough for her? You’re not. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a nice enough guy, but let's be honest. You’ve got issues, dude. Issues I’d rather not have my sister involved with. You going to be alright? I’ve got shit to do, and I’m working on barely any sleep.”

  I bite into my sandwich, replying with a mouthful of food, “Yeah, go.” Rusty leaves me alone to finish my sandwich in peace and quiet.

  22

  Kathy

  I open my front door to find my brother standing there looking anything but happy. I step back and allow him to walk past me as he makes his way to his favorite chair and drops down onto it. He hasn’t said why he is here, but based on his body language, I’m sure he is upset about something or someone, and that something or someone is probably me. I take my seat on the couch across from him. Before I can ask why he’s here, he reaches into his pocket, pulls out my cell phone, and places it on the table between us. My heart falls into the pit of my stomach because I know exactly where I left my phone last night, and if he has it, that means he knows where I left it as well.

  “Want to explain how this ended up at Rocky’s house, Kath, after I remember expressly asking you not to get involved with the guy? I think I remember you agreeing, but maybe I misunderstood what you said.”

  I want to lie to him and tell him he’s mistaken, that it’s not my phone, but I know he knows everything already. “How did you find out?”

  Rusty leans forward, placing his elbows on his knees. “You may not remember because it was so long ago, but I distinctly remember saying to you not to get involved with my future boss. But low and behold, I get a call at one a.m. this morning from Cayson, asking me, no, telling me to get my ass to Rocky’s ASAP.”

  I pull my feet up on the couch, wrapping my arms around my legs because I can feel this is not going to be good.

  “I didn’t expect to find my new boss passed out on the floor of his bedroom. But hey, let's not stop there. I definitely didn’t expect my new boss to tell me that he’s been sleeping with my sister for the last thirty days and that he is in love with her. Wait, it gets better. Never in my life did I think I would lay out my new boss. You know, the boss who was going to pay me more money than any other job offer I’ve received lately.”

  Out of everything Rusty said—besides his claim that Rocky is in love with me, but I can’t think about that now—the only word that sticks in my head is the word ‘was.’ I’m immediately defensive and stand. “What do
you mean, was going to pay you. He didn’t fire you for punching him, did he?”

  “Oh, sit your ass back down, Kathy. He didn’t fire me. My point is that you could have cost me my job, just like I asked you not to. But no, you didn’t listen, and by the sounds of it, you didn’t even wait twenty-four hours before going out on a date with him. Just tell me why.”

  I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I did what I said I wouldn’t do, which was to not interfere with Rusty’s job. But my hormones wouldn’t let me walk away. No, I had to have Rocky on my terms. “Rusty, I’m sorry. Roger and I, we clicked, and I wanted to see where it would lead.”

  Rusty replies to me with a questioning look on this face. “You call him Roger?”

  That’s when I tell Rusty everything. I start from the beginning, leaving out lots of details but giving him the highlights of what transpired between the two of us.

  “So, he asked you to come with us?” Rusty is confused. “Rocky must have left that part out.”

  “He did, and I said no.”

  My brother grabs his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “That explains the whiskey and the drugs a bit better now.”

  “What?” I feel like a hand has reached into my chest and is squeezing my heart. “What about drugs? You didn’t say anything about drugs. What happened?”

  I sit and listen to my brother explain the events of the night before. I listen in horror knowing that I’m the one who pushed Rocky over the edge. “Look, I’m sorry that I didn’t listen to you, and you’ll never know how sorry I am that Rocky felt he had to do what he did because of me. I’m just not ready to make a commitment to that deep of a relationship right now. We’ve only known each other thirty days, and to be away from my job for two months, that’s a lot of money to walk away from. I have clients and appointments already scheduled.” I get up and pace back and forth in front of my fireplace. “I never expected that he’d want any sort of serious relationship, let alone ask me to go on tour with him. I just thought we’d have some fun.” Even I don’t believe myself when I say the words.

  Rusty stands and walks toward my front door. When he reaches for the handle, he stops and turns to look back at me. “I guess that’s the problem. You didn’t think about anyone other than yourself. I’ll never understand how you can be so professional in your business life yet so fucked up in your personal life. I love you, sis, but, man, you’ve just made my job so much harder for me.”

  I stand there and watch my brother close the door behind him. Then I break down in tears. He’s right. In my professional life, I would have thought everything through at least ten times before making a decision. I’d have weighed the options, looked at the good versus the bad. I’d have done my research to know how to play out my options in the end. But in my personal life, I’m careless and living in the moment. I never stop to think how my decisions will affect anyone other than myself.

  By four in the afternoon, I’ve consumed a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, a bag of Oreo cookies, and a bag of popcorn. I’ve watched every stupid episode of Shameless on my DVR without even retaining a single thing that happened on each show. My mind has been focused on Rocky and the last four weeks. I pinpointed the day when we went from friends to lovers, the exact day everything changed between us. What others would call a relationship, I was calling a friendship with benefits. We made commitments and promises that two people who are just fucking don’t make. We were, for all intents and purposes, in a relationship. We spent six out of seven nights together. We worked our plans around each other's schedules. When we weren’t talking about our pasts, presents, and futures, we were naked in bed, learning each other's bodies. I can tell you every little scar he has, where it’s located and how he got it. Can you really say that of someone you aren’t seriously involved with? The mature thing to do would be to call Rocky and tell him I feel the same way, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. So, I do the next best thing and call my brother.

  “What do you need, Kathy? I’m getting ready to board a plane.” His words are short and direct, which tells me he’s still mad at me.

  “I know, Rusty. I just want to tell you once again how sorry I am and that I’ve thought about what you said. You’re right. I’m carless in my personal life, and I don’t think about anyone other than myself. But here’s the thing. I think I might be falling for Rocky as well. So, please, take care of him, and I’ll talk to you soon, alright?”

  “Wow, that must have hurt something terrible, admitting that I’m right.” Rusty laughs. “I’ll call you in a couple of days. Take care of yourself.”

  23

  Rocky

  I shut the door to my home behind me and climb into the limo that waits at the end of my drive. Cayson and Kayla are already inside, and Kayla is rambling on about how excited she is to be traveling to another continent. I try to tune her out, but her excitement is infectious, and to be honest, it helps me forget about the ache that has taken up residence in my chest. When we pull up in front of Rusty’s place, I’m nervous about how this whole working relationship is going to go down. We left things on a neutral note this afternoon when he left, but still, it is his sister I chose to get involved with.

  Cayson eyes Rusty as he climbs into the limo and closes the door. “We all good? Things are square between the two of you? Because the last thing we need on this tour is tension, so we’re not moving until I’m convinced that everything is cool between you two.”

  It takes a few minutes for us to convince Cayson we’re all good, but once we do, he pushes the intercom button and instructs the driver to head to the airport. Our ride is longer than normal due to traffic, and the once infectious laughter and excitement from Kayla has come to a complete stop. Her head rests on Cayson’s shoulder as he strokes her arm with his hand. It seems everyone's thoughts are all off in their own directions and no one wants to speak.

  The silence is broken by the driver. “We’ll be arriving at the tarmac in about ten minutes, sir.” Cayson reaches down, pressing the intercom and telling the driver thank you for the heads up.

  It isn’t long before we all board the jet that will take us to Singapore to start this leg of our tour. I take a seat, and Rusty decides to occupy the one beside me. No sooner are we in the air than the sound of snores fills the plane. I’m too worked up to sleep, and with everyone else out, I take the opportunity to pour myself a drink. Sean eyes me as I pour myself a whiskey and asks if I’d mind pouring him one as well. I don’t mind, of course, because it’s always better to have a drinking partner than to drink alone. I hand him his drink and then sit back down. I plan on drinking this whole flight, so when I crash later, I’ll crash hard, but for now, I’ll occupy my time with a few games of Candy Crush on my phone.

  Sean sits across from me going over paperwork. Every now and again, he’ll stop and look over at me and ask me if I’m doing okay. I tell him yes even though everything inside of me says otherwise. I’d like to say it is the flight, but honestly, it’s her, Kathy. Being away from her and knowing that she doesn’t feel the same way I do is killing me, yet there is nothing I can do about it.

  I’m on my third whiskey by the time Rusty wakes up. “Man, flying is just as bad as riding in a car. It’s lights out the minute we take off.” He looks at me holding my glass. “How many of those have you had, Rock?” It’s the first time he’s called me Rock versus Rocky. I normally hate it when people can’t call me by my chosen name. I’m not Roger to anyone but my parents and Kathy. I’m not Rock to anyone but Cayson and my other brothers in the band, but I think I’m okay with letting Rusty in on that group. At least for now.

  “This is my third. Are we going to have a problem?” I ask him straight up.

  Rusty leans over to me. “Are you going to stop at three? If so, we won’t have a problem.”

  I want to kick myself for this bright idea of mine. I suppose Rusty is just doing what I asked him to do, but somehow, it feels like my mother is sitting beside me, telling me what I can and can�
�t do. “Yeah, I’ll make this my last if it shuts you the fuck up.”

  Rusty laughs at me, then puts his earbuds in his ears and starts scrolling through his music list. I think about doing the same, only instead of hitting the icon for music, I hit the one for photos, and the first photo I see is of Kathy and me together. I’m lying on the couch, and she’s tucked into my side, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. It’s a sucker punch to my gut, and when I look over at Rusty, I see he’s looking at my phone and the picture of his sister and me. When he sees me looking at him, he turns his head and looks out the window. I immediately close my picture app and down the last of my drink. This is going to be one fucking long-ass flight.

  I close my eyes, and God must take pity on me because I’m able to sleep peacefully. It isn’t until I feel my shoulder being shaken and hear the words ‘Wake up, Rock, we’re on the final descent’ coming from Rusty’s mouth that I wipe the sleep from my eyes and stand to make my way to the restroom. I stumble a little from either the lingering effects of the whiskey or the turbulence we are going through. I like to think it’s the turbulence since I don’t normally get drunk from the little amount of whiskey I’ve drunk. The plane is alive with chatter. Seems I’m the only one who was still asleep.

  Once I’m back in my chair and sitting comfortably, Cayson comes and stands beside me, motioning for Rusty to move. When Cayson takes his seat, he hands me a set of sticks. “How you doing, buddy? I knew you’d want those.”

  He’s right; I need my sticks. Every time we fly somewhere, I find myself beating on something to take away my unease. Last night, though, I didn’t even notice I was missing them. I went straight for the amber liquid to calm me. “I’m good, CJ.” He doesn’t look convinced, so I reassure him once more. “I promise I’m good.”