All He Needs

by Shirley Hailstock

  “Carter.” His secretary poked her head in the door. “You’re going to be late for the staff meeting.”

  Carter glanced at the clock on his desk. Grabbing his leather notebook, he stood up and headed for the conference room.

  The rest of the day slogged by. He couldn’t remember how many times he checked the clock. Renee was on his mind, and he wanted to go to the eighteenth floor and see if she was there. He wanted an explanation as to why she wouldn’t take his calls.

  But he vowed not to do it. After all, he understood no when he heard it.

  The office quieted down after five. Carter had done little other than wear the carpet out between his desk and the panoramic windows. He told himself he needed to catch up on the trade journals he hadn’t read, but he couldn’t focus. When he did finally open one, he was looking for information on Renee’s new venture. Other than that small announcement in the issue he’d read a month ago, there was nothing.

  “I thought I’d find you here.”

  Carter looked up. Blair stood in his doorway.

  “You know, it’s not a crime to go home before the late news is on.” She walked to the front of his desk and took a seat in one of the guest chairs. “Or go down to the eighteenth floor.”

  “You know?” His brows rose.

  “It’s the talk of the building. People who used to work with her have been disappearing all day.”

  “Was one of them you?”

  She shook her head. “I ran into her on the street the other day. I didn’t know she had space in this building. We’re having a drink Friday after work.” Blair raised her hand, warding him off. “And this time you are not invited.”

  “I ran into her, too. Why would she take space in this building?”

  “That’s easy. We’re located in the middle of all the services a magazine needs. We had available space. And there’s not a rule against another publisher moving in.”

  Carter stared at her.

  “I checked,” Blair said.

  “But why here?”

  Blair smiled. She relaxed in the chair, crossing her legs and putting her elbow on her knee, while her hand supported her chin. “You think she came to be near you?”

  “I don’t. I think she doesn’t want to see or hear from me.”

  Blair frowned.

  “I’ve called her several times in the past few weeks. Her phone goes straight to voice mail and the recording says the number is not accepting messages And if she wanted to see me, all she’d have to do is go down to the sixth floor, cross over to the other elevator bank and come up.”

  “And she hasn’t?”

  He shook his head.

  Blair stood and walked across to the windows. She cut quite a figure, having been a model in the past. Her hair was totally white, cut short and styled to emphasize her best features. For a woman over fifty, she had few lines on her face, even though her smile was infectious. She walked to the door of his office and turned back to look at him.

  “There is one thing you probably forgot, Carter.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The elevator goes up and down.”

  * * *

  Renee stretched her back. Slipping her feet out of her shoes, she stood and reached for the ceiling, extending one arm higher than the other, then reversing the exercise, air climbing to relieve stress. She’d been putting in fifteen-hour days for the last three weeks. Tomorrow would be another one.

  Mentally she went over the last three weeks’ accomplishments. She’d contracted with two sales forces, one to handle advertising and one to work with the various designers. Both started this week. Wanda, although talkative, had organized the computer network and tested all the machines. She was already laying out details for their debut issue.

  Renee had hired a production team and a marketing director, and they were now nearly fully staffed. She turned and looked at the electronic production board that was mounted on the wall of her office. If all went well, they would launch in the spring. She smiled. Her back hurt, but she was satisfied. Night had already fallen. She shut down her computer and the board went dark.

  Slowly she walked through the office turning off any unnecessary lights. By the time she’d collected her shoes and purse, only the light in reception remained illuminated. She switched it off. Gasping, her heart jumped into her throat as she saw Carter on the other side of the double glass doors. Renee’s heartbeat jumped several hurdles. Her hand went to her heart and she let out a long breath.

  Carter’s features were distorted by the etching of the Designed for Brides logo on the door. The computer automatically locked the doors at six o’clock, but since Renee had stepped in view of the motion detector, a click unlocked them to let her out.

  Grasping the curved handles, Carter pulled both doors open and stepped inside. Renee retreated a step.

  “Welcome to New York,” he said sarcastically. “I am truly surprised to find you here.”

  She didn’t know what to say. She should have known that, with Sandra seeing her in the elevator and the number of people who had come to say hello, word would get back to Carter. But Renee thought she’d evaded him for one more day.

  “Why are you here?” Carter asked, his tone almost demanding.

  “The space was available and had everything I needed. And the building staff has been wonderful in helping me set things up.”

  “Stop talking about the staff. Why didn’t you answer my phone calls?”

  “Carter, let’s not go through this again. If my being here is going to disturb you, I can find another location.”

  “You could have told me,” he said. “Not only are you going into competition with one of my magazines, but you’re going to do it in the same building.”

  “I’m not the only other publisher in this building. I’m also not the only one who publishes a magazine that competes with one of Hampshire Publications’. So you’re not here to talk about my use of space. Why are you really here?”

  He didn’t immediately answer. “I want us to go back three years and start over.”

  “You know that’s not possible.”

  “You’re being literal,” he told her.

  “I am,” she agreed. “The last three years happened. We can’t pretend they didn’t.”

  “Could we sit down?” Carter asked.

  Renee looked around. Behind her was a loveseat with a coffee table in front of it. On either side of the table, facing the two seater, were individual chairs. She took a seat in one of the singles. Carter sat on the sofa close to her chair.

  “If I apologize for leaving you, could we at least be friends?”

  “I never said I wasn’t your friend.”

  “You said we were strangers.”

  “And that’s true,” she said.

  “Not anymore,” he said. “Not after that night on your doorstep.”

  Renee’s face flooded with heat. She was glad the lights were off. The soft glow from the hall didn’t reach her features.

  Renee looked at her still-bare feet. “I’d rather not talk about that night.”

  “Why not? Because it proved that you’re not as immune to me as you wish?”

  Renee took a deep breath. “You’re right, Carter. I’m not immune to you. But I will not open my heart to a man who crushed it three years ago and has the gall to ask me to be his friend.”

  “If you won’t be my friend, be my love.”

  Renee choked. She dropped her purse and the shoes she’d been holding. “You can’t be serious,” she said.

  “I’m dead serious.”

  “Why?” Renee deliberately made her voice soft. “You’re a good-looking man. There are at least ten women on the same floor as you who’d give their eyeteeth to hang on your arm. Why do y
ou want me there?”

  “Because you aren’t one of the ten women on my floor.”

  “How do I know you’re not asking this to find out what I’m doing to get this magazine off the ground?”

  “You mean, to sabotage your efforts?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “That’s beneath you.”

  “You offered me a job at Hampshire Publications. Since I turned it down, this could just be another method of you getting what you want.”

  “It isn’t,” he said.

  She wanted to believe him. Every fiber of her body wanted her to stand up and rush into his arms. But things had changed. Their lives were different.

  “Where did you go, Carter?” Renee asked.

  “War,” he said.

  Renee wasn’t sure she’d heard him. It was a single word and her mind tried to think of something that she might have misheard, but nothing replaced the single word.

  “War?” she asked.

  “Afghanistan.”

  “You went to Afghanistan?” She leaned in a bit, then stopped.

  “Two years.”

  Renee had no air. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I couldn’t. If I had told you, you might have waited for me until I got back, if I got back. It was my second tour. I’d seen guys get messed up over there. I didn’t know what would happen to me. And I didn’t know if things would change between us while I was gone.”

  Renee thought about Dana losing her fiancé. How would Renee have felt if Carter had been killed? She shuddered at the thought.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I’m fine,” he said. “I came home without a scratch.”

  “What about the mental part?”

  “I’ve been back a year. I take part in counseling returning soldiers. I think I’m all right, but sometimes the effects take time to set in. I can’t guarantee that I’ll always be fine, but for right now, I’ve been cleared of all medical issues.”

  “Carter, I am so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Few people did. They thought I was working somewhere else. Some thought I’d had a disagreement with my father. Others thought it was you.”

  “Why keep it a secret?”

  Carter stood up. He walked about the small space as if he were an animal and needed more than the cage he’d been assigned. He turned, stopping under the light near the door. “I didn’t expect to return,” he said. “I thought I was going to die.”

  Renee gasped as a mental picture flashed through her mind.

  Moving more quickly than Renee thought he could, Carter was next to her, taking her hand. “We hadn’t been together long. I thought if I asked you to wait, even if I told you where I was going, and then I died, it would make your life worse.”

  She snatched her hand free and stood, stepping away from him. “So you did this for me? You made a unilateral decision for me? You didn’t give me the opportunity to think, to choose, for myself?”

  “I can tell you don’t agree with my decision, but it was for the best. What would you have done had I told you?”

  “I’d...” She stopped. “I suppose we’ll never know the answer to that question.”

  * * *

  Was there a word that meant being both right and wrong at the same time? Carter asked himself as he opened the door to his apartment. It had been a mistake not to tell Renee where he was going. But Carter had known their relationship was new and soaring. He’d felt more for her after a single date than he’d ever felt for any other woman. And he’d known she was falling hard for him. But he had to go—he’d already been called. If anything had happened to him, he didn’t want her feeling guilty or lost. It was better that they’d ended their relationship before it moved any further. Whether she believed him or not, he did it for her.

  His phone rang. Carter pulled it out of his pocket, hoping he’d see Renee’s photo. He hadn’t changed it when he’d left for Afghanistan. He’d kept it with him and looked at her picture often during his two-year absence.

  Carter blinked at the display. He blinked again. Renee’s photo smiled back at him. It was the one she’d used on the website when she’d worked at Hampshire. It was the only one he had. The ringtone whirred again. He pushed the button for the speaker.

  “Hullo.” He cleared his throat, finding his voice was deeper than usual.

  “Carter?”

  “I’m here,” he answered.

  She took so long to say anything that Carter checked the display to see if she had ended the call.

  “Renee, are you still there?” He heard her breathing. She was obviously struggling with something. “Where are you?”

  “Across the street.”

  Carter walked to the window and looked down. He saw her standing in the light of a street lamp. She looked up at him. Carter dashed from the apartment and ran down the five flights of steps. He couldn’t wait for an elevator. He crossed Fifth Avenue to the tree-lined median where she stood, still holding her phone to her ear.

  He gazed down at her, unsure of what to say or do.

  “I thought I should say something,” she said.

  Carter moved to stand next to her. Traffic sped by on the major road.

  “Come with me.” He took her arm and looked both ways. When the traffic opened, he pulled her across the street and shuttled her into his building. He didn’t stop until they were inside his apartment and he’d closed the door. Carter didn’t know how she knew where he lived. The few times they’d spent the night together it had been at her place.

  Getting two glasses of wine, he gave her one and they took seats. She chose a chair instead of sitting next to him on the sofa.

  Renee sipped the white wine. “I came to apologize.”

  “I’m the one who owes you an apology,” he said.

  “I started walking. I walked for a long time. And I thought for a long time. I thought about your question. What would I have done, had I known. I’m not sure, but I know I would have worried that you wouldn’t...”

  She struggled for words. Carter didn’t move.

  “Then I found myself across the street. I wish you’d told me before you left,” she said. “But the fact that you didn’t is no reason for me to hold a grudge against you, especially since we’re bound to run into each other from time to time.”

  Carter didn’t allow her to get any further. Lightning propelled him across the room, and he hauled her into his arms and seared his mouth to hers.

  * * *

  His arms encased her, gathered her to him as his kiss deepened. Renee didn’t resist. She didn’t want to and knew that it was impossible. Her arms went around Carter and she melted into him.

  She’d missed being kissed, held and loved. She missed the smell of him, the way his fingers threaded through her hair. The way his arms felt as they held her. Their heads bobbed from side to side as wet kisses covered her face before he returned to her mouth.

  Carter brought out feelings that no one else could. She was aware of everything about him—she knew the weight of his arms, the strength of his embrace, the smell of his cologne and the unique scent that was his alone.

  Carter’s tongue invaded space she gladly yielded. It was like the last three years hadn’t existed. And today she wanted him to go on kissing her until time stopped. It seemed she might get her wish. Carter’s mouth changed, becoming gentler, more loving, so much so that the emotion flooding her system overloaded.

  Carter raised his head, sliding his mouth from hers and cradling her like a baby against him. Renee’s heart pounded and her breath came in short gasps. She could feel the pulse in Carter’s neck. She knew she still affected him the way he affected her. Moments later he pushed her back and looked down at her. Renee’s eyes opened slowly and she looked into his. They were dark and deep with desire.<
br />
  Behind him Renee notice a lamp, and the light somehow recharged her brain.

  “This doesn’t change anything,” she said, getting to her feet. “I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t come here for...this.”

  “Why did you come?”

  “I explained that.”

  He nodded. Renee inched closer to the door. “I’ll go now.”

  “Renee?”

  She stopped. She looked directly at him, not wanting Carter to think that he intimidated her.

  “You can’t win,” he said.

  “Maybe not, but it will be a worthy fight.”

  * * *

  You can’t win. Renee sat up in bed. Carter’s words came back to her. Why did these revelations always come at night, disturbing her sleep? Pulling her knees to her chest, she clamped her arms around them and rocked back and forth. She hadn’t been able to sleep. It was the smile—no, the smirk—on Carter’s face as she’d left his apartment that kept her awake. What had Carter meant? Was she interpreting his parting words differently than he’d intended? She’d assumed he was talking about the business at first. That she couldn’t win in the bridal market against a conglomerate that controlled the industry.

  But the words came on the end of a passionate kiss. And the smirk, that I-know-something-you-don’t look, was keeping her awake. While she’d spent hours, days, months planning for every eventuality in the business, she hadn’t planned for a you-can’t-win smirk from her prime competitor.

  Pushing the cover aside, she swung her feet onto the floor and stood up. There was little chance of any more sleep tonight, so she might as well get up and unpack some of the boxes littering every surface of her house from the door to the back wall.

  The unpacking worked until sunrise. By then she was ready to go back to bed. Unfortunately, it was time to shower and head for the office, an office where she could, at any time, find her nemesis standing on the other side of a glass door.

  Renee knew taking this space wasn’t the best idea. However, if she wanted a prestigious address and a place of business that was central and met all her requirements and budget, the Hampshire Building was it. It only had one drawback, which was Carter.