Beg to Die

by Beverly Barton

  Don’t stay here, she told herself. Tiffany could handle things. She should just slip out the back way and go on over to Jazzy’s Joint. The loud music and rowdy crowd there might take her mind off everything she didn’t want to think about—like Jamie and Laura’s upcoming wedding, like wondering who the hell Reve Sorrell was. But over at Jazzy’s Joint she’d be confronted with another problem—Caleb McCord. The man had been in town only a few months. He’d thrown Jamie out of Jazzy’s Joint one night back in January when Jamie had tried to manhandle her. He had impressed her, the clientele, and her bartender, Lacy Fallon. Her regular bouncer hadn’t shown up that night, something he had begun making a habit of doing. So she’d fired the unreliable guy and hired Caleb to take over the job. And he was very good at it, because he was not only strong as a bull, he possessed a killer stare that could stop most guys dead in their tracks. He wasn’t as physically intimidating as Jacob Butler, whose six-five, two-eighty body put the fear of God into just about every man who crossed his path, but Caleb had that same earthy macho power that practically oozed from his pores.

  The problem wasn’t with Caleb’s ability to do his job. No, the problem was that from the moment they met, there had been a sexual chemistry between the two of them. She’d be lying to herself if she denied being tempted. Her feminine instincts told her that he’d be a good lover. Probably a great lover. But despite her not altogether unwarranted bad-girl reputation, Jazzy didn’t fall into the sack with every Tom, Dick, and Harry that came along. There had been a lot fewer men in her bed than most people thought. Actually, folks would be surprised to learn she really hadn’t had all that many lovers.

  It would be far too easy to give in to her desire for Caleb. The guy wanted her. He’d made that perfectly clear. And it was obvious that he was jealous of Jamie, which he shouldn’t be. First of all, he had no claim on her, so he had no right to be jealous of any other man in her life. In the second place, Jamie was her past. She didn’t love him. Okay, so he was a part of her past that kept hanging on, wouldn’t let go, continued to complicate everything for her. And, yes, she did still love him. But not the way she used to. She wasn’t crazy in love with Jamie anymore, but she couldn’t deny that a part of her would always care about him. Hell, she knew he was a louse and considered herself well rid of that wild infatuation, but maybe a woman never quite got over her first love. Her first lover.

  You need to give yourself a chance to find someone better. If you weren’t so afraid of getting hurt, you might actually fall in love again. And it could be good. Maybe better than anything she’d ever known. Didn’t she deserve to love and be loved with honesty, devotion, and commitment?

  A soft knock on the door brought her quickly from her musings. “Yes?”

  The door eased open partway and Laura Willis peeped into the office. “Ms. Talbot, may I speak to you?”

  “Phone call for you,” Lacy Fallon shouted to Caleb as she held up the phone located behind the bar.

  He wasn’t accustomed to getting calls at work. The few people he knew in Cherokee Pointe either dropped by to see him in person or telephoned him at home, if you could actually call his small rental cabin home. The place came fully furnished, and he’d done nothing to personalize it. He was a man who traveled light. All the extra baggage he carried was purely emotional, and he did his level best to never expose his vulnerabilities. He was a man without ties, free to pick up and leave anytime he chose to.

  “Who is it?” Caleb asked the bartender.

  “Chief Sloan,” Lacy replied.

  “Dallas Sloan?”

  Now why would the recently hired chief of police want to talk to him? He knew Dallas on a personal basis only because the former FBI agent was now engaged to Jazzy’s best friend, Genny Madoc. But he and Dallas weren’t buddies, no more than he and Jacob Butler were. He liked and respected both men, but he’d given them a wide berth. He’d had his fill of lawmen back in Memphis. Hell, he’d had his fill of just about everything, including his job on the Memphis police force. But that had been another time, another place, another life. When he’d come to Cherokee Pointe back in January, he’d come here searching for some answers about his past—about his mother’s past. He’d had no intention of staying once he’d gotten those answers. But those plans had altered once he met Jasmine Talbot. The lady had gotten under his skin the moment they met.

  Hell, admit it, McCord, you wanted to fuck her when you first laid eyes on her. Jazzy had hot and wild written all over her. And he wanted to be the man she gave all that hot wildness to—in and out of bed. That very first night when Jamie Upton had tried to manhandle her, Caleb had taken great pleasure in throwing the guy out of Jazzy’s Joint. He’d hated seeing the fear in Jazzy’s eyes. But he’d hated even more realizing she and Upton shared a lot of history. The lady brought out every possessive, protective instinct he had.

  So he’d hung around, accepted a job as the bouncer at Jazzy’s Joint, and decided to take his time unearthing the truth about his mother’s past here in Cherokee County—and all because he had a hankering for a woman who probably would never get over her teenage crush on Jamie Upton.

  Caleb made his way through the crowded room, packed to capacity because it was a Saturday night and locals as well as tourists found Jazzy’s Joint the ideal place to let off a little steam. When he went behind the bar, Lacy nodded at the portable receiver she’d placed by the telephone base. After picking up the receiver, he escaped into the hallway that led to the storerooms on one side and Jazzy’s office on the other. No way could he have heard anything if he’d stayed in the bar. Between the games going on at the pool tables, the music blasting from the live band, and the buzz of talk and laughter from the patrons, a guy couldn’t hear himself think.

  “McCord here.”

  “This is Dallas Sloan.”

  “Yeah, Chief, what can I do for you?”

  Dallas cleared his throat. “Genny wanted me to call you.”

  Puzzled, Caleb asked, “Why would—?”

  “It’s about Jazzy.”

  “What about her?”

  “Hell, McCord, this is awkward for me,” Dallas admitted. “But Genny had one of her visions this morning and she’s worried about Jazzy.”

  “Why call me?” Get real, Caleb told himself. Don’t you think Dallas and Genny know you’ve got the hots for Jazzy?

  “Like I said, it wasn’t my idea to get in touch with you. But my future wife can be very persuasive when she’s determined to get her way. I’m contacting you because you and Jazzy are friends and you two spend a great deal of time together there at Jazzy’s Joint. And because Genny feels that you care about Jazzy, enough to want to protect her.”

  “Protect her from what?”

  “Jamie Upton.”

  “Look, tell your wife-to-be that there’s only so much I can do. If Jazzy chooses to be with Upton, then—”

  “Genny believes someone is going to kill Upton and that somehow Jazzy will be blamed for his murder.”

  “Are you shitting me?”

  “Look, McCord, there was a time when I thought Genny’s visions were a bunch of nonsense. But I’ve learned better.”

  “Why not call Upton and tell him he’s a dead man walking?”

  “He’s not going to believe Genny. He’s an arrogant fool, and we both know it.”

  “What does Genny want from me?”

  “She wants you to keep an eye on Jazzy. If someone does kill Upton, we don’t want Jazzy involved in any way.”

  “Like I said, there’s only so much I can do. It’s not as if Jazzy and I live together. Hell, we aren’t even dating.”

  “Hey, I’m just the messenger here. Genny doesn’t want to frighten or upset Jazzy, but she does want someone helping us look out for her. Jacob’s going to do his part to watch out for her and we’ve discussed keeping tabs on Upton, too. Unofficially, of course. Genny seems to think we can count on you to help us watch over Jazzy. Is she wrong?”

  “No, she’s no
t wrong.”

  “Okay then, that’s it.”

  “Yeah, that’s it.” Caleb felt as awkward about this conversation as Chief Sloan did. They’d come damn near close to talking about their feelings. God, what a man would do for the woman he loved! And everybody in Cherokee County knew that Dallas Sloan loved his future wife about as much as a man could love a woman.

  As he passed by the bar, Caleb handed the phone to Lacy, who looked at him questioningly. Ordinarily he didn’t bother explaining himself to anyone, but Lacy had become a friend since he’d been working at Jazzy’s Joint. The middle-aged brunette’s lifetime smoker’s gravelly voice, coarse skin, and deeply lined face belied her strong maternal instincts. She looked like an old barfly, with her long, frizzy hair, her double set of big silver hoop earrings, and her flashy, skintight clothes, but at heart Lacy Fallon was a mother. She’d never had any kids of her own. “Three husbands and not one baby,” she’d told him. “My fault, not theirs. My equipment wasn’t no good. I’m barren as the desert.” She’d laughed when she’d said it, but he’d heard the hurt in her voice.

  “Chief Sloan said Genny’s worried about Jazzy. They want me to keep an eye on her,” Caleb told Lacy.

  “They want you to keep Jamie Upton away from her, don’t they?”

  Caleb nodded. “I told Sloan I’d do what I could, but if Jazzy wants to entertain the bastard in her apartment late at night, what am I supposed to do?”

  “You’re supposed to go up there and run his ass off. That’s what you’re supposed to do. She doesn’t love him anymore. She honest to God wants things over with once and for all. But he keeps coming around and…well, Jamie’s just a bad habit she’s had a hard time breaking.”

  Caleb leaned across the bar and planted a kiss on Lacy’s cheek.

  “What was that for?” she asked.

  “For being Jazzy’s friend.”

  Jazzy looked directly at Laura Willis, rose slowly from her chair, and said, “Yes, of course, please come in.”

  Laura entered the cluttered office, looking totally out of place. Jamie’s fiancée was a slender, delicate girl with luminous blue eyes and golden blond hair. The fairy princess type, Jazzy thought. But there was a fragility to the young woman—a hint of it was apparent in not only her pale, delicate appearance, but in the way she moved and talked.

  “I told Jamie and my parents I was going to the ladies’ room,” Laura said in a soft, hushed voice.

  “What did you want to speak to me about?” Jazzy asked, even though she had a really good idea. What else did the two of them have in common other than Jamie Upton?

  “I—I know Jamie came to see you last night—”

  “Look, Ms. Willis, I can assure you that—”

  “He told me why he left our party and went directly to you. He explained that he felt last night—when we officially announced to the world that we’re to be married—was the right time to say his good-byes to you, once and for all.”

  “Oh, yes, of course.” Why was she surprised that Jamie had lied to this girl? She shouldn’t have been. And why was she surprised that Laura Willis had believed him? Hadn’t Jamie talked his way back into Jazzy’s life time and time again, always with promises that he never kept?

  “I’m well aware of your relationship with Jamie, that the two of you are…were lovers.” Laura stayed close to the open door, as if she thought she might have to flee at any moment. “And I know there have been others. But Jamie wants our marriage to work. He loves me and I love him.”

  He doesn’t love you, Jazzy wanted to say. Jamie isn’t capable of loving anyone except himself. But you love him, don’t you, you poor girl? He’s going to break your heart the way he broke mine, and it doesn’t really matter that you’ll be Mrs. Jamie Upton. He’ll never be faithful to you. It’s not in his nature.

  “I wish you well,” Jazzy said. “I hope you’ll be very happy.”

  “I believe we will be, that we can be if…” Laura’s cheeks flushed. “Please, Ms. Talbot, let him go. Don’t hold on to him. If he remains tied to you, in any way, he’ll never be able to commit himself fully to me, to our marriage. Please, please…set him free.”

  Undoubtedly Jamie had told his fiancée that Jazzy was pursuing him and not the other way around. That, too, shouldn’t have surprised her.

  “You love him enough to forgive him for everything, don’t you?” Jazzy understood all too well that kind of foolish love.

  “I know you love him, too, but he loves me now. He wants to marry me. I’m sorry if—”

  Jazzy held up a restraining hand. “No, it’s all right. I promise you that I will never pursue Jamie again. I did set him free. Last night.” Only a little white lie, Jazzy thought. “He’s all yours. You have nothing to fear from me.”

  Tears glistened in Laura’s eyes. She swallowed, then smiled weakly. “I’ll be a good wife to Jamie. I’ll do everything I can to make him happy.”

  “Yes, I’m sure you will. He’s a very lucky man to have someone like you.”

  “Thank you, Ms. Talbot. Thank you.” Biting down on her lower lip in an obvious effort not to burst into tears, Laura continued smiling as she nodded her head, then turned and all but ran from Jazzy’s office.

  Jazzy sank down on the edge of her desk, took a deep, cleansing breath, and exhaled. She felt like crying herself. Odd, she thought, but she had truly meant what she’d said to Laura. Jamie was lucky to have someone like her love him. But Laura was very unlucky. It would take a miracle for Jamie Upton to change, to become the kind of man who could be faithful to one woman. And in that one moment, Jazzy experienced some sort of epiphany. She had seen herself in Laura, looked right in the face of hopeless, ill-fated love, and knew that but by the grace of God, she might be in Laura’s shoes. How many years had she longed to be Jamie’s wife? She had blamed Jamie’s grandmother for keeping them apart. She had railed at cruel fate. She had made countless excuses for Jamie’s behavior and kept on loving him, forgiving him, accepting him back into her life.

  “Oh, God, if I had married Jamie when I was a teenager or even a few years ago, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.” Tears gathered in the corners of Jazzy’s eyes as the hard, bitter truth hit her like a ton of bricks.

  Jamie would have married her, but never been faithful. He would have lied to her day after day and betrayed her in every way possible. Why had she ever thought that marriage would have solved their problems? Jamie was the problem. He always had been. Marriage to him would have changed nothing.

  Okay, so maybe mentally she’d known this fact for quite some time, but never before had her heart accepted it. For the first time since she’d fallen head over heels in love at sixteen, she faced the truth emotionally.

  Please, please…set him free. Laura Willis’s words replayed themselves in her mind. Over and over again.

  But it wasn’t Jamie she needed to set free. It never had been. She was the one she needed to set free. Now she could. Now she had.

  Jazzy hugged herself as tears trickled down her cheeks. She laughed aloud, the sound reverberating inside her head, the sweetest music she’d ever heard.

  She was free. Free of Jamie Upton. He could never hurt her again.

  Chapter 7

  Jazzy slipped into her fleece jacket, a light protection against the nighttime chill so prevalent in the mountains during the early spring. She’d leave Jasmine’s in Tiffany’s capable hands for the rest of the evening and go where she really wanted to be tonight—at Jazzy’s Joint next door, with a loud, boisterous crowd of funloving folks. And with Caleb McCord. She’d kept the guy at arm’s length for several months now for a couple of very good reasons. First and foremost, she hadn’t wanted to use him to try to get Jamie out of her system. She had done that in the past and had broken a couple of hearts in the process. Secondly, she had wanted to protect herself by not getting involved with a man she knew she could probably care a lot about if she gave herself half a chance. She’d never truly been in love wit
h anyone other than Jamie, and he’d been nothing but a heartache. Even though Genny had predicted a new love for her, a man who would make her happy, Jazzy wasn’t sure she could ever trust love again. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t explore the possibilities, did it?

  Feeling as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her heart and from her shoulders, Jazzy smiled to herself as she left her office. Maybe it was already too late for a chance with Caleb. Maybe he’d already gotten sick and tired of waiting for her. She really couldn’t blame him if he told her she was offering him too little, too late.

  Only a few steps into the hallway, she ran into a woman she instantly recognized as the small, blonde lady who had been frequenting Jasmine’s for the past few weeks. Startled by Jazzy’s appearance in the dimly lit corridor, the woman gasped and jumped simultaneously.

  “May I help you?” Jazzy asked.

  “Yes, I—I’m looking for the ladies’ room.”

  “You went right past it,” Jazzy said. “It’s the first door on the left.”

  “How silly of me to walk past it. Thank you.”

  When the woman turned around, Jazzy called to her. “Hey, I’m Jazzy Talbot, the owner of Jasmine’s. I’ve seen you here several times. Welcome to Cherokee Pointe. I hope you’re enjoying your stay.”

  The woman paused, glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “Yes, this is a lovely town. I’m planning on staying a while longer.”

  When the woman started walking away, Jazzy followed her, then moved on past her when she entered the restroom. Just as the woman entered, Erin Mercer exited.

  “How are you tonight, Ms. Mercer?” Jazzy asked.

  “Just fine. How about you?”

  “Better than I’ve been in a long time. Thank you for asking.”

  When Jazzy turned toward the door leading out into the alley, Erin asked, “Are you leaving for the night?”

  “Going next door to Jazzy’s Joint to check on things there.”