The Thief of Dunmire and the Tear of Astra (The League of Sinister Means Book 1)

by H. K. MacTavish

  “You better get over there so you don’t get in trouble,” she says to me.

  “I’ll be over there…” I say.

  “There has been a theft…” Blaise begins.

  “It would be a shame if you ended up in trouble. Do you even have anything in your pockets?” she says.

  “No,” I say while Blaise drones on about finding the guilty party and something about justice I think.

  “Then, why are you acting so guilty?” she says.

  “They’re not going to find anything it doesn’t matter what…” I start to say but she just smiles. God, she is so arrogant sometimes I just want to smack her. “Whatever,” I say. She smiles because she knows she’s right. I am acting guilty but it isn’t any of her business.

  “That reminds me. I need some ice water,” she says.

  Ice water? Why would she need ice water?

  “What do you need that for?” I ask.

  “So I can pour it in your lap,” she says.

  Oh! Oh no, you didn’t just say that! You leave my love life alone!

  “Asshole,” I say. She just smiles and that makes me even angrier. I just scowl at her trying to think of a comeback. Come on Mary, think!

  “Go fall in line,” she says, shooing me away like a child. Now I’m pissed. Ice water in my lap? Oh, I’ll find some cold water and dump it in her lap. See how she likes it!

  But she’s right about me standing in the corner. I need to be searched so I can prove my innocence. I creep back along the wall while the guards start to look through everyone’s pockets.

  I shift over, step by step to stand with the others. They were told to line up but it’s not really a line, to be fair. It’s more of a long group of gossiping servants all whispering to one another.

  “Is this going to take long?” the head chef asks.

  “No,” Blaise says.

  “As soon as you’re done being checked out head back to work,” the chef says.

  “Someone down here is a thief,” Blaise says looking at all of us, one by one.

  I look at the servants while the guards are searching them. Some are defiant. One woman raises her hands up with a ‘go ahead asshole and search me’ look on her face. Yeah, she doesn’t have anything on her. Some appear to grimace and look scared. A couple have some food in their pockets but the guards aren’t looking for someone taking a snack. The chef doesn’t even notice. He’s more concerned with his staff not doing work.

  “Confess now and we will be lenient with you,” Blaise says. “Do not, and you will regret it.”

  One of the guards looks at me and is about to say something when another guard calls out.

  “I have her!” he says.

  “What? That…that’s not mine,” she protests.

  “Look,” a guard says tossing a pouch to another guard. “Is that yours?”

  “Yeah,” the guard says opening it up. “Not all of this is though.”

  Well, well, an honest guard. I guess Blaise keeps these guys on a tight moral leash.

  “It’s the dungeon for you,” the guard says.

  “Please! It’s not mine! I swear!”

  “We’ll let the prince deal with you at his convenience,” a guard says.

  Blaise pauses and looks upstairs for a moment.

  “Just send her to the dungeon for now, to think on what she’s done,” Blaise says.

  “No! I’m innocent! Please!” the servant cries as the guards drag her away from the kitchen.

  The guards walk past me without looking at me. All eyes are on the woman as she is dragged harshly through the basement to the dungeon, screaming and crying in protest the whole time.

  Oh well. Time to move on. If the heroes are looking for a thief, they have one now. The king should be arriving soon. I wonder if he’ll deal with her.

  He’ll probably delegate it to his son. This is Blaise’s city to rule over, after all. I start to head upstairs, past the young woman I was speaking with earlier. She is getting something to eat. I go over and see she is picking at the cheese.

  “Is that cheese any good?” I ask.

  “Of course. Everything here is fit for a prince,” she says.

  “I assumed it was the way you were stuffing your face,” I say.

  “Don’t be bitchy because I was helping you,” she says.

  No Mary. She’s right. Even if she is an ass you shouldn’t be an ass in return or it will be happy time in the dungeon for you. Just…just walk it off. Be the bigger woman.

  “This is just leftovers from a prince,” I say.

  Although she will be the bigger woman if she keeps eating like that. No! Mary, don’t you say that! Don’t throw wood on the fire!

  “Better than you’ll find out of the keep. I wonder if the rest of the servants realize just how big of a boon this is,” she says.

  “Without the ceremony I doubt there is this much food usually,” I say.

  “You’re probably right. I bet Blaise only eats modest meals,” she says. “Oh, like Veronica.”

  “What about Veronica?”

  “I bumped into her earlier today. I saw she had a big key around her waist.”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “I bet it unlocks the vault on the fourth floor,” she says.

  “I saw it too. Can you imagine, getting a hold of that key, opening a vault full of gold and jewels.”

  “Better not let the guards hear you say that.”

  “Of course not,” I say. “But, a clever thief doesn’t go through the front door.”

  “Should anyone?”

  “That…is a good point,” I say.

  “Oh, I see the wheels turning,” she says.

  “Don’t worry. I’ll be good,” I say.

  “Well, I had best be off. The fun won’t begin until tonight when Melinda and the king are both here.”

  “And the queen. And the other king and queen.”

  “Of course,” she says. She smiles at me and leans in, whispering, “And stay away from Princess Big Tits.”

  “Don’t be crude!” I say

  “What do you care? She’s a hero,” she says.

  “I…I would prefer it if you don’t talk about her like that,” I say.

  “Oh my god. You really have fallen for her,” she says. “She’s a hero!”

  “Whatever,” I say.

  “You better keep to what you’ve been doing.”

  “I’m not going to abandon you.”

  “If I end up in the dungeon because of your loins, I swear to god…”

  “You’re not going to end up in the dungeon because of Bridget.”

  “Bridget is it? First names between the two of you? Maybe you should get that ice water and soak your crotch in it. We didn’t make this plan so you could bang a princess. I don’t care how pretty she is. Got me?”

  “Yeah, whatever,” I say. She walks off.

  “Asshole,” I mutter under my breath. What does it matter if I have sex with Bridget? Or if I care about her? It doesn’t!

  I gather up some food and start to head upstairs when I see Jennifer coming down the stairs.

  “Oh! I was looking for you.”

  “Oh?” I ask. I offer her some cheese.

  “Thanks,” Jennifer says, taking a bit of cheese off of me. Always good to have friends.

  “What did you need?”

  “Not here. We’re blocking the stairs,” Jennifer says. I follow her back to the first floor and we walk to a corner of the hall.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, silly,” Jennifer says. “I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me later. After the king arrives. Unless you’re too full.”

  Well, my mouth is full at the moment. I smile and swallow what I’ve been chewing.

  “I’ll be hungry again in a few hours.”

  “Good. I liked talking with you yesterday. It is so hard to find someone nice to talk to,” Jennifer says.

  “Did you hear that the guards caught a th
ief?”

  “I did,” Jennifer says. “Still, petty cash? She’s not the Thief of Dunmire.”

  “No,” I say. Remember Mary, she’s probably an ear for the heroes. “Do you think he will show up?”

  “You sound excited about that,” Jennifer says.

  “Well, it’s not like he kills people. Seeing him in action…you don’t think it would be a little exciting?”

  “No,” Jennifer says. “Well…” She’s reconsidering. She feels she misspoke.

  “If you don’t that’s all right with me,” I say.

  “Why would you want to see a thief steal someone else’s possessions?”

  I’ve prepared for this. Ahem.

  “Well, you see, my life is pretty dull. Eating cheese like this is kind of the high mark. I like seeing different places but, I’d like to have adventures. Or see someone else have adventures. I know stealing is wrong, but I’m not stealing, am I? It’s like a show. The actors are all on the stage, the villain creeping about trying to steal something with the heroes looking for him. I know I’ll never be either, but, seeing something like that? That would be a story to tell. I’m sure, with your family, you’ve had all sorts of adventures. But not me.”

  “Adventures aren’t always like the storybooks,” Jennifer says.

  Is she speaking from experience?

  “In my imagination they are.”

  Jennifer smiles and takes me by the arm.

  “No, I get it. A dashing thief stealing some precious jewel and the heroes rushing off to catch him? There is a romance to it,” Jennifer says.

  We start to walk upstairs. Time to find out more information on the true Jennifer.

  “Have you ever met some heroes?”

  “Just in passing. I’ve never sat down and had a meal with one.”

  “What about villains?”

  “I haven’t met any. Well, none that I know about,” Jennifer says.

  Should I let slip that their trap is obvious? Nah. But, I can divert attention to someone else. Apparently that woman they ‘caught’ isn’t going to do it. But who else could be the Thief of Dunmire?

  “Do you think that the Thief of Dunmire is here, in the keep?”

  “Maybe,” she says but she really means yes. She doesn’t really think about it. It’s just an obvious answer. I blame Bernice.

  “You think he works alone?” I ask.

  “I think that is what he wants us to think,” Jennifer says.

  “Well, he could be a guard,” I say. Would you buy that Jennifer?

  “Why do you say that?”

  “With all the armor, it would be a good way to hide gear. And hide himself. Look at the guards in the hall.”

  We’re now on the second floor and Jennifer looks at all he guards standing about.

  “Do you think that Prince Blaise or any of the heroes know the faces and names of each man here?”

  “These men have been with the prince for weeks at least. Many have been here longer. Anyone new would have been spotted by now.”

  Is that why she’s taken a keen interest in me? I’m someone new? That would make sense. Time to make that not make sense.

  “Well, I’ve been thinking more on what we were talking about earlier.”

  “Being a thief?” Jennifer asks, smiling softly.

  “Yeah. With the Tear of Astra and the crown jewels here, that is a lot of money potentially. I wouldn’t just walk in a few days before I was going to steal whatever it was that I was going to steal. I would ingratiate myself with whomever I was going to steal from. If I had a team working with me I would have them join me. So if a hero asks someone who’s been employed in the keep for a while me, or one of my team, would just speak up and say, oh no, I trust him. But if anyone new comes about, my team and I would say, eh, I don’t know. He looks suspicious. And I would encourage you to look at all the new blood in the keep. And while you’re diverted, we would just pick up the treasure and walk out a week or so later.”

  “Where would you keep it hidden? The treasure I mean?” Jennifer asks.

  “In plain sight,” I say. “I’m not sure where, but I wouldn’t keep it in my sock, or on my person.”

  “What if your hiding place gets discovered?”

  “Well, who took it? You don’t know. I can try and take it again or just walk away.”

  “You seem to have thought this out,” Jennifer says.

  I’ve prepared for this too.

  “I like problem solving puzzles. And last night, you gave me a good one; stealing the Tear of Astra and the crown jewels.”

  “That is a puzzle?” she asks.

  “Yeah. Like mysteries. You know, how does a man get killed in a room sealed from the inside? How do you steal the king’s crown? How…” my voice drifts off as I see Bridget stepping out of her room. She looks right and then left. Our eyes meet and she smiles at me.

  “How what?” Jennifer asks.

  “What? Oh. How to do something difficult, you know?”

  “I have an idea,” Jennifer says.

  “Mary,” Bridget says stepping closer to me. “Might I have a word with you?”

  “I’ll see you later,” Jennifer says. I nod and step closer to Bridget.

  “We never got a chance to finish our business earlier,” she says.

  “We just, touched the surface,” I whisper back to her. She giggles.

  “Well, I have been spoiled, you know,” Bridget says.

  “I know how to deal with spoiled princesses,” I whisper back.

  “Princess Bridget!” Veronica calls out. Bridget and I both give a defeated sigh.

  “Yes?” Bridget asks, forcing a polite tone to her voice.

  “I need to talk to you,” Veronica says. She gazes down on me. “In private.”

  “I’ll leave you, my lady…” I say.

  “No. You can stay. Say what you need to say,” Bridget says. She’s determined. I like that.

  “I need to speak with you in private,” Veronica says. Bridget refuses to budge.

  “If there is something delaying my mother or father or Melinda, word will spread easily enough,” Bridget says.

  “That’s not what I want to talk to you about,” Veronica says, looking at me. She looks back at Bridget. “This is…important. I need you to…” Veronica pauses and looks at me. Bridget can sense that no, we are not having happy sexy fun times now.

  “Oh…fine! Mary, I will speak with you later,” Bridget says to me. I nod.

  “Of course my lady,” I say with a bow.

  “And it’s you highness,” Veronica says in this arrogant superior tone of voice that demands her face to get slapped.

  “She can call me my lady if she wants to,” Bridget says. Veronica’s attention is diverted to Bridget and I grab the vault key that is hanging from her belt. I smile to Bridget, the key in my pocket, and she smiles back before scowling at Veronica. I rush off with Veronica’s vault room key while the door to Bridget’s door closes with me on the wrong side. Again.

  Lady Winters is emerging from one of the rooms. I dart down the hall leading to the storage room. I feel the key in my pocket and smile. Veronica will be in for a surprise when she tries to use this key. I know how these pick proof locks work.

  A servant grabs a chair and rushes out of the storage room with Lady Winters bellowing behind me. Not at me, thankfully, but it still makes me jump. I couldn’t stand doing this for a living.

  So, the door to the vault is pick proof, sort of. No lock is pick proof, technically. Pick proof locks are just incredibly difficult. So much so that I don’t try and pick them.

  Locks that are pick proof have special keys that are made to specific specifications. The key is as much a part of these locks as the locks themselves. If they are filed down, for example, on one of the teeth, the door won’t open and the trap will trigger. Most traps for doors with pick proof locks trigger if there is something wedged in the keyhole and the door is jarred, say, by trying to open it.

 
I take a small file from my boot and file one end of the key down. Bit by bit it is whittled down. I look at it after a few minutes of filing. It doesn’t have to be too much off for the trap to trigger. If one of the teeth of the key is off by a little bit, the tumbler inside will be out of place when the key is inserted. Then, when someone turns the handle and tries to open the door the trap will spring!

  I walk back out and head back towards Bridget’s room. Veronica steps out and I jump before I bow.

  “My lady,” I say.

  “Were you listening at the door?” Veronica asks.

  “Not at all,” I say.

  “There is something off about you,” Veronica says.

  “I apologize if there is anything that I did to earn your displeasure.”

  Ass.

  “Come with me,” Veronica says.

  “I wished to see her,” Bridget says. “Remember.”

  “Fine,” Veronica says. She’s not happy that Bridget just came between her and an order she gave me. Or maybe it is something else. Bridget seems to be openly defying Veronica. “Come see me after. I have, chores, for you.”

  “Yes, my lady,” I say with a bow. Veronica spins on her high heels and clops off down the hall to the stairs. I wonder where she’s going. Heinrich’s room? She’s been spending a lot of time with him.

  “Mary,” Bridget says to me softly. “Come in here, please.”

  “Of course,” I say. I step in and close the door behind myself. Bridget is walking slowly towards her bed. Now is a good time to get rid of the key; against the floorboard, behind the dresser. I bend down, slide the key so that it looks lost, and then take a large step towards Bridget.

  “Veronica is a nice person inside,” Bridget says.

  “Deep inside,” I say.

  “Someone like her, she deserves to be put in her place,” Bridget says, turning slowly towards me.

  “I bet you’re like her,” I say, stepping closer to her.

  “I have my moments.”

  “I bet you do, you spoiled little princess,” I say. I glance to the bed and see that Bridget has the same ribbon lying there, waiting for me. I take a ribbon lying on the bed and play with it as I step closer.

  “Are you going to confine me to my room?” she asks.

  “It is…”

  There is a knock on the door.

  “Go away!” Bridget yells.