Nurture

by Susan X Meagher

  Ryan jumped up, sending Jamie onto her butt. She realized what she'd done and immediately bent to help her up. Staring into her eyes, Ryan spoke with childlike incredulity. "You think I'm going to cheat on you."

  Jamie bit her lip and nodded-almost imperceptibly. "I don't want to. You've never given me any reason to think you will. But I don't think my father planned on cheating on my mother. And I know damned well that my mother didn't expect it."

  Ryan could feel the first flood of anger flow through her body. "He lies. He cheats. He manipulates the people he claims he loves. He threatens people. He intimidates people. He tried to bribe me to get me to break up with you. He hired a fucking private investigator to make up shit about me! He cheated on your mother; he cheated on the women he was cheating with." She stopped, breathing hard, sweat showing on her forehead. "I wanna know how in the fucking hell you think I'm going to start acting like him? Am I gonna start controlling you like a puppet? Or will I just whore around on you?" She pushed past Jamie and ran her hands across the dresser, not finding what she sought quickly enough, so she swept her hand across the surface, everything flying in the air before fluttering to the floor. "Where's my goddamned room key?"

  Jamie stood, motionless, her gut telling her to be afraid, but her mind unable to believe to Ryan would ever hurt her.

  Ryan turned and glared at her, then something seemed to snap. She whirled around and pushed the dresser with all of her strength, banging it against the wall. Then she grabbed the chair and hurled it onto the bed, picked it up by two legs and threw it again and again, the heavy piece thudding mightily. Lifting it over her head, she snapped her arms down, sending the chair crashing to the floor where it cracked and broke into pieces, sending shards of wood flying everywhere. She stood there, breathing heavily, sweat staining her shirt. A tentative knock at the door startled her, and she turned to stare, wild-eyed at Jamie. Her lover was cowering in the corner of the room, crying silently. Seeing her, Ryan collapsed, crumbling slowly to the floor, where she sat, staring into space.

  The knock became louder, and Jamie finally moved to answer it. She cracked the door open and saw Jackie, Ryan's regular roommate. Jackie looked like she'd rather be anywhere else, but she stood there, trying not to look at Jamie's tear-streaked face. "Is ... everything okay?" She snuck a glance at Jamie. "Are you okay?"

  Jamie opened the door and stepped into the hall. She was still wearing the dress she was going to wear to dinner, and she looked perfectly fine except for her red-rimmed eyes. "I'm fine, Jackie, and Ryan's fine. Or ..." She looked at the door. "She will be when she calms down."

  Looking into her eyes, Jackie asked again, "Are you sure? It sounded like she was tearing the place apart."

  "She was," Jamie admitted. "She's really, really angry, but she's just venting. She'd never hurt me."

  "That's what most women think," Jackie said, her eyes dark with warning.

  Jamie put her hand on her arm. "Thanks for caring about us, Jackie, but the only person who has to be afraid of Ryan is Ryan. She's brutal with herself sometimes-but only herself."

  Jackie looked very uncomfortable, but she stayed right in front of the door, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "Want me to talk to her?"

  "No. Please. She's embarrassed enough. She hates to cause a scene. I swear we're fine, and if you hear any more noise, feel free to call the police. I guarantee this is all over."

  Jackie nodded. "I will call the police if I hear furniture flying around again. I don't want either of you to get hurt."

  Jamie put her arms around the sturdy woman and gave her a hug. "Thanks for looking out for us, Jackie. I really do appreciate it."

  "Ryan's my bud, but I'd call the police on her in a second if she raised a hand to you."

  "She never has. She never will. I know her." Her stomach flipped and she worked those words over in her head. She patted Jackie and went back into the room, immediately going to Ryan's side. Kneeling next to her, she held her in her arms and whispered, "I know you. You're my faithful, loving partner. You'd break your own arms before you'd cheat on me."

  Ryan looked at her, her normally clear eyes clouded with doubt and pain. "I don't know ... what happened?"

  "You lost it, baby. I told you my deepest fear and you ... just lost it."

  "Fuck, fuck, fuck," Ryan muttered. "I'm so sorry." She straightened out her legs, kicking away some of the broken chair. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

  "I do," Jamie said, her voice full of confidence. "You're my sweet, sweet lover, and you're so stressed that you're about to snap. We're going to get you some help, Ryan. And I'm going to be there for you. And we'll do anything ... anything it takes to let you get back to your old self."

  "Maybe it's gone," Ryan said disconsolately. "Maybe it's just ... gone."

  "No, it's not. It's not, baby. Every time we have a couple of days at home, you're just like your old self. We have to use all of our resources to make your world safe again."

  Ryan smiled sadly. "I don't think my world will ever be safe again."

  "Yes, it will. We'll make our world as safe as we can. We can do it," she insisted, putting her hands on Ryan's shoulders. "My love for you is enormous. It's massive. It's everlasting."

  "That's how I feel about you," Ryan said, her blue eyes showing so much sadness that Jamie's heart ached.

  "We've made some mistakes lately," Jamie said. "I shouldn't have stayed on the golf team after the carjacking. You shouldn't have joined the softball team. You shouldn't have agreed to do this massive independent study. But we're in too deep to turn back now. We just have to figure out a way to struggle through the next two months-together."

  Ryan nodded soberly. "I know I shouldn't have joined the team-even though I really like the guys. The travel's killing me."

  "That's how I feel about golf ... well, expect for the liking the guys part," she said, smiling.

  "You at least get to play," Ryan said, smiling back at her.

  "True. And that's the part I like. But it's not worth it. I should have chucked it. But ... I didn't. And I don't feel right quitting now. We're doing well, and I've contributed a lot of wins. I'd be letting too many people down to quit now."

  "I wouldn't be letting anyone down, since I never play," Ryan said.

  "Yes, you would," Jamie insisted. "You're the first person off the bench. One injury and you're a starter, honey. That's important."

  "I know, I know. I just wish ... I wish I had a lot of things to do over again."

  "So do I," Jamie said. "But one thing I've never regretted is being with you. You're my compass, Ryan. You're always there when I need you. I just need to know that you feel the same way about me."

  "I do," Ryan said, whispering the words into Jamie's ear. "And I'm gonna try to show you I mean that from now on."

  Jamie stroked her cheek. "Any other secrets I should know about?"

  "Uhm ... did I mention that I went to the bar one night and sat there like a big loser for a couple of hours?"

  Jamie looked up at the ceiling. "Good lord, is there anything else?"

  "I'm afraid to drive when you're in the car," she said, her voice trembling. "I don't ever want anyone to sneak up on us again."

  Jamie held her tightly, murmuring into her ear, "No one will, baby. No one ever will."

  After Jamie called the front-desk to arrange to pay for and have the broken chair taken from the room, she looked over to see Ryan devouring the contents of the mini-bar. The brunette drained a bottle of water in moments, then peeled the wrapper off a candy bar and started to gobble it down. Holding up another candy bar, she asked, "Want some?"

  Jamie rubbed her eyes. "I must be hallucinating. You're willingly raiding the mini-bar?"

  "Gotta be cheaper than the restaurant you were gonna take us to," she said, giving her a toothy grin. "I'm gonna eat the macadamia nuts next, and that's way out of my comfort zone."

  "Bring me something sweet ... besides yourself," Jamie said. Ryan grabbed a diet
Coke, more candy and the nuts sat on the edge of the bed. "You're always a surprise, Ms. O'Flaherty."

  "It was either this, or room service. And that's no bargain, either. This was at least fast."

  "But not enough to fill you up."

  "No, but it'll keep me until breakfast. I can load up then."

  "Really? You don't want a sandwich or something?"

  "Yeah, I'd love one." Ryan held her second candy bar up to Jamie's lips, letting her take a generous bite. "But I don't wanna wait."

  Jamie put her hand on Ryan's leg. "Do you think I'm odd?"

  "Huh? You're sitting next to a woman who just destroyed some pretty substantial furniture, had her teammate come by to check that she wasn't beating up her lover ... and you wanna know if you're odd? I'm nearly ready for the men in the white coats."

  Jamie slapped her arm. "You're a long way from that."

  "What makes you think you're odd?"

  "I wondered if you thought it was odd that I get ... interested ... after we have a big blowout fight?" She ran her hand up Ryan's leg, then leaned over to kiss her ear.

  "Interested in what?" Ryan asked, looking puzzled.

  "Okay, O'Flaherty," Jamie said, standing up staring at her lover. "What's going on with your sex drive?"

  Ryan giggled playfully and pulled her partner back down. "It's kinda broken. But I got that clue."

  "Is it broken from stress?"

  "Maybe. But I think it's probably still left-over junk from the carjacking. I just don't feel the drive I used to feel."

  "You do seem to do better if it's really spontaneous," Jamie agreed. "And you seem to need to be in control."

  Ryan smiled. "I always wanna be in control."

  Jamie gave her a tickle. "Not always. But recently you really seem to need it."

  "Well, maybe I can take a hint and still be in control." She stood up and whipped off her shirt and dropped her pants. She took Jamie by the hand and helped her to her feet. For the first time that night, Ryan took a long look down her partner's body, taking in her short, slim-fitting dress, black stockings and heels. "God, you look fantastic."

  Jamie could see just how sincere the compliment was when her partner's nipples started to harden. Jamie put her hands on Ryan's chest, letting them rest just above her breasts. "Do I look better in clothes?"

  "I'm not sure. I'd better check." Ryan had a playful smile on her face, one that Jamie desperately missed. She urged Jamie into the remaining chair, then bent to remove her shoes. She knelt and let one cool hand slide up her lover's thigh, feeling the band of lace that held up her stocking. "These are so damned hot," she said. She bent over and rested her cheek on Jamie's thigh, taking in a few deep, relaxing breaths while Jamie ran a hand through her hair. They stayed just like that for a few minutes, letting their bodies get used to being intimate again.

  Ryan's fingers couldn't stay idle for long, and the slipped up another couple of inches. Jamie's thighs were closed and Ryan couldn't quite reach her goal. She looked up at her, her eyes sparkling with interest. "Panties?"

  "Uh-huh." Jamie ruffled her hair. "Disappointed?"

  "Never. I'm always pleased with your underwear decisions." She put both hands on one thigh and slowly peeled the stocking off one leg, and then the other. She ran her hands up and down the silky-smooth legs, smiling sexily. "Nicest skin in the world. Truly a work of art."

  As a reward, Jamie returned the smile and spread her legs apart just a bit, letting Ryan playfully rest her chin on the chair to take a peek. "Looks nice from here."

  "Thank you. Want more?"

  "Much more." Ryan got up and held out a hand. Jamie accepted it and they stood facing one another. They kissed, lengthily and sensually, pressing against one another. Ryan's hands slid down her partner's back and grasped her ass, pushing it so her hips pressed against Ryan. Then her fingers climbed back up and tugged at her zipper, sliding it down soundlessly. She gripped the fabric between her thumbs and index fingers and pulled, sliding the dress off and letting it pool on the floor.

  Now that Jamie was clad only in her underwear, Ryan's temperature started to rise. She held onto her hungrily, wrapping her in a nearly-painful hug while she kissed her intently. They stood in the quiet room, the whir of the air-conditioner accompanied by the soft sounds of their lips touching and touching.

  "God, you're good at this," Jamie murmured between kisses.

  Ryan smiled, then kissed down her neck, peppering the edge of her bra with a moist line of kisses. "Good at what?"

  "Making me hot. Very hot."

  "This makes you hot?" Ryan slid her hands inside Jamie's pearl pink panties, palming her ass and squeezing the cheeks tenderly. She continued to kiss her, exploring her mouth with her tongue.

  Jamie finally pulled away, pausing to catch her breath. "Yeah, that makes me hot. Everything you do makes me hot. Am I just easy, or are you really good?"

  Ryan laughed softly. "Maybe both." She bent and picked Jamie up, effortlessly carrying her to the bed. "Or maybe you just make me so hot that some of my heat rubs off on you." She placed her in the center of the bed and climbed on top of her, dipping her head to kiss her again.

  Jamie wrapped her arms around Ryan, pressing their breasts together. They rolled around on the bed, briefly fighting for position, but Ryan was intent. Jamie was going to stay on her back-for the moment at least.

  Magically, Jamie's bra had been unfastened while they wrestled, and Ryan slipped it from her shoulders. She slid down and started to feast on her lover's succulent breasts, catching Jamie by surprise with her intensity. But surprise quickly gave way to total satisfaction, and Jamie started to writhe under her, her hips pressing against Ryan's pelvis.

  Soon, Jamie started pressing on Ryan's shoulders, urging her down. But Ryan wasn't in a hurry, and she obviously didn't want to be directed. She stayed right where she was, laving Jamie's breasts with bouts of tender care alternated with lusty sucking and delicate kisses. She seemed truly insatiable, and Jamie gave up trying to promote her own agenda. She just lay there, her hands wrapped in Ryan's hair, letting her lover fulfill her need.

  Ryan started to turn up the heat, her desire slowly becoming more and more voracious. Jamie reached down and grabbed her ass, clutching her cheeks and squeezing hard each time Ryan sucked firmly.

  Finally, Ryan pulled away, breaking the suction with a loud pop. She looked thoroughly dazed and rolled onto her back, panting. Jamie leaned over her, smoothing the hair from Ryan's eyes. With a smoldering look, Ryan murmured, "My mouth. Your clit. Now."

  Instantly, Jamie yanked at her panties, unable to get them off fast enough. She carefully put one knee on either side of Ryan's head and ever-so-slowly lowered herself until she hovered just above her partner's waiting lips.

  Ryan reached up and gently spread Jamie open, spending a few moments basking in the glorious sight of her. Her mouth watered, and she guided her forward, growling in satisfaction the moment her mouth touched the delicate flesh.

  Jamie cried out some unintelligible sound, then reached up and grasped her own breasts, pulling on her nipples just to distract herself. Every time she felt herself start to go over the edge, she pinched herself hard-the pain sensors redirecting some of the pleasure from her clit. But Ryan was devouring her so magnificently, reaching every nerve-filled spot, that she couldn't hold out for long. Far sooner than she wished, she came hard, nearly humping Ryan's face.

  Her hips finally stilled, and she tried to pull away, but Ryan held her firmly. "More," she demanded. "I need more."

  Jamie wanted to gather her wits, to get herself under control. But she realized that she didn't need to be in control with Ryan. She could let her partner take over completely. So she lowered herself onto that eager, waiting mouth and let the pleasure wash over her again and again.

  It was after 10:00 p.m. when they'd finally had all of their needs fulfilled. They were exhausted, their bodies covered in sweat, the bed a mess. "This might sound crazy, but I feel better than I have
in months," Ryan said.

  Jamie snuggled closer, kissing Ryan gently. "It sounds perfectly logical to me. We both got a lot off our minds tonight. I feel more optimistic than I have in a while."

  Ryan looked at her, her clear eyes taking on a childlike innocence. "Will we really be able to get through this?"

  "We will," Jamie said. Her confidence was shining in her eyes, and she hugged her lover tightly. "I'm gonna change my priorities and make them what they should have been all along. Our relationship comes first."

  Ryan touched her nose. "You come first."

  "That's true. But if you've got a little more energy ... you could come last."

  Ryan looked at the playful glitter in the eyes she loved and spread herself out on the bed. "Do me," she growled. "Do me good."

  In Hillsborough, California, a big, black Ram truck pulled into the stately, circular drive of a very impressive home. When Conor rang the bell, Helena answered promptly and escorted him into the living room. Catherine came down just moments later, sweeping down the long, broad staircase in a long, beaded gown, the brilliant blue color nearly matching that of her escort's eyes. The dress was strapless, with a square cut to the bodice, and a full, gathered skirt. Her hair was arranged in her usual, casual, layered style, and it served to contrast nicely with the elaborate, formal, sapphire and diamond pendant that graced her throat. Matching drop earrings-sapphires surrounded by diamonds-nestled against her ears, and a substantial sapphire solitaire ring was on the third finger of her left hand, supplanting the diamond that had occupied the space for the previous twenty-two years.

  She glided into the room, unconsciously making an entrance after all of her years of practice. "Conor, you look marvelous in that suit."

  He turned from the photos he had been studying and tried to make his mouth work. Before he knew it, he was slowly circling the woman, nodding his head as he took her in. "I'm speechless," he finally said, and the look on his face gave credence to his claim.