Microsoft Word - MeantForEachOther.doc

by Allison

  Jeremy nodded and Andrew tightened his grip on his hand. The condos had exhilarated him. They were big, in a terrific location, outfitted with modern features. He and Jeremy would be able to enjoy the city in the kind of style he had worked so hard to be able to afford. Jeremy had been against moving from the beginning, but he seemed to be trying to remain open to the idea

  They headed south on Fifth Avenue, and decided on Lemon Grass for dinner, since they both enjoyed Vietnamese cuisine. The hostess seated them and they ordered.

  Sitting at their table, over glasses of chilled Pinot, Andrew prodded Jeremy about the places they had seen. “So, what do you think? That place overlooking Central Park was amazing. Can you picture us in a place like that?”

  Jeremy sipped his wine, meeting Andrew’s gaze over his glass. He seemed tired, like he was ready for bed. “I liked that place the best out of the ones we viewed today,”

  he said finally.

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  His lack of enthusiasm was obvious. Better if they talked about it. Andrew frowned.

  “Spill. I know something’s on your mind.”

  Jeremy sighed. “I love the place, but…” Jeremy squinched his nose, something he did when he tried to think of how to say something he knew Andrew wouldn’t like.

  Andrew prepared himself. “The place is so much more than I can afford.”

  I should have seen that coming. “Jeremy. Please. Not this again. I’ve already told you, what we have is ours. I don’t view the money I make as just mine. The money is ours.

  Hell, without you I wouldn’t even care about the money. You are what makes everything worthwhile for me.” As soon as the words escaped his mouth, he questioned whether they were true. They used to be. He would have done anything for Jeremy to make him happy, including living in a small, crowded apartment in the East Village, simply because it made Jeremy happy. He would have done anything, content to be with the man sitting across the table from him, but somewhere along the line that had changed. He wasn’t so sure he would give up moving to a nicer apartment and the realization surprised him.

  Jeremy’s face had relaxed, but Andrew sensed tension in him. Everything he did or said upset Jeremy lately. He couldn’t figure out what Jeremy wanted. He was sincere, expressed his love—everything a boyfriend was supposed to do. Yet Jeremy remained resistant, hanging onto a desire to maintain complete equality in the relationship. So many of their friends had entered into relationships based on mutual physical attraction, but after months, or in a few cases a year, the physical attraction wasn’t enough for them and their relationships had fizzled out. Of all their friends, he and Jeremy were the only lasting relationship he knew.

  Andrew was about to confront him, but something in Jeremy’s expression stopped him. His shoulders had slumped and his eyes, despite the ambient lighting and the flickering of candlelight, seemed hollow. “Baby, if you don’t like the places just say so. I don’t want you to agree to something that will make you unhappy.”

  Several moments of silence passed between them, Jeremy’s face revealing a whirlwind of emotions. Exhaustion melting away, giving way to sadness, then frustration. Eventually, his face settled with an expression Andrew couldn’t read, one he had never seen on Jeremy…almost apologetic. He was about to reach out and take his hand when Jeremy broke the silence. “I think you are a generous man. I don’t give you enough credit for putting us first. I think I fight you too much on stuff when all you want is to make our lives better.”

  “You’re right. About me wanting to make our lives better I mean. I’m not sure about the other stuff you just said. Where is this coming from?”

  Jeremy reached across the table and took his hand. “I guess I’m realizing how difficult I’ve been; selfish. I’ve been so focused on what I want, I haven’t considered how much you want this move.”

  Andrew’s heart sped up. Maybe things would work out after all. “So, you’re saying…”

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  Jeremy sighed. His expression wasn’t sad, but wasn’t one of happiness either. “I’m saying I’m considering the move. The place is fantastic and I know you would be happy.”

  Andrew spoke immediately without allowing a moment of silence to linger. He wasn’t going to let Jeremy play the compliant boyfriend card. Enough is enough. If he doesn’t want to move then fucking say so. “Yes, the move would make me happy. The question is would you be happy too?”

  Jeremy sighed again. “I don’t like that you’ll basically be paying for this by yourself.

  You know that. At least I can afford half the rent where we live right now. The place is as much mine as it is yours because we split everything down the middle.”

  Andrew took a sip of his wine to give himself a chance to think. This argument kept coming up and he didn’t buy that the only concern was about money. Something else had to be underlying Jeremy’s concerns. “I don’t know why you keep going back to money. How many couples do we know where one person earns more while the other does other things for the home and family? Honestly, I think there’s something you aren’t telling me.”

  Jeremy shot up in his seat so his back was stiff and straight. “And what if there is? If I sat here and told you what’s really going on in my mind, would it make a God damned difference?”

  Andrew leaned back in his chair. Although he was surprised by the reaction, at least it contained emotion and wasn’t compliant. “Maybe. I haven’t seen you giving me any chances to make things right between us. It seems like all we do is fight lately.”

  “And I suppose that’s my fault?”

  “I didn’t say that.” Andrew sunk back even further into his seat. The more agitated Jeremy became, the more he saw of the old flame that used to exist between them and it oddly comforted him. “Why don’t you give me a chance and we’ll see.”

  Jeremy opened his mouth as if he were about to speak, his lips moving slightly, but then his entire posture sank, as if the fight had washed out of him. “I’m not saying anything. I’m just being stupid and testy and picking a fight. I’m sorry.”

  As Jeremy slunk into his seat, Andrew shot up, his muscles quivering with tension, as if the two of them were teetering on a see-saw; if one was relaxed, the other was tense. “No. You need to tell me what’s going on.”

  Jeremy shook his head, but began speaking. “What if, God forbid, anything happened to you? I would have no way of taking care of myself. If we move, I’d be completely reliant on you for almost everything. At least in the East Village we are equal. We spilt the bills. I could take care of myself if I ever needed to.”

  Andrew’s chest constricted at Jeremy’s words. “I don’t know why you say things like that. Do I treat you like you aren’t equal to me? Do I ever lord anything over you?

  Please, tell me if I do because I’ve never wanted to do anything but love you. You are my partner in every sense of the word. If you don’t want the place, just say so.”

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  “No, of course you don’t treat me like I’m less than you. I’m just being stupid. Let’s make a bid on the place. I’ll miss the East Village, but we can make new memories. Plus Central Park is screaming for me to enjoy it. Maybe I’ll get a puppy and play with him in the dog park every day.”

  Jeremy caved in way too quickly for Andrew’s comfort. “If you don’t want to move, say so.”

  The expression on Jeremy’s face shifted from one of contrition to affection.

  “Andrew. I am being serious. I want you to be happy. This move will make you happy.”

  Andrew felt he could smile again. “Are you sure?”

  A shadow passed over Jeremy’s face, quickly replaced by a smile. “Yes. Let’s call Lance tomorrow and make a bid.”

  They spent the rest of dinner chatting about the view, what kind of dog they might ge
t, the master bath; anything which might make the move seem more appealing to Jeremy. Andrew’s mood was so light he thought he might float away. Despite his joy, Andrew couldn’t help thinking Jeremy had caved in too easily. He had been doing that a lot; putting up a fight, defending his point, then giving in. Back when they had first met, when they were younger, their lives had been far more similar. They made about the same amount of money, worked hard to develop their reputations, and enjoyed all of Manhattan.

  As the years passed, they had settled into routines, comfortable behaviors that became automatic. Andrew listened to Jeremy talk about one of his students. Something about a kid named Seth and a paper he wrote. He couldn’t remember when he stopped listening to Jeremy’s stories…when his own needs had become more important to him than their needs. He couldn’t pinpoint when Jeremy had shifted from fighting to force Andrew to understand him, to resigning, allowing concession to take the place of compromise.

  When they had first started dating, Andrew had loved Jeremy’s stories. Somewhere along the line, that love had shifted to tolerance, and then annoyance. He had assumed Jeremy would get over talking about his work and focus on bigger things, things that would move them forward as a couple. When the change never came, Jeremy’s stories became an aggravation.

  When they finished their meal and the waiter brought their bill, Jeremy grabbed it, placing his credit card in the slot on the bill holder. Andrew flinched, but forced himself to keep his hands on his lap. I’m even reacting to things like him paying for meals. When did this relationship become a series of criticisms instead of affectionate appreciation of each other?

  Back home, Andrew draped his coat over the back of the couch and dropped down onto the soft cushions with a sigh. He removed his shoes, stretched out, and lay back against a throw pillow, pulling Jeremy down with him. “I had a wonderful day and I know what would make this a wonderful evening.”

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  Wrapping his hand behind Jeremy’s neck, he pulled their mouths together. He only sensed resistance for a moment, but then Jeremy opened to him. Must be the position we’re in. He slid onto his side, making room for Jeremy to lie next to him on the couch.

  Jeremy traced his finger over the well-defined pec muscles hidden beneath the fabric of Andrew’s shirt, and then leaned over, pressing his lips against the skin of Andrew’s neck, opening his mouth and licking gentle circles against the sensitive skin.

  Andrew moaned and tilted his neck, hungry for more of Jeremy’s kisses.

  Andrew sighed, placing a hand on the back of Jeremy’s head, holding him in place.

  Their physical interaction seemed to be the time when they were the most in sync, yet they hardly ever talked to each other during sex anymore. They used to roll about, laughing, telling each other how they felt, both physically and emotionally, as they made love. Now, their actions felt good, but the connection had bled out and it had become more a series of pleasurable acts, void of the emotional punch that had once been there.

  Jeremy continued to massage at his neck bringing Andrew’s attention back to the moment. He started unbuttoning Andrew’s shirt, revealing the smooth skin and taut muscles. Once he had finished with the buttons, he pulled the fabric aside and lowered his head to take one of Andrew’s nipples in his mouth. Andrew placed his hand on the back of Jeremy’s head once again, stroking his hair as Jeremy continued working on the taught circle of flesh. He moved to Andrew’s other nipple, raking a groan of pleasure out of him.

  Andrew pushed himself up into a sitting position, pulling Jeremy across his lap, causing him to laugh as he ran his fingers through Andrew’s hair. Lowering his head, capturing Jeremy’s mouth in a hungry kiss, Andrew sealed their lips together. He ran his tongue over Jeremy’s lips and Jeremy opened to him. Their tongues twined together, wrestling in circles, laving against teeth, a hint of the wine from dinner still lingering in their mouths.

  Keeping their mouths locked, Andrew lay Jeremy on his back, leaned forward, and rested his weight on top of him. Their hard cocks pressed together through their pants and Jeremy began to rotate his hips, generating more friction. “You’re friskier than usual tonight.” Andrew lowered his head to Jeremy’s neck, brushing his lips over the sensitive skin and forcing Jeremy’s breath to come out in short gasps.

  He licked his way down Jeremy’s body while rubbing at his groin outlining the hard shaft. Jeremy unbuttoned his pants and pushed them down over his hips and ass as Andrew worked his way south, running his tongue over each nipple and along the ridges of his abs. The closer he came to Jeremy’s groin the more his own cock strained for freedom. Jeremy’s musky scent mixed with the subtle hint of the body-wash he had used earlier causing Andrew’s head to reel with pleasure.

  Andrew unbuttoned his own pants and worked them down until they were bunched at his ankles. Jeremy kicked his own pants onto the floor next to the couch, He spread his legs, creating a sensual nook for Andrew to place his body.

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  He eagerly snuggled into Jeremy, the pungent scent of precum filled his nose. He lowered the last few inches, closing his lips around the mushroom cap and flicking his tongue over the tip. A salty tang filled his senses and his own erection leapt to greater attention.

  Jeremy’s cock slid further down his throat. He had learned through years of practice how to relax and take Jeremy in without gagging.. Andrew feathered his tongue along the underside of Jeremy’s mast while cupping his balls, rolling and tugging at them, rewarded by new streams of precum, which mixed with his saliva, making the work of taking him all the way down his throat that much easier.

  The grunts emanating from deep inside Jeremy, along with the trembling of his muscles, told Andrew he was succeeding in his effort to send his lover into a senseless bliss. When two hands hooked beneath his shoulders and pulled him up, Andrew wanted to protest, but one glimpse of Jeremy’s eyes halted any complaints. The pure lust and hunger sent shockwaves through him.

  He allowed Jeremy to guide him up his body until he was laying on top of him, face to face, gazing into each other’s eyes. Fire surged in his belly at Jeremy’s impassioned plea. “I want you inside me.”

  Andrew locked his mouth over Jeremy’s once again, this time with a fevered need, gripping the back of his neck and pulling their mouths together; Jeremy’s excitement fueling his own. As legs wrapped around Andrew’s waist he angled his hips to give his glistening cock better access to Jeremy’s hole. “You want it right now?”

  “Yes. God, Yes.” Jeremy’s eyes darted back and forth, peering at him, begging for release and ecstasy.

  “You want it slow or all at once?” Each request sent fire through his belly and right to his groin.

  “Fuck me hard. Shove your cock into me now.” The pleading edge in his voice caused a tingling to begin in Andrew’s core. His breath became labored and his body began to shake. Unable to withhold any longer, the game of teasing no longer an option, Andrew reached down and positioned the head of his penis against Jeremy’s hole.

  Jeremy’s anus throbbed against Andrew’s cock with each rapid heartbeat. He pressed forward, pushing past the ring which gave way allowing him to sink all the way into Jeremy’s heated insides, the sensuous burn ripping the last bit of control from him.

  Jeremy responded by squeezing his legs around Andrew’s waist even tighter. “My God. You’re filling me up.”

  Andrew’s words were barely audible as he increased his pace, releasing Jeremy’s mouth from his to take in desperately needed oxygen. The two of them pumped and writhed in sync, like pistons working in tandem, the heat and friction increasing with each thrust until the tingling inside Andrew exploded outward, filling his senses with a blinding light, each nerve firing simultaneously.

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  Andrew’s cock pulsed, shooting jets of hot
cum deep inside Jeremy. Jeremy’s muscles clenched around his cock, deepening the sensation. He gripped onto Andrew, raking his fingers along the skin of his back, as his own orgasm racked his body. Red-hot semen coated their stomachs, causing them to slide against each other.

  Several minutes of panting and kissing later, both of them regained their ability to move. “Jesus, Jeremy. What got into you?” Jeremy’s eyes glinted with amusement. “Ok, poor choice of words. Maybe I should have asked what brought that on.”

  Jeremy closed his eyes, a contented hum emitting from him. “Do I need a reason to want you to fuck me like that?”

  “No. I guess you don’t.” Andrew lowered his head and captured Jeremy in a languid kiss once again. The whole day had been a roller-coaster of emotions. At least they ended the day on a high. He peered into Jeremy’s eyes, stunned by the intensity of the gaze that met his.

  Jeremy’s voice came out soft, but sure. “I love you, Andrew.”

  Andrew smiled down at him. “I love you, too,” he whispered, sleepiness beginning to set in.

  Looking satiated, Jeremy rolled lazily onto his side, an unspoken invitation to spoon. Andrew slid behind him on the couch, folding his arm around Jeremy and pulling him in tight.

  Within minutes, Jeremy’s breathing became slow and even. Andrew’s eyes grew heavy and his mind began to drift. He held Jeremy in his arms, keeping him safe. He glanced down and watched Jeremy sleep and was struck by how peaceful he appeared.

  I haven’t seen him so relaxed in a long time.

  The realization robbed him of some of the satisfaction he had just experienced. The stark contrast between Jeremy awake and asleep forced Andrew to make a connection that unsettled him. Why would he only seem relaxed when he’s asleep? He knew the answer, since he too felt the strain that had crept into their relationship, but he had managed to ignore it. Yet watching Jeremy sleep, seeing the peaceful man he had originally fallen in love with, cut deep.