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by Allison


  At the same time, he couldn’t shake the nagging thought tugging at his mind since he met with Boris a few days earlier. The more he thought about their conversation, the more uncomfortable he became. Boris wanted him as his sole designer. Craig was confident Boris would hire him if he was willing to accept an offer, but he didn’t want to limit his work to just one type of design. He loved his specialty, but each job was different. Each client was different which was what made the work exciting and kept his imagination and talent fresh. He was always trying to envision a new idea or concept based solely on a client’s description of what they wanted. To limit himself to designing homes and home interiors would drain his work of creativity and imagination. No amount of money was worth sacrificing his freedom.

  A conversation from long ago crept into his mind. One he had high up in a tree.

  Jeremy had asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He had said he wanted to do something with computers and something creative. The thought reminded him of his first kiss. No matter how much time passed, thoughts of Jeremy always had the same effect; creating a heaviness in his chest. The sense of loss had grown even stronger in the past couple of years as his and Robert’s relationship had dwindled. Since his mind was in the past, he decided to allow himself to wallow.

  Jeremy had understood exactly what he meant. He agreed Craig needed to be doing something involving his mind; something from within him, not some job where he churned out garbage at a fast clip. What had Jeremy wanted to do? Craig racked his brain, trying to remember. Teaching. How could I forget?

  He answered his own question without having to think. Because I remember a far more powerful moment in the tree. With Jeremy’s image in his mind, Craig replayed the kiss, picturing soft lips closing over his own, Jeremy’s scent, musky, with a hint of orange. He laughed at the level of detail his mind was able to recreate from that moment.

  More than the kiss, Craig recalled Jeremy’s affirming acceptance by getting excited over the things which excited him. He couldn’t think of one time Jeremy criticized or 49

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  pushed him into doing something he didn’t want to do. Jeremy never judged him for following his dreams, not like Robert did, all the time.

  Reaching the coffee shop, Craig pushed his thoughts from his mind. He ordered two coffees, one for him and one for Robert, and headed back to their apartment. With a Wall Street Journal for Robert tucked under his arm, he jogged up the steps, amazed he didn’t trip and fall.

  Robert was up when he got home, standing in the middle of the living room naked with a towel draped over his shoulders. His brown hair was wet and his bangs clung to his forehead. He turned around when Craig walked in, his cock swinging with his motion and clapping the inside of his thigh.

  Craig walked over to Robert and handed him his coffee and the newspaper, then turned to go to the bedroom. He was stopped in his tracks by a sharp clap on his ass.

  “Looks good.” Please don’t make a pass. Not today. I’m way too busy.

  “Uh, I…” Craig’s heart began to beat a bit faster; his skin became clammy with a sudden sweat. “Babe, I have a lot to do today. Can’t we just sit and have breakfast before I head out?”

  Robert pouted, walking over to Craig, a swagger in his step, and cupped Craig’s groin. “You saying you’re too busy for a little fun?”

  Craig smiled weakly. “Robert, today’s a busy day for me.”

  Ignoring him, Robert unbuttoned his pants and worked his hands under the waistband, beginning to push it over his ass.

  “Robert.” Craig’s voice came out far louder than he had intended, but it had the desired effect of freezing Robert’s actions. “I said I have a lot to do today.”

  His face became crimson in a flash, lips tightening into thin slits as he pressed them together. “Sue me for finding my boyfriend sexy.”

  “Really. Is that what this is about? Are you coming onto me because you think I’m sexy, or is this because you want a warm body to help you take care of your morning wood?”

  Robert opened his mouth then closed it once again. When he spoke, his voice was controlled, something Craig had learned meant he was seething with rage. “What crawled up your ass and died?”

  “Lovely image. Today’s a big day for me and I want to remain focused. I’d think you would understand that. How many times did you push me off of you because you had a big event?”

  Robert laughed, a single burst of sound emitting from him. “Those instances were different. They were—”

  “About you!” The anger swelled up inside Craig to the point where his arms began to shake. When he continued, he was shouting, pressure building up in his head. He was sure if he looked at himself in a mirror his veins would be bulging with the strain 50

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  of his outburst. “It’s always fuckin’ about you. Well today is about me. So fuck off.”

  Craig stormed from the room and headed to the bathroom, turning on the shower.

  He allowed the hot water to run over his body, cleansing him of the sweat and soothing his trembling muscles. Instead of serving as a release, this fight had left him empty and sad. When they had first met and for years afterwards, Robert had gone out of his way to treat Craig like a kid, but those days had passed a long time ago.

  Fresh tears streamed out of his eyes. He leaned his forehead against his arms, his body convulsing with his silent sobs, as the water poured over him.

  “What’s wrong with me?” Craig hadn’t meant to speak out loud, but his voice had only been a whisper and he was sure Robert hadn’t heard him. Craig tried to pinpoint when they had gone from being lovers to being roommates who fucked. The thought brought on a new wave of tears. He tried to push the ache in his chest and throat away, but it clung harder, causing him to kneel down in the shower as the water caressed his back. When the image of Jeremy entered his mind, he realized he was hugging himself in a fetal position on the shower floor. The image helped to ease the ache and he pulled himself together, dried off, got dressed, and joined Robert in the kitchen.

  Robert placed a plate of scrambled eggs and buttered toast in front of him. “I pushed you too hard. I’m sorry.”

  Craig’s head snapped up. Did he just apologize to me? Hope managed to filter its way through his spent emotions and exhausted brain. “I shouldn’t have exploded like that.

  It wasn’t fair of me.”

  His words were dismissed with a wave of Robert’s hand. “I’ll admit you’ve been frustrating me for quite some time. Your job seems like a dead end, but now, with Boris wanting you as his exclusive graphic artist, you found your big break. Make good tonight and you’re set. Boris will hire you and you’ll be rolling in it big time.”

  Craig’s momentary hope, that Robert was simply proud of him, faded. “Yeah, I think Boris wants me to join his firm, but I don’t. I’m not leaving Spectacular Designs.”

  Robert was silent for a moment, leaning against the countertop, looking down at him. “I don’t get you, Craig. This is a wet dream come true. You can make twice, hell, three times what you’re making now. Why would you continue working for a small, going-nowhere company? This is your chance to make a real name for yourself.”

  Craig’s anger bubbled up his throat like bile, but he forced himself to swallow it back down as he took another sip of his coffee. He couldn’t handle another blowout. “I like the work I do in my small, going-nowhere company. I don’t want my work to be limited to the same thing day after day. I like meeting clients and discussing their ideas.

  I like my business partners. They’re my friends.” Despite his efforts, his voice had risen to a yell, but this time, a buoyant sensation flooded through him as Robert’s eyes narrowed.

  Robert’s expression and tone dripped with disgust when he spoke. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Who gives a fuck about the client? The client is the one with the money, bu
t you direct the client. I know the bullshit line of the client is always 51

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  right, but it’s a load of crap. Anyone worth their shit knows they direct the client towards what’s best for them. If the client won’t listen, cut ‘em loose. Boris is a smart businessman from what I can tell and he recognized your talent. You’d be plain stupid not to work for him.”

  “Well, I guess I’m plain stupid then. Tonight’s show is just that…a party showing my work. Boris is the client. I don’t view him as potential future business. We do fine at Spectacular Designs. I’m happy…there.”

  “We’ll see what you say after I talk to Boris tonight. You may not know your own worth, but I sure as hell do. You can do so much better than you are right now and I deserve it as much as you do.” Robert’s eyes narrowed to slits.

  “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Craig glared back, able to dish out just as much attitude as he got.

  “It means you need to fucking grow up and start contributing something to this relationship. Our lives would be so much better if you made more money. You’re a hot guy, but you don’t reach your potential in any other way.” Robert inspected Craig as if appraising a new car. “We would be a powerful couple; good looks, hot sex, lots of money, lots to show for it.”

  “What about lots of love, Robert? I didn’t hear you mention love in the assets you just listed.” Craig stood, accidentally knocking his coffee to the floor. “Shit, hand me a paper towel.”

  Robert shook his head. “You are such a klutz.” He handed Craig a paper towel and watched him wipe up the mess he had just made. “I’m telling you right now, you are going to accept a job offer if Boris offers one to you or else we’re going to have a serious conversation about this relationship.”

  Craig laughed at Robert’s comment. “Are you threatening me? Do you actually think threatening me is going to make me change my mind?”

  “What the fuck, Craig? Why is everything a fight with you lately? We used to want the same things. What happened to you?”

  Craig stood up and deposited the soaked paper towel on the countertop. “I don’t know, Robert. But you’re right. Everything is a fight lately. After tonight, maybe we should talk about our relationship.”

  Robert opened his mouth, but quickly closed it. He lowered his voice, his expression softening. “You’re nervous. A lot hinges on tonight. I shouldn’t be pushing you right now.”

  Craig picked up the paper towel from the counter and walked into the kitchen, throwing it into the trash can. “Whatever, Robert. I need to go to the printers and then to the studio. The party is at six o’clock this evening.” He grabbed his bag and left the apartment. When the door closed behind him, he leaned against it, closing his eyes, and took deep breaths until his heart rate slowed.

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  * * * * *

  Jeremy stepped out of the shower at around four-thirty. He and Andrew had to leave in about an hour to get to the party in Tribeca. After their argument, Jeremy knew he was pushing Andrew too hard. Andrew only wanted to make him happy. He wasn’t purposefully excluding him from making decisions. Andrew stood by the window overlooking Central Park. Jeremy walked behind him and slid his arms around his body. Andrew sighed and spoke without turning to face him. “The view is beautiful, don’t you think?”

  Jeremy peered over his shoulder, appraising the scene before him. “Yes.”

  Andrew turned to face Jeremy, a hint of a smile on his face, but a sadness behind his eyes. “You know, this is the first time the two of us have actually appreciated this view together since we moved here.”

  Jeremy stared out the window. Andrew was trying so hard to make this work for the both of them. The sadness he witnessed in Andrew passed through the air to him. It was true, they hadn’t enjoyed this view together; something that signaled a problem he had been trying not to face. “I’ve been a bit of an ass lately, haven’t I?”

  Andrew’s face became solemn as he drew Jeremy to him. “I love you, Jeremy. You know that, right?”

  Jeremy gently squeezed Andrew’s waist. “I love you, too. We’ve just made a lot of changes and I guess I need to adjust to them.”

  Andrew’s shoulders stiffened. “I never forced anything on you. I told you to say no if you didn’t want this.”

  Jeremy glanced out over the park for one lingering moment, then turned to face Andrew. “I know. That’s why I’m apologizing for my behavior. I’m sensitive lately and this move really unearthed our differences front and center.” Andrew tried to interject, but Jeremy cut him off. He wasn’t sure he entirely believed everything he was saying, but until he was sure, he needed to try to do better than simply keep the peace. He needed to be pleasant and stop picking fights. “You didn’t do anything to bring this on.

  It’s my pride and my problem. I like being able to contribute equally, but my desires limit you. I shouldn’t expect you to sacrifice the things you want simply because of my ego.” It wasn’t the real issue, but Jeremy wasn’t ready to discuss that yet. He still needed time to determine whether they had grown too far apart to find their way back to each other.

  Andrew pulled Jeremy in close. “I was thinking the exact same thing.” He kissed Jeremy’s head and hugged him tighter.

  Jeremy tensed momentarily. Andrew turned him so they faced one another. “What, that I’ve been a pain in the ass?”

  Andrew’s face broke into a wide grin. “No. How I’m pushing my issues on you—

  specifically the teaching thing. I shouldn’t pressure you to leave a job you love.”

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  “Oh. I misunderstood. Sorry.” Why am I assuming the worst from Andrew? Every time he was ready to fight, he stopped himself, not wanting to have the same argument over and over.

  He had never backed down from arguments before; he never had to. As a child, he only knew compatibility. He had been accepted unconditionally for who he was and had been supported in any choice he made, no judgment or pressure. Craig had been his perfect match and all his relationships had been measured against him.

  Why is Craig popping into my mind so much lately? He pushed the thought aside, got dressed, and the two of them headed out. In the cab, heading toward Boris’s party, a party where Andrew was expecting him to excitedly spend more money he didn’t have, Jeremy felt another small piece of himself falling away.

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  Chapter Seven

  Craig was pleased with the work done by the printing company. The pictures were large and clear. Setup didn’t take long, so he decided to wander through Little Italy, the neighborhood next to Tribeca.

  At around five-thirty Robert showed up at the hall. Craig painted a hospitable smile on his face and walked over to him. As he led Robert to meet Boris, he hissed a warning through his smile. “Don’t even think about bringing up job offers.”

  Robert ignored his comment, extending his hand to Boris when they reached him.

  “You must be Boris. Craig’s told me a lot about you.” He waved in a sweeping motion, gesturing around the room. “This is a decadent place. I’m excited for your guests enjoy Craig’s work.”

  Craig dug his nails into Robert’s arm, maintaining his smile. “Boris, this is Robert, my boyfriend. He hasn’t learned the art of subtlety. He’s sweet, but the focus should be on your vision. I agree with him. This will be an extravagant event.”

  Boris glanced between the two with an odd expression on his face. “Well, I’m happy to meet you, Robert. You have quite a talented partner here. I am impressed with the designs he’s created for this event.”

  Robert beamed. “Yes, Craig is outstanding at what he does. His talents are a perfect match for what you are trying to accomplish. Wouldn’t you say?”

  “Absolutely. I was talking t
o Craig about that the other day. In fact, if all goes well tonight, I was planning on making an offer I hope he can’t refuse.” Boris turned to Craig. “I’m happy with your work and your commitment to this project and would like to bring you on board to work for me. Of course we’d need to discuss benefits and salary, but I think you would bring in a great deal of business and I’m a generous man with money and profit sharing.”

  Craig widened his smile, wanting to kick Robert into next week. “Why don’t we focus on tonight? I think I’ll do one more check on the pictures to make sure everything is set up correctly.”

  Craig tugged on Robert’s arm, but Robert didn’t budge. “I’ll stay here and chat with Boris. You go do what you need to do. Perhaps I’ll discuss some ideas for upgrading our apartment with Boris.”

  Boris’s eyes lit up. “Absolutely, Robert. Come, let me get you a glass of champagne and we can discuss your ideas.” The two walked towards the trays loaded with champagne glasses leaving him alone, seething.

  Craig walked to the other side of the room and took several deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. Robert was purposefully doing everything he’d asked him not to do. Does he think I’ll change my mind and leave Spectacular Designs? Does he believe I’m that fickle?

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  He was about to walk back across the room and give Robert one hell of a huge piece of his mind when the first guests started to arrive. Not wanting to make a scene, he swallowed his rising anger, grabbing a glass of champagne from a passing waiter and taking a huge gulp.

  About an hour into the party, things had already gotten quite busy. Boris was moving about from person to person, socializing and trying to generate as much business as possible. Craig had been summoned to meet dozens of people. He received multiple compliments as Boris introduced him as the brilliant artist behind the work.

 

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