Self Destruct

by K. D. Carrillo

  “Think you’re too good for me? As I was saying, I can see why he wants you, but what I don’t understand is why he would allow a hot piece of ass to break up a twenty-year friendship.”

  “What kind of friend tries to rape his friend’s girlfriend?” I tossed back. I knew taunting him wasn't smart, but he was right about me having a fiery temper. His fingers dug painfully into my arm. He raised his hand to slap me, but miraculously seemed to control himself.

  “I guess the prosecutor didn’t tell you we cut a deal, did he?” Nick gloated. I swallowed hard, and found I was unable to speak without vomiting. “I pled no contest. I have to take anger management courses and complete some community service. In a few years this mess will be wiped from my record. But, you’ll remember me forever won’t you?" I knew from experience he was right. I would always remember the void behind his eyes.

  “Let go of me!” I finally managed to yell. “You better do as she says,” Aiden growled. I wanted to sag in relief, but Nick still had a painful grip on my arm. I felt Aiden’s body heat at my back, and Nick suddenly let go. Aiden unconsciously rubbed my belly. Unfortunately, Nick noticed the move.

  Nick’s gaze targeted in on Aiden’s hands. Aiden noticed and gently shifted me behind him. “Now I see how you managed to come between us. I bet you found out just how much gold our golden boy has and couldn’t spread your legs fast enough,” Nick derided.

  “Shut your fucking mouth. You don’t know shit,” Aiden fumed. “Ah, touched a nerve. Don’t worry, I’m sure this one is probably yours."

  The muscle in Aiden’s temple jumped. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Nick’s demeanor went from confrontational to smug. A mean smile tugged at his face. “How have I been able to stay friends with you for as long as I have? I swear you are so fucking gullible. I would ask for a DNA test this time.”

  I felt Aiden’s six-foot plus frame go rigid. “Why would I have to ask for that?” “You did get a good look at the last one right?” Nick laughed humorlessly. “The point, asshole,” Aiden spit between clenched teeth.

  “Ok, you need me to spell it out for you. Vanessa is an icy bitch with looks to match. You are also blonde, as is every member of both of your families. Yet that kid of yours was born with a full head of dark brown hair,” Nick insinuated.

  I felt my stomach fall. I rubbed my hands across his shoulders and down his back. I’m not sure if I was trying to comfort him, or myself.

  “Whose was it?” Aiden asked, in an eerily calm tone. I looked at Nick, and mentally noted his dark hair and eyes. Those were all dominate traits. If he was the father, there was little chance the child would have been born blonde. Aiden seemed to come to the same conclusion I had.

  “You son of a bitch. He was yours wasn’t he?” Aiden accused. "Yeah, he was mine, but you took him like you took Vanessa," Nick accused. His rigid posture relaxed slightly, and some of his malice seemed diminish.

  “I didn’t know at first, ok? It wasn’t like I was involved in some conspiracy to stick you with my kid. Vanessa and I were pretty hot and heavy the summer before senior year. You and Jeremy were gone at some sports camp, and it was just the two of us. I hoped we would continue to be a thing once school started, but she ditched me for you.”

  Aiden sighed, “Well that explains why you suddenly became a dick senior year. I didn’t know Nick. It wasn’t like I ever went after her in the first place. But come on man, I was seventeen. What seventeen year old boy turns down sex when it's thrown at him?”

  Nick’s jaw clenched. “I loved her. I missed one game and she threw herself at my best friend. I should have been pissed at her, but I loved her too much. It was easier to blame you. When I found out she was pregnant, I started to wonder. I was really curious when she went into labor early.

  Everything I read said first babies are usually late. I decided to visit the hospital and see for myself. I went straight to the nursery and found ‘baby boy Preston’. Not only did he look a lot like me, but also he was too big to have been born prematurely. I did the math, and if he were full term he had to be conceived while we were still together.”

  “I don’t understand. What purpose did it serve to convince me she was having my baby if she planned to give him up for adoption?” Aiden wondered.

  Nick shrugged. “I confronted her, and she denied it. I think she saw him and realized you would figure it out eventually. If you did she would lose the lifestyle she could have with you. My guess is she decided she had a better chance of holding on to you with guilt than with a kid that was obviously not yours. Besides I don’t think she really wanted to be a mom.”

  I started feeling dizzy. I hated how weak pregnancy was making me. I was like an antebellum southern belle, swooning at every strong emotion. I sagged into Aiden’s back. He shifted me back to his front and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I blamed you Aiden. You took the girl I loved, and I thought you were the reason I never got to hold my son. For years now, you have mourned the loss of my son, and I have had to console you. I wanted to seduce Becca to make you suffer.

  It didn’t work, but I still wanted to hurt you. They all fall in love with the golden boy, and it really pissed me off. I went after Becca first, and you still ended up with her. I wanted to take from you what you took from me.”

  “Did you ever have a paternity test?” Aiden asked Nick. He shook his head. “No. I asked when I found out she was pregnant, but she told me it was yours. I believed her until I saw him, and then he was gone before I could say anything.” “So you don’t know for sure?” Aiden asked.

  Nick looked at Aiden with contempt. “Trust me, you know when you see your kid. Remember that. We may not be friends anymore, but you have too much money when a girl you just started seeing ends up pregnant. Watch your back man.”

  “Not that it is any of your fucking business, but we were already engaged when we found out she was pregnant. I’m not an eighteen-year-old kid anymore. Like you said, I have money, I’m twenty-four, and I’m ready for a family. It would have been nice to do things on our own time table, but you kinda screwed that up for us.”

  I flinched. I knew he wanted the baby, but I didn’t know he was still upset about everything happening so fast.

  “I didn’t touch her!” Nick yelled. He raked his hand through his hair and paced back and forth. “I’m an ass ok? I did a really shitty thing to Becca, and it has haunted me since. I don’t like knowing that I was capable of hurting a girl just because I hated you. I have rage issues, and I can't seem to control myself.

  I really don’t believe I would have gone through with it. I’m not a rapist. I'm a bastard, dick, asshole. Sure. But not a rapist. You might have almost gotten stuck with one of my kids, but this one isn’t my fault.”

  Aiden stared at me, his dark blue eyes noting my distress. He stroked my cheek with the back of his knuckles like he always did. “Fault isn’t the right word. I’m really happy about this baby, a freakin’ protective wreck, but happy. Still, Becca should have had time to finish college, to enjoy being twenty-one, and have her dream wedding to me before becoming a mother.

  Did you know she overdosed on the narcotic cocktail you gave her? They pumped her stomach at the hospital, but the combination caused her to go into respiratory distress. They had to put her on a respirator. I sat there for two days waiting and praying she would wake up.

  We were all so ecstatic when she came to we didn’t consider the fact that everything in her system was pumped out, including her birth control. Nor had she been given any during her stay in the hospital. The doctors were concerned about infection, and put her on antibiotics. No one ever thought to warn us about drug interactions, and neither of us knew they lessened the effectiveness of the pill.”

  Nick nodded, a haunted expression settled on to his face. “I guess I did kinda stick you with another kid. I hated watching you and Vanessa together in high school. I thought I could move on when she went to college. I managed to avoid seeing you and Vane
ssa together ever since, until that night at your house. When I saw the two of you together again, I snapped."

  "Why did you come back to Ellensburg?" Aiden demanded. "I'm not sure. I told myself I needed to apologize to move forward. Then I saw Becca on the street, and all of the rage I've felt for years rushed back to me," Nick explained.

  Nick started to walk off, but paused suddenly and came back. "Consider this my last act of friendship. Two defense attorneys from Colorado approached me after I was arrested. They wanted information on Becca, and help to keep her from testifying. They provided a lot of information that had my lawyer fantasizing he could get me off of the charges. I disagreed, and refused to help them."

  He turned to Aiden, and goodbye was written all over his face. He was a jerk, but this was still one of the longest friendships of Aiden’s life. “I'm not going to apologize to either of you today. I need therapy before I can really appreciate how much damage I've done. Someday I'll be able to give you both a real apology. Until then, tell Jer goodbye for me. I don’t want to make this more awkward.”

  “Get the help you need Nick. I’m not going to come after you as long as I never see you near Becca again. You are better off without Vanessa you know?”

  “Yeah, I know. It just took completely losing everything for me to realize it,” Nick said quietly. Aiden glared at Nick.

  “Coming back to apologize would be a waste of everyone's time. I could have forgiven you for not telling me about my, uh I mean your son. We could have gotten through Vanessa's lies together, but you went after Becca to hurt me. I'll never be able to forget that, let alone forgive." Nick nodded and walked away without another word.

  I slumped into Aiden’s arms. “Hey, are you alright?” Aiden asked me alarmed. “No. I feel kinda dizzy, and Toni is probably wondering where I am.” “Nah, Jeremy and I went into the restaurant first. You left your purse at home. Toni told us you went to look in the car for it, so I came to find you.”

  “Can we just go home?” I whispered with fatigue clear in my voice. “Only if you let Kate come over and check you out,” Aiden negotiated. I nodded, and he scooped me up and headed for the car. “I can walk Aiden.” “Freakishly protective caveman remember?” he teased and touched my nose. “How could I forget?” I mumbled.

  40

  Aiden

  “Do you want me to go shopping with you and Toni today?” I asked Becca, as I pulled into our driveway. She shook her head, and smirked like I said something funny. “I am not taking you with me to shop for my wedding dress.” “Well, after this afternoon I’m not letting you out of my sight. Don’t argue with me about it either.” “I wouldn’t dream of it,” she humored me.

  The color was coming back into her face. I resisted the urge to rush her to the hospital. Partly because I didn’t want them to get annoyed with us, but primarily because I already sneaked a call and they said her reaction was normal.

  In the kitchen I started making her an omelet. “What are you doing?” she asked over my shoulder. “Making you lunch.” She frowned and muttered, “I kinda lost my appetite.” “No way, you're going to eat,” I argued. “Yes sir,” she teased.

  My gut was churning. I brought this darkness into her life, and she suffered for it. If anything ever happened to her or our baby, it would destroy me. I wanted to protect her from all suffering, but I couldn’t. How could I when it was following me straight to her?

  “Hey, you got quiet all of a sudden. Do you want to talk about what he said?” she asked gently. “I don’t know what to think about what he said. How do you feel about the fact he essentially got off from any punishment?” I asked her, searching her face for distress. “It was what I expected,” she shrugged.

  I pulled her into my arms, and kissed her. “I hate that life has given you so many disappointments. You know that him not getting punished doesn't mean you deserved what he did to you, don't you?” I asked her. I saw her green eyes glisten with unshed tears.

  "I try really hard, I do. But how am I supposed to feel when he almost kills me and they let him out to attack me again today? Why do bad things keep happening to me if I don't some how deserve them?"

  I should have beaten the shit out of him to give her a small fraction of justice. "I should have hurt him, but instead I stood there and had a conversation with him. I'm a moron."

  "No, you needed to hear what he had to say. You would have always wondered otherwise. I'm the one who should apologize. I've turned your life upside down. You've lost friends, stopped talking to your mother, and now I'm pregnant, but you continue to take care of me. I really don't deserve you."

  “Red, you have no idea how much you’ve done for me. You haven't turned my life upside down. I haven't lost a single thing worth having.

  Nick is probably a sociopath. Not really the kind of friend I want to keep around. My mother is content to let me be miserable as long as she advances socially. Again, that is not the kind of relationship worth holding on to.

  I do have a confession to make. I know it sounded like I'm upset about the timing of starting our family. I am only worried you weren't ready.

  I might as well tell you now. I didn't want to wait long to start a family. I never said anything because I knew you weren't ready yet. I'm going to be twenty-five soon, and I'm financially secure. I want a loud, crazy, big family.”

  “I love you, completely, unconditionally, madly, deeply, and forever,” she gushed. I chuckled at her exuberance, and shoved her plate forward. “Yeah, yeah I know eat,” she muttered. I smiled at her. She was a firecracker, and today hadn’t diminished her spark. Nothing she has lived through had, and I found her remarkable for it.

  My phone rang, pulling me from the pleasure of watching Becca, and I clenched my jaw. It had been ringing steadily all day, and every time it was my mother. I was not speaking to her, because she refused to accept my relationship with Becca. I picked it up to silence it and saw it was my father. I hit answer.

  “Aiden, I’m glad you answered. Your mother was calling this morning to tell you she is coming for a visit.” “She didn’t get a hold of me though, so crisis averted,” I replied confused. “No such luck son, she’ll be there any time. She left this morning. Lucky for you, unluckily for me, she stopped in North Bend to visit the outlet mall,” he said.

  “Aiden, someone just pulled up in front of the house. It looks like your mom, and there is another blonde with her,” Becca yelled from the living room. “Dad, is Vanessa with her?” “She wasn’t when she left here,” he answered. “Well, she is now. I better go I don’t want to leave Becca alone when the two of them get to the door.”

  I walked in the living room just as Becca was opening the front door. “Hello Mrs. Ryan. Come in,” Becca welcomed stiffly. My mother plastered a fake smile across her face, trying unsuccessfully to hide a sneer. “Thank you for welcoming me into my son’s home. I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “You shouldn’t be, you know she lives here,” I announced from the doorway. “What are you doing here mother?" I demanded. “Can’t a mother drop by and visit her son? I tried to call you several times today,” my mother replied.

  I turned to Vanessa, and I felt icy indifference creep over me. I thought I would feel blinding rage the next time I saw her, but instead I felt almost nothing. She ruined years of my life, and ruined Nick with her scheming and lies. I should hate her, but I felt nothing.

  I went to Becca and put my arm around her. Not for a display, like I have in the past when guys checked her out, but for my own comfort. She was what mattered, and the years Vanessa stole from me didn’t amount to much. I was still pissed, but not enough to fight over it. “You shouldn’t have brought her here mom. I thought you wanted to have a relationship with me?”

  “Of course I do, darling. I just can’t stand by and watch you make such a big mistake though. Vanessa used to mean so much to you. I believe you two could have a bright future together. She is the perfect wife for someone of your social standing. Aiden, yo
u both have a lot to lose if you end your relationship. Surely you see that.”

  “Like what mom?” I spit out. “Together you can regain custody of your son. And, Aiden if you do not marry Vanessa you won't get your trust fund. Not to mention all of the connections your father and I will lose if you don’t reconcile,” my mother reasoned. It was clear she thought these were perfectly sound reasons to marry someone.

  “Money, your social connections, and Nick’s kid. That is what I stand to lose if I don’t get back together with her? Let me think…uhm…no thanks,” I replied sarcastically.

  Vanessa gasped, her silvery blue eyes widened with shock, and she took a step back. “Who s…said he w…wasn’t y…yours?” she stuttered.

  “It has been a very educational day. Becca and I ran into Nick, and he told me about your relationship. Funny how I never questioned the fact the baby didn’t look a thing like me, or how a premature baby weighed over seven pounds. But then Nick started talking, and it all made sense. Finally, I understood why the ice queen gave it up, no actually begged me to screw her at a football game. Why didn’t you just stick with Nick? It was his kid. Why foist him off on me?”

  “Vanessa?” my mother asked shocked. She sighed, probably realizing I wouldn’t believe any more of her lies. “Nick was irresponsible. He couldn’t take care of me. Sure his family has money, but not the same social standing as ours do. At first I thought I was going to keep the baby, and I needed a better candidate for the father. You were socially acceptable, and being Mrs. Ryan would have it’s perks,” she shrugged. She was a cold, calculating, heartless über-bitch, and exactly like my mother.

  “See mother, this is what you are so hell bent on me returning to. Do you have any idea how miserable I have been with her? Do you really care so little for me you would wish me to spend my life with this cold-hearted bitch?” I asked dejected.

  “I…I didn’t know any of this,” she began. My mother took a deep breath, and shook her head to clear it. I could see that love and happiness didn’t mean a damn thing to her, as she schooled her shock from her face. Only I wasn't sure her reaction was genuine. It seemed like she was surprised I found out. “Regardless, she is still willing to take you back, and it is still a requirement of your trust fund,” she grasped for a reason. “I. Don’t. Care. About. The. Fucking. Money!” I shouted.