My Life as An Amish Wife

by Lena Yoder

  This morning while doing chores it was hard to keep my spirits up and focused on my blessings. Two of our too-few cows are beyond any good anymore. We need to get rid of them today. A heifer got one of her teats frozen, and ever since we’ve been trying to get that better. It takes a long time to milk her and about more patience than we’ve got. Then we discussed the fridge again. The thing doesn’t work well, and new ones are so expensive. Then I think the Lord knows and he cares—I just don’t always understand his ways.

  The milk price plummeted to extremely low again. We’d promised ourselves we wouldn’t put ourselves through this again, that we would simply quit milking and do something else. Now what else is there to do? With no other jobs available, we have no choice. We don’t want to quit, but it looks so hopeless. We can’t afford to go on, but we can’t afford to quit either. It would be so easy to despair, but that is what Satan wants us to do. So we try to wait patiently and see what God has in store for us.

  I try to remember that patience includes the quality or habit of enduring without complaint. That makes me turn red in the face and squirmy, with my hands covering my face. I fail miserably.

  It’s now six months since I had a real conversation with Mom. You know, grief isn’t just missing her and getting used to life going on without her. Grief affects every aspect of my life. Some days it makes me crabby, some days I’m weepy, most days I’m tired. I deal with things differently, and I think it’s all influenced by grief. I knew losing a loved one would hurt, but I never imagined how much. I cannot imagine losing a marriage partner or a child. Nobody can without experiencing it themselves. Sometimes people remark that we can still talk to Mom, that she can hear us. I personally don’t believe that because if she would know our happiness, she’d know our sorrows. I don’t think anyone could rest in peace knowing what goes on in this earth. Yes, I long for her to know some things, but then I hope she has so much better than what we can offer her.

  I’m still trying to wrap up the sewing before the gardening and cleaning for church starts. How I look forward to that! The other day I heard the little ones talking about going barefoot again, and they got all excited! It made my heart thump a little faster too! In the summertime my Nothinz* and I are partners from morning until night.

  I like the movement of doing more with less. It’s no secret what shape the economy is in. It puts a challenge on us keepers at home to see if we can take it to one more level. We can encourage one another and help each other find more ways to be sufficient with what we can raise and make on our own. I often ask myself, do we really need this? How I struggle with this. It’s definitely not easy, but I keep praying to come to grips with what we have and be totally satisfied. We live in a materialized world, and temptations are around us daily. I also believe that as professing to be Plain people, we have an advantage of being taught to be keepers at home, to sew, to plant, to reap, and to preserve. I still have so much to learn! I am thankful to be surrounded by Christian women who so willingly teach by example, living their lives to glorify the Lord.

  I’m wanting to sit down to do some writing. I’ve searched through Wayne’s desk, through my drawers, and finally through the little girls’ treasure drawers until I finally found a tablet with a couple clean sheets of paper. With five writing females plus a son who loves to draw living in this house, I believe I must start buying paper by the case. I did find some other treasures during the search. It’s time I cleaned out their treasure drawers while they’re either asleep or outside. But they do have so much fun with their treasures and imaginations.

  Yesterday we had fun too. After lunch I stirred together a batch of raised donuts. The batch calls for 16 cups of flour, so it makes around 80 big donuts. I laid down with Jolisa and Jesse so they’d quickly fall asleep while the dough was rising. Pretty soon Emily came to tell me the “Thatsa” bowl lid is pushed way up already. I could easily have snoozed a while longer, but I envisioned a dough mess on top of the refrigerator. That gave me strength to get my lazy body moving again.

  While I cut circles with an empty tin can, Emily cut the inner circles with a donut cutter. We both had a blast. By that time the oil was hot, so I started frying the first ones. In the meantime, I dumped powdered sugar, Karo, vanilla, and water into a bowl. Emily stirred the frosting together. By then Wayne was in the house to stick his nose into the operation and to taste-test the first of the finished product. Emily ran upstairs to fetch an extra curtain rod, and Wayne stuck one end into a top worktable drawer so it extended out about three-and-a-half feet. Emily put wax paper on the floor beneath it to catch the dripping frosting. Thus we hung the donuts on the curtain rods to drip! That’s what you call country boy ingenuity!

  By then Jolisa was awake and totally willing to help do whatever she could. Once I was done frying, we finished dipping the donuts in a hurry. Emily and Jolisa had a blast catching frosting with little bowls and scraping it back into the big bowl. About then Jesse woke up from his nap. The look on his face was pure delight.

  We cleaned up the floor after we were done, but for some reason it was still sticky there this morning. I was glad it was cleaning day today. We had a lot of fun, and I had to think of my Grandma Raber and how I used to help her make donuts. I hope my girls will someday think back to our sticky donut-making days.

  Contrary to popular belief, we do not need to leave the comfort of our own homes to make some wonderful childhood memories. These sweet, calorie-loaded circles of dough sure don’t last long, but I want to remember the declarations of joy I heard from my family and the other families we shared with and how they helped me know my time and efforts were well appreciated. My time spells love to them. What else am I here for?

  What is sweeter than your child getting up from a nap and just being lazy for a while? Scratching his cheeks and then his knee. Yawning once, then twice—the second time really loudly. Big brown eyes watching me, and then the boy grinning lazily when our eyes meet. I asked him if he wanted to be held a while, but today he refuses. Now he wants a drink and help with his clothes to go outside. He’s growing so fast!

  My thoughts go back to those days when we first brought him home from the hospital. I remember the episode when we gave him his first bath. The three little girls wanted to be in the bathroom with us, one holding the soap, one holding the lotion, and the other the towel. It didn’t go too well because Jolisa couldn’t handle his “ouchy belly.” Then, as is so common for little boys, Jesse peed high into the air, causing more screeches from his sisters. For the first year and a half he was so fussy, but now he is such a happy little fellow.

  Jesse has a little cousin his age named Jeryl. They are the best of buddies. They remind me of the “You been farming long?” pictures of little boys dressed like adult farmers in coveralls, boots, and hats. These thoughts make me miss Mom because she’d love to watch Jesse and Jeryl in their play.

  Today is a beautiful Saturday. Wayne is hauling manure, and the children are outside playing. I’m surprised Brian hasn’t been in with more dove breasts to fry. He shoots them with his BB gun. Now he’s started cutting off the breasts to eat. I haven’t gotten the chance to taste any because the children gobbled them right up!

  With eagerness I’m watching the plants grow that I started indoors. I have three kinds of tomatoes, bell peppers, salsa peppers, geraniums, purple salvias, and mini-marigolds. I’m always eager to dig in the dirt by this time of the year.

  I do need to do a bunch of sewing yet though. It’s pathetic how little time I get to do it. Seems there is always laundry and baking and—poof!—the week is gone. That dream about making greeting cards to last a year is still just that.

  Wayne is eager to start haying because our barn is empty of our own. We’re praying for a good crop. I’d love to be out helping Wayne with the second shift of milking, but other jobs are calling for my attention. One reason I love to help him with milking is getting fresh air. It helps clear the cobwebs from my brain. I love spending the time with Wa
yne mostly. Drinking a mug of coffee as we milk. Having quite the conversations. Sometimes we’ve solved half the world’s problems. Sometimes we can’t even figure out the minutest problem in our own little world. It’s amazing how we don’t smell the cow smell when we’re helping, but how much it stinks when we’re not helping and the workers come in from the barn.

  We stretch, and yawn, and try to gather our thoughts together… too long after the alarm has gone off. It’s Monday morning, and we’re lazy from our relaxing, overeating Sunday. We were invited to my Uncle Ervin and Aunt Clara’s for lunch, and what a treat that was. They served grilled chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, and the works. It felt wonderful to be there.

  School is out! Wayne, Brian, and I went out to chore this morning, and Colleen started with the laundry right away. After breakfast I heated two gallons of milk for making yogurt. Karah and Emily washed a counter-full of dishes. They are lucky our counter isn’t big!

  I finished sewing some wall-hangings for my sister to sell, and Colleen made some cards. That got the little girls started with stamps, ink, stickers, and brads. What a mess they quickly had. They had fun and cleaned it all up by lunchtime. Before lunch I started making some desserts, doing more steps with the yogurt, and stirring together a double-batch of waffles. By then Colleen was washing dishes again. She also peeled potatoes to fry to go with our waffles and then got out fresh sausage links and fresh maple syrup. Some friends gave us a whole gallon of the syrup! I had to immediately buy some vanilla ice cream and douse it with maple syrup. That was so-o-o-o good but very hard on my diet.

  After we ate, I started a batch of bread. I then laid down with Jesse until he was sleeping. That short nap gave me a boost too. Sad to say, but Colleen advised me to rest, hoping I wouldn’t be so grouchy and short with the children. How I need the Lord to guide me each day, and oh, how I fall short every day. I’m so glad he’s still working on me.

  Before lunch it started raining, so the girls all ran for the wash lines and brought in the laundry. Some of it had actually dried, and the rest we hung around the house and under the porch roof. Now Colleen is washing the dishes again, and Karah and Emily are sweeping the house.

  Wayne and Brian hauled manure, scraped the barn, and did regular farm necessities. It had just dried off enough that they could get into the fields, and now it is raining again. Looks like we’ll have a late-planting season because of all the moisture. With our heavy clay soil, we need to be patient.

  Cottage Cheese

  I’ve started making cottage cheese, and most of us really like it. Some of the children wrinkle up their noses, but they don’t like store-bought either. I rarely buy some as it is too expensive, but I’m glad others do because it helps the dairy industry.

  It’s really simple to make. All you need is a gallon of milk (I use raw), one-half cup white vinegar, a bit of salt, sour cream, cream, or whipped topping, whichever you prefer.

  You need to heat the milk to 180 degrees. Pour in the vinegar slowly, really stirring it. Turn off the heat. I line a strainer with really thin fabric and then pour the milk (and curds) into the strainer. Wash the curds using cool water, tossing them in the process. I just use my hands to do this. Twist the straining cloth tightly and put something heavy on top of the curds for 15 minutes.

  Dump the curds into a bowl, add a little salt to taste, and use a fork to stir. Then I add three or four tablespoons sour cream and enough milk to make the consistency how I like it. If you’d like it fluffier, add some whipped topping. If you think the curds are too hard, the milk probably got too hot.

  Jolisa and I love eating the dry, salted curds without the cream or anything.

  Year 2

  Summer

  This is a typical summer evening. I’m having a hard time getting the children inside and into the bathtub. Once they are in the tub, I have a hard time getting them out again and upstairs to bed. We love these beautiful summer days!

  It was fun clearing my porch table of all the plants I’d started and moving them outside into the garden area. I learned more things about starting plants from seed, and I look forward to expanding my efforts next year. I only had to buy a couple plants at the greenhouse. That feels like a major accomplishment! My flower beds aren’t showcases, but it’s fun to see what all I can do with what I have.

  Jesse loves being outside from morning till night. He is Brian’s shadow, gaining knowledge as fast as his three-year-old mind can comprehend. He has some “smooth moves” when bouncing a basketball. It’s cute to watch. It’s also surprising how much he notices and imitates. For all he notices, I hope we’re making our footsteps plain enough so we’re easy to follow. He plays a lot with his buddy, Sam the dog, and spends hours in the sandbox. Today the dairy supply salesman was here, and Jesse said the man had a candy-full box. We would’ve said a box full of candy. One day Jesse wanted “coffee servers” during church. He kept looking in Wayne’s pockets, and Wayne couldn’t figure out what he wanted. On the way home we decided he’d wanted Life Savers because a couple weeks earlier Wayne had some.

  One day Jesse came in through the washhouse telling me he had washed his stinky shoes. I immediately became alarmed because he can’t reach the faucet. I thought of my Sunday whites in soak out in the washroom. You guessed it. My whites had sad spots of horse manure all over them. Luckily I was able to get them clean!

  I try to walk two miles at least four or five days a week. Oftentimes at least one, if not all three, of the little girls go along. We sometimes have quite the conversations. One day Karah told me her “sold core” hurts so bad. I was spinning “sold core” through my mind. I had to laugh once it soaked in what she meant. She had a painful cold sore. She can do spoonerisms without even trying.

  Today I sewed a Triple Irish Chain quilt together. I had strip-pieced the strips together earlier and then cut them apart. Now today I finished it. It took me all day. Colleen did the laundry, baked cookies, and other little whatnots that had to be done. The little girls helped by cleaning up the house and washing dishes. Seems there are always dishes to wash. I do need to get some charts made for the girls to keep things running smoothly. Everybody is concerned they don’t do more than their share.

  I went on a walk as the girls washed the supper dishes. Then Jesse needed a haircut. Those would only last half as long if I could convince him to sit still. I actually nipped a little skin tonight. Cost a couple tears.

  Wayne wanted help with some tax papers, which is total Greek to me. I ended up helping a little. Glad that’s ready for the mailman and out of my hair.

  My dad was in Oklahoma with my sister Freda and family for three weeks. Now he’s coming home tomorrow night. We’ll be glad to have him back. Our friends Vern and Sandy from Oklahoma are bringing him home, and Sister Freda is coming along! That’s cause for some excitement around here. We quickly planned for the family to gather here. They will only be here for one day and two nights—short but sweet.

  I can’t handle fumes from strong cleaners, but I haven’t found a stain remover that’s ecofriendly but does a job like the strong cleaners. I use a lot of white vinegar to clean most anything, but some things just need more. Plus, we have hard water so it takes more soap. I add softener salt to the laundry water, and that helps on conserving soap. Adding baking soda to the dishwater helps soften the water, thus it takes less soap.

  Our sewing is pretty well caught up for now, except for my dress suit I need for a neighbor’s wedding. We’re all excited for her and looking forward to her wedding day. Then a bit of sadness settles in because we will miss her in the neighborhood. Her husband will take her 11 miles from here to help him milk cows.

  Colleen does need a few summer dresses yet, and then we will need to put all sewing to the side. We have to do some serious cleaning. I’m looking forward to that too, but I just wish the cleanliness and orderly closets would last longer.

  It will again take more time getting the meals on the table once the garden things are in full swin
g. It takes a while to gather and prepare all the fresh produce, but I’d sure hate to miss it. We have so much to be thankful for. It’ll take a lot of bread again so we can fully enjoy those radishes, green onions, and lettuce. We don’t have our own strawberries this year, but I started 80-some plants, so next year we hope to have a lot. I am still hoping for a big raspberry crop this year. Dare I?

  It’s a bit chilly and cloudy today, resulting in the living room looking like a disaster area, the bathroom feels and smells like a swamp, and we’re caged inside the house by laundry hanging under the porch roof. Other than that, I’m okay.

  The reason for the disastrous living room is because the four little ones are playing dolls. Actually, they are planning how they want to play more than they’re actually playing. The dolls’ names get changed numerous times. One decides to live in a certain place, and then no, the other decides to live there, and so on and on. My “little” ones are now ages three and a half, five and a half, seven, and eight and a half. Not so little anymore.

  Yesterday was an awesome day. For a while there I wondered why we even try to be farmers, but by bedtime I was convinced again. After breakfast Wayne and Brian started raking 10 acres of hay. Colleen and I worked at cleaning out the kitchen cupboards and the pantry. I emptied all the canisters and scrubbed those really well. I rearranged some things, took some to the attic, and threw some out. We enjoyed what we were doing. In the midst of all that, my friend Esther came over with a big bag of asparagus and some other goodies for us. In the morning I’d kept hoping she would drop by. The children all cheered to see the asparagus, which we are now having for lunch today.