My Life as An Amish Wife

by Lena Yoder

  One day I went to Spector’s Dry Goods, a store in Shipshewana, to get some fabric we needed. They had this deal where if you spend $100, you get a $25 discount. Ella, one of the friendly ladies working there, pointed out that if I spent a few more dollars, I could get $25 more merchandise for free. Well, now I thought that would not be a wise decision to turn down a deal like that! I hadn’t realized I was that close to the $100. All at once I could pick out a lot more than I had anticipated. I was tempted to get some fabric for myself but decided I’d better stick to really important choices. Although I do need dresses also, I knew the girls were in need of Sunday dresses. Besides, those are a lot more fun to sew.

  The next Monday I decided to cut out all the clothes I had fabric for, so when I would get to the sewing machine I could just keep sewing. I didn’t get all the cutting done because, well, that’s just how Mondays are. “This and that” needed my attention too. I did cut Wayne a thick denim coat and a thin one, Colleen two dresses, Karah two dresses, Emily and Jolisa each a dress. Guess what? I did not have any waste fabric left when cutting the little girls’ Sunday dresses. In fact, I couldn’t make Jolisa’s dress long-sleeved because I simply did not have enough fabric. She can use a short-sleeved summer dress too, but I had wanted the girls to all have the same Sunday dresses. I should have gotten a wee bit more fabric.

  On the evening of my birthday, we had a chance to go to the Nappanee area, an Amish settlement 30 miles west of here, so we decided to spend the evening with some farmer friends. Our friend Lonnie also had a birthday that day, so we decided to order pizza for supper. Sarah made the best homemade ice cream I have tasted in a very long time. It reminded me of my mom’s recipe. Turns out the recipes were very similar. It takes Rich’s topping, Eagle Brand milk, and evaporated milk, so no wonder it tastes rich and creamy. We immensely enjoyed our evening.

  One Sunday close to my birthday, we spent the evening with three couples. The women and I all have birthdays on the same day. We have been getting together like this for five years or more. It is such a neat group. The eldest lady is in her 60s, two are in their 50s, and I have yet to hit 40. Age does not make a difference in our friendship. In fact, maybe it enhances it. We had a special time catching up on each other’s lives. It was worth celebrating another birthday.

  When we got home that night, my dad came to the door and said the calves weren’t where they are supposed to be. Oh groan. This was a frigidly cold evening. It was close to ten o’clock, high time to get the schoolchildren to bed. But those 60 calves, weighing 500 pounds each, had to be put into the barn. I hurriedly got our four little children tucked into bed, and then I bundled up thickly, except I couldn’t find any thick gloves. I headed out to help Wayne and Brian. The stars were shining very brightly. It was a beautiful evening, but it was cold and time for bed. It was also very dark.

  These calves were all congregated in a bunch close to the gate where we could chase them into the lane, to then head north toward the barn. Wayne had situated the skid loader close to the barn with the lights shining on the barn to give the calves a clue to where they were going. I don’t know how much a calf can think, but it did help. With headlamps strapped to their heads, Wayne and Brian calmly tried to guide the calves out into the lane. They had me situated in the lane. I was to make sure they headed north. I’m guessing the lane is 40 feet wide, even though it might as well have been 80 feet. It was cold and pitch black. If Wayne wanted to give me instructions, like shaking the chain on the gate so the calves knew there was a gate there they could go through, I was blinded because of those headlamps. I told him not to look at me, and then we were fine. We talked calmly. There is no use getting these calves in a tizzy. Wayne and Brian had to work close to 20 minutes just to move the calves approximately 30 feet out into the lane.

  You know me. I was praying that once they headed my way they’d go north. That’s what they did. One calf went north into the field instead of going into the lane first, and by the time they got to the barn two more had slipped through the five-strand barbed-wire fence and joined it. We put the 57 in the barn. While I guarded those, Wayne and Brian got the other 3 in short order.

  We discovered something must have made them stampede. They had gone through a new five-strand barbed-wire fence, breaking off five wooden posts. I guess why will remain a mystery.

  We’d rearranged some gates to help guide the calves to the barn, so by the time we had those where they belonged and we were in the house, it was close to 11:00. During that time, Colleen had come home with her friends, so we needed to chat with her a while. Sleep was slow in coming for me. My heart rate isn’t normally that high when I go to bed.

  Last night as I was folding laundry, Jesse was slowly getting dressed to go outside. He looked at me with those big brown eyes of his and said, “Mom, do you know what I would do with a monster?”

  He was quite serious.

  “No,” I said. “What would you do?”

  “Well, I’d use a corn whacker and whack off his head!”

  I asked him what a monster was. He said it was a big animal. I just wondered, I told him. He said he thinks they are probably there where those big, changing lights are, meaning the northern lights. We saw the northern lights this winter, and they must have been spooky to him.

  One dreary, rainy day a robin was in a tree outside our porch window cheerily singing to his Master. I was at the sewing machine busily sewing on dresses, and Jesse was playing on the floor close beside me. We talked about the fact that the sun has not been shining through the clouds the last few days. It was plain drab, with plenty of mud to accompany it. Yet that robin kept right on singing loudly and cheerily. He didn’t care if the sun was shining or not. He totally trusted his Master. I told Jesse I wanted to be more like that robin. Totally trusting, totally cheerful… we serve the same Master!

  One night while we were eating supper I mentioned I had a nagging headache, and I was tight between my shoulder blades. Wayne wondered what the problem was, as I really didn’t have a stressful day. I said it comes from sitting so tense at our school district’s spelling bee.

  Jolisa, sitting beside me, looked up at me quizzically and questioned, “Tents? Were you all sitting in tents today?” It was too cute not to laugh, but we quickly explained to her what “sitting tense” means.

  I immensely enjoyed the afternoon at the spelling bee. There were more than 70 eighth-graders participating. As the district chairman said, it’s totally amazing what the human mind can do if it decides to. These kids could confidently spell words they could hardly pronounce, let alone use in their daily vocabulary. They all did a super job.

  This past winter I experienced another day of feeling tense. I hosted a Pampered Chef cooking party. One thing understood: I am not a party person. I don’t mind going to one every once in a while, but not hosting one. So why did I plan one? Well, I do love their products, and I always bake our pizza on their stoneware pans. I broke two of them one night while getting them out of the pantry to make pizza for supper.

  The next week I received flyers in the mail showing me what the host specials were for the next two months. What a coincidence—not really, because I’d happened to see a consultant in church the day after I broke the pans, and I of course told her what happened. So, after consulting with Wayne, I took the plunge and booked a party.

  I put a quilt in frame and told some of the ladies they could stay to help quilt after the party, thus I could kill two birds with one stone.

  With nine ladies from different parts of the community sitting in my kitchen, I told the consultant we needed to have introductions as not everybody likes each other. I caught my mistake as soon as it left my tongue, but it was too late! I could not swallow it. What an uproar that caused. It was an icebreaker. I immensely enjoyed the day. I’ve also really appreciated the many new products I was able to get. We’ve used them close to every day since getting them. How did I survive without these products?

  Men, if you want
to impress your wife for whatever reason, buy them Pampered Chef products. They’ll love you, and you’ll love the food she now enjoys cooking.

  The quilt I put in frame was one Colleen had pieced last winter using fabric we inherited from Mom’s quilt shop. It is just a simple squares pattern in shades of blue. The blues have little pink flowers in it, making it look cheerily feminine. It took me several weeks to get it quilted. I didn’t work on it every day, just mostly in the afternoon for an hour or two. Now that it is quilted, I need to bind it yet, and then I’ll be relieved to have it completed. I really enjoy piecing and quilting quilts, but if I have other duties beckoning, I hardly have the patience it takes.

  I started learning to quilt before I went to school. With a quilt shop attached to our house, it was almost as natural as breathing. I already see the next generation not as enthused about it, but I do plan on teaching my daughters how to quilt and appreciate the art.

  My sister Ida had water in her basement resulting from all the rain we’ve had recently. One day she heard someone down in her basement, and upon checking, she found Jesse sitting on the bottom steps fishing. He didn’t catch anything that day, except I do believe he snagged his aunt’s heart.

  On Saturday I left the weekly cleaning to the four girls, and I did more laundry. Colleen had done the laundry three times already this week, but I decided to wash the good coats, sweaters, and then also all I could gather up of regular laundry.

  By the time I was done hanging out the clothes, Jesse came from the barn telling me Daddy wants help vaccinating heifers. He and Brian still had 30 to do, and it just works better if there are three of us. We had several minor stresses, but we got them all done none worse for the wear.

  By the time I got to the house, it was soon after 10:00. The girls had the cleaning pretty well done by then, so I made lunch. I made mashed potatoes, chicken dressing that I had frozen earlier, hamburger gravy, and green beans. Chocolate chip cookies baked on stoneware rounded out the meal. The children thought we had a grand meal.

  The rest of the day was spent doing odds and ends. Wayne fixed a broken tile, cleaned the barns, and mixed feed for the cattle, preparing for Sunday.

  In a few weeks, Brian will graduate from eighth grade, thus ending his formal education. He will be a big asset here on the farm this summer by doing a lot of the field work. I appreciate his willing hands here at home. You know mothers’ concerned ways when we see our young boys hitching up big work horses and heading to the fields. He tells me not to worry; he knows what he is doing. I know. I do need to trust, but accidents do happen. Lord be with us as we go about our work.

  My favorite time of year is coming up… summer! Fresh garden produce and s’mores over the fire. Going on my two-mile walk with one, two, three, or four little ones biking along. Listening to the birds sing. Being free of coats, boots, scarves, and the coal stove. Jumping on the trampoline with the children until we’re all red-faced and hot. Running races and showing the children this mama can still run. Going to some friend’s house for the evening and coming home before dark. I know I have to work harder in the summer, but I love feeling physically fit, and warm, and in the evening being tired to the bone.

  We have been enjoying beautiful weather. Wonderful, warm, sunny, almost-summer weather. I love it to the max. I am actually thawed out. No more wearing a jacket all day long. Yes, we all love this time of year here on the farm. Dirty toes, smelly farm clothes, lots of laundry to wash, but at least no more thick, dark girls’ socks to launder and sort. No more blaming of the other sisters for stealing the other’s socks. Those socks can just have a long rest this summer. We don’t mind having a lot of laundry in the summer, not with hanging them out and then bringing them in nice and fluffy. That is if the wind is from the right direction.

  One thing I do not enjoy in the summer is the dust on our dirt road. And you know we practically live on the road. Just this week the county road guys hauled load after load of the ugliest, stoniest, brown gravel on our road. They got half of our mile done in a day, now today they are flying past here with load after load to finish the rest of the stretch. Guess which way the wind is blowing? It is awful. There are several ladies in the neighborhood who feel like running after the trucks and telling them like it is, but… sigh… is this where nonresistance comes in? I feel like putting a sign out by the road reading “Eat Your Own Dust!” I know that is not Christlike at all, so Lord, grant me patience without grumbling.

  I’ve been trying to get Wayne and Brian to shoot sparrows for me. I wish I had a big enough gun that I could pepper them. Well, we do have a big enough gun, but it’s too big for me to handle. The BB gun that I can handle is not powerful enough to even scare them out of the tree. My men are too busy in the fields to think about Mom’s wants. Noisy sparrows work on my nerves. Jesse told me I shouldn’t shoot the overeater birds. No, Jesse, I would not shoot the red-winged blackbirds, just the sparrows. We have this joke about the red-winged blackbirds calling “overeater” to me as I go on a walk, but then on the way back they are calling, “Looking sweeter!”

  Talking about little guys reminds me of my nephew Jeryl, who will be six in July. One day he was sitting on their kitchen counter, staring out the window, deep in thought. At once he said, “Mom, it just seems like I am married.” Whatever would bring on a thought like that? his mom asked. He didn’t know.

  In March we butchered the three little pigs. They are some good eating. One of them we cut into six pieces, put in several garbage bags, and put them in the freezer. I have some big plans for that little runt. I want to soak it in a marinade and then grill it on the charcoal grill. That should make for some lip-smacking, tender eating.

  I’ve already invited someone for half of the piggy. They came and helped us get the three piggies in the freezer, so I’m thinking they deserve to help us enjoy them too. Esther can bake the softest, the most delicious cinnamon rolls. Do I dare ask her to bring those for dessert? Absolutely! My children will cheer.

  Dessert brings to mind my flop of a dessert I made recently. My sister Ida had invited a couple from church for supper one Sunday night. She asked if I could bring dessert. We had a very busy weekend with friends here from out of state, so every minute detail had to be thought out beforehand, and everything had to be organized so I could get everything done. I had planned to make an easy dessert on Saturday afternoon after coming home from a sale and before getting ready for company for supper. Before I go on, do not be stressed out for me because I was enjoying every minute of this weekend. We love when our friends come, and we weren’t disappointed this time either. We had a blast.

  On with the dessert. I had decided on French éclair dessert. When I was ready to begin, I discovered I didn’t have enough instant vanilla pudding. I trotted across the driveway to sister Ida and asked to borrow some. She didn’t have any either, but she did have instant white chocolate pudding that I decided was good enough. Next on the ingredient list was Cool Whip. I dislike the flavor of Cool Whip so I always use Rich’s topping. I had some Rich’s topping that was mixed with powdered sugar and cream cheese in the refrigerator that should have been used, so I decided to use that plus add more Rich’s topping to get the desired amount. I lined the 9 x 13 Tupperware with graham crackers, dumped some pudding on them, smoothed it out a bit, added another layer of crackers, dumped more pudding on them, smoothed it out, and added another layer of crackers. Luckily I had enough. Now the recipe asked for a chocolate topping made of butter, sugar, and cocoa, but I wanted more chocolate—real chocolate. I have a recipe asking for chocolate baking squares, but of course I don’t have any of those. We love the chocolate topping on the Swiss Roll Cake, so the cook that I am, I decided to use that recipe but double it for the 9 x 13. (The Swiss Roll Cake is created in a jelly roll pan.) My concoction looked good.

  Sunday night we enjoyed a roast turkey supper. Bring on the dessert! I got a serving spoon to put into the pan, and that layer of thick chocolate was so hard I should’ve use
d an ice pick to break it apart. We had a major fit of the giggles. How embarrassing, but it was good. If you like chocolate as much as I do, anyway. Wayne thought it was too sweet, and he got a stomachache. I don’t think it was entirely from the dessert. The next day while nobody was looking I picked off the leftover chocolate and ate it like a candy bar. Then I walked two miles.

  We enjoy watching two healthy, fast-growing workhorse colts enjoying the warmer weather with their mamas in the small field west of the house. One colt gave me fits the first day of his life. Wayne checked the barn before he went to work that morning, and, yes, Lou had her baby. A big boy. When Brian went to do his chores, he soon came back in asking if I would please come help get the big guy up because it is really important they eat soon after birth, and it was obvious that this one hadn’t. We tried and tried, and finally it was time Brian went to school, so I decided to ask a neighbor man for help. He helped a little, gave the mare a shot of oxytocin, as it appeared she couldn’t let her milk down. I made several phone calls asking for advice, and then I came back and worked with the mare and colt. I’d milk on my hand and put the really thick colostrum in the colt’s mouth. Then I tried to get the colt interested again. Newborn colts aren’t the smartest creatures in the world.

  I was elated and in awe once the colt did actually take hold and eat! Please keep in mind that I am scared stiff of those huge horses. I love driving draft horses, but I am far enough away from them then. The mama stayed calm as long as I kept feed and hay there for her. I only had to exit by way of the side of the stall once because the mare turned and her hind end was too close to the door for comfort for me. I didn’t get accomplished what I had in mind to do that day, but I did feel like I had accomplished something.