Ice/Reaux

by Alexandra Ivy

  The cat inside him flexed its claws, wondering if she smiled at that Geek, Adrian, in the same way.

  A growl exited Reaux’s throat. Thoughts like that were foolish and pointless. Though Pantera took no issue with Healer/patient relationships, as they did in the human world, Reaux was no ordinary Healer—or male, for that matter. He didn’t carry on relationships. And who knew what Karen’s situation was. She could very well be claimed by that—

  “Good morning,” he said coolly, cutting off his thoughts and taking the seat across from her.

  “Thank you again,” she said. “For this.”

  “Of course. Can I get you anything? Water? Tea?”

  “No thanks. And here’s the form you wanted me to fill out.” After handing it to him, she glanced around. “Your office is really nice. Not like Mackenzie’s. Not like anything I’ve seen here. It’s so…calming. Like you’ve brought the outside in.”

  That was exactly what he’d wanted to do when he’d brought in the plants, had the furniture built with native wood. Put in the skylights himself. They were Pantera, after all—well, most of them—and surrounding themselves with their natural elements seemed to eliminate the anxiety most felt when they came for help.

  “Where would you like to start?” he asked, trying like hell to keep himself from drowning in her scent.

  She chewed her lip thoughtfully, which only managed to intrigue his cat.

  “There’s no wrong place, Karen,” he assured her.

  “Alright.” She inhaled deeply, then said, “Well, I was taken from my family when I was seventeen and tossed into a cell. For the next twelve years, I was beaten, experimented on and inseminated. I gave birth three times, though I’m still a virgin. I only have one of those children today, and I’m afraid he’ll get taken from me too.” She lifted her chin. “I’m here today to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

  CHAPTER 4

  Karen was hardly surprised at the shock she saw on Reaux’s extraordinarily handsome face. She’d pretty much laid it all out. Well, the headlines, anyway.

  “Not sure where to go with that?” she asked him with a nervous laugh.

  He scrubbed a hand over his chin. “How do you think I can help you keep your son?”

  Good question. She wasn’t exactly sure herself. “I have a lot of anger and fear and resentment built up inside me. It’s part of my DNA now. It’s what’s holding me captive. Not the bars or those pieces of shit who stole me away from my home and family. I need to find a way to release it.”

  His eyes searched hers, as if the answers were somehow hidden away. And maybe they were. Maybe he could find them. Those incredibly beautiful gray orbs seemed like they held an unnatural power.

  “I tend to think that emotion,” he began, “good or bad, positive or negative, is energy. It’s fluid. It can move in and out. Like breathing.”

  “You don’t think emotion can get trapped sometimes?”

  “You clearly believe it. Which is far more powerful than what I think.”

  “Reaux, I want to know what you think. That’s why I’m here. To get an answer. For you to tell me the steps I need to take to release all of this…shit.”

  “Have you tried meditation?”

  “No,” she said.

  “It can be very effective for calming the brain as well as the nervous system. Exercise too. And certain foods… I can put a plan in place. If these three components work, you may not even need me.”

  Her brown eyes narrowed. “What are you doing?”

  “And if that doesn’t work, there are also medications—”

  “Stop.” She drew back.

  “What’s the problem?”

  “I know what you’re doing.”

  “You wanted my advice. My counsel.”

  “And you’re giving me a few home remedies to get me out of here,” she accused hotly. “You still think I want to jump your bones!”

  “I’m trying to help you, Karen. Maybe my methods—”

  “This isn’t help,” she ground out, coming to her feet. If he wasn’t going to take this seriously, then what was the point? “This is bullshit.”

  “There.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “Right now. Tell me what’s going on inside your body, your brain and your heart.”

  “W-what…” she stuttered, looking around for a hidden camera or something. “What is this? A game?”

  But Reaux was looking at her. Hard. Intently. “Tell me. Now. What are you feeling?”

  At first she wanted to tell him to go to hell. That whatever this was he was doing wouldn’t work. But the way he was staring at her…those eyes. She felt… “Heat,” she uttered. “Building. Bubbling. Can’t go anywhere. Can’t go over. Up and down, inside my mind. There’s nowhere for it to go.”

  She stopped talking and just stood there, eyes wide, breathing shallow.

  “Sit down, Karen,” he said gently. When she didn’t move, he gave her an encouraging smile. “It’s okay.”

  Tears broke in her eyes as she melted down into the chair. That was brutal. Strange. And yet, she felt perceptibly lighter.

  “I’m sorry,” he began. “I know it’s shocking to the system, but it’s the best way I’ve found to deal with emotional pain. Force it to the surface. See what it looks like. Feels like.”

  Karen didn’t say anything. She couldn’t. Just swiped at the tears staining her cheeks.

  “Yesterday,” he said, “when you cried in my arms. It was torrential.” He studied her for a moment. “When was the last time—”

  “Crying is a weakness,” she whispered. “Can’t allow it. Couldn’t allow it.”

  “But you did. In here.”

  Yes. Exactly. She stood up again. Reaux’s gaze followed the movement. No doubt he thought she was leaving, that maybe she regretted coming to him. But instead of walking out the door, she grabbed the front of her chair and started dragging it toward him.

  “What are you doing?” he said, his tone wary.

  “Coming closer.”

  “I see that. But why?”

  When she finally landed, a good six inches before him, her knees brushing his, she said in a fraught voice, “Look, I don’t understand it, but your…physical presence helps me. Changes how I breathe. Makes it okay, even healthy, for me to cry.” She studied his expression for a moment. Shook her head. “It’s not sexual in any way, so don’t go all nuts.”

  “I’m not going all nuts.” His tone was dark and foreboding.

  “You’re worried I’m going to rip your clothes off with my teeth.”

  His nostrils flared. “I wouldn’t say worried, exactly.”

  “Then what?”

  His eyes delved into hers. “Maybe your mate wouldn’t be comfortable with it. How you need to be close to me.”

  She looked suddenly confused. “I don’t have a mate.”

  “The male at your house last night…” he began darkly.

  “Oh, Adrian.” She shook her head. “No. He’s a friend. A close friend. He’s probably going to need some of this too. But don’t worry, he wouldn’t want to jump your bones either.”

  Reaux didn’t laugh at her obvious joke. Didn’t even crack a smile.

  “Adrian and I understand each other,” she continued. “We help each other. That’s it.”

  “You were in the lab together?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is he the father…”

  “No,” she said quickly. “I don’t know who the father is, for Caleb or any of my children.” She looked away for a second. At the cluster of native plants in the corner. “The one who abducted me just a few days ago, Ward, he’d been told from infancy that I never wanted him. That I’d basically tossed him aside. He clearly favors the Pantera side of himself. He’s just nine in human years, but he looks almost as old as me. A man. I never got to see him grow up.” Her gaze slid back to Reaux. “How do I grieve that without the anger?”

  “You don’t,” he said simply. “But you do need to griev
e it.”

  “He’s just out there somewhere now. He was hurt, shot, trying to help us escape. Raphael has people looking for him now, and I hope and pray…” She shrugged, tears snaking down her cheeks again. What was happening to her? She was a walking tear duct around this guy. “But what about Tate, you know? My oldest. My first. He was ripped out of my arms before I could even kiss him goodbye. That’s why Adrian was over last night. He’s helping me try and find Tate, track him down.”

  “And if you can’t?”

  She looked up at him like he’d just punched her in the gut. “That’s not the point. I have to try. I have to know. They’re my babies, Reaux. I can’t rest until I know they’re safe.”

  He released a breath. “I understand. I don’t mean to imply they won’t be found, Karen. I’m only concerned for your emotional well-being.”

  “I’ll deal with that.” She gave him a sad smile. “I am dealing with it. But they are, and will always be, my first priority.”

  Reaux looked at her a long time. Then a gentle smile touched his normally hard mouth. “You’re a wonderful mother.”

  Karen gasped softly. “How can you say that? How can you know that?”

  “Because I had the opposite. My mother was always around. Always knew exactly where I was. Not out of love or care. But to censure me.”

  They were only a foot apart, but Karen felt herself leaning closer. “Why would she treat you like that?”

  He shook his head. “Doesn’t matter.”

  “It matters to me.”

  Those startling gray eyes locked with hers, and inside her ribs that muscle she’d always protected, or ignored, beat with awareness.

  “This thing I was born with,” he told her. “She saw it as a curse. As an embarrassment. As a sign I was wicked. And she always let me know how disgusted she was by me.” He inhaled sharply. “I apologize. I shouldn’t be telling you any of this.”

  “No, don’t feel that way. I’m glad you did.”

  Something, for a half second at the most, glistened in those eyes of his. His cat? His emotions? The child, or cub, he’d once been? She couldn’t read it. And then he pulled back and said in a cool tone, “I think we’re done for the day.”

  Everything in her said to push him, encourage him. To be treated like that by the one person you should be able to trust above all others…it had to have cut very deep. But if anyone understood that feelings only came out when they wanted to come out, it was her.

  She stood up and pushed her chair back into place. “Tomorrow?” she asked, turning to face him again. “Same time?” She tried a little smile. “Same place?”

  He didn’t bite. “Let me check my schedule. I’ll let you know.”

  She tried not to show her concern, but it wasn’t easy. When she went to the door, she stopped before she crossed the threshold into the reception area and glanced back. “Reaux?”

  He looked up from the file he was holding. His face was a mask of impassivity. “Yes?”

  “I feel a little better. Lighter. I think I released some of it today.”

  “I’m glad, Karen.”

  But he didn’t look it, and she wondered, as she headed out, if she was going to hear from him again. Or if this was their one and only session.

  ***

  After the bombing, a temporary Headquarters had been set up the garden house near Raphael and Ashe’s home. It could barely contain the personnel, many of whom worked outside on makeshift tables or even up against trees. No one seemed to take issue with the close quarters. Except Reaux. He rarely went anywhere with crowds or clusters of female Pantera. It was expected of him, and a habit now. But today he needed to see a friend.

  As he walked through the house, searching, he tried to keep a low profile. But it wasn’t long before his scent gave him away.

  “Hi, Reaux,” a female called, glancing up from her desk. Which she shared with another female and a Hunter male called Night. All three of them grinned with intent and beckoned him over.

  He nodded, but kept going. As he did, low growls and deep inhalations followed his every movement.

  “Causing problems?” an amused male voice said the second Reaux entered a bedroom the size of a closet.

  “Not trying to,” Reaux answered, dropping into a chair near the male’s metal desk.

  Irek gave him a grin. “It’s good to see you, Cursed One.”

  Reaux laughed. Always did. His cubhood friend had been there through it all. Seen and heard everything, and even shared his own troubles from the past. “You know I wouldn’t normally come to you, but I need your help.”

  Irek was a spy, and had been living in Germany for the past five years. But just recently, like so many, he had been called back to the Wildlands.

  “I’m wide open,” the male said, his blue eyes flashing with interest.

  “No you’re not,” Reaux countered. “I’m sure your ass is deeply entrenched in this bio weapon thing.”

  Dark brows lifted. “You know about that?”

  “My cuz.”

  “Right, Raphael.” He shrugged. “I am, but I can multitask. You know that.”

  Reaux nodded. “I do. But I’m not talking about how you regularly take on two females at once.”

  “Pity.” He grinned.

  “I’m looking for a male. Hybrid. Was born with the name Tate. Came out of the Benson labs as an infant. His brother is called Ward, and he worked with Christopher. Maybe still does.”

  “The guy who turned on the Benson assholes and got Cammy and Ice out of that lab? We’re looking for him. Sure he has a shitload of info to share about that assassin.”

  “Yeah, that’s this Tate’s younger brother.” And Karen’s son. Hopefully when they found him, he’d be willing to talk. Not to mention forgive the one who had given him life. Reaux slipped a piece of paper across the desk. “This has time, date, place of birth, possible coloring. Mother’s name and situation.”

  Irek stared at it for a moment. “You want to know if he’s dead or alive?”

  Reaux nodded.

  “And if he’s alive…?”

  “Just where to find him. Don’t engage. Don’t bring him here.”

  “You got it.” He gave Reaux a broad smile. “So? When are we going out? New Orleans, or hell, even that shit bar in town? I could use a wingman.”

  Reaux sniffed. “You never needed a wingman.”

  “True. But I sure as shit enjoyed it.”

  “It’s good to see you, brother.”

  “You too.” He stood up, gave Reaux a hug.

  “Hey, is there a back way out of here? It’s a little crowded out there.”

  Irek knocked his chin in the direction of the open window. “Like old times.”

  Chuckling, Reaux headed straight for it. But just as he slipped through, he caught sight of a female and child walking hand in hand a few yards away. They were moving toward the bayou.

  Karen and her cub.

  CHAPTER 5

  “Three, please,” Karen told the grinning boy, his hands already caked with mud. “And make them extra thick.”

  “With cheese?” Caleb asked.

  “Cheese, onions, pickles—”

  “Ketchup and mustard?”

  She laughed and spread the blanket on the damp ground, then opened the picnic basket. “Just make it the works, darling. Three mud cheeseburgers with everything on them. For here. Not to go.”

  He laughed too and took off down the shore. Before setting out the actual food she’d brought, Karen settled in on the thick rug and tucked her knees to her chest, inhaling the bayou deeply. A few hours ago the rain had cleared out, and left behind the most brilliant sunshine. She closed her eyes for a second and let it soak into her skin. It was warm for January. Had been for the past week. And she was going to enjoy it with her boy.

  “He looks like you.”

  The male voice startled her, and she turned around. Reaux stood a few feet away. Where had he come from? And how hadn’t she heard him
? “Hey,” she said.

  He was dressed casually, in jeans, and a white T-shirt that molded to his broad chest and thick biceps. He looked relaxed. Handsome. Though seeing him shirtless and slightly sweaty the other day was pretty difficult to top.

  Not that she should be thinking like that. Granted, she wasn’t like the other females. She couldn’t scent his musk. But she was a…female. And she had eyes. And a sex drive, even though she’d never gotten to use it. And Reaux was pretty much the sexiest male she’d ever encountered.

  “I saw you heading this way and I thought…” He shrugged, and the corners of his mouth lifted into a grin.

  “You’d check up on me?” Her heart flickered in her chest. Felt like a candle being lit. “That goes way beyond your duties as my ‘ear.’”

  His brows lifted. “Your ear.”

  “You know. I talk, you listen.”

  “Ah. Well this ‘ear’ was meeting up with a friend and I just saw you and the cub heading toward the bayou.”

  He sat down next to her, and once again that candle-flickering feeling erupted inside her. It was a strange and unfamiliar sensation. Not like what she was used to: fear or anxiety or dread.

  “You hungry?” she asked him. “I have sandwiches and fruit. But Caleb is also whipping up some killer mudburgers.”

  “As tempting as that sounds…” His gaze moved over her face. “I didn’t come by to hijack your picnic lunch.”

  “No?”

  He shook his head.

  Something was happening. Between them. In the air. If she didn’t know how strongly he felt about her not having sexual feelings for him, she would’ve sworn he wanted to kiss her. Granted, she hadn’t been kissed all that much in her younger years, but a body knows.

  “So…why did you come by?” she asked, and her tone was…playful. Flirtatious. She couldn’t stop it. It was like she was silently inviting him to kiss her.