Feather Light (Knead Me)

by Lorenz Font

  “You’re getting excited. I can feel it,” he whispered.

  Kelly began taking shallow breaths as soon as the mask was in place. It felt cold, isolating, and impersonal. She kept her emotions in check, not wanting to fuel his rage by her cries of weakness.

  With the small eyeholes restricting her view, she couldn’t see what Parker was about to do next. Cold air brushed her bare skin when he shoved her skirt up around her waist. She trembled, chills racing across her body. His rough and demanding touch traced every contour, so different from his usual feather light caresses. A ripple of anxiety mixed with a strange sense of anticipation wreaked havoc with her emotions as he hovered over her center.

  “You’re already hot for me,” he said beneath his breath.

  With one powerful stroke, Parker yanked her lacy thong and ripped it away from her body, shredding her heart and hope into a million pieces. Then he stopped.

  Kelly smothered a moan when Parker’s mouth grazed her center and teased her folds. The velvet touch of his tongue licking, flicking her clit, made her scream with pleasure. Even with the harsh words he’d said earlier, flames of lust still flickered inside her, igniting her. Shivering with want despite her fear, she arched her body upward to allow his tongue to drift further inside, but he shifted his position and appeared in her line of vision.

  She focused on his mouth and yearned for his soft kisses, his tongue sucking and nibbling hers. Kelly wanted the damned mask off. If she could kiss him, she’d be able to redeem herself in some small way and show him just how much he meant to her. Of course, he’d never kiss her, not now, not ever. Instead, he reached around her back and unsnapped her bra. Her breasts spilled out of its confines like hot lava, burning and ready. Parker yanked the bra down across her chest, low enough to leave her exposed. He braced his body and moved down to her chest. She shuddered when his tongue toyed with one nipple, brushing the other tip once before sucking it hard enough to send a delicious thrill mixed with discomfort through her. She quivered as he applied more pressure by drawing in the apex with his teeth. She cried out as he bit each tip, climbing to the peak of delicious arousal as he played with each one.

  Parker grunted with satisfaction at her response and sheathed his dick inside her. Kelly jerked forward, and her walls felt like they were ready to tear while accommodating his sheer size. Moaning with the mix of pleasure and pain, her body adjusted to his invasion. She suppressed the urge to scream at the confusing thoughts searing inside her. He paused yet again and brought his face closer to her.

  “I’m going to fuck you real hard. I’m going to make you scream with pleasure and pain.” It wasn’t a threat. It sounded more like a promise.

  Parker began pounding into her, imposing his will upon her. If he was rubbing her faults in her face, then he was getting his explicit message across. If he wanted to humiliate her as payback, he was succeeding.

  His promise became reality—she screamed at the painful friction of his dick against her walls while he slashed in and out of her with punishing determination. With his body pinning her down, he didn’t let up until all emotions but humiliation drained out of her.

  Kelly couldn’t help but think of what Parker had gone through in the past few days. He had always been gentle, reassuring, and careful. She couldn’t even begin to fathom the hurt and embarrassment she’d caused him with her dishonesty, making him more conscious of his disability. The woman dying on his table had added to his misery and vulnerability. What man would want his weakness shoved in his face?

  The small table shook with each hard thrust, grinding and punishing until their bodies were drenched in sweat. Parker bellowed as his first release came. Seeming pleased with himself, he jumped off the table and walked around. His footsteps, aside from her thudding heart, were the only sound she could hear.

  “That’s your first fuck for the night.”

  Breathing hard, Kelly tried to follow his movement, but the mask restricted her vision. After a few minutes, he was back on top of her.

  “Remember your safeword,” he whispered before spearing his engorged dick inside her again. True to his words, Parker fucked her one more time. Rough, hurried, and filled with unconcealed loathing, he ground his body against hers, plunging himself deep into her with each thrust. “I trusted you, Ann. I loved you. How could you not tell me? Is it because I’m blind? I thought you were different. I expected more from you.” His voice was low but reproachful.

  Loved? The weight of each accusation he hurled at her was like knife to her heart. With crystal clarity, a realization hit her with full force. Her betrayal had triggered something he’d been concealing from everyone. Somewhere in his past, he had been hurt, rejected. Her lies had magnified his deepest fears and uncertainties.

  “Parker, I love you—”

  “Not a word. No more lies, Ann. No more.” He called her by the name he’d known her by, and it wasn’t the first time. Was it an indication there could still be hope for them?

  Parker continued his rough thrusting. The unspoken answer was clear. No. There was no hope for them. His formidable jaw clenched, and his eyes closed, effective in shutting her out. Kelly ached for him and felt useless to help heal his hurt. She wished she could wipe away the deep-seated inadequacies her lies had awakened in him. He groaned as he pummeled into her, mindless of her distress. Parker didn’t ease up. He kept hammering away at a steady pace. She was ashamed and angry at herself. It was too late.

  “I had wicked dreams of you, Ann. Now all I see is your deceit and how you used me to quench your appetite for sex. Are you happy now?” He panted, trying to catch his breath. “This is the fucking you wanted, right?”

  In the glow from the corner nightlight, she saw the hard lines and the dreadful expression on his face. I deserve to hear this, she thought, miserable and unable to control the flood of tears.

  “No … I wanted to tell you, but you told me it could wait. I know it’s a bit late now. Can’t you give me a chance?”

  Parker muttered an oath before thrusting harder and deeper into her. She gasped at his violent response, but in spite of it all, every inch of him left her breathless, making her ache for more.

  “You’re wasting your breath,” he said, and his ragged breathing rang in her ear. “There is no us.” His fingers dug into her shoulders, his pounding turning more intense. “If that one night managed to produce a child, I will stand as its father, but there is no us.”

  She cried out at the cruelty of his words. The world as she knew it crumbled around her, killing even the tiniest of hope.

  His words slashed deep, puncturing her already wounded soul. Oblivious to her misery, he kept his pace. Parker was relentless, rough, and furious, and all she could hear was the angered thumping of their bodies coming together. The rasping of her back scraping the leather table burned her skin. She was a mere ragdoll, and her body was his playground. He pummeled her until he screamed his release, and hers shattered soon after. Kelly’s muffled cries echoed beneath the stifling mask as a he appeared in her line of vision. If vengeance had a face, it was looking down on her now.

  Kelly raised her head and spoke as clearly as she could from the confines of the mask. Not seeing him anymore would be unbearable, but there was no telling how deep his issues were and if he could ever get over them. This was about more than just her lies, she realized. Parker had been harboring insecurities and anger long before her deceit.

  “Forgive, Parker. Forgive. I love you, whether you want to believe me or not, but I’m not going to sit around and let you use me to deal with your issues. I made a mistake, a big one, which cost me this relationship, but don’t lay all the blame on me. If your wish is to forget I ever existed, you have it. I’ll walk out of your life and forget we ever happened.”

  Those were the most difficult words she’d ever spoken. Losing Matthew was nothing compared to the gut-wrenching reality of not seeing Parker anymore.

  For a fleeting moment, Parker looked at her with remorse,
but then he rebuffed her. “We will walk away and pretend we never met.” His voice was flat, cementing the inevitable end.

  When he pulled out, it almost felt as if life was being sucked out of her. Kelly knew this was the last time she’d ever feel him inside her. The moment his body was gone, she felt barren, wilted, and empty. Torment descended upon her at the sudden absence of his warmth. Like air, she needed him to survive. She’d been the one to trigger his issues, but she’d have to accept that she couldn’t heal him.

  He removed the mask from her face and loosened the restraints, his expression tight. Sweat and tears trickled down her cheeks when she pushed herself up. Another realization hit her. Yes, she had been dishonest, but he had no right to treat her the way he just had. His anger had pushed him to react on an impulse, inflicting emotional wounds that rivaled the roughest physical punishment he could ever give her. She made a last ditch effort to make him understand.

  “I made a mistake by hiding who I am. It was wrong, and I apologize. I should’ve said something, but I was scared of losing you if you found out my real identity.”

  He ignored her apology and instead turned away. “Call that my last gift to you. Now it’s time for you to get out of my life.”

  Parker slipped into his jeans without sparing a glance in her direction and stormed out of the room just as the doorbell rang. As soon as the door slammed behind him, Kelly wept. She cried for her stupidity, for the pain she’d inflicted on Parker, and for the love that would no longer be. He had asked her to forget they’d ever met. How can you forget the person who made you feel it is imperative to love again?

  Kelly climbed down from the massage table, weary but resolute about the hell she’d be facing in the days, months, and maybe years to come. She ignored the various aches and pains all over her body stemming from the accident and the sting he’d left between her legs. With mechanical movement, she put on her clothes, intent on pushing back her tears.

  No, I won’t fall apart here. I have to get out now! She was determined to hold her head up and walk out of his house, and his life, with dignity. Trembling and feeling as if the world were closing in on her, she fastened each button on her blouse as the numbing truth sank in. Parker was out of her life.

  “Parker, open the damn door!”

  His brother continued to press the buzzer. The annoying sound grated on his already raw nerves. Parker gripped the knob and muttered a curse. He wrenched the door open and seethed at the intrusion.

  “What the hell do you want?”

  Cork didn’t bother with pleasantries and pushed his way in, followed by Webster. Parker could feel a fight brewing, and his nerves twitched in anticipation.

  “I called you several times, and you ignored—What the hell is going on here?”

  He closed his eyes as light bathed the room, trying to smother the explosive rage that was simmering inside him.

  “What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear that I don’t want company.” He heard the rustling of footsteps and stuff being picked up from the floor.

  “No wonder you’re not picking up your calls. You fuckin’ busted your phone. What’s wrong with you, man?”

  “Parker, c’mon. You’re scaring me. You need to calm down.” Webster placed a tentative hand on his arm.

  “Will you two mind your own goddamn business and stay out of mine?” he shouted, not knowing in which direction to fling his anger. Parker shook Webster’s arm away and stalked over to the kitchen to grab another bottle of vodka.

  “Jesus Christ. Haven’t you had enough to drink?” Cork asked, snatching the bottle away from him.

  This fueled his rage even more. “No.” Parker gritted his teeth. “I’m going to make it easy for both of you. I’m going to go to my bedroom and give you five minutes. I want you both gone by then.”

  “The hell I’m going to let you kick us out,” Cork said. “You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. Stop being a dick—”

  Parker turned around when he sensed Kelly’s presence. Everyone froze while she made a beeline for the door. He heard her muffled sobs when she passed him, as well as Webster’s surprised gasps. Then he heard the door shut.

  “You’re a bastard,” Cork said, grabbing his collar and shoving him against the wall.

  He fought against his brother, pushing and shoving back. Because Parker was much bigger and stronger, Cork couldn’t hold him for very long. They struggled with each other until Webster stepped in and tried to pull them apart.

  “Will you two stop it? You’re acting like idiots!”

  “This moron needs to know the fuckin’ thing he couldn’t see.” Cork let go but stayed close to Parker’s face.

  “Maybe coming here wasn’t such a good idea. Cork, honey, let’s go. Let’s leave him alone,” Webster chastised.

  “Do you think your insults could make things worse for me? Well, think again! The woman I love just made a complete fool out of me. Then a woman that I admired and respected died on my table. And it’s all because I’m blind and can’t see what is happening around me. So, ease off a bit, brother!”

  Cork slapped him on the shoulder before moving away. “Spare me the bullshit, will you? So Kelly made a big mistake. I’m not letting her off easy, but you’re acting like a fool for placing all the blame on her. So Mrs. Crawford died. Everyone knows it wasn’t your fault. You seem to be the only one who doesn’t believe it. If you want to keep beating yourself up, then go right ahead and throw a fit. But I’m not going to sit around and watch you hurt someone.”

  “Bullshit?” Parker repeated. “You think being fucking blind is bullshit?” He followed Cork’s voice, itching for an outlet for his rage.

  “So you’re blind. Boo-fuckin’-hoo. It’s not the end of the world. Have you stopped to think how lucky you are? Some people would die to be as successful as you are.”

  Parker flinched at the patronizing words. “Lucky? You call me lucky? I can’t even piss without touching the damn toilet to know if my aim is right. I have to feel my food to know what it looks like. I can’t even fuckin’ go anywhere without asking you or someone else to give me a ride. You call being dependent and at the mercy of other people lucky? Maybe you ought to get your head examined, because you’re just as blind as I am. You can’t see how screwed up my life has become.” Parker laughed. “You have no idea what I’m going through, so don’t try to talk like you could survive one day in my shoes.”

  “So you’ve had some bad cards dealt to you, but I never thought I’d see you cry in the corner like a pussy and have a pity party. That’s not the Parker I know. Sure, you’ve asked for help, but who hasn’t? We’re a family. That’s what we do.”

  “Shut the fuck up!” He shoved Cork, not wanting to hear his sentimental bullshit.

  “Hey, hey … stop it. I think it’s time for us to go. Parker’s under a lot of stress. We need to give him some time alone,” Webster said.

  “Not until I tell this idiot that he has a whole life ahead of him, and he’s wasting his time dwelling on the things he can’t do!” Cork shouted.

  “Idiot? You’re a bigger idiot for taking your brother’s hand-me-downs!” The moment the words left his mouth, he knew he had crossed the line.

  “Son of a bitch!” Cork cursed just before his fist connected with Parker’s face.

  Parker staggered backward and landed on the floor. Cork loomed over him as he struggled to get up. Pain shot through his nose, and blood trickled from his nostrils.

  “You’re a lousy drunk,” Cork said.

  Before he had a chance to react, Cork yanked him to his feet. Webster put an arm around his waist when he staggered and led him to the sofa.

  “Parker, are you all right?” She turned to Cork. “Enough, Cork. Let’s just get out of here.”

  Parker wiped at the blood dripping down into his mouth. He looked up, not sure where to focus. “Guys, listen. That was uncalled for. I’m sorry.”

  “Save your r
egret, brother. I think Kelly deserves your apology more than we do. In case you didn’t know, she was in a car accident the other day. She’s pretty banged up, but she still came here because she wanted to explain herself. It looks like you didn’t even give her a chance.” Cork shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m even bothering with you. If you want to dwell in your misery, go right ahead. We’re leaving.”

  Parker heard the rustling of footsteps and the door opening and closing. Once he was all alone, he rubbed the tears from his useless eyes.

  “Fuck, fuck!” He hoped for once that the earth would open up and swallow him.

  Chapter 16

  Kelly burst into tears the moment Parker’s front door shut behind her. The sound cemented the grim reality. She was out of his life, and there was nothing she could do about it. Parker had made it clear he intended to forget about their relationship and she should do the same. She stumbled across the lawn and ended up sitting on the curb with her face buried in her hands.

  She felt wretched, confused, and empty, furious at herself for not doing the right thing sooner and angry at Parker for taking his frustrations out on her. If she’d listened to Cork’s warning, she would still have had a chance to explain herself. She wouldn’t have been sitting on the cold pavement without a car and no place to go to unload her burden.

  Had the warning signs been there all along and she had been just too dumb to see them? Parker had been gracious and had even downplayed his disability. Had it all been just a front he’d put up to show that he was dealing? He’d seemed well-adjusted to her, but how could she have known his innermost feelings? In hindsight, Kelly should have asked more questions, but she wasn’t comfortable prying into people’s lives and wasn’t going to start with Parker’s. He obviously had enough suffering in his life without her making it worse.

  Kelly rubbed her eyes, hating every minute of what had happened between them. Her body still ached from the accident, and her heart was aching even more. She should have fought for her right to voice her feelings. Instead, she’d taken everything he’d given her, like the submissive he wanted her to be.