by S C Gowland
‘He’s obsessed.’ she shrugged her shoulders to nobody in particular. ‘Like a teenager, with stupid ideas of travelling the world. Like he can at his age.’ she folded her arms.
Silence.
‘I simply don't trust him.’ said Kaoldan trying to change the subject.
‘Don’t…’ said Tokel irritably, squishing her mouth from side to side.
‘I’ve had that conversation with him already. Stubborn old fool won’t listen. It is too convenient. And yet...’ she sniffed, ‘He is a good judge of character.’
A good point.
She sighed. ‘Stubborn old sod.’
Silence.
‘Men!’ she snapped.
Kaoldan found an interesting button on his top he had never noticed before, he fingered it with his thumb.
A very interesting button.
He looked up cautiously, eyes wary.
‘You're not the only one.’ said Kubrean reassuringly. ‘It fits just a little too well for my liking. I've never been one to believe in coincidence and I doubt I will start now.’ he said, ‘But Nova does have the authority to make this sort of decision and particularly if he's been able to get Duke Lomman onside.’ he shrugged his shoulders. ‘I don't really see how we can stop this from happening.’
Tokel snorted.
‘So, be it.’ said Kaoldan, ‘If this is going to happen. I fully intend to make sure that we go there with enough of a show of force to convince this good authority that both we mean business and we can take care of anything that may come our way.’
He noticed a slight curling on the edges of Tokel’s mouth.
‘Agreed.’ said Kubrean. ‘I will make suitable arrangements, don't worry, I've no intention of allowing this Aralorne to get everything he wants. Not too easily anyway.’ He glanced towards Tokel nervously
‘And strangely having Nova come with us is a good thing in my opinion.’
Tokel turned towards him jaw clenched, a stern look on her face.
‘If you’ll hear me out.’ he raised his hands defensively. ‘He knows this man. He appears to trust this man. We must offer the courtesy to him that Nova expects. He is the most senior of us on the Grey Council and Duke Lomman is no fool either.’
Tokel paused.
‘We will be there to make sure that this Aralorne does everything that he is meant to and nothing he is not. It is safer this way, much as I dislike it. Ultimately, we have no choice.’
Her face fell, eyes taking in the floor. She was as resigned to it as Kaoldan.
‘Don't worry.’ said Kaoldan. ‘I will keep a close eye on him.’
‘We all will…’ said Kubrean extending a hand to the old woman.
She looked up, sniffed and wiped her eye.
‘Men…’ she said with a crooked smile.
‘I forgot to mention.’ said Kubrean looking at Kaoldan, as if remembering something important. Somebody who wants to speak to you.’ he said, gesturing towards the door to the left.
‘I'll head back to the chapter house you go talk, have a conversation. Take as long as you need…’ he said then he turned towards Tokel still gently holding the woman’s hands.
Kaoldan looked on puzzled.
‘Just go.’ smiled Kubrean. ‘It’s okay, it is at their request.’ he nodded towards the door. ‘Down the corridor to the left.’
And that was the end of the conversation.
Kaoldan stood, cocked his head to one side then shook it turned on his heels and proceeded to walk towards the nearest exit, closing the door quietly behind him.
***
Kaoldan approached the door, stood outside and paused.
Why did he feel nerves fluttering in his stomach?
He checked his uniform brushed it, made several minor adjustments to his belt and his Walkerblade. He stretched his neck out and took a deep breath, held it for several seconds then slowly breathed out. Nerves for the moment suppressed.
He raised his right hand, paused, closed his eyes and knocked three times on the door.
‘Enter…’ echoed a muffled voice through the wood.
Kaoldan grabbed the iron latch and open the door. It squeaked as he entered the room. It was light inside, a large central table surrounded by six high-back chairs, one covered in crimson felt at the head. At one end of the room was a small fire in a square stone surround at the other end of the left was a large desk behind that desk sat Duke Lomman.
He was writing something. He placed the pen down on the table.
‘Come in, come in..’ he beckoned to Kaoldan, who entered, closing the door behind him.
‘Please, please take a seat’ said Duke Lomman, rising gesturing towards a large chair placed in front of the desk.
‘I'm so glad that you were able to come.’ he said. ‘I wanted to thank you.’ Kaoldan’s eyebrows knitted together as he made his way across the stone floor. He settled himself into the high-backed chair.
‘You'll have to forgive me.’ he started. ‘I wasn't aware that any thanks were needed.’ said Kaoldan, brushing imaginary fluff from his legs before he crossed them.
‘That is where you are quite wrong.’ said Duke Lomman taking a seat. ‘I would like to thank you, for your professionalism.’ he said gruffly, lacing his fingers together, resting his chin on his hands. ‘Your professionalism and your discretion.’ he said softly, nodding. ‘In respect of the death of my daughter.’
He swallowed heavily and cleared his throat.
‘It's funny.’ he looked into a space far past Kaoldan’s head. ‘My wife seemed to know of her death before I did. In some strange way I feel this was wrong.’ he smiled weakly. ‘And yet somehow it makes sense.’ a smile flashed across his face. ‘She took the news rather well. Far better than I've dealt with it in truth.’
The Duke coughed and fidgeted in his seat. ‘It is rather strange. I miss her and yet she is still here.’ he waved his hands around the room. ‘She was an independent spirited girl. Matters of state have taken priority throughout my life, something I now regret.’ he said. ‘I wanted to ask you something.’
Duke Lomman sat straight in the seat, his face wrinkled and twitched.
‘Did she die well?’ he asked.
He stared intently at Kaoldan. It seemed to be important to him.
Kaoldan wriggled uncomfortably in his seat. ‘I don't think anybody dies well.’ he blurted out without thinking. He narrowed his eyes. ‘However, if you're asking my honest opinion?’ he raised his eyebrows.
Duke Lomman nodded.
‘Yes, yes, she did die well. There was very little pain, it was swift. A small mercy in my line of work.’ It was the truth. No matter how uncomfortable.
Duke Lomman's face relaxed ever so slightly, but he still stared intently at Kaoldan.
Kaoldan went on to give a brief description of the events of that day. The tactical approach they had taken as a group. The discovery at the town, the loss of life, the carnage, the death and destruction. He removed the gorier details from the story. He then described the meeting with the young survivor, the woman. The discovery of her and her revelations regarding what had happened. Her subsequent death and the emergence of the large enemy force and the ensuing battle. His voice drifted off towards the end.
‘You should be very proud of who she was, what she wanted to do for the world.’ said Kaoldan, voice cracking. ‘Practical.’ he croaked, focusing on the carpet in front of the Duke.
‘I was practical.’ he paused ‘About the loss of my first child at the time. You should be practical too. There are few things in this world that hurt as much as losing a child.’ said Kaoldan despite himself. The words tumbling out as he absently fidgeted with the top end of his Walkerblade.
‘It catches you by surprise.’ he looked at the Duke. ‘You never really expect that sort of thing, old stories or old songs, all with new meanings. Memories that you could never recall before.’ he smiled weakly, ‘But it does happen.’ he said.
‘Every day it happens. Get used to
it. It happens for no reason at all and cannot be explained. It is just part of the world we live in and you do have my deepest sympathies.’ he said to Duke Lomman, his eyes flicking up, catching the Duke who sat deflated in his seat, his eyes reddening. He tried to maintain an air of dignity and composure, but even that couldn't stop the trickle of a tear down his face.
‘You should remember her the right way. Forget the bad, keep the good. Remember, even though she's gone, she is still with you and look after your wife. Don’t make the mistakes I did. Support each other. There is still much good that you can do with the right focus.’
Kaoldan gestured towards the desk.
‘Given the office you hold. The responsibility and the authority that you have. You can make this world a better place. You can bring more light into the world than the darkness would currently suggest.’ Kaoldan, cleared his throat. He suddenly became aware he had been speaking for too long.
‘Please forgive my bluntness,’ he said ‘My intention is not to upset you nor to prolong your grief. She died well, doing something she loved. Something she was clearly very capable of doing. She had a great future ahead of her. She was a wonderful woman. Please accept my word, that there are far worse ways this could have happened. Take some solace that she's now at peace.’ He swallowed, mouth far to dry right then. He wanted on some levels to stop talking but found that he could not. It felt good.
‘Do you have people in your life you can speak to? You have many friends or family. Your wife should be the first. Don’t hide this. Don’t pretend this does not exist that you don’t feel the way that you do. She will want to know. If you pretend all is well, you will awake one morning and find a chasm between you. Just like I did. Speak about it with her.’ he stretched out his neck.
‘I am far better at giving advice than taking my own, but if you are in a dark place. Know this. It shall pass. And when you find yourself back in that dark place in the future, this too shall pass. If you need to speak to someone I can listen.’ offered Kaoldan. ‘If it helps, of course.’
The reddening around Duke Lomman’s eyes had got worse. His eyes were mirrors, he sniffed loudly, wiping his hand with the back of his sleeve.
‘The worst part is it seemed like she lived for such a short period of time. I so wanted her to do things. You look at your child and think – yes, go, live your life – but you are terrified when they do. I'd hoped she would find somebody. One of the things that makes me so sad – and it’s rather silly really - is that she never fell in love. She was loved by us, but that is a different kind of love. I had hoped that she would fall deeply, wildly, madly in love with someone special. That she might want to form The Link and maybe even have children. But if she chose not to, then it would ultimately have made no difference to me. Her life, her choices. Just as long as she was happy.’ he said finally blinking.
‘We almost had another, another child, but we decided against it. We decided against it… all our efforts, all our attentions on one. Not an heir and a spare.’ he spat distastefully through clenched teeth. He looked at Kaoldan pathetically, half laughed at his own distasteful joke. Soft chuckles descended into deep sobs, shoulders vibrated up and down.
Kaoldan sat quietly, not quite sure what to do. So he waited, looking respectfully down at the floor, large heavy square, stone slabs stared back. The noise of Duke Lomman sobs continued for several uncomfortable minutes. Then they slowed. Then there was a loud sniff and gasp of air as Duke Lomman readjusted himself in his seat.
‘I read something once.’ said Kaoldan.
‘Just the once?’
Kaoldan snorted, grateful for the Duke’s attempt at humour.
‘Yes, just the once. It was a quote, by some wise and clever person.’
‘And what did they have to say?’ said the Duke leaning forward in his seat.
‘A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved, except in memory.’ he said wrinkling his nose to one side, a prickling behind his eyes. ‘It hit me, hard.’ he thumped his chest softly, ‘Things like that never do normally, but it helped.’
He regretted it as soon as the words left his mouth. Kaoldan was aware he was getting warmer and uncomfortably so.
Duke Lomman nodded slowly, taking in the words.
‘You appear to speak as a man of experience?’ he said to Kaoldan.
Kaoldan paused, collecting his thoughts.
‘Unfortunately, yes.’ he said without lifting his eyes from the floor. ‘I have witnessed many deaths in my time.’ pushing imaginary fluff from his leg. ‘It never gets any easier.’ He smiled weakly, glancing at the Duke. ‘Just part of the job, I suppose.’ he said shrugging.
‘No, no.’ said Duke Lomman. ‘You mistake my statement; you speak as if having experienced this yourself.’ he stared intently at Kaoldan.
Kaoldan gritted his teeth, suppressing a growing urge to hurt someone, warmth flowing through him. His chest increasingly tight.
He shifted in his seat.
‘No.’ he said simply locking eyes with Duke Lomman, his face set. ‘I have never experienced what you are going through. My apologies if I gave that impression. I’ve just gathered a lot of experience of the deaths of others. Again, my deepest sympathies.’ said Kaoldan. ‘If there is nothing else?’ he moved forward in his seat attempting to stand.
‘No, no.’ Duke Lomman wiped a tear from his left eye. ‘That is everything.’ He sniffed, composed again. He gestured towards the door, but Kaoldan saw that look in the Duke’s eyes. A look he knew all too well, it was a look he had seen on himself.
Kaoldan needed no second offer. He nodded, turned sharply, and walked for the door as quickly as he could jaw fixed, palms sweaty, he flexed his fingers as his boots echoed on the stone floor.
He turned and smiled perfunctorily, and half slammed the door behind him. He strode down the corridor, stopping for nothing and nobody, his mind numb, his heart racing, blood pumping around his head it felt as though it was going to explode. Emerging from the main front entrance, he raised his hand to shield his face sunlight lancing his eyes, striding purposefully towards Tren.
He had to get out of here.
‘Father…’ a voice called out to his left. He glanced over and saw Romina and Zahara looking at him. They both jumped down from a small stone wall. It appeared they'd been waiting for him.
Romina looked at him and Zahara shrugged her shoulders as if to say what now.
Kaoldan looked at them both for what felt like an eternity then felt a sharp pang deep within his stomach. A pang that he had hoped he would never feel again.
‘I'll see you back at the chapter house.’ he snapped. Giving no further explanation in one swift movement he put one foot in Tren’s stirrup climbed onto the grey panthera. Tren sensed his master's mood, turned and bounded off out of the palace toward the streets.
A Panthera at full pace is something to be feared and Tren appeared to take great delight in charging through the large wide streets of Thura towards the main entrance.
With perfect timing the main gates opened with a creak, the crowd outside parting; screams and shouts, annoyance and confusion echoed then faded around Tren as the charge continued. The wind in his face was the only thing that took away the tears streaming down Kaoldan's face.
Chapter 19 - Numbers
‘8 of us?’ said Kaoldan looking from the map, paper rustling on the table, his voice echoed around the room.
Tokel, sat opposite, nodded.
‘8 will allow us to be able to protect ourselves in most circumstances.’ she said, ‘But it is small and discreet enough to allow us to slide through the countryside, avoiding most people, towns, and communities.’
‘We need to be quick, but we need to be agile.’, she said squinting at the map. ‘This journey will be hard.’ she said, looking at the eyes around the table. ‘It is quite a considerable distance to Zuivosal. We will require an extra Panthera or two with supplies so that we have enough provisions, food, equipment t
o make the journey there and back. It will save time having to seek out towns to resupply and it will arouse less suspicion.’
‘You’ve got all this planned out, haven’t you?’ said Kubrean with a wry smile.
‘Of course.’ said Tokel, she pursed her lips trying not to allow the satisfaction to shine through too much.
‘Where exactly is Zuivosal?’ said Zahara, shaking her head. ‘I’ve heard of the place, but I really couldn't tell you where it is.’ she scoured the map. ‘Geography never was my strong point.’ she said with a shrug.
‘It's on the other side of the Iron Lake.’ said Zalen, relaxing back in his seat, picking at his nails with a small knife.
She peered at the map, mouth gaping.
The arrival of the blonde Walker that morning, along with Kryst and Dalon, had gone some way to settle Kaoldan. He had not had an opportunity to speak to his friend yet, but it struck him how just by having him around made such a difference.
‘Which also means we have a decision to make,’ he said straightening in his seat. ‘Do we go by ship or take the longer route by going around the side?’ he said raising his eyebrows.
Tokel considered the question, taking a long drink from a glass before placing it carefully back on the table.
‘I haven't quite decided in all honesty,’ she said, ‘It’s been so long since I've been there. So, I’m not sure how challenging a sea journey might be.’ she said. ‘And this works on the assumption that there are actually ships available to hire in Celst?’ she said, looking around the table a combination of shaking heads and shrugging shoulders indicated that they did not know.
‘I suppose, we will just have to make it up as we go along.’ she said pursing her lips.
‘Added to that,’ said Kryst, deep voice carrying from the corner of the room. ‘We are heading towards winter. Which means snow. Lots and lots of snow in my experience,’ he said, sitting back, ‘Not much fun for anybody.’
‘Snow?’ snorted Romina ‘We’re only just coming to the end of summer and you’re already saying that we’ll be encountering snow?’