Do or Diner: A Comfort Food Mystery

by Christine Wenger

  “I’m sorry to break the news to you. Obviously, you didn’t know.” I truly was sorry. ACB seemed totally shocked.

  “I—I have to get back to work.” Fresh tears trailed down her cheeks, washing away more makeup.

  “I’m so sorry to spring the news on you like that, but I’d like to talk to Sal. I’m curious to know who my new neighbor will be,” I lied. “Would you ask him if he could join me for a moment?”

  She dabbed at her eyes, then nodded.

  ACB seemed to age twenty years in the twenty minutes Ty and I had been talking to her. She got up from the table and wobbled on her flip-flops to the kitchen door. She paused a moment before she pushed the doors open, then disappeared inside.

  I waited at least ten minutes for Sal Brown to appear or for ACB to return and give me a reason why he wasn’t coming.

  He’s probably finishing up an order, I thought, my patience wearing thin.

  I waited another ten minutes, then decided that I was going to slip into the kitchen and talk to him while he cooked.

  When I entered the kitchen, only Sal’s brother was present. He was dropping a handful of potato chips into the middle of a plate containing a turkey club.

  “They fought over her gardenia dress,” the burly man explained as if he could read my mind. “She accused him of cutting it up and framing her. Then there was something about their retirement home on the lake. Seemed like a stupid fight.”

  “So where’s Sal?” I asked.

  “He hustled out of here like his hairy ass was on fire.”

  “Where’s Antoinette Chloe?” I asked.

  “He insisted that she go with him.”

  Chapter 16

  “Do you mind if I use your side door?” I asked Sal’s brother. “It’ll be a shorter walk to my car.”

  He shrugged a shoulder.

  “Thanks.”

  As I left Brown’s, I ran through what Sal’s brother had said: ACB accused Sal of cutting up her gardenia dress, and they had fought.

  Why on earth would Sal do that?

  My cell phone rang, and I immediately thought of Juanita and the diner, but it was Ty.

  “I got the test results back on ACB’s dress and the material that Blondie found.”

  “That was fast,” I said.

  “The lab tech owed me a favor,” he said.

  “I can imagine.” I rolled my eyes. “And I won’t ask why.”

  He laughed.

  “So tell me about the lab results already!”

  “A perfect match, but—”

  “Yeah?”

  “The results showed that a couple edges of the material were cut, not ripped.”

  “Cut? As in cut out of the muumuu with scissors?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “That’s strange, isn’t it? I would have bet the Silver Bullet that ACB caught her muumuu on my Dumpster when she was waiting for an opportunity to poison Mr. Cogswell.”

  “It’s strange all right. It must have been planted.”

  “You mean that someone tried to frame ACB for the murder?”

  “That’s my guess.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This was huge. This was beyond huge.

  “Who would want to frame Antoinette Chloe?” I asked.

  “If we knew that, we’d have our murderer.”

  “Ty, do you think that Sal Brown could have discovered that ACB and Marvin were having an affair? An affair that has lasted since high school? Remember, they were a couple, according to the yearbook. And ACB told me that she was pregnant with Marvin’s baby in high school. Marv wouldn’t marry her, but Sal Brown did. I’m only assuming that their affair had continued, but it makes sense, doesn’t it?”

  “Hot damn. A love triangle, just like you suggested. Where are you now, Trixie?”

  “Walking to my car.”

  “Good. Go home. I’ll catch up with you.”

  “One more thing, Ty. I found out that ACB and Sal just had an argument about the gardenia dress and him selling the land. She was very upset. She didn’t know he’d sold it. She said that they were going to retire there and build a home on the lake.”

  “This is huge. Let me handle it from here, Trixie. You did a great job; now go home. Promise?”

  “Yeah. I promise. I’m exhausted.”

  My brain whirled as I walked to my car, cutting through the parking lots of the various businesses in the tiny downtown area of Sandy Harbor.

  I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was walking or what I was doing, but I found myself in another back parking lot. I almost bumped into Brown’s white van.

  A banging noise was coming from within the van, almost like someone was kicking the side of the van from inside.

  With one hand, I reached for my cell phone to call 911, while with the other I opened the van doors. Someone might be hurt.

  My eyes adjusted to the dark interior. There was Antoinette Chloe Brown, bound and gagged, lying on the van floor. She shook her head violently, and lashed out with her flip-flops on the side of the van. I guessed that she wanted me to untie her, but I wasn’t going into that van. I needed to call for help.

  But before I had a chance to dial, the phone was yanked out of my hand. I whirled around, ready with my knee to launch a swift jab.

  Roberta Cummings jumped back before I could connect.

  “Roberta, call the police!” I shouted. “Antoinette Chloe is in the back of Sal’s van, and she’s tied up and gagged.”

  “Why would I call the police? I’m the one who put her there.”

  Roberta Cummings walked toward me, a black metal gun in her alabaster hand. I don’t know my guns or my calibers, but it looked B-I-G, and it was pointed right at me. Then she handed it to Sal Brown.

  “What’s going on here?” I asked Roberta. Her cheeks were almost flushed, she had a slight smile, and she looked…excited.

  Sal and Roberta were in this together!

  Of course! It was Roberta who called Juanita out to the front of the diner so Sal could plant the poison mushrooms in the pork and scalloped potatoes.

  I moved a few steps toward Roberta. “It’s not too late for you to get out of this. Roberta, call the police.”

  Instead she picked up a travel bag and hoisted it over her shoulder. I noticed more suitcases behind her.

  “Now what are we going to do, Sal?” she asked.

  “We have to dispose of both of them. My unfaithful wife and Trixie. It’s too bad, Trixie. I liked you.”

  My heart was going to fly right out of my chest, I was so scared. “I liked you, too, Sal. But tell me, did you get the Destroying Angels to poison Mr. Cogswell from your land?”

  Even with all his facial hair, I could still see his mouth curled up in a smile. “It’s a good name for a mushroom, isn’t it? Destroying Angel. That’s just how I felt when I…when we…” He looked at Roberta, and she smiled at him.

  “Premeditated murder,” I said, digging my own grave. “And it looks like you are skipping town. Did you get lots of money from the sale of your lakefront property, Sal?”

  “You’ve been busy, haven’t you?” He clicked his tongue against his teeth. “Too bad.”

  “Your major felony made the Silver Bullet a ghost town.” I said, trying to stall. Maybe ACB would attract more attention. I’d left the back doors of the van open, and she was still pounding.

  “But the demise of the Silver Bullet made my Antoinette Chloe a happy person. And God knows that I’ve tried to make her happy over the years, but nothing I did ever satisfied her. She never loved me, so finally I gave up.”

  I swallowed hard. “But Sal, you tried to frame her, and now you’re going to kill her! And me, too!”

  “I’d had enough of hearing about Marvin Cogswell!” he yelled, then sobered. “He’s all she talked about. ‘Marv gave me flowers, this perfume.’ ‘Marv would never do what you did.’ ‘Marv dresses better than you.’ ‘Marv gave me this necklace…’ Marv, Marv, Marv!”

&nbs
p; He was snapping right before my eyes. He professed to love his wife, but he’d tied her up in the back of the van to kill her. His big brown eyes were swimming in tears, and for a nanosecond I felt sorry for him.

  Then he straightened his spine, wiped the tears from his eyes with the hem of his tee, and took a couple of deep breaths. “Roberta and I are going to spend all the money that I got for my lakefront property. I knew it would come in handy someday. Now, enough chitchat, Trixie. Walk to the van, and don’t make a sound.”

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “You’re so curious about my land. I know of a nice old well on the property. No one will find you and Antoinette Chloe for decades.”

  “Don’t be too sure of that, Sal. Deputy Sheriff Ty Brisco is on your trail.” At least I hoped he was.

  “He’s on a nice wild-goose chase,” Roberta said. “All three of the deputies are. I called and reported that a little girl fell into the far end of Sandy Harbor where it meets Lake Ontario. The three stooges are gone.”

  “Aren’t you the smart one?” I said sarcastically.

  I wished I knew the moves to knock the gun out of Roberta’s hand and get her in a headlock, but what did a Philly tour guide know? In all my years with Deputy Doug, he hadn’t taught me one defensive tactic, and I’d never asked to learn.

  I took a deep breath. “The Sandy Harbor sheriffs are not stooges. And they’ll be coming to get the two of you.”

  “Walk!” he said, and I could feel his gun in my back.

  “Roberta, dammit, call the police!” I yelled.

  “Not a prayer, Trixie. Marv wouldn’t marry me. I wasted years on him. Just like Sal wasted years on Antoinette Chloe.”

  “But Roberta, I thought that Marvin abused you. Why would you want to marry him?”

  She waved a hand in dismissal. “Our fights were legendary. And I was the one who hit him.” She grinned.

  “So Marvin got a wrong rap?” I shook my head.

  She shrugged. “All part of my plan.”

  I looked at both of them, partners in crime, and my stomach roiled.

  “Walk or I’ll shoot you right here,” Sal said.

  “Whatever you say, Sal,” I said. I was mad now. I wasn’t going to go quietly into an old well. I shuddered, thinking of snakes and spiders and spending that much time with ACB.

  I wasn’t worried that Sal was going to pull that trigger. He was a sneaky killer who used poison. He didn’t want to see blood.

  We walked to the van with Sal toting one of Roberta’s suitcases and with his gun in my back. Roberta carried another suitcase and still pointed her gun. Where was everyone?

  “I hope you’re going someplace warm,” I said, still fishing for information.

  “We’re going someplace without an extradition treaty.” Sal laughed and, as he did, the gun jiggled up and down in his hand.

  When Antoinette Chloe saw Sal, she began to thrash and tried to kick him. If that gag ever came off, there’d be a string of obscenities so loud that the people in Watertown would hear her.

  “Roberta, do you have anything I could gag Trixie with?”

  “I have a couple of silk scarves, but I don’t want to—”

  “Just give them to me!” Sal spit the words, and I felt the spray.

  He stuffed a scarf into my mouth. It tasted like old Estee Lauder perfume. He tied the other around my head to keep the gag in place. Then he tied my hands with rope and pushed me down onto the hard metal floor of the van.

  ACB looked at me, tears pooling in her brown eyes. Her cheeks were striped from dripping mascara. I blinked back my own tears. I wouldn’t give Sal or Roberta the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

  They both slipped into the front seats, and we started to roll.

  Looking around for something to cut the rope binding me, I couldn’t find anything. I turned on my side to ACB, hoping that she might have some fingers available to untie my hands.

  She had to turn her back to me because her hands were tied behind her back, but I did feel her trying to untie my hands.

  Luckily, Roberta and Sal were chatting away and didn’t notice what we were doing in the back of the van.

  I finally felt the rope loosen around my hands, just as my shoulder was growing numb. ACB did it!

  Then I helped her, being careful not to give us away. I put my index finger over my gag as a sign for her not to talk.

  We both loosened the ropes that were tying our ankles, just enough so Sal wouldn’t notice.

  We drove over smooth roads, and then a crazy bumpy road. We had to be on Sal’s land, which was not far from my property. If only I could make it to the Silver Bullet! I didn’t know the woods at all, but I could try to make it to the lake. Then I could find my way on the beach.

  I glanced at my fellow captive. Could she and her flip-flops keep up with me?

  Who was I kidding? Did wearing sneakers suddenly turn me into an athlete? I hadn’t run three feet in my entire life.

  But then again, I’d never had to run for my life.

  I tried to signal to ACB that as soon as the doors to the van opened, we should kick with all our might.

  She seemed to understand me. We took off our gags—thank God—and slid closer to the back door of the van, our knees almost touching it. Just as Sal opened the double doors, we kicked him with all our might.

  ACB landed the best kick, right in Sal’s jewels.

  As Sal squirmed on the muddy ground, Roberta appeared with Sal’s gun in her hand.

  I kicked out at her, but she was too far back.

  “Get out!” she screamed. “And put your hands in the air.” She looked at Sal, holding his privates. “Get up, Sal. I don’t know where the damn well is.”

  “Over there,” he said, pointing. “Just go straight. I can’t…walk.”

  “Don’t do this, Roberta. Don’t do it!” I pleaded.

  “You can have Sal. Take him.” ACB sniffed. “But leave us alone.”

  “I don’t want him.” Roberta looked down her nose at ACB. “I just want my share of the money he promised me for luring Juanita away from the kitchen.”

  “Were you the one who phoned in an order to Sunshine Food Supply for a box of mushrooms?” I had to know; it had been bothering me.

  She laughed. “I thought it would cast more suspicion on you,” Roberta said, pushing me forward.

  “We were going to build our retirement home here.” ACB started to wail.

  Roberta raised her arm up to the sky and shot the gun. “Shut up! Both of you, just shut up.”

  The crack of the shot echoed in my brain. My scream echoed across New York State. Before Roberta could point the gun back at us, I reached for her skinny wrist and twisted it. Then I threw all my weight at her like a crazed wrestler, and we both fell into a pile of snow. For good measure, I heaped some snow on her face.

  “Get the gun, Antoinette Chloe.”

  “I don’t want to touch it,” she said.

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake.” I sighed. “Then take my place on top of Roberta.”

  “Okay.”

  She obliged, hiked up her palm-tree-and-coconut-covered muumuu, and sat on a probably very cold, very sore, Roberta Cummings.

  I picked up the gun from the ground and looked over at Sal Brown. He was still curled up like a boiled shrimp in a foot of snow.

  “Antoinette Chloe, by any chance do you have a cell phone?” I asked, wondering why I hadn’t asked her that while our hands were semi-free in the van.

  She grunted. I took that to mean yes.

  I searched the pockets of her coat and found it. Before I could dial, I could hear police sirens getting louder and louder.

  Soon, they found us.

  Ty knelt down and handcuffed Sal Brown. He turned him over to Vern McCoy to be searched.

  Then Ty ran toward us. “Are you okay?” he asked me, gently taking the gun from my hand.

  He looked at me from head to toe.

  “I’m fine. Really.”
>
  “And how about you, Antoinette Chloe?” he asked.

  She made a face. “Considering that my husband is a killer and he was going to frame me and run off with this skinny skank, I guess I’m okay.”

  Ty stifled a laugh, and so did I.

  “Get this elephant off me!” Roberta gasped for air.

  Ty helped ACB off Roberta and helped a wet Roberta to stand up. He then cuffed her and patted her down.

  “Let’s all go back to the office and sort this out,” Ty said.

  “And, boy, do I have a lot to tell you!” ACB said, glaring over to where Sal stood with his arms cuffed behind his back, being guarded by Vern McCoy.

  Her feet had to be freezing in those flip-flops, but that didn’t stop her from stomping over to her husband, throwing back her arm, and slapping Sal’s face.

  “That’s for poisoning Marv Cogswell. There was never anything between us, you stupid idiot. I just tried to make you jealous because…because…I wanted to keep you on your toes.”

  His mouth dropped open. “Oh, Annie! Dammit, Annie! Now you tell me?”

  “Oh, Sal, you supreme idiot. How could you ever think I’d love Marv? He wouldn’t marry me when I was pregnant, but you did, Sal. You did.” She blinked back tears. “But I can’t understand how you could fool around with the snow queen.” She curled her top lip and sneered at Roberta.

  “How did you and Roberta get together?” I asked Sal. I knew from Deputy Doug that once a suspect was handcuffed, he couldn’t be questioned by law enforcement without his Miranda rights being read. However, that requirement didn’t pertain to a certain diner owner who almost spent the rest of her days in a well and chitchatting with ACB.

  “Yeah, Sal, explain that,” ACB ordered.

  “One day, I went over to the Crossroads for a beer and to unwind. Roberta and I got to talking. We decided for our own reasons to take care of Marv.”

  “What was your reason, Roberta?” I turned to her, but she stared down at the ground. It was dawning on me that Sal was definitely not the mastermind criminal type. Roberta must have orchestrated the entire murder, but still I didn’t understand why. “Roberta?”

  “I had a boring, dead-end job and no savings. I needed cash to get away from here and start over. So when Sal told me he thought Marv and that floral explosion of a woman over there were having an affair, I decided to manipulate Sal into killing Marvin and running away with me. Believe me, I’d have spent all his money before he knew it.”