Finding a Hart

by Kay Gordon

  And I’d only gone down three aisles.

  “Can I help you find something, sir?” A chipper woman in a purple vest appeared in front of me and I shook my head.

  “Uh, no. Thanks.”

  I walked away from her but my head began to spin again. When I reached the car seat aisle, I turned and walked out before I hyperventilated. I wasn’t the type to have anxiety attacks but I wondered if that was what they felt like.

  When I got back to my car, I dropped my head to the steering wheel and attempted to slow my breathing.

  How the hell was I going to do this?

  Chapter Seven

  Stephanie

  The weekend passed by quickly and somehow slowly at the same time. I spent six hours at the hospital on Saturday and four on Sunday before I went to dinner. Kara and I bonded a bit more and I knew that she was someone I would love to be friends with.

  The baby was amazing. He had lost a little weight but was back up to six pounds exactly and he just seemed bigger to me. It was amazing how much he could change in just one short week.

  His little suck reflex was better, too. The feeding tube was still in but they had reduced how much he received through that because he was taking a bit more from the bottle.

  I checked in with Valerie and Kevin on Sunday but they still didn’t have the lab results back and Kevin promised to call the moment they had them. He also told me that they hadn’t been able to locate Angela Roberts and that when they searched her apartment, it had looked like she’d packed all of her clothes. If the DNA came back to match Jared Hart, they would issue an arrest warrant for Angela and start a wider search.

  I woke up easily on Monday morning and was dressed and ready to go a lot sooner than I normally was. Nervous energy flowed through my veins at the thought of seeing City Roast- Jared- again. I had no idea what to even say because everything had changed since the last time we were at Java Express.

  Everything.

  A car accident clogged traffic, basically erasing any extra time I had given myself that morning. I finally pulled into the parking lot and killed my engine, taking in a few deep breaths before pushing my door open. I could tell Java Express was packed before I even opened the door and my suspicions were confirmed when the crowd of people waiting came into view. Glancing around, I saw that I wouldn’t have to wait in line.

  City Roast was waiting at one of the tables with two cups of coffee and two pastries in front of him. He was in a black suit and a light pink shirt with a navy blue tie affixed to his neck. His hair was unruly, just like it always was, and the sight of him made my heart race.

  His eyes met mine and a broad smile filled his face, causing one to hit mine, too. I stepped towards the table and took my coffee in hand when he offered it up to me.

  “You know, I never would have guessed Stephanie.”

  I chuckled and shook my head as I put my coffee down and reached for the apple fritter he’d purchased. “Jared wasn’t even on my radar.”

  “Does that mean we both win or we both lose?” he asked after he’d taken a long sip of his drink and I shook my head.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Yeah,” he replied, his voice soft and pensive. “I guess everything has changed since I left, hasn’t it?”

  “It really has,” I agreed with a sigh. “If that baby turns out to be yours, your life is going to be completely different. You won’t have time to sleep, let alone date. If that baby turns out to be yours, I’m going to be the one managing your case.”

  He ran a hand down his face and shook his head. “A baby. I might have a baby. I don’t even know what to think about that.”

  “It’s going to be okay. I’ll be here to help in any way I can. As a case manager if it comes to that but as a friend no matter what.” I reached out and covered his hand with my own. His eyes darted to meet mine and his lips tipped up slightly.

  “A friend. If that’s all that’s on the table, I’ll take it.”

  We stayed like that, not saying anything more, for a moment and I finally removed my hand when I saw the time on my phone. We finished off the pastries, cleaned up our garbage, and grabbed our cups. As always, Jared led me out to my car and opened the door for me.

  “Oh, wait,” he said suddenly, reaching into his suit pocket to grab something. He held out his hand and revealed three Ghirardelli chocolate bars, as promised. I couldn’t have held back the laughter if I’d tried as I took them.

  “You are a prince among men, Mr. Hart.” I leaned in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, just like I had ten days before. It was completely unprofessional and something I probably shouldn’t have done, but I did it anyway. “See you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow, Vanilla Latte.” He closed my door and stepped back, watching as always as I drove away.

  Mondays at work were always busy just because of all of the reports and messages we received over the weekend. Our dispatcher went through the tips on our abuse and neglect hotline and then emailed them to me so I could distribute them to our employees.

  It was after six when I finally left the office and headed towards the hospital to see Chris. Kara wasn’t there but the other nurses had become used to my presence, too, and they let me have all the time I wanted as I sat in the rocking chair with Chris up against my mostly-bare chest.

  The feeding tube was still in but Dr. Struthers told me that they would probably remove it in the next day or two. He was eating really well from a bottle and they weren’t giving him supplemental nutrition anymore.

  Chris was keeping his eyes open a little longer each time and I loved when he’d stare up at me while I spoke to him. I liked to think that he like listening to me talk and I had full on conversations with the ten-day-old baby.

  “And with these long legs you’ll play sports,” I said to him quietly. “Maybe basketball or track but something. But you’ll have to study hard, too, so you can become a doctor or an astronaut. It’s important to find balance, Chris.”

  “You’re a great mommy,” someone said quietly to my left and I jerked my head up to find a woman standing by the bassinet next to Chris’s. I didn’t recognize her but new people arrived every day.

  Before I could respond, she hurried on. “The bond you share is beautiful. He obviously adores you already.”

  “Thanks,” I whispered as I swallowed around the lump in my throat. “Did you just arrive?”

  She nodded and gestured to her bassinet. “Louie was born last night. We’re hoping he’ll only be here a night or two. I was four weeks early.”

  The nurse came over to help the mom try to breastfeed and I was thankful for the distraction. I rocked Chris until he was back to sleep and then put him in his bed before quietly sneaking out.

  I met Jared for coffee both Tuesday and Wednesday morning and we kept the conversation as normal as possible. He did ask for updates on the baby and I offered him as much information as I could without breaking confidentiality. I could tell he wanted to know more but was keeping himself as detached as possible, just in case he wasn’t the father.

  It was after lunch Wednesday when my office phone rang and I snatched up immediately when I saw who was calling.

  “Hey, Val.”

  “Hi, Steph,” Valerie replied cheerfully. “Do you have a second?”

  I leaned back in my chair and looked out the window. “I have plenty of seconds for you.”

  “The DNA results finally came back.”

  “Wow, finally.” I kept my eyes on the city as I inhaled a deep breath. “And?”

  “And Jared Hart is the father of Baby Boy Doe.”

  Jared Hart was Chris’s father. Elation filled every inch of me, leaving me feeling both invigorated and exhausted. “Oh, man. That’s great. That’s the best news I’ve had all day.”

  “It really is,” Valerie agreed. “We’re going to notify him next and we have the arrest warrant for Angela Roberts being signed now. I just wanted to l
et you know.”

  “I appreciate it, Val.” I paused for a moment. “Tell Jared I can meet him at the hospital this afternoon if he wants to meet his son.”

  “Will do. Thanks, Steph.”

  I jumped up from my desk, not bothering to put on my heels and stuck my head into Robin’s office.

  “He’s the father.”

  She looked up from her computer and smiled at me. “That’s amazing.”

  “Right?” I didn’t wait for her to respond before I headed back into my office. I had to confirm with Jared, but just knowing I could potentially cancel the foster family I’d lined up for Chris felt great.

  Valerie text me to ask if I could meet Jared at the hospital around five and I immediately replied that I would. Throughout the day, I prepped the file for Jared and Chris so I could have it with me and I waved to everyone as I walked out of the office a bit later.

  I was buzzed into the maternity ward easily and I walked towards the nursery that Chris was kept in. A man was standing in front of the window, just staring inside. I stopped a few feet behind him but he hadn’t heard me. Without seeing his face, I knew exactly who it was thanks to the way my whole body awakened just being close to him.

  Like always, he was dressed in a suit. His blonde hair was sticking up in the back and his hands were stuffed into his pockets as he shifted nervously. I took a few steps forward and cleared my throat.

  “Hey, City Roast.”

  He turned his head quickly, as if he’d been caught doing something wrong, and a grin filled his handsome face. “Vanilla Latte. Long time no see.”

  I chuckled and shrugged one shoulder. “Two times in one day. You should consider yourself lucky.” I looked to a small alcove that was adjoining the hallway. “Before we head in, I want to go over a few things if that’s okay.”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  He took the seat next to me and I pulled my iPad out of my bag. I turned to give him another smile as I brought up the file for the Hart family.

  “So, congratulations are in order. How are you feeling?”

  Jared let out a small laugh. “Overwhelmed, honestly.”

  “I can only imagine,” I replied with a nod. “Despite how cool you’ve been trying to play it, I know this had to be on your mind all week.”

  “It’s been all I’ve thought about,” he agreed quietly.

  “Good. What decisions have you come up with?”

  He furrowed his brow in confusion. “What do you mean?’

  “Well,” I began cautiously. “You have options. If you don’t want to assume custody of Chris, we can arrange to have your parental rights absolved and he’ll go up for adoption. There’s no shame in that, either.”

  “He’s my son,” he stated, a hard tone to his voice to match the expression on his face. “I’m his father. I’m going to take care of him.”

  Even though he was frowning at me, I couldn’t help but smile. “Good. I was hoping you’d say that. That little boy deserves a family who will love him and who will fight for him.”

  Jared stared at me for a moment and his green eyes would have burned holes into my face if they could have. Finally, his expression softened. He swallowed and looked at the floor.

  “I plan on doing that.”

  “Perfect. I’ve prepared everything assuming you would go in this direction.” I moved the iPad so he could see it and went over how everything was going to work. I told him about how I would be filing to have Angela’s parental rights terminated as soon as the law allowed. I also detailed how I would be doing home visits for the first year of Chris’s life since he was abandoned at birth.

  We also arranged for me to go by his place on Saturday so I could do a quick inspection of where the baby would be living. I normally didn’t do home visits on the weekends but with him having to request time off of work so suddenly, I didn’t want him to have to miss anymore during the week than necessary.

  After I was done explaining everything, I had him sign in a few different places and put the iPad away in my bag.

  “They’re just going to give him to me?” Jared blinked at me and shook his head. “Even though I’ve never even held a baby?”

  “Yeah, they are.” I reached my hand out and placed it over his, a gesture that I was becoming far too comfortable with doing. “A lot of parents don’t have much experience with kids when their first is born. You’ll learn. Your instincts will kick in and we can get you help.”

  Jared looked down at his lap without replying and I could feel the trepidation rolling off of him in waves. I knew that he would get over it once he had that baby in his arms.

  “Would you like to meet him?” I asked quietly, squeezing his hand. He paled at my simple question and reached up to run his free hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in even more areas.

  His eyes held mine for a moment before he jerked his head slightly. “Yeah. I really would.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jared

  We both stood and her hand unfortunately dropped from mine. Stephanie gestured for me to follow her, something I’d gladly do. She was wearing a tight pair of black pants that day with matching heels, and the combination made her long legs look even longer. In those three-inch shoes, she was only about an inch or two shorter than me.

  It was almost laughable how different things were. Two weeks before I had been planning on coming back from San Francisco and asking her out on a real date, one outside of the coffee shop. And now she had completely friend-zoned me and I was on my way in to meet my son.

  My son.

  She led me to a door labeled NICU: Level Two and stopped at the sink in front of it. She explained that we had to wash our hands before we went in so that they could keep the germ exposure down to a minimum. We hung up our jackets and her bag before washing in complete silence.

  The second we were through the door, she grinned at one of the nurses standing in the room.

  “Hey. How did it go last night?”

  The nurse, a pretty brunette, let out a long sigh. “No more blind dates. He told racist jokes and laughed loudly at them when he did.” She stuck out her hand with her thumb down. “I’m just going to get some ice cream and a cat. That will complete my life, right?”

  I couldn’t help but smile at that and Stephanie laughed quietly while rolling her eyes. “You need at least two cats for that plan to work.” She turned and gestured to me. “Kara, this is Jared Hart. He’s Chris’s father.”

  God, his father. That hit me square in the chest but I tried not to show it. The nurse, Kara, extended her hand and shook my own lightly.

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Hart.”

  “You, too.” I swallowed nervously and looked over at the multiple crib things. I had no idea which one held my son. “I guess I can ask questions now and you can actually tell me. Have you been here the whole time? Is he healthy?”

  Kara nodded. “I was here when he was brought in and he’s made such great progress. The doctor should be in soon and he can give you specific information but your son is healthy, Mr. Hart. He’s pretty amazing.” A baby let out a cry and she glanced behind her before looking at Stephanie. “Steph can show you the ropes since she spends just as much time in here as I do. Let me know if you guys need anything.”

  “Come on.” Stephanie led me to a small crib thing in the middle of the room and she stopped next to it. I stood behind her, unable to see into the bed yet, so I watched her instead.

  A look of tenderness overcame her face as she stared at the baby and a smile lifted both side of her lips. The way she stared at him was with so much affection that if I hadn’t known better, I would have thought the baby was hers, not mine.

  “Come here,” she said quietly, turning those pale blue eyes and smile on me. “Come meet your son.”

  I stepped forward and looked at the baby for the first time, sucking in a sharp breath when I did.

  He was wrapped up in a white
blanket so tightly that he looked like a burrito. The only part of him visible was his head and even that had a blue cap covering the top of it. His eyes were closed as he slept and his mouth in the perfect ‘O’ shape. A cute button nose was settled between two chubby little cheeks and I felt a dull ache in my chest.

  Was it possible that I loved him already?

  “You can pick him up,” Stephanie said quietly, grabbing my attention. I glanced over at her and shook my head quickly.

  “I don’t… How?”

  The soft smile on her face was breathtaking. “Okay, how about this? Sit in that glider chair there and I’ll place him in your arms.”

  Without questioning her, I took a seat in the small chair and watched as she lifted my son from his bed. He made a soft noise, like a coo, and Stephanie laughed softly.

  “They took out his feeding tube this morning so all of the monitors and tubes are completely gone. That little thing on his ankle is just a safety device so he can’t be removed from this wing. He’s such a champ.” She settled him in arms, which felt completely stiff, and gave me directions of how to move.

  “Just support his head, either with your hand or your arm. You won’t break him. I promise.”

  He was perfect. I know all parents say that but he really was. That’s when I knew the answer to my earlier question. I loved the little guy so much. A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed quickly to keep from losing it.

  “Hi,” I whispered, ducking my head a bit so I could inspect him closer. “Hi, buddy.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Stephanie step back and panic flooded me suddenly. I snapped my head up to look at her.

  “Please don’t leave.”

  She gave me an understanding smile, like I was an easily spooked wild animal, and nodded. After grabbing one of those rolling stools, she sat down. “Okay. I won’t go anywhere.”