Shattered Souls (To Love and Serve Book 1)

by Alison Mello

  As soon as the door is shut Chloe looks at me with her eyes narrowed. “You and I need to talk.”

  “About what?”

  “You know what, but first you are going to get rid of this.” She holds up the bottle. I grab it from her hands and start toward my room.

  “Where are you going?” She grabs my arm spinning me around.

  “To get rid of the bottle,” I explain, confused by her question.

  She shakes her head. “Down the drain. You’re done.”

  My eyes go wide, but then I remember I have another bottle. I roll my eyes at her. “Fine.” I walk over to the sink, uncap the bottle, and dump it down the drain. “Sorry, Jose, but she’s making me do it.” I toss the bottle into the trash and go straight to my room.

  “Lexi, I’m scared.” I see her leaning against my door. “I want to help you, but I don’t know how.” I shrug because I’m not sure what to say. She walks into my room and sits on my bed. “I know you’re hurting, please talk to me.”

  A tear runs down my cheek. “I wish the nightmares would stop. I wish the pain would go away and I could just forget that entire experience. I have no memory of Bailey dying yet that day plays over and over in my head until I wake up in the hospital to find out she’s gone.” I wipe at my tears. “I need to forget.”

  She wraps me in her arms. “You need to get help.”

  I nod, but never speak the words, because I’m not ready to own them yet. We sit together while I have a good ugly cry. I have no idea how long we sit but I’m left with hiccups and tired eyes. I feel her lie me down. I don’t fight it. I need to sleep, and I do, all night long.

  “Chloe, you ready to roll?” We’re about to head out on our shift. I feel like it’s going to be a long day. It’s Monday and I need to feed my caffeine addiction.

  “Yeah, let’s go.” She swipes the keys to our cruiser and we both make our way out the door. “Coffee?” she asks.

  “Really? Do you know your partner at all?” My brows are raised giving her a look of disbelief. I’ve been Chloe’s partner for about six months now and we get along great. I’ll admit I was nervous about being the partner of a female cop, but she’s one tough cookie. She’s wicked awesome, and I wouldn’t trade her for half the guys on the force.

  She gives me a small smile and pulls out toward our favorite coffee shop. She parks the cruiser right in front of the Dunkin’ Donuts and we both climb out. When we walk through the door the normal morning crew greets us.

  Cindy shouts, “Hey, if it isn’t our favorite two cops.”

  I grin at her. “You’re just saying that because we leave you a nice tip each morning.”

  They all start to chuckle. “Nah, you two are nice to us. Other cops come in and act like they’re king shit. Some of them even try cutting to the front of the line, acting like they’re special.”

  Chloe and I look at each other and shake our heads. “I promise you, we know we’re not special,” Chloe says with laughter.

  “Here you go.” Shannon hands over our two coffees just the way we like it.

  Chloe pulls out her debit card. “I got it. It’s my turn to pay.” She hands it over to Cindy, paying for our coffee, and throws some money into the tip jar.

  “See you all tomorrow.” We both wave our goodbye and head out.

  We’re going to be sitting in our usual spot watching for speeders. Of course, only God knows what else he’s going to drop into our lap today. There’s been a lot of crap going on around the city lately and the chief has everyone on high alert. If there’s one thing they get cranky about it’s the crime rate increasing.

  Chloe slips into the driver’s seat and pulls out of our spot. The car is really quiet since I’ve gotten lost in my thoughts again. I keep thinking about Lexi and her situation, trying to decide if I need to go to Chloe yet, and how I would feel if someone went to my friend to discuss me behind my back. Part of me feels like Chloe needs to know what happened. Lexi clearly needs help, Chloe told me how Lexi got wasted her first night home. I tried to ease Chloe’s concerns by telling her it’s perfectly normal for someone to get wasted after going through an experience like that. Shit, I drank quite a bit after losing my last partner. You need to forget. That’s how I ended up with Dr. Miranda.

  I told her to keep an eye on her, and if it got worse she should push her to get into counseling. She hasn’t mentioned her drinking anymore since then, but I don’t know if it’s because she’s afraid to admit her friend has a problem, or if it simply hasn’t happened. I think what messes me up is I look at Lexi and I see me.

  “What’s wrong, Keegan?”

  “Huh.” I was so deep in thought, I hadn’t realized she’s already parked our car. I haven’t said anything the entire ride. I decide to tell her because I don’t like the thought of Lexi getting any more lost than she already is.

  “I said what’s wrong?”

  “I bumped into Lexi the other night while you were working your extra shift.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. What did you guys do?”

  I shake my head. “I’m glad I bumped into her, but it wasn’t like that. She was wasted. I walked her home and helped her upstairs.” I sip my coffee letting her take this news in.

  She blows out a deep breath. “Damn it. She told me she had this under control. That’s the third time she’s been wasted since she got home last week, and those are just the times I know about.”

  “What is she doing about work?” She needs to find something to look forward to if she’s going to move past this. She’s living in the past when she needs to look to her future.

  She shrugs. “She’s applied for a few nursing positions, but if she doesn’t pull her head out of her ass she’s never going to get hired.”

  “You need to get her help.” This beautiful woman is going to throw her life away and the thought kills me.

  “I know that but it’s hard. I don’t know what to say to her. I’ve never been in her shoes, and she knows it. She’s only going to throw that in my face.” I feel bad because Chloe sounds scared for her friend. The sad thing is Chloe’s right.

  “What about her parents?”

  “I don’t think she’s even seen them. I think she’s only spoken with them over the phone. They live just outside Boston now, about an hour’s ride away.” She sips her coffee and stares out the windshield of the car. “Lexi wanted to come back to the city to get a job as a nurse in one of the big hospitals. She said she needs to feel like she’s making a difference.” She shakes her head. “How the hell is she going to make a difference like this?”

  “I’ll talk to her,” I offer, wanting to help.

  Her head whips around. “Do you think you can help?”

  I nod. “I’ve been in her shoes, but I need a little time. I can’t just walk into your house and be like, ‘Hey, I know what you’re going through and you need help. Go see this doctor.’” I changed my voice making Chloe laugh.

  “Okay, let’s start with dinner at my place tonight. She’s supposed to be home when I get there. We had plans to chill tonight anyway.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me.”

  Chloe’s about to say more but we’re cut off by the radio. “Attention all units in the vasinity of Baldwin and Main…”

  Time to rock and roll.

  We pull up to Chloe’s apartment after a long ass shift. We gave out two speeding tickets and made an arrest on a domestic violence call. I’m looking forward to chilling out and having some laughs. When we got back to the precinct, we both changed out of our uniforms and I followed her to her place. When I climb out of my car, I see she’s nervous. She waits holding the door open for me and we ride the elevator in silence up to her floor. When she opens the door, we find Lexi inside cooking dinner. She’s chipper, has music playing, and is dancing around the kitchen.

  “Smells good in here,” Chloe announces.

  “I decided to cook for you tonight.” She turns stopping dead in her tracks when she sees me. A flash of shoc
k flashes across her face for only a second before she recovers.

  “I hope you don’t mind if Keegan hangs with us tonight.”

  “Nope, it’s fine. I made plenty.” A slight blush creeps up on her face, but she quickly turns back to the stove to tend to dinner, and if I’m not mistaken to hide from me. I was wondering how much she remembered from that night, but her reaction tells me she remembers it just fine. It was a look of pure embarrassment.

  “Thanks, I’m starving. My partner doesn’t let me take a lunch break half the time.” I take a seat at the snack bar. Chloe gives me a dirty look and plants her hands firmly on her hips.

  I laugh. She looks cute, and if she weren’t my partner, I may have considered asking her out. However I won’t, not only because she’s my partner, but I refuse to date a cop. I’m too protective. I would spend half my time worried, and I do enough stressing over my partner.

  “Want a beer?” Chloe asks, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Nah, water is cool for now. Maybe after dinner.”

  Lexi rolls her eyes, and now I know she’s avoiding me because of the other night. I really wasn’t sure she’d remember since she was so drunk, but apparently she does. “So, Lexi, what do you want to do for work now that you’re home?”

  She turns around with a small smile on her face. She looks relieved that I’ve asked her a simple question. “Well, I’ve applied at all the local hospitals. There are several positions available and most of the listings close late next week. Hopefully I get a call from one of them. I really want to be an ER nurse. I love the hustle and bustle of it, and I feel like that’s one of the places nurses get to make a big impact.”

  “Sounds intense.” I’m really concerned. This can cause flashbacks. That’s not what she needs.

  She nods. “It can be.” She pulls some plates from the cabinet while Chloe grabs some utensils and makes a salad.

  I can’t help but wonder how it will impact her, and will she be able to handle it? Is this going to make it worse for her? I tuck the thought away for a later conversation as I listen to her speak excitedly over the different positions. She really is beautiful even with her hair tossed into a messy knot on the top of her head.

  She puts a plate of elbows with meat sauce in front of me. “Thanks.”

  She gives me a small smile and serves up two more plates for her and Chloe. We all take some salad and start eating. “What made you want to be a cop?” she asks, sitting beside me.

  I chuckle. “It’s a long story. Let’s just say a shitty history.” I quickly shovel some food into my mouth not wanting to say more.

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” We all go quiet eating our dinner.

  Chloe is the first one done. She gets up from the snack bar, clears her plate, and loads it into the dishwasher. “I’m going to take a quick shower.” She walks off leaving Lexi and I alone in the kitchen.

  I get up next and start cleaning the rest of the mess from dinner. The silence in the room is deafening. “You don’t have to do that,” she says, softly. I can hear the trembling in her voice.

  “It’s fine. I don’t mind cleaning up.” I put the leftover pasta into a container and place it in the fridge. I start cleaning the pans she used when she comes up beside me and puts the salad away. I can feel her eyes on me. I turn to look at her and our eyes connect. “What?” My voice is soft.

  I can see she’s torn up inside. She closes her eyes. “I’m sorry about the other night.”

  I shut off the water, dry my hands and stand in front of her with one arm on either side of her, pinning her to the counter. She looks up at me. “You have no need to apologize. I’ve been there. I get it.” I can see the torment as well as the sincerity in her beautiful blue eyes.

  She looks up into my eyes. “Thank you.” Her voice is soft, barely a whisper as she fights to get the words out past her emotions.

  “Listen.” I give her a smile to lighten the mood. “I would really like to get to know you better. We have a connection that I think you feel as well. Let me take you to dinner.”

  A slight blush appears as she bites her lip. “I think that’s why I’m so embarrassed. I’d love to get to know you. Those green eyes do something to me, and I feel like I made a fool of myself. I can feel her body shaking slightly.

  The pull is definitely there. I rub my nose against hers. “Dinner it is then.” I want so badly to press my lips to hers, but our moment is over when Chloe comes back into the room.

  “Am I interrupting something?” Her arms are crossed at her chest and she has a huge grin on her face.

  Lexi looks around my shoulder with a smug grin. “Yes, as a matter of fact, you are.” I look over my shoulder to see Chloe’s jaw drop, and I can’t help but laugh. I step out from in front of her and get back to cleaning up the pans from dinner while Lexi loads the remainder of the dishes into the dishwasher. When we’re done cleaning up we head into the living room. I take a seat on the couch, Lexi sits next to me, which I find interesting, and Chloe sits in the chair beside us. We are discussing TV shows to watch and it’s turning into an argument. They are trying to get me to watch some girlie shit, like this stripper show that’s now on reality TV. “You two really want me to sit here and watch men take off their clothes.”

  “Maybe you’ll learn something from them,” Lexi taunts.

  I give her my signature one eyebrow stare. “I promise you, I have skills.”

  “Confident much?” she asks with laughter.

  I shrug. “I’ve never gotten any complaints,” I throw back.

  She looks me up and down. “I bet.”

  “Well, it’s been fun, but I think it may be time for me to bounce.” There is no way I’m letting these two convince me to watch this shit. I’ll have my fucking man card revoked in a fucking heartbeat.

  “No,” Lexi whines. “Don’t go.”

  Normally whining would piss me the hell off and I would run out the door, but the pout she’s sporting is cute as fuck. “Are we going to find something else to watch?”

  “Fine.” Chloe changes the channel.

  I shake my head. “I think you two may just be the damn death of me.” They both giggle as Chloe flips through the channels. We end up on the movie Hunt for Red October. It’s almost over, but we agree to finish it. Chloe likes this movie, Lexi and I agree we could care less, but I’ll admit it’s far better than watching some guys fucking strip. Lexi gets comfortable on the other end of the couch, her legs pressed against mine. Every once in awhile I catch her watching me instead of the movie, and it’s hard to not laugh. She grabs a blanket and covers herself up, but because her feet are so close to me she covers part of me, too.

  “Are you comfortable?” I tease.

  “Yes, thank you. I am.” She props her feet on top of my legs.

  I turn my attention back to the movie, noticing Chloe is trying hard to ignore us. Lexi hasn’t stopped flirting since she apologized for the other night, and I think it’s driving Chloe crazy. Lexi is finally focusing on the movie when I slip my hand under the blanket. I gently run my fingers up the bottom of her foot. She jumps up, screaming like she’s been attacked.

  “Ticklish much?” I burst into laughter.

  “Okay. I’ve had enough. I’m going to bed. You two can stay out here and flirt.”

  Lexi is panting on the couch, trying to catch her breath. “I’m extremely ticklish. I can’t believe you did that to me.”

  I shrug. “I didn’t know.” I’m trying to fight my own laughter but failing.

  “It’s not funny,” she says, but she’s laughing hysterically.

  “I think it is actually.” I climb on top of her. “Where else are you ticklish?” I ask her, gliding my hand over her flat stomach.

  “I’m not telling you.” She shakes her head in defiance.

  “Here?” I poke at her ribs, causing her to squirm. “How about here?” I tickle her hips and she laughs even harder. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

  “Making m
e pee myself is fun?” She’s trying to sound mad, but she’s failing miserably.

  I rub my nose against hers. “What time can I pick you up for dinner on Friday? I’m off.”

  “Well, you mentioned dinner, and dinner is typically eaten around five-thirty or six.”

  “Oh, aren’t you funny.” I poke at her ribs again causing her to squeal.

  “I’m sorry,” she squeals.

  “I’ll pick you up at three.” My voice is barely a whisper as I rub my nose gently against hers once again. I want to kiss her so badly. I’m watching for any sign that she wants it too when she picks her head up and presses her lips to mine. She instantly pokes her tongue out, begging for entry. I open and our tongues collide. She tastes amazing, and her lips are so soft. Her hands slip into my hair, she tugs at it, deepening the kiss. It feels demanding and needy. The message goes straight to my cock. I’d love nothing more than to carry her to her room and fill her every need, but tonight is not the night.

  I’ve had my fair share of fucking women to numb the pain and if I give into her need tonight that’s all I’ll be to her, a numbing agent. Damn it, I don’t know why, but I want more than that. Breaking the kiss I press my forehead to hers. “I should get going.”

  A look of disappointment comes over her, but she says nothing. She pushes me off of her and stands up to walk me to the door. I take a deep breath to maintain control because I’m not sure I would reject her if she pushed hard enough. I walk over to the door, where she’s standing with one hand on her hip and the other on the knob. I tuck a piece of loose hair behind her ear and lift her chin, forcing her to look me in the eye. “I’ll see you Friday at three?” She looks hurt, and it nearly breaks me. “I know what you’re feeling and what you’re trying to do. I’ve done it. Trust me, we can have so much more, and so much better, if we give ourselves the chance.” I want to be more than just a fuck buddy to her and I fear if I cave that’s all I’ll ever be.