by Sandy James
She dug her fingers into the sheets, holding on for dear life as her body tensed, tightening as he pushed her higher and higher until her orgasm rocked her body, making her drop her forehead against the mattress as waves of pleasure consumed her.
Nate let out a low moan before he thrust into her one more time and then collapsed. His weight sent her falling forward, and she found herself flat on her stomach with his chest against her back and his legs tangled with hers.
There weren’t any words to express what he’d made her feel. Dani wanted to believe the connection was so intense because they loved each other.
But sometimes loving wasn’t enough.
She’d wanted him so desperately because she feared the talk they were bound to have now, the one that would probably change the course of their relationship. That was the reason she wanted to welcome Nate the way she had. She couldn’t open up and tell him all the things she really needed to without having a physical connection first, a way to drop all her guards and let him in.
He rolled to his side, and Dani lifted herself up on her elbows, happy to see the contentment on his smiling face.
“You have my permission to greet me like that every single time I leave home,” he said.
She giggled before she started to get up.
Nate stopped her by grabbing her arm. “Where are you going?”
“I’m just getting dressed.”
“Why? Figured we could snuggle for a bit.”
Most men would be thrilled she hadn’t wanted to cuddle and be held close after a romp in bed. But not Nate. His smile had vanished, and he looked pretty damned irritated that she hadn’t draped herself over him like a blanket.
“I think we should talk instead.”
“We can talk naked.”
“That would be… uncomfortable.”
He furrowed his brow. “Can’t say I like the tone of that.”
Crawling off the bed, she took off the teddy and picked up the clothes she’d folded and left on the chair when she’d dressed for seduction. Although she wasn’t normally shy about being naked in front of him, at that moment she felt far too exposed. Too vulnerable. It was as though once the sexual storm had passed, all of her guards, all of her defenses against emotional intimacy, snapped firmly back into place.
Dani jerked on her clothes as Nate reluctantly got up and put on his briefs and jeans. Then he sat on the mattress and patted the spot beside him.
She sat down and let him take her hand in his.
“What exactly should we talk about?” he asked.
A chuckle bubbled out of her. “So much… I don’t even know where to begin.”
“If it’s about Kat—”
“No,” she replied. “And yes.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” His defensive tone grated on her, especially when he was the one at fault. He’d been the one to lie, the one to shatter her trust.
Their first fight was brewing, and she had to wonder if it was long overdue. They’d skated through their romance, moving forward with far too much speed and far too little introspection. “It’s not just about her; it’s about you not telling me she was going.”
“I already explained all that, Dani. I didn’t know she’d wangled her way into getting a ticket to Florida.”
“But you didn’t call me from the airport to let me know. Instead, you let her be the one to have the upper hand and feel like she was putting something over on me.”
He let out a sigh that sounded rather guilty. “I should’ve called. I know. I just… I needed to see Grandpa, and…” He shrugged. “I guess I was afraid if I told you Kat was going that you’d tell me not to go.”
Dani tried to hold tight to her temper, but if he kept saying stupid things like that, she wasn’t going to succeed. “Why on earth would you think that? I knew you wanted to see your grandfather. I wouldn’t have even considered bossing you around like some dictator. So Kat went along—uninvited and unwanted? Big fucking deal. I could live with that. It’s that you didn’t even tell me, which means I was blindsided by that bi—um… woman.”
“You weren’t jealous of her?”
“Jealous?” Yes. “More like irritated.”
“You would’ve let me go?” Nate sounded so damned surprised that Dani wanted to punch him on the arm. Hard. “Even knowing she was going, too, you wouldn’t have asked me to stay home?”
She stared at him, mouth agape for a moment. “Have I ever been that kind of clingy girlfriend before, Nate?”
“Well, no…”
The anger made her eyes narrow. “There better not be a but coming.”
“No but. You’re right. I should’ve called. Okay?”
“Why didn’t you tell me she kissed you?”
“Why didn’t you tell me she’d threatened you that she was trying to get me back?” he countered.
“You’re not Socrates. Don’t answer a question with a question.” Dani pulled her hand back, trying to ignore Nate’s responding frown. “You didn’t tell me she kissed you because you kissed her back.”
He raked his fingers through his hair. “For shit’s sake… I didn’t kiss her back.”
“Nate…”
“I mean it. I’ll admit I was flattered. Who wouldn’t love to have an ex suddenly realize she’d fucked up when she left you? But there was zero spark, Dani. Zero.”
“Then why have you been texting her?” The question was out before she could stop herself. Now he’d know what a snoop she’d been, and she’d look like exactly what he assumed she was—a ridiculously jealous girlfriend.
“First of all, she was texting me. Not vice versa. Second, why did you think it was okay to read my texts? Because that’s the only way you could possibly know she’d been texting me.”
As much as she hated to admit it, he was right. That didn’t give him permission, however, to shout at her. “It wasn’t okay. I was just… worried. You saw Kat and then all of a sudden you’re getting a bazillion texts a day, every day. I knew they were from her.”
“So you didn’t violate my privacy?”
“You’re with me now. You shouldn’t be texting an old girlfriend.”
Nate arched a blond eyebrow. “Oh, so you’re blaming the victim now instead of admitting what you did? I didn’t ask her to text me. I told her to leave me alone.”
“You could’ve blocked the number.”
He thought that over for a moment. “You’re right. That’s what I should’ve done.”
The tension between them was thicker than London fog, and Dani figured if she was in for a penny she might as well be in for the whole fucking pound. Better to get everything out in the open. Nate was, after all, obsessed with trust. “I don’t want to have kids, Nate.”
He sat there and blinked as though he didn’t even recognize her. “Where did that come from?”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about it for a long time,” she replied. “I just… I just couldn’t work up the guts to tell you.”
“Why now?”
“It’s all I’ve been able to think about since we were in Indiana. You and Kat lost a baby. How did that make you feel?”
Nate took her hand, and although she considered pulling it away, she had to admit she needed his comfort. “Empty.”
“Pardon?”
“When Kat lost the baby, I felt empty.”
“You’re gonna have to explain that, Nate.”
After rubbing his free hand over his face, he said, “I didn’t want the baby, not when we found out she was pregnant. I was scared it would ruin my life, that I’d have to quit school and end up working at some McDonald’s just to keep the kid in diapers. But then the idea of being a dad settled on me, and I remembered how great my own dad was when I was little. I started thinking about how I could teach my son to play catch or swing a bat. Or jog.”
Every word felt like a fresh knife buried in her heart. This man wanted to be a father. The reverent tone of his voice said even more than his words.
Dani closed her eyes against the stinging tears. She normally loved being right, something the Ladies always teased her about. Perfect Dani who knows everything. This time being right was going to break her heart.
Nate squeezed her hand again. “Then all of a sudden, it ended. Just like that. I didn’t know what to feel except empty. Make sense?”
She nodded, unable to look at him. If she saw the sadness on his face that she’d heard in his voice, she’d start sobbing.
“Dani, none of this has anything to do with us.”
“It has everything to do with us,” she insisted. Hopping to her feet, she started pacing, a nervous habit she had no control over, especially when she was this upset. Nate wanted to be a father. Maybe not now, but in the future for sure. And if Dani held him to this relationship, she’d be denying that one thing she could never give him. “I don’t want children, Nate.”
Instead of saying anything, he sat there on the bed and watched her move back and forth across the open area of their bedroom.
“This wasn’t a decision I made capriciously,” she continued. “I thought about it long and hard. I’m not meant to be a mother. It’s not in my nature. You saw me with Emma. I love that little girl every bit as much as I love Jules and Connor’s boys, but taking care of them day in and day out would send me straight to the looney bin.”
“You were good with Emma,” Nate said.
“Just because I can care for kids doesn’t mean I want one for myself. I have plans for my future. I’m paying almost all my extra money on this house so I can get out of debt. Then I want to travel while I’m still young enough to enjoy it. I want to go to Europe and Alaska and Australia and—”
“I want to travel, too, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have children.”
“I’m not dragging bottles and diapers and car seats everywhere. I’m not worrying about how my kid behaves in fancy restaurants. I’m not leaving places I want to explore early because it’s boring to a child.” Dani tried to bite back the millions of words that now wanted to crowd in her mouth and spill out in her well-thought-out argument for why she would never be a mother. She wasn’t successful. The words tumbled right out anyway. “Call me selfish, but I only have one life. I’m damn well going to live it my way. And I shouldn’t have to justify it to anyone. It’s my choice. But then there was you. No matter how much I love you, I won’t change my mind. I won’t.”
Standing, Nate went to her and stopped her pacing by gripping her shoulders. “Stop trying to convince me. Remember that the future is always changing, sweetheart. Who knows how you’ll feel in ten years? Maybe we could travel now and then later we could—”
She put her fingertips against his lips. “The future might be changing, but my mind won’t. Ever. This isn’t negotiable.” Her hand fell away from his face. “If you want to move back to the basement now, I understand.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
This was the most confusing, frustrating discussion Nate had ever had. He knit his brows and frowned at Dani. “Whoa there. How did we go from talking about whether we’ll have kids to you wanting me to move out?”
“I don’t want you to go… but once you realize what I’m saying, once it really settles in, you’ll go. I just know it.”
“Dani…”
“Everyone will understand,” she continued. “It’s no big deal.”
“It sure as hell is to me!” He had to resist shaking her in frustration.
She stared up at him, her blue eyes brimming with tears. “I’m not changing my mind, and you deserve a woman who will give you the children you want.”
“I can live without having kids.”
After giving him one of her you-are-so-full-of-shit expressions, she shook her head.
“I can. Kids might be nice, but you’re more important to me. If that means it’s always just the two of us for the rest of our lives, fine. I love you.”
“I won’t let you make that kind of sacrifice.”
“It isn’t a sacrifice, sweetheart. Loving you is all I care about.”
When she shook her head again, he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look him in the eye. “If you don’t want kids, I understand. And I accept that choice. It doesn’t mean we don’t belong together.”
“Nate…”
He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, rubbing his chin against her temple. “We’ll travel together. With two salaries, we can pay the house off quicker and start our summer excursions that much sooner. There are tons of places I’d like to see, too. Rome. Tokyo. Australia.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve got to take some time to think about what I said.”
“I don’t need time,” Nate said.
“Yes, you do,” Dani insisted. “You’re so damn young and—”
Letting out a heavy sigh, he shook his head. “I can’t believe we’re back to that. You’re not that much older.”
“There’s a huge difference between twenty-four and thirty-two. At your age, you don’t have enough life experience to even know what you want. I do. Ten years changes the way a person looks at the world.”
“Not even nine.”
“Jim Reinhardt warned me about being with you since I’m your boss.”
That little announcement came out of left field and blindsided him. “What?”
“After the dance, some busybody parent called him and told him she saw us slow dancing.”
“And he told you we couldn’t date?”
She shrugged. “Not in so many words…”
Typical Dani. Hearing exactly what she wanted to hear. “Then what exactly did he say?”
“To keep our focus on the kids during school events.”
“Which isn’t even in the same universe as ‘don’t date each other.’ Dani, I love you. I don’t care if you’re my boss or how old you are or whether you want kids. I want you. Only you.”
She simply shook her stubborn head.
Instead of keeping the frustrating discussion going, especially since Dani was far too obstinate to ever give in, Nate kissed her. Through that kiss, he tried to show her the depth of his feelings as well as his fear of living a life without her. She responded by trying to turn her head. He growled, cupped her head, and held her right where he wanted her.
She didn’t resist, slowly giving in and melting against him. Only when he’d gotten her cooperation did he gentle the kiss, nibbling on her lips before easing back. “I love you, Dani. That’s all that matters.”
Even though she looked skeptical, she replied in kind. “I love you, too.”
“Will you be mad if I head out for a bit tonight? Robert invited me to have a beer with him, Ben, and Connor.”
“That’s fine. I wanted to relax and read anyway.”
The party he was planning had taken on new meaning, and he hoped the guys had some good ideas about how to use the gathering of their friends and family to get Dani past this speed bump. “I won’t be gone long. Besides, we can spend the rest of the afternoon together.”
“It’s fine.” She sounded so damned defeated, but he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to revive her spirits. She’d made up her mind that she knew what was best for him, and until he could convince her otherwise, she’d probably be worried he was going to just… leave.
There was no way in hell he’d walk out on Dani. Yes, he was younger and technically she was his boss. Yes, their relationship had moved along pretty quick. And, yes, her decision not to have children had taken him totally by surprise.
None of that mattered. Nate loved her, and he had no intention of ever letting her get away.
* * *
“Hey, Nate!” Robert stood and waved his arm. “Over here!”
The place was crowded, and Nate had been having a hard time finding his friends. He waved back, relieved to see the men had grabbed a table near the back of the bar where they’d have a little bit of privacy.
Friends. Something new that he suddenly un
derstood meant the world to him. Just another way that Dani had changed his life for the better.
If he lost her, would he also lose Robert, Ben, and Connor?
He took the empty chair, nodding at the guys. A waitress came over and took his order—a beer and some fish and chips. It felt like forever since he’d eaten.
“How was the trip?” Robert’s tone bordered on amused.
“I take it Beth told you everything.”
“You mean that your ex went along for the trip?” Robert laughed. “Oh yeah. The Ladies are on the warpath. If your Kat—”
“She’s not my Kat,” Nate grumbled as he took the silverware the waitress was passing to him. “I hope the Ladies get their pretty little hands on her. Then she won’t be a problem anymore.”
“Thought we were supposed to be talking about a party,” Connor said.
“Absolutely,” Nate replied.
“I got the hall booked.” Robert passed Nate a piece of paper. “The church’s rec area is ours for the Saturday before Thanksgiving.”
“Thanks for booking it. Did you need a deposit?”
“Nah. We’re all set.”
Ben chimed in. “Do you think it’s really a good idea to drop all this on her like that? I mean, Dani is a bit… um…”
Connor filled in the description Ben was searching for. “Control freak?”
With a nod, Ben said, “Yeah. A control freak. But in a good way.”
Letting out a snort, Nate couldn’t help but grin. “You don’t have to be diplomatic. I know exactly how much she needs to be in charge. And damn if I don’t love her for it. The woman keeps me on my toes.”
He might be grabbing the reins for this, but it was for her own good. Grandpa Delgado was right—Dani needed a big gesture, proof that Nate loved her enough to make a lifelong commitment. After they were married, she could go back to being her type A self with Nate’s blessings.
Their shared laughter spoke volumes of how his friends felt about their own wives.
“It’s not like we don’t all have our share of flaws,” Ben said. “We should count ourselves damn lucky that the Ladies still put up with us.”
With camaraderie running high, Nate shifted the topic, needing some friendly advice and hoping to draw on their varied life experiences. Only after he’d left Dani did her words finally hit him.