When the Lights Go Out: April Fools For Love

by Roxy Mews

  “I’m fine. Just go.”

  He waved her away, but she grabbed onto his hand and yanked him up instead. He must have hit his head pretty good, because the room started to spin. He reached for the wall. Unfortunately for his breathy, dancing, Good Samaritan, she was right in his path. His hands landed on either side of her head and his body pressed against hers.

  “Eeep.”

  She made the cutest damn noises. Taylor’s head cleared and the world stopped tilting. After shaking off the cobwebs, he looked down at his unintentional wall padding.

  “I am so sor−” Taylor would have finished his apology, but his already injured manhood took another hit from the woman’s knee.

  “I was only trying to be nice. Men always take that as an advance. Keep your big penis to yourself there, buddy. I was just helping you be decent. It doesn’t give you the right to try and screw me against a wall.”

  She continued some speech about the cultural failings of his sex, but Taylor couldn’t suck in enough air to begin to retort.

  She stood over him still dancing, but at least she seemed a bit concerned at the possible damage she’d inflicted.

  “Oh, crap. I didn’t pop anything, did I? Do I need to call 911? I’ve heard they can burst if you hit them hard enough.”

  Taylor could only manage a horrified look at the thought of his balls bursting. He poked at them once they descended again. Nope. They hadn’t popped.

  “I’m okay.” He gulped more air. “Please don’t help me anymore. I don’t think I’ll make it if you do.”

  “Well, that’s rude. You’re the one who assaulted me.”

  “Lady, I got dizzy from the apparent concussion I have and fell. Which wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t stuck your hands down my pants.”

  She sounded aggravated. “I did not stick my hands in your pants. I just pulled up your zipper. You leaned on me and pushed your…your…pelvis on me.”

  Taylor’s dick proved it wasn’t broken when it agreed. Yes, it had pressed against the crazy lady, and it had enjoyed it. His dick must have had a concussion too.

  “Just go. I didn’t mean to touch you with any part of my body. I’ll survive. Go to the restroom marked for men. My employees changed the signs for April Fools’ Day.”

  The woman rolled her eyes and kept dancing. “I should’ve known better than to move on April Fools’ Day. This fucking day is cursed.” She continued mumbling as she trotted toward the door.

  That’s when the power went out.

  Chapter Five

  April wasn’t afraid of the dark. Her parents had tried to save energy all the time when she was growing up, and their home was dark more often than it was light. The dark she could handle. What she wasn’t overly fond of was the door she tried to pull open holding itself closed.

  “Why won’t the door open?” April screeched.

  “It’s probably just some other prank. Pull harder, but step back. I won’t be responsible if you get a bucket full of bouncy balls on your head.”

  The man must really have had a concussion to think bouncy balls were out to get him. Unfortunately, even with all her strength and a foot against the frame, the door wasn’t budging.

  There were no windows in the bathroom, and without much time to adjust to the dim red emergency light, April jumped out of her skin when a hand grabbed hers over the doorknob.

  “Sorry. I can’t see worth a damn right now. I’m not trying to touch you.” The man said. “Please don’t hit me again.”

  April ran her hands along the door and followed the line of the wall until she was a few feet away from him. She still had to go to the bathroom, but her body was pumping a fair amount of adrenaline realizing she might be trapped. Door first. Bathroom later.

  As her eyes started to adjust, she could just make out the outline of his body as he grunted and made the kinds of noises men tend to make when they get frustrated. Those noises meant she was trapped.

  “It must be the freaking electronic locks.” The man turned to her. His red button-down shirt glowed wine-colored in the emergency light. “We have these high-tech auto locks we control from the office computer. The company insisted on giving us the exterior models for the bathrooms too, so we could unlock them if a kid trapped himself inside.”

  “All very fascinating. But how do we get them open?” April’s eyes crossed as her bladder reminded her why she was in the bathroom.

  “We don’t. In a power failure, these doors stay locked until the power is restored.”

  “Turn on the faucet.” April demanded.

  Even in the dim light, his confusion was obvious.

  “I have to pee. I don’t want you to hear. Turn on the faucet.” April made her way to the bathroom and, out of habit, looked under the stall. A pair of shoes attached to some jeans were under there.

  April jumped up.

  “There’s someone in there.” She pointed and whispered.

  “Why are you whispering?” The guy whispered back.

  April thought about it and realized whispering was dumb, especially now that the situation had reached a critical and painful point. She slammed her fist against the metal stall door.

  “Open up. You’ve had plenty of time to finish what you’re doing, and I need to piss like a racehorse.”

  There was not even a rustle from inside the stall. April turned to the man stuck in the bathroom with her. “Do you think he’s dead?”

  “Why do you keep whispering?”

  “I don’t want to yell if I’m stuck in here with a dead guy.”

  “Why don’t you look under the door and see then?”

  “I really don’t want to see a dead guy with his pants down.”

  “Like I do?”

  “You’re a guy. And you work here. This is all you.” April lost the whispering. “Now go drag the dead guy out so I can pee.”

  It was a lot easier to see now that her eyes had adjusted, and April took a moment to admire the man as he bent down to get the dead body off the toilet.

  “Fucking employees.” The man kept cursing as he crawled under the door.

  April didn’t think it was very nice to speak ill of the dead, but at this point she didn’t care. She really didn’t want to pee in the sink.

  Something flew from the stall and hit her in the face. April screamed.

  Chapter Six

  Taylor shouldn’t have taken so much enjoyment from terrifying a customer, but his smile was huge as he unlocked the door and saw her holding the teddy bear he had tossed her way. It was a nice catch considering the screaming.

  “Why the fuck was there a teddy bear on the toilet wearing pants?” she asked.

  Taylor threw the pants and shoes in the corner of the bathroom. “Stupid April Fools’ pranks. Sorry. Didn’t you need to pee like a racehorse?”

  His words had her charging the stall and pushing him out of the way. “Turn on the water!” she yelled as the metal door slammed behind her.

  Realizing he could use a good splash of water to clear his head after this whole crazy ordeal, he didn’t bother to argue. It took some seriously cold water and a few slaps to the face before his thoughts started to organize.

  “Better?” He asked as she came up beside him to wash up.

  “Those double shots of espresso are no joke.”

  He laughed. Then, hearing the commotion on the other side of the door, he realized he was the only manager on duty and the monkeys were flying loose on the sales floor. He also realized as he patted his pocket that both his cell phone and the store phone were in the office. A few minutes, and hand wash later, the lights were still out.

  “Please tell me you have a cell phone with you.” He begged the crazy lady.

  She reached in her pocket and pulled out her smartphone. It illuminated the room as she slid her finger across the screen to wake it up. He felt almost as much relief as she did when the dead body turned out to be a stuffed animal.

  “May I borrow it? I have to call the sto
re and make sure they’re shutting down the servers correctly.”

  “And ya know…maybe have them open the door,” she prodded.

  “That’s not going to work. The hinges are on the inside, and no tools will fit under the door.”

  “You said they could unlock it with your phone.”

  He wished. “Only an option when there’s power. By the red glow, I am assuming that’s not available yet.”

  Taylor was going to get these locks changed the second he got out of here.

  He dialed the store number and heard the phones at the registers ringing in the distance. They were the only ones that were corded and could receive calls without power. It took his employees a full three minutes to figure that out. He probably should have called their cell phones.

  “Um…hello?” After the fearful greeting there was some muffled arguing. Then he heard, “I don’t know what to tell you, lady. There is no power, and I can’t go running through the dark yelling for your daughter. And I can’t sell you anything so you might as well wait outside.”

  Good to know his employees were maintaining such professionalism in his absence. “Adam.”

  “Mr. James? Where the hell are you? I am not paid enough to deal with natural disasters.”

  “Adam, this is not a natural disaster. The power is out.”

  The person who had to run the store and troubleshoot for him snorted. “That’s a pretty damn big disaster when your cell is at…38%.”

  Of course. “I need you to go to the offices and shut down the servers for me. We only have thirty minutes of backup left before the system craps out. There is a laminated power outage instruction sheet hanging on the cork board to the left of the main computer.”

  “Hey Becca. Go back to the office and grab the laminated sheet next to terminal one and follow the directions.”

  “Way to pawn off the responsibility there, Adam”

  “Hey…you’re obviously trapped somewhere, because otherwise you wouldn’t want me or anyone else touching your office. Since you’re out of the building, as the most tenured employee, I’m in charge. So I’m doing what people in charge do. I’m delegating.” More muffled sounds. “They’re just freaking bouncy balls. Get over it.”

  If his head wasn’t already most likely cracked in a few different places, Taylor would have been banging it against the wall. “Please tell me there are no customers left in the store.”

  “Just this one wacko who won’t leave.”

  More yelling in the background.

  “Adam. This is a stressful situation. Please take a deep breath and be polite to the woman.”

  “Mr. James, she is talking about her daughter’s essence being here. She said her daughter’s chakras are out of alignment and she needs her crystal.”

  Taylor leaned his head against the evil electronically locked jail door. “Her daughter’s chakras told her she was here?”

  “Oh, shit.”

  That wasn’t from the cell phone. Taylor turned and looked to the woman he was sharing the confined space with.

  “I cannot believe my mom is here. Tell your employees to bring her back here before she uses her emergency stash of Dandelion Root tea. She says it improves her mental clarity, but it also makes her breath toxic for days.”

  Taylor banged his head on the door then. The headache was worth it. The ringing in his ears was a bonus.

  He felt the phone taken from his hand.

  “Hello?” The crazy lady with him in the bathroom started talking. He banged his head more while she talked.

  Then the door was banging back at him.

  “Sweetheart? Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Mom. We are just stuck in here until the power comes back on.”

  “We?”

  “Yes, there is a man in here with me.”

  “Do you need any condoms? Sex could be a pleasurable way to pass the time.”

  Was this part of another prank? Because if it wasn’t, this really was the weirdest April Fools’ Day ever.

  Chapter Seven

  April put her hands to her face. Her first day of independence was not going according to plan.

  “Mom. I am not having sex to pass the time. I’m fine. Just head to the cottage and I’ll call you when I get out of here.” April was pleading with whatever deity would listen to make her mother go away.

  Having to sit in a restroom with a stranger in the dark wouldn’t be pleasant. Having to explain her mother to a stranger would be torture.

  “Well…just in case they can’t get that telephone pole off the street soon…here.”

  “And make sure you share with the nice man you’re stuck with.” A Mojo nut bar slid under the door. So did a condom.

  April grabbed both and held them behind her back. Her face was as red as her fellow captive’s shirt. “Yes, mom.”

  The man she was stuck with started looking like he was going to speak. She threw a hand over his mouth and hissed at him to shush. The more he spoke to her mother the less likely she’d be to let the other employees usher her out.

  A few shouted instructions and a call to the electric company confirmed that, yes, a semi-truck hit an electrical pole holding a massive transformer. But they didn’t have an estimated time for when the electricity would be back up and running at this point.

  “Well, that’s good news.” April said.

  “Either I hit my head far too hard, or you sound happy about this.”

  “They said the driver was stable and no one else was hurt.” Isn’t that what this guy heard too?

  “It does us no good.”

  “We didn’t get into a car accident. We’re trapped in a room with working plumbing and,” April waved the nut bar to reflect in the red light, “we have food.”

  “I need to take care of a few things. Can I borrow your phone again?”

  April handed over the last twelve percent of her battery life. Other managers, or at least someone in charge hustled the last of the people out of the store.

  They might consider a rolling door for the bathrooms next time they renovate.

  When April got her phone back, he reminded her, “You should turn that off. We don’t have any natural light, and we only have another hour at most on those battery backup lights.”

  April looked up at the red glow of the exit sign. It would suck to be in complete blackness. The little battery in the corner of her phone was empty with a line through it. Three percent wouldn’t do them much good. They might as well look around and memorize their surroundings as best they could. Some odd placement of foliage caught her attention.

  “Why are there plants in the urinals?” She asked. It could be some new recycling method for waste, but since her parents hadn’t tried it yet, she doubted it.

  The man she was with sighed. “Like I said, it’s April Fools’ Day. Which is also why there was a bear occupying the stall.”

  “I hate April Fools’ Day,” she grumbled.

  “You and me both, lady.”

  April plopped down on the floor. This was a complete disaster.

  “I really wouldn’t sit on the floor of this restroom.” He held out a hand to help her up.

  She didn’t take it.

  “Why not?” April pointed to the sign on the sink. “It says on that sign off chart it was just cleaned.”

  “You’re forgetting what day it is. And the chart says the year is 1776.”

  April laughed. “At least they’re patriotic, and with the red light, I won’t know what’s on me until we get out of here.” She waved his hand off. “I’m fine.”

  He shifted his weight from foot to foot. He was wearing dress shoes, and couldn’t be very comfortable.

  “Oh for Pete’s sake. Would you please sit down?”

  He plopped down. Then he rubbed his hands on his pants where he had touched the floor.

  It was only a couple more minutes before he broke the silence. This guy definitely didn’t have parents like hers. When her mom decided to me
ditate on a regular basis, April learned to go for hours of complete silence with her. But a few minutes of quiet had this guy tapping his foot and slapping his hands on his knees.

  “So what were you coming to buy?” he asked.

  “A handcart.” April answered and went back to enjoying the light hum of the emergency light.

  “Okay.” He shifted more before he huffed, “Are you even breathing?”

  “Yep.”

  “Ugh. Can we please hold a conversation? This is awkward enough without us just staring at each other.”

  April grinned. She was often in a situation where her parents had caused other people discomfort with their actions. Guess the apple didn’t fall too far from the fruit tree.

  “I don’t really care for small talk, so I usually skip it. I don’t mind if we talk about other things though.”

  He turned his head and squinted one eye as he arched an eyebrow. “What kind of other things? You seem nice and everything, but I’m just trying to talk.” He grabbed the condom her mom had slipped in with the granola bar. “We need to pass the time, and I’m not getting it on with a stranger in a bathroom.”

  April laughed. “Way to ding a gal’s ego there, sport.”

  He grimaced and tossed the condom back at her. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant even if sex were on the table I wouldn’t want to talk about it with you.”

  “You’re not doing any better.”

  He looked up at the ceiling and shook his head. “I should have stuck to the silence. Or how about you just tell me your name?”

  “Nope. No names.”

  Taylor furrowed his brow. “What do you mean, no names?”

  April wasn’t sure why she didn’t want to know. Maybe it was because he’d already gotten a dose of her mother, or maybe she just wanted to get away from who she was for a moment. But she knew, she wanted to escape from everything right then. Even who she was.

  “Why don’t you tell me something secret?” April scooted closer to him until their knees touched. They might as well have some part of their bodies touching. If this guy was right about the lights they didn’t have much time left to see where the other person was. So she took a moment to memorize.