Racing For Freedom

by Bec Botefuhr

  “Why are you drinking and driving?” I mumble.

  “I’m not, I just wanted you to come back over the railing.”

  “Well played,” I grumble. “Why are you here?”

  “I shouldn’t have done that back there.”

  “No, Slade, you shouldn’t have. I don’t know what I did to you, I don’t even know why you hate me, but move on. Get over it and move on. Leave me be, let me live my life.”

  He narrows his eyes and stares at me. “You think I hate you?”

  Well now he’s making me angry.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Why?” he asks, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it.

  “That’ll kill you, you know.”

  He smirks and takes a drag. “So will racing, eventually.”

  I stiffen. “Why would you say that?”

  “Answer my question Dashy, why do you think I hate you?”

  “I don’t think, Slade, I know.”

  “Well I don’t.”

  “Really, then why did you treat me so badly the last time I saw you? Why did you make out like I was nothing?”

  He looks away a moment. “I don’t how else to be with you.”

  “We were friends,” I say quietly.

  “I know, but things changed.”

  “No, Slade, you changed.”

  He looks over at me again. “Maybe I did…and I’m sorry for…”

  “Don’t.” I hiss. “Don’t you ever talk to me about that? You might be sorry, Slade, but you couldn’t possibly be more sorry than me. Except I’m sorry I ever did it. I’m sorry I ever let you in my heart. I’m sorry I gave my virginity to you and I’m sorry I ever let you treat me the way you did. You didn’t even say goodbye.”

  He drops his cigarette and steps forward. “I fucked up Dash, what do you want me to say? You won’t accept my apology so what do you want me to do?”

  “You took my virginity and then you left, with not even a goodbye.”

  “I know that, but life isn’t always…it doesn’t always…”

  “What?” I snap. “Go to plan?”

  “Yeah, things happened Dash. I had to leave, I didn’t have a god dammed choice.”

  “You hurt me, and then you came back and made it worse by being cold.”

  “That’s the only way I knew how to be with you after that. I didn’t want to hurt you again, being an asshole and having you hate me is better than having you love me.”

  “Why would you think that?” I whisper, staring at him with a pained expression.

  “Just trust me Dash, we can never…we could never…”

  “You couldn’t even speak to me, not even a hello?”

  He closes his eyes. “I’m sorry ok? Do you think I don’t regret how I’ve treated you?”

  “No, I don’t think you regret it. If you regret it, you wouldn’t keep doing it!”

  He closes his eyes and slams a fist down onto his car. “Jesus Dash, you have no idea do you? You always lived in this little fantasy world and everyone has always let you, no one has ever made you face things…”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I say in a small voice.

  “It means, not everything is how you think it is.”

  I shake my head, my hands tremble with emotion. “You know what, I don’t have time for this.”

  I turn and begin walking off when he calls out to me. “Dash, stop running from me. Talk to me.”

  I spin. “What do you want from me Slade? Do you want to break me down until I have nothing left, just so you can win? Or maybe you want to fuck me again, just for fun? What is it you are so desperate to pull out of me? WELL?”

  He stares painfully at me, it’s the first time I’ve seen pain in Slade’s face for a very long time.

  “Dash, if you would just quit being so stubborn and listen. I would tell you that all I ever wanted…”

  “Don’t bother,” I snap, cutting him off. “I’m done.”

  I turn and storm across the road, unable to take anymore. I run down the small hill and across the grass. I jog the rest of the way home, desperate to get as far away from Slade as I can. When I get to my front porch it’s starting to rain, so I quickly duck inside. My father is standing in the kitchen and he jerks slightly when I step through the door. I can tell by his eyes that he’s drunk. Again.

  “Where have you been, Dasha?”

  “Out.”

  He walks around slowly, as if trying to balance himself. “Out where?”

  “To a party, not that it’s any of your business.”

  Dammit, why am I being such a bitch, he’s only worried. I soften my expression, but he still looks hurt by my words.

  “You had an accident on the track today.”

  “It was a spin out, nothing major.”

  “I was worried,” he snaps. “Don’t you care about anyone but yourself? I’ve been trying to call all night!”

  That does it for me. “I don’t care, I said I’m fine.”

  “I taught you how to do those corners, why did you try and do something you couldn’t?”

  I lose it then, my emotions finally get the better of me and I begin screaming, my voice getting louder and louder with each word I spit out. “Well, maybe if you came down every now and then, instead of wallowing in this house, you might be able to teach me some new tricks. It’s been year’s dad, and all you’re doing is trying to kill yourself slowly. She’s gone and it wasn’t your fault. Your career is gone, but you can’t live like this. You can’t expect me to keep doing it for you. I won’t buy you alcohol anymore, I won’t. If you want to buy it, you get off your ass and you go and buy it. I’m done. I’m moving out.”

  He flinches and his eyes widen. Yes, I know that hurt. It hurt me to have to say it but it’s true. I turn on my heel and storm up the stairs, devastated. I slam my bedroom door and fall onto my bed, forcing the tears back. I have to be strong, I have to pull myself back together. I hear my phone ringing beside me and I dig through my purse to find it. I pull it out and see it’s Lucas. Desperate for comfort, I answer it.

  “Lucas?”

  “Hey Dash, what’s wrong?”

  “Can you come over?”

  “Of course,” he says, in that soft, calming voice.

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll be there in five.”

  I hang up and curl up onto the bed, staring out into the darkness. About ten minutes later, my door opens and I roll to see Lucas walking in. He smiles at me and waves a bag of food in the air.

  “I thought you might be hungry.”

  “That’s why I adore you, Lucas,” I whisper.

  He walks over and sits on the bed, putting the food down beside him. He takes my shoulders and stares me right in the eye, searching my face.

  “What happened?”

  I shake my head. “It’s just been a bad night, can we eat first?”

  He smiles and nods, then he pulls out a couple of burgers. I feel my lips stretch into a smile, he knows it’s the only junk food I’ll never turn down. We sit in silence, eating the burgers and moaning quietly every now and then, over how good they taste. When I’m done, I get off the bed and walk into the bathroom to wash my face and hands. When I sit back on the bed, Lucas goes and does the same thing and then joins me again.

  “Hey Luke?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I think I’m moving out.”

  He looks shocked and his eyes search my face. “Why?”

  “I can’t do it, I can’t live here and be his…go to, all the time. He’s using me Lucas, and if I don’t leave, he’s going to drown himself.”

  “I get it, I know how it must feel for your dad to use you like that.”

  “He doesn’t mean to, I know he doesn’t, but if I don’t stop, he’ll never move on.”

  “So you told him you’re moving out?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “Where will you go?”

  I shrug, “I don’t know. I’ve got enough money save
d to get an apartment, and my job will cover half the rent if I get a housemate.”

  He nods. “That’s a good idea, it’s always good to share the rent.”

  “Yeah, I’m a little nervous about it all. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “Well, first thing tomorrow I’ll help you find somewhere, I know a few people.”

  “It’s going to be hard, it has to be around this suburb.”

  He nods. “We’ll find something.”

  We lay down on the bed and talk for hours. We have that sort of friendship, the one where no awkward silences ever occur. The one that’s made to last forever. I’m not uncomfortable around Lucas, I enjoy being with him and we get along so well. We talk about my night, about Slade, about Payton and racing until finally I fall asleep and darkness takes me away. Just for a moment.

  Chapter Eight

  “Dasha, please don’t leave.”

  I stare over at my father with a sorry expression, as I pull the last suitcase out the door. I have to do this, not just for me, but for him. If I don’t he will continue to drown himself and I will end up drowning with him.

  “I have to dad, I have to find myself and my own life. I’ll come back every few days and have dinner with you. I have to do this.”

  He nods weakly, defeated. “I’ll miss you.”

  I rush over, dropping the suitcase, and leap into his arms. “I’ll miss you too, dad.”

  “Please, come and see me.”

  “You know I will, maybe you could come and see me? I only live just up the road, you could walk.”

  He smiles painfully. “Maybe.”

  I hug him once more, then I walk out the door. I struggle to hold back my tears. This house has been my home since I was a child. My family had such beautiful moments here and such tragic ones too. I have to step away, to tear myself away from my father and hope he finds himself again. I stare at my beautiful house once more, and then I turn and walk towards the street.

  I was lucky, Lucas managed to find me a little unit by the beach just six blocks down. It’s close and I can walk back and forth. It’s good for me, and maybe one day, it’ll be good for dad too. I roll my suitcase down the road, deep in thought when a car pulls up beside me. I know that charger, I’ve known it since the day he got it. Slade. I sigh, I really can’t deal with much more today.

  “Hey Dashy, daddy kick you out?”

  I see we’re back to being an asshole. Magic. I turn and glare at him. He takes my damn breath away, wearing those black sunglasses and running his hands through that messy brown hair.

  “No, I moved out. Not that it’s any of your business.”

  “Need a ride?”

  “I’d rather burn and die.”

  He laughs loudly and parks the car, getting out. I sigh. He falls in step beside me, but I don’t look over at him. I just continue walking. I can smell him and my skin begins to prickle. I struggle to show no emotion on my face.

  “Where’s the new place? You live alone?”

  “It’s none of your business and no, I don’t live alone. I am looking for a housemate.”

  His eyes widen. “Well, that’s interesting, because I’m looking for a place.”

  I snort, rudely. “I don’t think so.”

  “Scared?”

  “No, I just don’t want to have to look at you every day.”

  “Come on Dash, I need a place. You won’t even know I’m there.”

  “Go live with daddy.”

  He stiffens and I notice, I turn and stare at him. His face has gone blank and he stares ahead of us. Then, as though he realizes what he’s doing, he smirks again.

  “No, he’s got a new woman and doesn’t have the space.”

  “Aw, poor Slade’s getting kicked out.”

  He growls at me. “No, he only got a one bedroom place.”

  “On purpose no doubt.”

  Slade grunts. “Come on Dash, I need a place.”

  “I’d rather not.”

  “Just admit it, you’re scared. Scared of having a winner in your house when the races are over.”

  I spin on him. “What happened the other day was a mistake. I could beat you Slade, I’d bet on it. I stuffed up the other day, it won’t happen again. “

  “You believe what you want, we both know you’ll lose.”

  “I could take you and you damn well know it.”

  “Fine, prove it. Later today, down on the old beach tracks. You win, you get whatever you want, except asking me to leave the race. I win, you let me move in with you.”

  “What? No!”

  “I knew it,” he laughs, “you know you’ll lose.”

  “It’s got nothing to do with that, I don’t play childish games.”

  “Dashy’s scared…” he taunts.

  My anger boils over and I snap, “FINE! But you won’t win, so get that cocky smile off your face.”

  He grins and extends his hand, I shake it and he laughs. “See you at the track, Dashy. Four pm.”

  I close my eyes as he disappears. What the hell have I gotten myself into? I begin walking again, and I hear his car roar to life and speed off. Dammit, dammit, dammit. If he wins…no, I’ll just have to make sure he doesn’t win. I’ll have to be on my game. I grumble the entire way down the street, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Slade has a damn good chance of winning, and I have a damn good chance of getting a new house mate I don’t want. Good one Dasha.

  Chapter Nine

  When I finally reach my unit, I stare up and smile. It’s all mine. I walk up the small stone pathway and unlock the door. When I step inside, I peer around. It’s fully furnished, which is kind of good, because I don’t have much. I had to pay a touch more for it, but it’s still affordable. It’s not new, nor is it a stunning place, but it’s nice, cozy and all mine. The kitchen is small, with black counter tops and basic appliances. The lounge holds one couch, a small television and an old rug. The two rooms down the halls both have new queen sized beds, I’m grateful for that. One has an ensuite. I take that one.

  The bathroom and toilet is small in both the ensuite and the main bathroom, but it’s certainly something I can deal with. The laundry is at the back of the unit and has a door that leads out to a rope clothesline. I drag my suitcase down into the hall and into my new room. I drop it on the floor and peer around. It’s bland but I can make it work. I begin slowly unpacking and thinking about the race this afternoon. God, if I lose…

  “Hey!”

  I spin around to see Payton standing at the door, grinning.

  “Pay, hey!”

  “Nice place, it’s not bad.”

  “It’ll do.” I grin.

  “I bet you’re so glad it’s yours?”

  “I am, I feel free, unleashed.”

  She laughs. “So, are you going to get a roommate?”

  I frown and she notices. “Uh oh, what’s that look for?”

  “I made a huge…mistake.”

  “What?”

  She’s on the bed beside me now, staring at me with wide eyes.

  “I made a bet with Slade.”

  “A bet?”

  “Yes, a bet.”

  “What sort of bet?”

  “He was taunting me and I told him I could beat him. He was hassling me about being my housemate because he needs a place, and so he bet me that I couldn’t beat him. If I don’t, he gets to move in.”

  “Oh Dash, you didn’t.”

  I swallow. “I did.”

  “Now what?”

  “We race this afternoon, down on the old beach track.”

  “If he wins…”

  “I know,” I groan.

  “Can’t you back out?”

  “Well…I could but my pride won’t let me. I have to beat him, Pay.”

  “Honey, this is silly.”

  “I know, but it’s too late now.”

  “Pull out, you can pull out.”

  “I couldn’t live with more taunting if I pulled out, no, I have
to go.”

  She sighs. “Fine, what time?”

  I look down at my watch. “An hour.”

  “You taking your car?”

  “Yeah, I won’t touch dads.”

  “Alright, well, I’m coming with you.”

  I raise a brow at her. “You’re coming with me?”

  “Yes, I’m coming with you.”

  I shrug. “Ok Pay, you can come if you feel the need.”

  She smirks. “Oh I do.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Are you sure about this?” Payton asks, as I get into my car later that afternoon.

  The beach tracks are quiet, beautiful and perfect for racing. Slade and I know these tracks, we’ve been racing on them for years. We used to come down and practice turns on our go-karts, or our old dirt bikes. It was only when we got old enough to get our own cars that the real fun began.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” I finally say, answering Payton.

  I glance over at Slade in his car beside me. He’s grinning at me and actually blows a kiss, the jack ass, before starting his engine. I sigh and start my car. Come on baby, it’s me and you today. Kandee, wearing next to nothing, stands in the middle waving her arms.

  “I’ll see you at the finish line.” Payton whispers, closing my door.

  I stare ahead, not focusing on anything else. When Kandee drops her arms, I slide my foot off the clutch and my car lurches forward. These old tracks are flattened often, so even though they’re dirt, they’re firm and hard. My car speeds ahead of Slade’s and I’m surprised. What game is he playing? He usually always starts off quickly. I change gears and zoom quicker around the bends, loving how well my baby holds.

  These tracks used to be where the races were held, until they made some nicer tracks in the city. I speed around a corner and dirt skitters off my tires as I come out the other side. I look in my rearview mirror and Slade is close behind me. Why is he holding back? I turn and look back at the road just in time to see a massive water puddle ahead. That bastard! He knew. I slam my breaks on and my car spins, fishtailing out the side and smoking as I come to a stop. Slade zooms past me, slides around the puddle and keeps going.