by Jennifer Ann
He wants me to be his old lady. Locking gazes with him, I pretend the confession doesn’t send a confusing jolt of excitement racing through me. He’s essentially offering an ideal life on a platter—not to mention his sweet, hot self—and I’m too fucked up to take it.
Both of us being too stubborn to say anything more, we continue to stare at each other with open hostility. The tension passing through the air tightens the muscles in my stomach until I’m ready to puke. By now I’m pretty sure that I really could love this beautiful man, only I don’t know how to fix the gaping hole I’ve created between us. I’m certainly not ready to admit he’s become my biggest weakness.
I finally avert my gaze to the floor, knowing if I don’t that I’ll end up in the hospital bed with him, begging for his forgiveness like some desperate loser in need of protecting. No way in hell I’m going down that fucking path.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” I say, shuffling backwards with my hands stuffed into my back pockets. “I’m gonna go.”
“Guess I’ll be seein’ you around the club,” he replies in tone so cold and distant that I can’t stop from snapping my eyes up to meet his. The way he cringes, I can see how hard he’s fighting to keep his cool. “Promise me you’ll let Ranger keep an eye on ya. I’ll do what I can to keep your brother off your ass.”
“Yeah, sure,” I mumble.
A look of longing flickers across his gaze. “Just because you won’t let me in doesn’t mean I’ll ever stop carin’ about you, darlin’.” I didn't think it was possible to feel more fucked up and even worse than I already do.
The words, softly spoken and dripping with regret, are a blade twisting inside my heart, ripping me apart. I turn my back to him, swallowing down a sudden sob as I stride away. By the time I join Ranger in the hallway, I’ve regained the strength to appear unfazed even though my heart aches and my stomach won’t stop churning.
“It’s over,” I tell him in a tight voice. I continue toward the exit before he can see the tears filling my eyes. “Let’s go. I could use a drink.”
Ranger doesn’t push me for details as we settle in at the nearest bar we find, though he hovers close, and looks eager to comfort me every time our eyes meet. Uncomfortable silence stretches on as we finish our first round of drinks.
“I suppose I better start looking for a job before my PO crawls up my ass at the end of the month,” I say with a nervous cackle. “Can’t spend the rest of my life gettin’ shit-faced before noon.”
A few scantily clad blondes, questionably of legal age, appear on Ranger’s other side. “Haven’t seen you around, big guy,” one of them tells him, running her fingertip back and forth across her pouty lip.
Her friend giggles in a bubbling noise that has the charm of fingernails on a chalkboard. “I’m Cece and this is Sarah. Can we buy you another drink?”
“Thanks, but not interested,” Ranger answers, tipping his head their way with a forced smile. “In case you missed it, I’m already sittin’ here with a beautiful woman, so there’s nothin’ special you could offer me.”
After shooting me poisonous glares, the two girls click their tongues and sulk away.
“If they knew what you can do with your mouth, they wouldn’t have given up so easily,” I tease, nudging his arm. “Maybe you should go after them.”
“This shit with Colt isn’t over,” he growls as if he didn’t hear me. His eyes fix on the ice dancing around in the bottom of his glass when he shakes it. “Give him time.”
“Sorry, my friend, but he made it clear that it is.” I take the last swig of my drink and sigh as I slam it back on the bar top. “He gave me more than one chance, and I blew it every time. Can’t blame him.” Who in the hell would want to be involved with a train wreck like him?
Eyebrows lowered into a sharp V, Ranger shakes his head. “That’s it? You’re just gonna walk away?”
“What else can I do?” I ask with a snotty laugh.
“How about swallowin’ your fuckin’ pride and fightin’ for him?” he snaps. When I start from the sudden change of tone, his terse expression relaxes. “He wants you to prove that you want him, Harley. Last night Cheyenne told everyone at the club what happened between you an’ Kandi’s brother. I don’t know what you’re tryin’ to prove to yourself by sleeping with that moron, but you’re right—you fucked up. Big time. Now you need to show him the strong woman you are and ask for his forgiveness.”
He sets his hand on my knee. “You can pretend all you want that you don’t feel anything for Colt, but I could see it every time the three of us were together. The way you two look at each other, I may as well have been in the next room. I tried to ignore it ‘cause I was bein’ too damn selfish. Wanted you for m’self.” How the hell does everyone see how much I care for Colt—even love him—except me?
Fingers curling around the inside of his massive bicep, I press my lips to the gloriously tattooed skin beside my thumb. “You’re a beautiful, kind man. One day you’ll make some bitch the luckiest woman on the planet. Believe me when I say I’d jump at the chance to be with you again if I didn’t think it would kill Colt.”
Lips press to the top of my head as he leans into me. “You shouldn’t say things like that to a man who’s got a walkin’ hard-on for you.”
The sweet spot between my legs swells, and my ears prick with the sound of his gentle voice so close. I relax against him, sighing. “Shit. I’ve been hot for you since the morning we met at Colt’s apartment. I’d take you out back and let you have your way with me in a heartbeat if it weren’t for this fucked up mess with Colt.”
“You really think it’s over between you two?” A warm hand slips over one of my thighs, and my body is instantly reminded of how it felt to have his hands between my legs, his lips on my breasts.
“I don't know,” I whisper, closing my eyes and savoring the memories. When I tilt my head back, his lips brush my neck. I open my eyes, gasping. “Ranger,” I whimper, too raw and vulnerable to push him away or tell him to stop.
Ranger and Colt were my first threesome. While my ties with Colt have been glaringly obvious and the strongest, I’ve also become fond of Ranger, and can’t deny there’s something primal inside of me that stirs with the touch of his lips.
How messed up is it that I’m quick to remind myself that Colt once said he wouldn't mind if I was with Ranger and him both? Maybe he wouldn’t be as heartbroken as I had imagined, though it could just be my fucked up way of justifying the sexual beast Colt and Ranger awakened.
“Not everythin’ has to be about commitment,” he says before running his tongue along my jawline. “We’ve done this before, and it didn’t mean anything other than two people having a good time.” His head dips up until our eyes meet. “Colt wouldn’t have to know.”
“Take me outside,” I gasp, running my hand over his thick arm. “Now.”
23
Ranger’s lips are on mine before we make it outside the bar. I push him back against the building, slamming him into the wooden siding, and sliding my hands beneath his shirt. His warm, thick tongue works its way through my mouth, tender and rough at the same time. We dip and bend together as if our bodies can’t wait to reconnect.
Fingertips find their way up my shirt and beneath my bra to where my sensitive nipples stiffen as they’re rolled. I moan inside his mouth as my hands run over his smooth, rippled chest. Pressing my hips to him, I can feel the outline of his stiff cock inside his jeans, begging to be released and move my fingers down to set it free.
“Not here,” he pants, though his body continues to move against mine. After another searing kiss, he nudges me away and takes my hand. His eyes are filled with lust when he says, “Let’s go.”
Once settled in his pickup and roaring down the road, my mind begins to wander. I can’t shake the feeling of loss and rejection and need to get my mind off Colt laying in the hospital bed. I crawl over to Ranger, nudging his arm out of the way so I can unzip his jeans.
“Fuc
kin’ hell,” he groans, glancing between the road and me when I slip my lips around his huge erection. A mere moment later he’s fisting my hair and hissing between his teeth as I go to work on pleasuring him with the same level of care and passion that he’s used on me so many times. Small noises of appreciation rumble from his throat as I continue with his hips bucking against my mouth.
Tires squeal on asphalt beneath us as the pickup jerks off course, feeling as if we’re taking an off-ramp. I’m too busy swirling my tongue and sucking him to stop and take notice of what’s happening.
“Pants off,” he barks, running his large hand over the swell of my ass. “Hurry, before I blow my fuckin’ wad in your mouth.”
My lips release the swollen head, and I work on peeling my jeans off. While watching a quiet neighborhood pass by through the windshield, I slip out of my underwear and stretch a leg over Ranger’s waist to position myself above his beautiful cock.
“What are you—” Shock registers on his face as I slip down over him so hard that I feel his head tap the top of my insides. “Mother-fucker,” he curses, tilting his head back to the ceiling.
I suck the tattooed skin on his neck as I lift up and slam into him again. His heavy breaths fall on my neck as he tries to focus on the road over my shoulder, but I turn his head back and seal my lips over his.
“We’re gonna crash,” he growls, slipping his free hand behind me and digging his fingers into my ass. All at once he roars, “Fuck!”
I don’t know if he’s about to come or if we’re having an accident, but continue to fuck him with everything I have until the vehicle become still and he’s lifting me off. “We have to stop,” he tells me.
I try to straddle him again. “No. I want you.”
“We can’t do this to Colt!” he roars, pushing against me.
“Fuck Colt!” I roar back. “He doesn’t care anyway!”
“Bullshit!” He pushes me again, this time with too much force. Something hard bangs into the back of my head, sending sharp pain radiating through my skull.
“Fuck!” I turn to swat at the rearview mirror, the source of the assault.
“You okay, babe?” He reaches out for me, but I scramble to slip my underwear back on, and scoop my jeans over my arm before flying out the door. A passing car blares its horn as I stride away.
“For Christ’s sake, get your pants on!’” Ranger calls after me. I’m halfway down the block when I hear his boots crunch the asphalt behind me. “Where you goin’?”
“Are you my goddamned father now?” I call over my shoulder, not slowing.
“No, but if Jawa was here, he’d be slappin’ the sense back into ya!” A firm hand hooks my elbow, stopping me. “This shit—this back and forth with you an’ Colt—it stops now. You’re hurtin’, and you won’t let yourself feel it. Did you even cry when Jawa died, or have you become so hard that you wouldn’t allow it?”
“Fuck you!” I snarl, hauling my other arm back to slap him.
Dropping my elbow, he catches my wrist. “It’s okay to cry, Harley. You’re not in prison anymore. You no longer have to protect yourself that way.” The warmth of his brown eyes blankets me. “Crying doesn’t make you weak, baby. It makes you human.” Damn. Ranger sees past my bullshit, right through the walls around my heart and straight to the real me.
Chest heavy with all the emotions I’ve been holding back, I shake my head.
“Let yourself feel it,” he coos, gathering me in his arms.
“No,” I mutter, pushing on his chest. The burn of unshed tears assaults my eyes.
“Let it out, Harley,” he whispers, crushing me in his arms. His lips press to the top of my head. “No one will fuckin’ judge you for showing a little emotion. Especially not me.”
“No,” I whimper, pressing my face against his hard muscles.
When I suck in a deep breath, inhaling his musk, the wall I’ve worked so hard to keep in place suddenly collapses. A wave of emotions hits me like a slap to the face. It first comes out as a hiccuping sob, then a silent wail that strains every muscle in my body. Tears soak into Ranger’s t-shirt with building speed as my shoulders shake.
“That’s it, baby,” Ranger says, stroking the top of my head. “Let it all out.”
A car passes, honking, and Ranger lifts me into his arms, cradling me. “Let’s take you home.”
The ride to the clubhouse at Ranger’s side is a blur of purged emotions and spilled tears. I’m disoriented and exhausted by the time we pull into the parking lot where my bike somehow found its way back.
The sights and smells of the clubhouse help to sooth my frayed nerves. Ranger’s arm rests on the couch behind me as we listen to Fug go on about sleeping with Genna and another club whore in the night. Knowing my eyes are likely red-rimmed, I keep my sunglasses on. Ranger and I have said very little since I fell apart on the side of the road, but he’s made it clear he’s not going anywhere unless I ask.
Buzz strolls in, dressed in leather riding gear, setting his sunglasses on his bald head and eyes narrowing on me. “You’re lookin’ as rough as my old lady,” he teases, tipping his head at my sunglasses. “Prison life must’ve taught you a thing or two. Kandi thought maybe she lost a tooth from that right hook of yours.”
“Suppose I owe her an apology,” I grovel with a deep sigh.
He shakes his head, chuckling. “She won’t be lookin’ for one. She arranged to have your bike brought back here after your fight. Her way of sayin’ she’s sorry. Just show her that you got the message and she’ll be satisfied.” Winking, he adds, “Colt’s on his way.”
As he turns his back and heads toward the bar, I look at Ranger, digging my fingers into his leg. “I can’t do this right now.” Crying made me so raw that it’s likely I’ll fall apart with just the sight of Colt. There’s no way I can’t deal with that shit around all these guys. It was hard enough with Ranger, someone I’ve been intimate with in every other way. “Get me outta here.”
“Can’t run every time he’s around, Harley. You’ll have to face him eventually.” His lips brush over my temple. “You can do this.”
All at once the door to the clubhouse opens again and I brace myself against Ranger. But it’s not Colt, it’s Axel. He pauses in the doorway, locking his gaze with mine. The sight of him wearing the club patch stirs the anger I felt when overhearing him conspiring against me. Freshly showered and shaved, he’s a mere duplicate of a younger Jawa, right down to the take-no-prisoners fire in his somber expression. I hardly notice the limp on his artificial leg as he makes his way toward us.
Dark eyes flickering between me and Ranger, he sneers. “Dad would’ve been so proud to see you’ve become the club whore.”
“Fuck off, Lucky!” Fug snaps. “That’s no way to talk to your own sister!”
Ranger’s arm clamps down on my shoulder, holding me to the couch like he knows I’m ready to attack. “Watch your mouth,” he warns Axel with a dark glare. “Say anything like that to her again and you’ll be takin’ Colt’s place in the hospital.”
Buzz steps in front of Axel, pulling a cigarette from its package. “Jawa certainly wouldn’t have been proud to see you actin’ like a jackass.” He packs the end of the cigarette before loosely draping it between his lips. “You get that information Remmy was lookin’ for?”
After shooting me a deadly look, Axel turns to him. “Club in Tijuana claims it’s been silent on their side. They haven’t seen any action from the cartel, and Scully’s men haven’t made any moves. Wherever they stashed the guns is completely off the radar.”
“Then we go lookin’ for ‘em ourselves,” Ranger growls.
“Too risky,” Axel replies, shaking his head. “Border patrol’s not going to let us in with weapons, and we can’t go blazing through there without protection.”
“Then we find protection once we’re down there,” Buzz says. “We have enough ties over the border to get a clean deal.”
Axel’s gaze darkens. “That’s Remmy’s c
all.”
“You’re fuckin’ right about that. It is,” Ranger snaps. “No one gives two shits about what you think.”
“I’m goin’ to grab a bite to eat,” Buzz tells Axel. “You comin’?”
Axel throws one last scowl my way before they turn their backs on us. The minute they’re gone from the clubhouse, I gasp for the breath I didn’t know I was holding. Hearing them talk about guns was sickening, especially after Colt ended up in the hospital. “This the same deal Colt was shot over?” I ask Ranger quietly.
“We can’t just let them get by with it,” he answers, curling his arm all the way around me and hauling me closer. He presses his nose against the side of my head. “Don’t be worryin’ about Colt. Remmy’s not gonna let him ride with us so soon after he’s out of the hospital.”
“Maybe I’m just as worried about you,” I say, slumping against him.
“I’ll be fine, babe,” he assures me. “You need to worry about better things, like how you’re gonna go about gettin’ Colt back.”
The clubhouse door reopens and Colt enters, pausing in the threshold to hold the door for someone. Though freshly showered and wearing a clean set of jeans and a white t-shirt under his club jacket, he still looks rough with bandages covering his face and one arm in a sling. Disapproval of the way Ranger and I snuggle on the couch flashes through his beautiful blue eyes as he looks at me.
My gut twinges with regret. I should’ve been at his side in the hospital. Ranger’s right—I should’ve proved that I wanted him, and refused to leave, refused to let him tell me it’s over. I didn’t even try arguing with him about it. I was a coward.
As the familiar pull towards him drags me under, I promise myself that I won’t go down without a fight. I’m going to prove to him once and for all that I want this. I want him.
Heart overflowing with with a nagging ache, I flash him a nervous, apologetic smile.
But it fizzles the moment Genna prances in through the doorway, giggling. She flings her arms around his neck, dragging him down to meet her mouth in a sultry kiss that makes my cheeks burn hot.