What Dreams May Lie

by Alana Terry

  For now, he didn’t have time to think about it. His dad was expecting him at the office as soon as the service ended. He didn’t say why, but Ricky wondered if this was finally the time when he’d be punished for telling Mrs. Porter and Mrs. Shin off in the hospital lobby, a conversation he was surprised hadn’t happened last week.

  Once church ended, he drove Mom home while listening to her numerous critiques of the preaching, the music, and the attire of half of her friends in the Women’s Missionary League. He dropped her off, then headed to work. He wasn’t exactly sure what to expect but found himself praying for God to protect him from whatever might happen at this meeting with his dad.

  He stepped into the office building tentatively, mentally preparing himself for the lecture that was sure to come. The problem was he didn’t know if it had to do with his performance on the job, his outburst the other night at the hospital, or something else entirely.

  His dad was finishing up a phone call and beckoned him in. Ricky stood over his father’s desk, careful not to knock anything out of place, until his dad impatiently waved his hand, telling him to take a seat.

  Dad ended the call, and Ricky grabbed a fistful of fabric from his pants in an attempt to keep his leg from bouncing.

  “Have a seat,” his dad said, and Ricky stared at his lap, wondering how he could sit down twice.

  “I want to talk to you, son.”

  Ricky donned what he hoped was a humble expression, reminding himself that he was an adult now. He didn’t have to be this nervous.

  “You worked hard this week. Lots of extra hours.”

  Ricky nodded. It had been tiring, but at least it gave him an excuse to avoid his mother as much as possible. He wasn’t going to complain about that.

  “You’re getting older now,” his dad went on. “You’re an adult. Ready for more responsibility, don’t you think?”

  Ricky knew it. This was the part when his dad would tell him that a man of Ricky’s age and position in the community had no business yelling at little church ladies in the emergency room lobby. He was already formulating the beginnings of his apology when his dad went on, “Your mother and I talked it over, and we both agree. It’s time to move you up to a manager position.”

  Ricky blinked. His leg stopped jumping. He swallowed down the apology he was planning to stammer. “Huh?”

  “A promotion. I want you to be one of my managers. Think you’re ready for that?”

  Ricky nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  “Good.” His dad shuffled some papers on his desk. “But before we make things official, there’s one small catch.”

  Ricky gulped. Here it was. Well, whatever his dad wanted to say, he may as well get it out in the open. Anything was better than uncertainty.

  Ricky listened while his father spelled out his terms, the beginnings of a sly smile creeping up the corners of his lips. “Are those terms acceptable?”

  For once in his life, Ricky knew exactly what he had to do. There was no hesitating. “Yes, sir. I accept your terms.”

  CHAPTER 55

  Two months later

  JILLIAN WAS EXHAUSTED. At least her uncle Joseph’s office had air conditioning, but she was still sweltering after braving the Seattle summer heat to grab a burrito from the little taco stand across the street.

  She’d have indigestion for the rest of the afternoon, but the extra sour cream and onions were worth every second of discomfort.

  She glanced at the clock. She had to leave half an hour early today for her doctor’s appointment.

  “Jillian, could you go get these ready to go out in tomorrow’s mail?” her supervisor, Misty, asked.

  Jillian nodded, even though she had just sat down and hated the idea of getting back on her feet again.

  Oh, well. Working for her uncle Joseph was far less physically demanding than any other job she could think of, and the pay was more than she could find at most retailers or restaurants. She wouldn’t complain.

  By fall, just like she planned, she’d have enough money to afford an apartment off campus. For now, she was living with a couple connected to the pregnancy center she’d visited so many months ago. It wasn’t perfect. They had a nine-month-old who screamed at all hours of the night — her mom claimed teething, but Jillian was beginning to wonder if their child had just been cursed with a terrible personality — but it was still better than the drama at home.

  Every once in a while, she asked herself if she’d done the right thing returning to Seattle. Grandma Lucy was home now at Safe Anchorage, but she couldn’t get around anymore without her walker and even had a wheelchair to use when she was especially tired.

  Sometimes Jillian felt guilty about the way she left, especially how she never said goodbye to that Ricky fellow or responded to any of his texts. Thankfully, the poor soul gave up after just a few weeks. Although she had to give him some credit for his persistence.

  “Can you drop these off downstairs when you close up?” Misty asked.

  Jillian shook her head. “I’m leaving early, remember? Doctor’s appointment.”

  “Oh, yeah. How are you feeling, by the way?”

  Jillian shrugged. “About as good as you can expect, I guess.”

  Misty nodded absently and headed into her office cubicle, high heels clicking behind her.

  The intercom buzzed. “Courier delivery for Mr. Gregory.”

  She pushed a button on her headset. “Send him up.”

  She was in the middle of printing up invoices for her uncle when she heard a vase topple over. Someone was bending over it, trying to mop up the spilled water with the doily Misty had laid out on the end table.

  “I’m so sorry,” he stammered and then stopped when his eyes met hers.

  “Jillian?”

  “Ricky?” She felt her face heat up and blamed it on the burrito.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You’re in Seattle now.”

  They both spoke at once, and Ricky let out a chuckle. That was a good sign. At least he didn’t hate her for skipping town without saying goodbye or ignoring him for the past two months.

  “I’m working here now,” he said. “My dad’s been wanting to start up business here in Seattle, and he brought me on as one of his new managers.”

  “That’s great. I, um, I hope you’re having a good time so far.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, sorry about that vase, though.”

  “Don’t mention it.” She stood up to find some paper towels when she heard him gasp. “Whoa! Is that a baby in there?”

  She stared at him.

  He stood there clenching and unclenching his fists and rocking from side to side. “I mean, no, it’s not that ... Maybe it’s the shirt, you know, I ... I’m just going to shut up now.” He sputtered as he turned to leave, but then glanced over his shoulder once more. “I’m sorry. You look good, it’s just that ... Well, it’s probably the shirt. Sorry again about the vase.” He headed to the door and stopped one more time and hurried to her desk. “Whoops. I almost forgot. This is for you. Or your boss, I suppose, Mr. Gregory. I just need a signature here, and then I’ll be gone. Nice running into you. And nice shirt too. It’s, umm, very blue.”

  He was already to the door when she called after him. “Ricky, wait.”

  “Yeah?”

  She wasn’t ready to have this conversation from the other side of the office, so she grabbed some paper towels and made her way over toward him. “Since you’re new to town, maybe you could use someone to show you around from time to time.” She picked up the toppled vase and raised her eyes to his.

  “Oh, that’s really sweet, but I’ve got GPS in my car, so I think I’m fine.” Ricky’s eyes widened. “Oh. Maybe that’s not what you meant.” He was staring at her stomach, but she knew there were some things that would have to wait.

  She took in a deep breath. “I have a doctor’s appointment in a little while, and then I’m free for the rest of the night. Do you have any dinner plans?”
>
  He ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, thanks. I just went to the store yesterday and got a whole week’s worth of frozen pizzas, so I’m all set.” He frowned at her. “Oh, wait. Were you asking ... Sorry. I’m just a little surprised seeing you here, I guess. Are you saying you want to get some dinner together? Like I said, I have some pizzas, but I have to warn you, my roommates are both slobs, and the apartment kinda smells like ...”

  “What about Olive Garden?” she asked.

  “Olive Garden?”

  “Yeah. Ever heard of it?”

  His nervous jittering calmed down, and a smile — genuine this time — spread across his face.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard of it. In fact, I hear they have these killer breadsticks.”

  CHAPTER 56

  RICKY COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time he had felt so confused. He tore off a piece of breadstick and asked, “So you did or didn’t have a miscarriage?”

  Jillian gulped down a drink of ice water. “Well, I didn’t know at the time, but I was pregnant with twins. So yes, I lost one, but his sister stayed strong and healthy throughout the miscarriage.”

  “So is it a boy or girl?” Ricky wasn’t sure why Jillian stared at him so confused, but she finished off her glass of water and answered, “A girl.”

  “And you’re ...” Ricky tried to figure out what he was trying to ask. “Are you going to be her mom?”

  She furrowed her brow. “I already am her mom.”

  Ricky felt his face flush. Good thing Olive Garden kept their lights so dim. “I mean, are you going to keep her?” No, that didn’t come out right. Isn’t that what you say about stray cats or puppies?

  “I found an adoptive family.”

  Ricky wasn’t sure what the correct response was supposed to be. Did he say congratulations? When she didn’t offer any more information, he figured he’d better stick to safer topics. “So, is it fun eating for two?”

  Jillian let out a little laugh. From the first day he saw her back in Orchard Grove, Ricky realized he wanted little more than to keep on finding ways to make her smile.

  She took her fourth breadstick from the basket. “I guess you can say it has its perks.”

  Neither one said anything, but the silence was comfortable. Ricky himself was quite impressed with the way he had gone through the meal so far without spilling anything on himself or his date.

  Well, maybe this wasn’t a date. Or was it? Yet another question that not even his Google searches seemed able to answer for him. Whatever it was, he didn’t want it to end.

  And he hoped there would be many, many more to come.

  CHAPTER 57

  Three and a half months later

  “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?” Ricky’s mom snapped. “Your father and I have been trying to get a hold of you for hours.”

  Ricky glanced at his phone, where he’d received one text from his dad about twenty minutes ago.

  “Where are you at?” Mom demanded.

  “I’m at the hospital. Jillian had her baby.”

  His mom made a snorting sound from the back of her throat. “Well then, I expect now that she’s out of the hospital and not lying around doing nothing ...”

  “She was on bedrest, Mom,” Ricky interrupted.

  “Well, whatever she was doing there, now that the child’s out, I suspect you have better things to do with your time than spend heaven only knows how many hours a week courting that kind of a girl. You have more important matters to focus on, like ...”

  “Mom,” he butted in again, “I already told you we’re not breaking up.” He shoved his hand into his pocket. “We’ve got something really special between us.”

  “Yeah,” she snorted. “Hormones.”

  “Mom,” he whined.

  “Well, I’m just naming it as I see it. You know that if you let things get any more serious with that girl, it’s not going to lead to anything but more heartache for you and everyone else involved.”

  Whatever that was supposed to mean.

  “So she still decided to give up the kid?”

  “Yeah.” Ricky had spent countless hours by Jillian’s side, watching her hold the baby she would soon hand over to someone else. Up until now, he’d thought of adoption as a quick, easy solution. He hadn’t realized what an emotional struggle it would be. He hadn’t been in the room during the delivery itself, but even standing outside the door he’d heard Jillian crying for the child that would only be hers for a few short hours.

  If one good thing came out of her month on bedrest, it was that it had brought the two of them even closer together. Sadly, most of Jillian’s friends from school were really busy, and eventually their visits tapered off until Ricky was often the only person Jillian talked to besides her nurses in a given day. He knew things were sticky at home, so they didn’t mention her parents much.

  Or his.

  But that hadn’t stopped him from falling in love with her through each evening visit, each stolen lunch break when he came by to keep her company.

  It sounded stupid when he admitted it to himself, but he was scared that they’d drift apart once she got discharged from the hospital, once she went back to working full time for her uncle and started those fall semester night classes she’d signed up for.

  He still worried that the reason she decided she loved him too was because he was the only person who came by to see her. She didn’t have any other choices while she was on bedrest. But after this last goodbye between her and her baby girl, she’d be as free as a bird.

  Maybe that’s why Mom sounded somewhat pleased when he told her about the delivery.

  “I gotta go,” he told his mom. “I’ll see you next week at Grandma Lucy’s birthday party.”

  Another snort. “A woman at that age shouldn’t celebrate each passing year. It isn’t natural.”

  Ricky ignored her comment and clenched his sweaty palms. “Oh, is Dad there? I had a quick question for him.”

  “Yeah. Should I put him on speaker?”

  That was the last thing Ricky needed. “No, just give him the phone. It’s ...” He was about to say it’s about work but there was no way to twist that into even a partial truth. “It’s just a quick question.” There. That was better.

  His dad got on the line. “Yeah?”

  Ricky cleared his throat. He needed to get this out. “So, um, maybe you heard me talking to Mom, but Jillian had her baby.”

  “Uh-huh.” His father sounded distracted. If Ricky didn’t get to the point, he would lose his courage or his father would start asking him about things at the Seattle office.

  “And, well, you know what we talked about a few weeks ago? That thing?” Ricky’s face was burning up just from the allusion.

  “Yes.”

  Now he had his dad’s full attention at least. He hopped from one leg to the other in the hospital hallway. “Well, I’m thinking about doing it.”

  “Now? Today?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Son, she just had a baby. She’s probably pretty emotional.”

  “I know, but ...” But what? How could he explain it? He stared at the bleached floor. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

  “Give her a little time. Delivering a baby, putting her up for adoption, these are huge things that you don’t snap back from right away.”

  “Okay.” He unclenched his fist which had wrapped itself around a small box in his pocket. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Dad.”

  Ricky ended the call and went back into Jillian’s room, where she was preparing to say goodbye to the daughter she’d so recently delivered.

  CHAPTER 58

  RICKY RUBBED JILLIAN’S tense shoulders.

  “I really can’t do this,” she sniffed while patting the baby’s back.

  He glanced at the doorway, where soon the adoptive parents would come in to take her daughter away.

  “There’s still time,” he whispered. Once they started officially dating, he’d gone with her to as
many of the adoption counseling sessions as he could. He knew Washington state laws so well he could recite them.

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  One of the counselors had warned Ricky that Jillian would be hard to console after the delivery, a combination of the hormones plus the emotional roller coaster she’d chosen.

  And Ricky had thought adoption was a simple solution.

  He kissed the top of her head. “You’re doing such a good job,” he said. “And whatever you decide, you know that no one else gets to tell you what to do.”

  Another line he’d heard so often from the counselors he could recite it in his sleep.

  Jillian wiped her puffy face and kept on patting her daughter’s back. “I’m trying as hard as I can. I really am.”

  “And you’re doing a perfect job.”

  What was happening? Was she changing her mind? How did she expect to take care of a newborn? They weren’t ready for any of this.

  “It won’t work,” she sobbed again.

  Ricky’s throat seized up. He was ready to support her in each and every decision she made, but ... raising a baby?

  He cleared his throat and reminded himself that this was a decision nobody could make but her. “You know I’ll love and support you no matter what you decide.”

  She glanced up at him through teary eyes. “Huh?”

  “If you change your mind,” he explained and adjusted his pants. The jewelry box in his pocket was digging into his thigh. “I’ll do whatever I need to do. I’ll get a second job, I’ll flip burgers for the rest of my life, I’ll ...”

  He stopped when he saw how oddly she was staring at him, as if he’d just suggested they eat her daughter for breakfast instead of handing her over to the adoptive parents.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The adoption,” he explained. “If you’ve changed your mind ...”

  She shook her head. “That’s not it.”

  “Then why were you crying?”