When You're Gone

by Marguerite O'Callaghan

  The curtains and blinds are drawn in every room too, and McCarthy doesn’t have a torch, but he makes his way to a back room, where there is some natural light.

  As he approaches the doorway, McCarthy sees some a male figure sitting upright on the sofa. The line of his jaw is vaguely illuminated by a sliver of light coming from the window.

  ‘Mr Hayman? Is that you? Are you back there? Mr Hayman, we’d like to talk to you please.’

  There’s no answer. The man sits absolutely still, and seems to be staring straight ahead.

  This is one of those moments that makes McCarthy think about his family.

  It’s a crossroads.

  It’s not just himself that he must think about, but Fran and the kids.

  Should he turn around, and wait until back-up arrives with torches, radios, bullet proof vests and helmets?

  This is not strictly a safe environment. Hayman is wanted in connection with a missing teen he’s had an illegal relationship with, and he’s acting very strangely right now.

  McCarthy has a bad feeling, like a fist in his gut.

  Davies gives a loud ‘Psst’ from behind, to let McCarthy know he’s there, and a thumbs-up that back-up is on their way.

  McCarthy nods at him, takes a deep breath, and is about to speak again, but Matthew Hayman gets there first.

  ‘I’m not going to bite, you know. You can come in, and speak to me. They turned off the electricity, and I haven’t been able to sort it because of my back. Sorry about that.’

  Hayman’s voice is quiet, almost monosyllabic, and he sounds calm and unthreatening.

  McCarthy slowly makes his way into the room, and closer to him, opening a blind on his way.

  He watches as Hayman squints and covers his eyes when the light floods in.

  The room is very dusty and there’s a terrible smell like sour milk mixed with damp or mould.

  If he didn’t know better, McCarthy would think that no-one actually lived in this place.

  Hayman asks what they want from him.

  ‘Mr Hayman, we’re investigating a missing person case and we need your help. Do you know the whereabouts of Kate Stone?’

  Matthew takes his hands away from his squinting eyes, and looks at McCarthy for the first time, blinking repeatedly.

  Dust particles dance in the air around him, and he coughs, as if he’s just suddenly noticed the air he’s breathing is alive with dirt.

  Hayman looks at Davies who is standing a few feet behind McCarthy now, and nods to him in greeting, then announces that he doesn’t know anything about a missing person.

  ‘But you do know Kate Stone, right? From what we’ve heard, you know her very well.’

  Matthew winces as if McCarthy’s words are hurting him, and turns away, shaking his head several times.

  McCarthy takes a few steps towards him, and holds out the photograph of Kate they retrieved from the gym bag at his mother’s house.

  ‘You left this lovely picture of her with your poor, worried mother. We got it this morning when we spoke to her. Did she mother warn you we were looking for you?’

  At the mention of his mother, Matthew scrunches his face up, and his bottom lip starts to tremble like he’s going to cry.

  ‘I knew Kate briefly, ages ago, when I was in London. We were friends, but I haven’t had any contact at all with her since then. I saw on the news that she was missing and I have been following it online. I’ve been praying for her every single day.’

  Hayman’s face softens and he looks directly at McCarthy. He seems concerned, mournful even, and McCarthy looks for something else behind his eyes. Something like guilt.

  Matthew points at the large crucifix on the wall above the television and McCarthy notices there are three or four other religious statues around the place, too.

  ‘I was lost and now I’m found. The Lord has saved me, and my faith is all I have left now. I’ve asked God to help you to find Kate, and I’m sorry that I can’t do anything myself.’

  McCarthy tells Davies to search the place, as he sits down across from Hayman on the side of an armchair.

  This isn’t the first religious fanatic he’s met in his life, and it also isn’t the first time he’s seen someone who is so full of shame, turn to God for forgiveness.

  He notices the stacks of papers on the floor, the magazines, books, leaflets, so many things gathering dust and mildew.

  McCarthy tries not to turn his nose up in disgust, but he’s finding it hard to breathe.

  The place is freezing too, and having the blinds drawn makes it even worse.

  This situation has got all the signs of someone who can’t, or won’t look after themselves, thinks McCarthy, and Matthew Hayman is obviously a damaged and broken man. But is he a criminal? Is he evil?

  McCarthy asks Hayman where he was on Friday the 6th of May, and Hayman stares ahead blankly.

  Then, as if he is genuinely amused, he asks McCarthy if he really thinks he had anything to do with Kate’s disappearance.

  He says he was right here at home, alone on the 6th of May, and hasn’t been to London for months.

  McCarthy tells him that if he is lying about any of this they will find out.

  ‘There are ways of checking phone signals, bank statements, and so forth? If you’re lying and know anything that will help us to find her, it won’t look good if you say nothing, now.’

  Matthew struggles to get comfortable on the sofa where he’s propped up with cushions.

  He picks up a tube of pills from underneath him, and moans slightly in pain.

  ‘I’m in agony with my back. I’m sorry I can’t help you to find Kate. But, I’ve done nothing wrong.’

  McCarthy isn’t so sure.

  He goes to find Davies, who’s going through some drawers in the kitchen.

  He hasn’t found anything that looks suspicious, besides masses of books on Catholicism, a shed full of garden furniture, fishing equipment and tools.

  It doesn’t look like there’s a basement, either. And the attic is empty.

  ‘I’ve checked every cupboard, under the beds. Nothing, yet.’

  Outside, they hear the back-up cars arrive, and McCarthy decides to take Hayman in for questioning.

  A few hours in an uncomfortable chair, without his medication might be all it takes to get this guy talking.

  Hayman resists of course, and shouts out in pain when they try to move him.

  But, McCarthy thinks that if he could walk from the sofa to the door to open it for them, he can make it into a squad car with a little help.

  64

  Kate is alone again.

  She clenches her jaw as her empty stomach starts to spasm, and she wonders what he meant earlier about it being ‘time now’?

  Time for what?

  He had said it almost with a sort of tenderness, like it was something she should be grateful for.

  But, Kate couldn’t be sure she wasn’t imagining the tenderness, and thinks he’s probably upstairs right now, sharpening knives, or preparing some kind of poison for her.

  Her head is spinning with exhaustion and hunger. It feels like her heart is about to stop, and give up beating altogether if she doesn’t drink, or eat something.

  As she closes her eyes, she thinks of her parents and Lydia, and in her mind, she tells them she loves them, something she’s been doing constantly since she got here.

  Kate has always believed in the power of thought, and used to think that if she willed something, wanted it hard enough, and didn’t give up on that thought, it would happen.

  She’d done it all her life with modelling jobs, or boys she wanted to like her.

  One Christmas when she was seven or eight, she had even put a blank space in her letter to Santa to test out her theory.

  It read something like:

  ‘Santa, I know you will know what I want this year so I am leaving this bit blank to test my theory. I really want a _
______ for Christmas.’

  Unbeknown to Kate, her parents had found out what she wanted from Lydia, and when she opened up the box with the typewriter inside on Christmas morning, she thought she was magic.

  Kate could now look back on that silliness with a smile, but she really did still believe in the power of positive thought, and that you could manifest something if you concentrated hard enough.

  She thinks of her mother’s face, and the extraordinary amount of love she has for her. Then, she thinks of the times she had disappointed her parents, like when she ran away to Brighton for almost three days.

  Being in this dark place is the closest thing to death Kate can imagine.

  She has always been a strong person, with such fire and light in her.

  In fact, Kate felt pretty indestructible most of the time, like life was a game she was winning at every turn.

  And the hand she had been dealt was a good one; she was beautiful, rich, popular, funny, and knew how to have a good time. She certainly wasn’t a worrier or deep thinker like Lydia.

  Kate wasn’t afraid of anything. Never had been.

  The only bad thing to ever happen to her up to this, was when Matthew Hayman had come into her life, and showed her the utter darkness that existed in the world.

  From the first day Kate saw him in the school hallway, she was attracted to Matthew, and not because he was particularly good-looking, confident, or any of the regular things she would go for in a guy.

  There was something really off about him, and something wrong in liking him, too.

  It broke the rules, and Kate liked to break rules.

  She guessed now that it was probably the darkness in him that attracted her, as well.

  He had seen her staring at him that day in the hallway, and went bright red, before turning and crashing straight into a group of students.

  Kate can still see them laughing at him.

  Later that day, she had asked her friends who he was, and discovered he was only going to be at the school for a short time, covering Mr Clancy’s English classes.

  Kate saw him briefly over the next few days and started daydreaming about him a little bit.

  But, she didn’t tell anyone.

  In fact, she was kind of embarrassed to admit that she was attracted to someone like Matthew, someone so unconventional and awkward.

  But his shy smile stirred something in Kate, and made her feel powerful, like she knew she could make him feel better, and that was enough to hook her.

  Thinking back to their first encounter outside the school seems like a lifetime ago to Kate.

  She had no idea then what danger lay in getting involved with an older man. And a teacher for that matter. But she saw it all as a fun adventure, waiting to be taken, and the fact that it was forbidden and taboo made it all the more alluring to her.

  Kate knew that she wanted to speak to him, at least once before he left the school. And when she saw him outside the school gates that day, her eyes locked with his, and she offered him a cigarette.

  It was that simple.

  Kate’s gaze was magnetic, and pulled him in.

  He barely took his eyes off her for a moment to take the cigarette, and awkwardly light it after three tries, his hands were shaking that much.

  But for some reason, this just made Kate more excited. The effect she had on him was palpable, extreme, and it pleased her that she had this power over an older guy.

  They stood there chatting about school for three or four minutes, and Kate had already managed to touch him, using the excuse of a piece of fluff on his blazer collar.

  She had felt an overwhelming urge to kiss him, too, and was already concocting a plan about asking for help with her english essay.

  Then, Lauren Cunningham had appeared. This girl was what you would call a ‘frenemy’ to Kate.

  They were similar in that they were both beautiful, rich, and popular, but Kate was secretly intimidated by Lauren’s ability to get along with boys.

  And, although Kate loved her own dark features, there was something about Lauren’s big blue eyes and blonde hair that was so natural, and appealed to guys in a different way.

  Kate couldn’t help but be a little bit jealous.

  Lauren had seemed to sense what was going on immediately, and joined in with the flirting.

  Kate noticed that Matthew relaxed a bit more, and decided that this was actually a good thing, and she could use Lauren as a wing-woman, and maybe get Matthew away from school grounds.

  She could be the perfect partner in crime.

  But, when they made their way to Lauren’s empty Notting Hill house, and started drinking, things got a little trickier. Kate turned her back for a minute to put some music on, and when she turned around again, Lauren was kissing Mr Hayman.

  Kate was immediately overcome with a cold, head-spinning jealousy, and without giving it a second thought, she walked straight over to the sofa, sat on the other side of him, and put her hand on his leg.

  He pulled away from Lauren, looked at Kate’s hand like it was the most shocking thing he had ever seen, and she and Lauren looked at one another and burst out laughing.

  Then Kate put her other hand around Matthew’s neck, told him to relax, and kissed him passionately.

  She can remember thinking that she would have to make him pick her.

  Lauren seemed to move away at this point, mumbling something about getting some drinks, and Kate found herself straddling Matthew and unbuttoning his shirt.

  ‘I want you to be with me, not her. Okay?

  A few minutes later, they walked past a silently fuming Lauren, and into one of the downstairs bedrooms.

  Matthew didn’t even ask her age, and when the door was closed, and Kate started to remove her clothes, Matthew Hayman didn’t seem so shy anymore, either.

  Two hours later, they emerged from the room and Kate ordered a taxi.

  Her parents were going to freak out. She had fifteen missed calls and four messages on her phone.

  Lauren was asleep on the sofa, and seemed to have consumed an entire bottle of champagne all by herself.

  Kate remembers how Matthew had walked her to the door and kissed her gently.

  ‘That was the best. You’re amazing, Kate.’

  She beamed back at him, and suddenly felt quite shy and sober.

  ‘You know I’m only sixteen, right?’

  With that, she winked and turned away, calling out that she’d see him at school.

  What Kate didn’t know was that Matthew Hayman had been watching her too, and already knew how old she was, where she lived, who her friends were, even the perfume she liked.

  Kate Stone was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and now that he’d got her, there was no going back.

  65

  McCarthy and Davies travel in a car behind the one carrying Hayman.

  McCarthy calls the office in London to let them know what’s happening, and to say they’ve also found a photograph of Kate Stone at Hayman’s mother’s house.

  He also asks for them to arrange for someone to drop in and check on Hayman’s mother, as it’s obvious she isn’t very well and needs some help.

  They’ve seized Hayman’s laptop and phone, so it won’t be long until they can see what he’s been up to, and if he’s had contact with Kate leading up to the date of her disappearance. McCarthy is confident that he’s about to get some answers, he just needs to let Brian and Barbara know what’s going on too.

  66

  Brian Stone goes into the bedroom he shares with his wife, and sits on the bed. He can’t stop thinking about the strange man that Lydia saw outside the house, asking about someone called Margaret.

  He gets up from the bed, and walks slowly to the dressing table in the corner of the room where Barbara keeps her jewelry and scarves.

  There are a few small drawers at the side of the mirror. Brian opens them one by one, roots around inside,
and after rummaging for a few seconds amongst chains, rings and broaches, he pulls out a delicate gold bracelet.

  There’s a flat rectangular section in the middle of it with a messy engraving on one side, like someone did it themselves in a sloppy way. It spells out ‘Margaret’.

  As Brian is examining it, his phone rings.

  It’s McCarthy, and Brian answers, simultaneously putting the bracelet back, and closing the little drawer.

  ‘Hello, Detective?’

  McCarthy wants to tell him about Matthew Hayman being taken in for questioning, and he also lets him know that they found a photograph of Kate at Hayman’s mother’s house, too.

  Jogging downstairs, Brian asks if he thinks Hayman knows where his daughter is.

  Lydia’s in the hall, and hears what her dad is saying. She’s eager to find out what’s going on, and puts her hand on his arm as he gets to the bottom of the stairs.

  Brian is just listening to what McCarthy is saying and nodding. He hangs up, and looks at Lydia.

  ‘They found the teacher and they think he might know something.’

  He and Lydia stare at one another in silence. Brian’s face gets angrier and angrier.

  ‘Are you sure you didn’t know this was going on, Lydia?’

  Her father looks at her accusingly, and it’s like someone has scratched something sharp across Lydia’s heart.

  ‘Dad! What are you suggesting?’

  Seeing that he’s upset her, Brian puts his hands up in apology.

  ‘I’m so sorry, my love. I didn’t mean that. I’m just so bloody frustrated. You know? This sick man. This, this pedophile, was preying on Kate, and no-one knew! How can this have happened? I need to call your mother.’