Shattered Love

by Stacey Marie Brown

  “You put on blinders. The denial came with popularity, cheerleading, football players, and parties,” he accused, getting into my face.

  I screamed, pushing his chest. “I wasn’t the one who took out his girlfriend so he could go get laid!”

  “And I was the one who almost did.” He angled his head to the side.

  Rage burned my cheeks. “Don’t tell me you didn’t get off on messing with me. I’m surprised you didn’t go all the way…tell your friends how the stupid cheerleader screwed you because she was too dumb to tell the difference.” He jerked back at my words, his shoulders rising with fury. “You say I was in denial. Look at yourself. You claim a child for him, ran when he called, used your own money for his conquests, dated his girlfriend. Who are you without him?”

  “Better? Worse? What do you want me to say?” Hunter roared. “I’m both. How horrible am I for feeling I might be better without him leaning on me? But no matter what, I want him here. I’d rather be a fucked-up mess if it meant he was still alive!” Hunter spun away from me, walking to the edge of the lake.

  The lapping of water and rasp of the breeze between the trees accompanied our heavy breathing.

  “How could you do that to me?” At the time he didn’t know or like me, but it still felt like a betrayal to me now.

  Hunter looked up at the sky, his shoulders dropping.

  “Colton wasn’t merely going out to get laid. It was important. But even if he had been, I probably would have still agreed to do it.” Hunter swung around, all pretense gone.

  “Why?” I whispered, moving closer. “So you could laugh at me? Revel in how blind and stupid I was?”

  “No. Of course not.”

  “Then why?”

  “Because of you.”

  “Me?” I stilled, motioning to myself. “Why me? You didn’t even like me. We couldn’t tolerate each other till a few months ago.”

  “Yeah…” He chuckled, lacking any humor.

  “What do you mean?”

  He licked his lips, glancing at the ground. “I convinced myself I hated you. I had to.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Because.” Annoyance coated his words. “I was actually in love with you.”

  My mouth gaped. “What?”

  “Do you know how hard it was to hear you say you loved me but it was for him? Especially because in the moment it felt like you were saying it to me. Not Colton, but me.” He crunched his fists into his forehead. “Jesus, this is all so messed up.”

  “Wait.” I held out my hand. “Go back.”

  He shifted his weight, running his hand through his hair.

  “You said was...” The dread in my lungs made it hard to breath. “You were, but not anymore?”

  “Would it make a difference?”

  “Uh. Yeah.”

  “Why?” He threw his arms up. “Is either one going to make it okay?” No, but it made a hell of a difference to me.

  “But you acted like you hated me?”

  He blew out air. “It was simpler. And it got easier after the night here. A part of me was angry you didn’t notice the difference. Didn’t see through the façade. Then I started to convince myself you were not the girl I thought, no more than any other superficial cheerleader my brother hung out with. You guys were perfect for each other.”

  I was then. But no matter how shallow I let myself become, the boy I was with at the lake was my anchor. No matter how jerky Colton would act sometimes, or how hollow our relationship felt at times, I always had that night. The moment when I knew I loved him.

  It just had been the wrong brother.

  “It’s funny, because you were not my type. Any other time I could have easily brushed a girl like you off and forgotten, but everything changed when we did the project together in English class last year, remember?”

  I did. It had felt like the longest, most painful week ever.

  “The more I seemed to annoy you, the more this other person came out. She was fierce, smart, opinionated, strong, funny, stubborn, and passionate. I knew I was the only one who truly saw the girl beneath. I think I went out of my way to piss you off just to get you riled.” Now it made sense why he made that week extra hellish for me. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Watching when something made you laugh or secretly annoyed you. I can’t explain it, but you were like a magnet to me. An attraction I wanted to ignore, but I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.” He huffed out. “Still can’t.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He snorted.

  “Or even hint about Colton cheating?”

  “I wasn’t going to be the one to tell you. And be honest, you would have never listened or believed me.” He was right. I wouldn’t have then. I would have just hated him more. “And frankly, I thought it was obvious. You would eventually see.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I knew I could never be with you and watch you with my brother. It was the only way I could move on.”

  His confession altered things. It no longer felt like such a betrayal what he did. There was a long silence, both of unsure where this left us.

  “What now?” I asked quietly, watching the lake slap against the shore.

  “What do you mean?” he responded. “This doesn’t change anything.”

  “What? How can you tell me this doesn’t change things?”

  “I’m still not good for you.”

  “Not good for me?” I sputtered with a laugh. “You sound like you’re the bad boy from the other side of the tracks. Your parents own half the town. Going by that, I’m actually the one from the wrong side of town.”

  “Money does not make you good. Believe me.” He took a step back. “I’m not going to an Ivy school or getting a cushy office job in my father’s business.”

  “Do you think I care?”

  “Yes, eventually you will. I will never be what you need.” He stepped away, heading to his truck. My feet moved to him without a thought, my hands reaching for his face. He halted, stiffening at my touch.

  “You are exactly what I need.” I forced his chin down to look me in the eyes. “The only thing.”

  Hunter sucked in a sharp breath.

  “I don’t care what everyone else thinks. You make me feel alive. Happy. I can be completely myself. Real.”

  His eyes searched mine, and he pressed his lips together. His face showed no emotion.

  “Hunter?” A sinking sensation dropped my stomach.

  “I’m going to kiss you.”

  A relieved grin toyed over my mouth, my heart leaping in my throat. “Are you asking me?”

  “No.” Hunter shook his head, his voice gravelly and low. “I was preparing you.” His hands grabbed my face and pulled me to him. His lips met mine with intensity. I greedily kissed him back, desire sizzling along my spine.

  His hands clutched my sides and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around him as he carried me, pushing me back against the jeep. His body pressed into me with force. I could feel every inch of him, and it still wasn’t close enough.

  Hunger. Desperate. Raw. I bit at his bottom lip and he growled, parting my mouth more, his tongue exploring. My thighs tightened around him, matching his fervor. His fingers went to the back of my head, gripping my hair with a firm tug. I groaned.

  His hands scooted under my ass, and he carried me to his truck. The tailgate was still down, and he deposited me on it. His mouth never left mine as he tore off his jacket, stuffing it behind me. I tugged at the bottom of his shirt, ripping it over his head. It was cold, but his skin was hot against my touch. My fingers skated down his abs and over every toned muscle. Freedom to explore, touch, and kiss. I ran my hands over his tattoo, then leaned over, skating my lips over the dragon. He yanked my sweater over my head, leaving me only in my bra and jeans. My hair tickled my exposed arms and back. He tipped me back on his coat as he crawled between my legs, laying his weight on top of me, his bare chest on mine.

  It made me dizzy. This was when
fear usually kicked in. The need to say I wasn’t ready. Except it didn’t kick in with Hunter. It never had. Fire replaced fear. Every inch of me burned for him.

  His lips devoured me, and I pushed back with more need. My fingers slid to his jeans, popping each button open till I could glide my hands under, cupping his ass over his boxer briefs. I pulled him into me, rubbing myself against him.

  “Fuck, Jaymerson.” He sucked in air, his voice gruff.

  “The idea.” I bit at his ear.

  “You need to stop doing that.”

  “Why?”

  He pulled back enough to look in my eyes. “In the back of a truck?”

  “Stop thinking I’m the girl who has her wedding planned and wants the perfect guy or date.” I ran my hands over his jaw, into his hair. “Perfect is boring. I lived like a zombie for eighteen years. I want you. I always did, even when I didn’t know it. It was you I was saying I love you to. Not Colton. You’re the one I fell in love with.”

  He stared at me.

  “I wanted to be with you the night we were here in the summer. That hasn’t changed. I now have the right name this time.”

  He inhaled sharply through his teeth.

  “It was never Colton. He was more my best friend. I cared about him so much, but he was never meant to be more. You were.” I pulled his face to mine, my mouth trying to convince him in another way.

  His kiss became violent and demanding, heating me to the point I could no longer think.

  “You better have protection this time because I will kill you,” I muttered.

  “I’d kill myself,” he retorted, kicking off his boots, then unzipping mine and pulling them off my feet, along with my socks. I wrenched his pants down, wanting nothing between us. No lies and no clothes.

  He heaved his jeans off and tossed them over the side. Mine followed right after. Our heads popped up at the sound of water splashing. The moon shone off the wet fabric, as my jeans sunk into the water.

  “Shit,” Hunter said, leaning back on his heels.

  I began to laugh, then shrugged.

  He turned back to me, his eyes sparking with primal desire, his voice low and gravely. “Guess, you will have to stay pants-less the rest of the night.”

  “Darn.” I kissed him. “But it’s only fair you do too.”

  “Was thinking the same thing,” he mumbled against my mouth, his scruff tickling me as his lips moved to my neck, sliding my bra strap over my shoulder, his hot mouth trailing over it.

  He undid the hook, slipping it off and throwing the item on top of his jeans. The night air nipped at my skin. I felt exhilarated. Free.

  I yanked his boxer briefs over his hips, my hands sliding over his bare hips and ass, pulling him to me. The only thing between us was a tiny bit of cotton. I wrapped my legs around him, our lips hungry. His fingers played with the edges of my underwear and began to slowly pull them down.

  The sound of a car door slammed. Hunter stiffened over me. It was winter. No one came to the lake this time of year, and no one had been here earlier.

  Hunter tipped back, his head bobbing up over the side of the truck. His eyes squinted.

  “What?” I whispered. “Is someone here?”

  He turned his head, looking all around. “No. I don’t see anyone.”

  We both knew there were no houses around here or reason a car, if not in the parking lot, should be by the lake now.

  A car engine fired, and I sat up.

  Out of the woods next to us headlights turned on, flickering us with light. I ducked down, enough to hide my nearly naked body. The car turned onto the road, passing near enough for us to see. The car was familiar. It was the same make and model as Jason McKee’s, one of Colton’s best friends and the on-and-off-again boyfriend of Savannah. We watched it race down the hill, disappearing in the dark.

  “Please, please say that wasn’t who I think it was,” I entreated.

  Hunter faced me. “I couldn’t see who was in it.”

  “Jason drives the same type of car.” I scooted to the end tailgate. He fell away from me, letting me pass. I reached for my sweater, wrenching it back over my head. The mood had shattered in a breath. My attention was on the taillights driving down the lane toward town. Hunter seemed to understand, grabbing his boxer briefs and pulling them back on.

  I swiped up my discarded bra on the ground and wadded it into my hand. My naked feet padded over the cold dirt as I stared at where my jeans drowned in the lake.

  Suddenly freezing. Disappointed. Angry. Sad.

  Hunter strolled over to me, shoving his arms and head into his T-shirt. “Do you want me to swim down and get them?”

  “No.” I shook my head. I bit my lip. “What if someone’s trying to tell us something?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Colton. The universe.” I tipped my head back, the stars bright and winking. As if they were in on the joke. “It seems like it wants to keep us apart.”

  Hunter moved in front of me, widening his stance so he could match my height better. He cupped the sides of my face, breathing me in, his lips finding mine. The spark was instantly back, curling my toes.

  “The universe gets no say. We choose our lives.” He tipped my head so I had to look him in the eyes. “Colton was selfish, but he would still want us to be happy. Am I what you want?”

  I nodded vigorously, laying my hands over his.

  He brought me in for another kiss, pressing me into his body. “I think I’m gonna have to jump in the freezing lake anyway.” He stepped back, slugging in a deep gulp of air. The chilly temperature revealed his breath when he let it out.

  “Put your pants on.” I crossed my arms, grinning. My gaze wandered down his body. “You’re distracting.”

  He curved up one eyebrow, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. He then leaped, his arm coming around my waist. I yelped, trying to get away, but he was too quick. His arms circled me, picking me up.

  I tried to fight, to get away, but he easily carried me back to my jeep, opening the door and setting me down on the driver’s seat.

  “I am not the distracting one.” He nudged between my legs, his mouth crashing against mine. He only had to touch me, and I burned with need again.

  My knees clenched his hips, my back curving me into him. With one hand he grabbed the keys off my dash and put them in the ignition, turning it over.

  “You trying to get me to go?” I nibbled at his bottom lip.

  He snorted, flicking on the heater, blasting it on me.

  “No.” He replied. “But I like when you’re thawed.”

  “Are you saying I’m cold and frigid?” I teased.

  “No, I’m saying you’re more limber and flexible when you’re not frozen.”

  My response was to curl my legs more around him, lying back against the console, bringing him with me.

  With both of us still in not much more than our underwear, things quickly escalated. Touching, exploring each other.

  This time my cell phone went off, the screen flashing with my home number.

  “Dammit.” I sighed. Nothing kills the mood faster than your parents calling. “I better answer.” I let me hands drop from Hunter. “They’ve been freaking out a lot lately. This new me isn’t as obliging and dependable. They don’t seem to know what to do with me anymore.”

  “Nor the bad boy you can’t seem to stay away from.” He kissed my nose.

  “You are a bad influence.”

  His eyebrow went up. “I am…?” His gaze went over me, giving me a zing of heat. He pushed off me, walking away from the jeep.

  “Hello?” I picked up the phone.

  “Jaymerson?” Mom’s voice came over the line, full of worry.

  “Yeah, who else would it be?”

  “Where are you?”

  “Why?” I glanced at the clock. “It’s not curfew yet.”

  “I just want to know. I was worried. It’s getting late and the roads are icy.”

  Bullshit. Irritat
ion inflamed my chest. Before they pushed me to hang out with my friends. Now they wanted me home because they feared I was spending time with Hunter.

  “I’ll be home in an hour, like I told you I would,” I said.

  I could feel her hemming and hawing with uncertainty as though she both wanted to know where I was and who I was with, but she also didn’t.

  I stayed quiet, and eventually she seemed to come to the same conclusion.

  “Okay. One hour,” she stressed “Yeah. See you then.” She’d be waiting by the window for me. “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Mom.” I hung up, shaking my head.

  Hunter came back, this time fully dressed. He held my shoes and socks with one hand.

  “I’m screwed.” I grabbed the items, setting them next to me.

  “You were about to be.”

  “Ha-ha.” I rolled my eyes, not able to stop the grin from twitching at my face. “No, my mother is going to be standing at the window waiting for me.” I motioned to my legs. “And I have no pants.”

  Hunter leaned against the door, crossing his arms in thought. He straightened, reaching up and grabbing onto the frame above my head, leaning in close. “Follow me.”

  “Follow you where?”

  He bent over his mouth skating over mine. “To a friend’s place. She’ll have something you can borrow.”

  “She?”

  “Isn’t that the whole point? Finding girl stuff so you don’t have to wear my clothes home?”

  “Yes.” I scowled.

  “Jealous?” He nipped at my lip.

  I was. Though only with Hunter. I was never jealous of girls flirting with Colton, though it sounded like I should have been. Yet even knowing he had cheated on me, I still didn’t experience the crazy envy I did with Hunter.

  “Should I be?”

  He grinned. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “You know, saying that makes me more worried,” I huffed, grabbing my seatbelt. He closed the door as I opened the window. He leaned on the frame.

  “I like you being jealous.” He smirked.

  I shot him a glare. “Don’t lose me.”

  “I won’t.”

  He twisted around and walked to his truck.