Four

by Tia Fielding

  PADRAIG SENT him a text around eight to go ahead and eat if he hadn’t, because there had been another call he had to go to. Something about a farmer’s cow or some such. Farm animals were foreign to Kaos by default. Horses were more familiar, but anything farmier than that, and he had no clue.

  He replied to the text to say he’d put the rice in the fridge and was going to bed early because he was tired as hell.

  Okay. Sweet dreams.

  Kaos looked at the text Padraig had sent him, which he had just read out loud to himself. “Who even says that?”

  He took a bottle of water upstairs and went to take a bath just because he could. As he settled into the barely-shy-of-too-warm water and sighed, that special kind of contentment that only a good, hot bath could bring came over him.

  The steam around him in the spacious bathroom made him smile. He wished he’d remembered to put on some music, though. The silence that had met him in Wisconsin was still deafening sometimes. He’d gotten so used to sound being constant that the quiet calm of the nature around him now was somewhat alien to him.

  To fill the void of sound, he started to move his hands in the water, making the little splashes and tinkles echo in the bathroom. It hit him out of the blue: his skin was all one even color where there were no tattoos. There were no bruises anywhere. Not new ones or partially healed ones. No blacks or grays, deep dark violets, or ugly greenish yellows. None.

  The sound that came out of his throat was something like a sob, and he grasped at the edge of the tub for support as he howled uncontrollably, the anguish of being truly free of the hell he’d lived for the last few years bowling over him.

  Eventually his body decided it was done, and his brain followed suit. He cleaned up as much as he was able to with the little strength he could muster, and collapsed into his bed, still a little bit damp, feeling utterly grateful for having had the good sense to put the new linens onto the bed earlier.

  THE NEXT morning, Kaos woke up surprisingly early. Maybe the sleep he’d gotten consistently while in Acker had helped balance something in his previously erratic system. He wasn’t sure if it was the silence or the safety he felt there, instead of the chaotic existence of prison structure or the time after that with Trev. Whatever it was, Kaos felt grateful for however long it would last.

  After taking care of morning stuff, he grabbed a sketchbook, his phone, and a bottle of nail polish from his makeup kit and started downstairs. He hadn’t heard Padraig come in last night, but he wasn’t terribly surprised. He’d slept like the dead. Padraig’s car was in the front of the house, so he must’ve been asleep still.

  Kaos started coffee and made himself some toast. He was pondering on scrambled eggs when the stairs creaked and Padraig, his hair mussed from sleep and bleary-eyed, wandered into the kitchen. It was funny how he seemed to have forgotten Kaos was in the house, because he did a startled double take, then groaned.

  “Good morning, Doc,” Kaos teased.

  “Don’t you ‘Doc’ me, kid,” Padraig teased right back, and that set the tone for the morning.

  They talked a little over breakfast, and because Kaos had thought he’d eat alone, he ended up having fun and forgetting all about the sketch pad and nail polish that sat on the window seat.

  Once they’d caffeinated themselves enough, Kaos asked what Padraig had in store for the day.

  “It’s actually my day off. I was planning on doing some chores and reading a book, maybe.” Padraig got up and took his plate and mug to the sink. “How about you?”

  “I think I’ll find a sunny spot and draw. I need to exercise my brain and my hands a lot, keep them in touch with stuff despite not being able to tattoo.”

  “Right, you don’t have your license yet.”

  “Yeah, so since I haven’t gotten any specific instructions from my sort-of boss in Mercer, I’ll just sketch whatever comes to mind.” Kaos raised his hands over his head and stretched his body as much as he could while sitting down.

  “Sounds like a plan. If you need anything, just holler. I’ll be puttering around.”

  “Okay!” Kaos said, and decidedly didn’t look at Padraig’s ass in his sleep pants as he padded out of the kitchen.

  Internally, Kaos groaned. He was so, so screwed. How had he thought even for a moment that he could stay detached from Padraig? Then again, denial was kind of his thing, he supposed, and maybe it was just his psyche latching on to the first gorgeous, kind, free male he encountered. Yeah, that must’ve been it. Right?

  Chapter Eight

  LIVING WITH Kaos was an odd kind of torture, Padraig had come to realize.

  It took Kaos’s friends and Nora Newman three days to invade the house for an impromptu “housewarming cake party thing”—Emil’s words—and it felt completely alien to have so much life inside the house again.

  Nora, maybe because she was closer in age to him than the others, made sure he could have his coffee and cake in the kitchen with her, while Kaos and his friends went to have theirs in the living room. It wasn’t far—they could still hear and somewhat see one another—but it was still a bit of a reprieve from the all the energy they seemed to have.

  “How have you been, Padraig?” She’d made some sort of a chocolate cake with blueberry jam and cream filling, and they had large pieces on their plates. She seemed to be waiting for him to dig in first, so he did, making the appropriate noises because the cake was wonderful.

  “This is… I have no words, Nora.” He took a sip of coffee, then answered her question. “I’ve been… okay. Lately, I mean. It’s always rough around anniversaries and things, but it’s good to have someone else in the house again.”

  As if on cue, a loud burst of laughter sounded from the living room, and they smiled at each other.

  “We adore Makai, and if Kaos is anything like his ‘big brother,’ then I’m incredibly glad you took him in.” Her gaze was searching, as if she was trying to figure out if there was more to the arrangement.

  “No, Nora…. It’s been four years, but sometimes it feels like yesterday still. It’s not…. And I’m old. I’m old and set in my ways, and he’s everything I’m not.”

  She made a distinct pshaw noise and jabbed at his hand with her cake fork. “Bullcrap, Padraig. Sure, Marcus might be gone, but I know the last couple of years weren’t easy for you two. Don’t you let that man’s ghost keep you from living your life. I can’t say it’s been long enough, because that’s not for me to decide, but Padraig, we have been friendly, if not close friends, for a long time now.” Her expression was kind then, and Padraig pointedly concentrated on his cake.

  She was right, of course. His picture-perfect married life hadn’t been that for the last few years. He was in denial, or had been at least, and after Marcus passed so suddenly, what did it even matter anymore? So Padraig had pushed those memories into the very back of his mind and left them there.

  Maybe it was time to start looking at them more closely again? In the spirit of living? He knew he couldn’t really move on until he had settled the score with Marcus’s memory.

  Groaning, he put down the fork and looked at Nora. “You’re an evil woman.”

  She gave him a little grin, looking so much like her son in that moment that it was eerie. “Oh, I know, Padraig, I know.”

  ABOUT A week into Kaos’s living at the house, Padraig saw him in the blouse and makeup again. The jeans he was wearing were also more feminine in cut, and something about seeing the normally almost gangly-looking man in that kind of clothing made Padraig’s head spin.

  Kaos sketched something in the morning, and corrected his nail polish—a deep dark green that somehow looked stunning—and only right before Kaos was about to leave to go to Mercer to meet his boss did Padraig realize he’d been staring a little bit.

  “Look, just say if this isn’t okay, and I’ll find another place to live,” Kaos said as he was putting on a pair of red Converse.

  “W-what?” Padraig, still mesmerized at the sight of
him, was utterly lost.

  “You’ve been staring at me all morning. If you’re not okay with my gender expression, I can leave.” Kaos straightened his back but didn’t look at Padraig.

  Self-preservation.

  “No! That’s… that’s not it. At all. I promise.” His throat made a weird dry-clicking sound.

  “So it’s the opposite, then? I…. Look,” Kaos said, and finally gazed at him with his lined, beautiful eyes. “If you’re into this whole feminine side of me, that’s fine. But I don’t have a good track record with that. My ex….”

  Padraig saw pain flash in his expression before he hid it.

  “Kaos, no. This…. How about we talk about it tonight? We’ll both be late otherwise.” This wasn’t a conversation to be had literally on the way out the door.

  Kaos thought for a few seconds, then nodded. “Okay. I’ll…. Okay.” Then he all but fled the house.

  IT WAS Thursday, so the clinic was open and Athena was in, helping with everything she could. Padraig liked that about her. It sometimes seemed people weren’t willing to do whatever it took to keep a small business running, but she didn’t hesitate to make sure it ran smoothly. If something needed to be cleaned, she would do that if she had time, even though there was a local cleaning crew that came in to do the weekly bigger cleaning on Sundays when the clinic was closed.

  “Morning, boss!” Athena said brightly when Padraig entered through the side door.

  “Someone’s caffeinated this morning!” He put his keys on the hook and took his jacket off, then went to where she was taking inventory, it seemed, of the medicine cabinet.

  “Oh yes, I went through the diner and grabbed a triple espresso before I came in. I’m hopping now!”

  Chuckling, Padraig pointed at the cabinet. “Anything missing?”

  “Oh no, just thought to get ahead on the whole deal. End of the month is coming soon, and I know you want to order stuff then, so….” She shrugged, smiling still, and yeah, it seemed like caffeine was truly a stimulant.

  “All right. Did we get calls before I came in?”

  “Yeah, Mrs. Wallis is bringing in her cat at one thirty-ish. She wants him neutered, and you had an opening so I penciled them in.”

  “Okay, good to know. I’ll be in the office.”

  “Sure, boss! The first appointment for that litter of puppies is going to be in thirty or so.”

  “Great, thanks.” Puppies. They cured all ailments, but Padraig wasn’t sure if that counted for slight sexual confusion.

  THE PUPPIES in question were a purely accidental litter. They were husky and pit bull mixes, and both of their parents were now spayed and neutered, because no way were the shamefaced owners, two next-door neighbors, going to face Padraig with this sort of thing again after the speech he gave them.

  The momma dog, the pit bull, was the sweetest girl, so Padraig knew the puppies would be fine. He’d still told the unfortunate duo responsible for the dogs to bring the puppies in for their vaccinations instead of having him drive to them. A little punishment wouldn’t hurt them, and the puppies got much-needed socialization and experience in car travel.

  They were now eight weeks old and ready to go to their new homes, but first, vaccinations and a checkup.

  Padraig had just enough time to reply to emails and not worry about the evening’s conversation with Kaos, when the clinic was filled with the sound of six rambunctious puppies. Chuckling, Padraig went out to the waiting room and greeted Mia, the owner of the momma dog.

  “Just in time,” he said, making the flustered young woman smile.

  “They’re very, very excited,” she spoke loudly over the noise coming from the two carriers.

  “I can tell,” he mock-yelled at her, and Athena, who was updating something on the computer, grinned. “I’ll take the first batch to the back. You two can bring the other one.”

  He picked up the closest carrier, and the puppies inside started a whole new racket. Shaking his head fondly, Padraig placed the carrier on a sturdy side table, then peeked inside. “All right, guys, I’m going to wait for the others to get here, and then we can let you loose.”

  “You sure about that?” Mia asked, her eyes wide in surprise as she brought the rest of the puppies in.

  “Oh yeah, trust me. They’ll be much easier to handle if they get to explore a bit while they wait. Keeping them in the carrier will just agitate them more.” Padraig put the carrier down on the floor and waited until Athena closed the door to the waiting room before letting the pups run wild.

  And wildly they ran, at least until they figured out they were somewhere exciting, and they calmed down significantly.

  Padraig smiled. “See, they’re smart pups. They know what’s important.” He picked up the closest puppy, a male, and noticed that while he was in the office, Athena had prepared everything needed for the vaccinations. He smiled at her approvingly and placed the puppy on the examination table.

  “Let’s see….” He handled the puppy firmly, looking it over, making sure to peek into pretty much every orifice available, took its temperature, and finally gave it the vaccine it needed. “One down, five to go!”

  It took them more than an hour to get through the task, and by the time he was putting the last puppy back on the floor, a couple of the puppies had gone back into one of the carriers after getting tired.

  “Too much excitement will do that to you!” Athena smiled at them, added one more puppy into the carrier, and closed the door.

  Mia wrangled the rest of the pups into the other one. “So, Doc, you sure you don’t want one of these?”

  For a moment he really, really considered it. There was someone else in the house now. A puppy would be easy enough to teach to go with either him or Kaos on days neither of them were at home. These puppies were smart as were their parents, and they’d grow up to be great dogs.

  “How many do you have without homes?”

  “Three. Well, two, but we have an agreement that the person who wants the third will take the one that’s left when he gets back to town. He’s traveling for a bit.”

  Two wasn’t so bad. Being able to pick one of three, even better. Shit.

  “Let me talk to my housemate. It wouldn’t be fair to spring a puppy on him, so we’ll see. But I’ll give you a call if we decide to take one, okay?”

  “Works for me, Doc. And you’ve been so great, so you’ll get one for free. No, don’t object. If you want one, we’ll at least know that it’ll never lack veterinary care and will be raised right, so that’s more than enough for me.”

  Padraig smiled, defeated, and raised his hands. “Okay, but Athena will give you a 10 percent discount on the vaccinations just to get even.” When Mia tried to protest, Padraig turned to go into his office. “La-la-la, I can’t hear you!”

  IT TURNED out to be a mixed emotions kind of day. On one hand, Padraig was glad there weren’t too many appointments, because that always meant animals in potential distress. But on the other hand, well, he had plenty of time to think.

  He could only try to guess what Kaos’s history with his ex had to do with whatever was slowly growing between them. It had sounded like the ex in question hadn’t liked Kaos’s feminine side, maybe?

  When he managed to push Kaos from his mind between neutering the cat and renewing vaccinations on a dog, his mind turned to Marcus.

  There were concrete plans to make the shop happen for the holiday season, and then maybe they’d extend it if people seemed interested. Padraig still wasn’t sure if they’d actually have time to get everything together before the holidays, but they’d figure it out eventually. At least in the springtime, it would be a good addition to the businesses in town, just so they’d have more things to offer to the tourists. That might make them stop for more than a coffee from the diner.

  Marcus would have loved the idea, Padraig was sure of that. But what Nora had said also played back in his mind still, and he had to admit that she hadn’t been wrong. She had unknowingly
opened a can of worms, and Padraig wasn’t sure he could close the lid again.

  Athena knocked on the office door. “Hey, boss, you taking off soon?” She had her coat on and her purse in one hand, and she looked at him expectantly.

  Somehow, it was almost five. “Uh, yeah, I was just….”

  “Zoning off, like you’ve done all day when there haven’t been any patients. Yeah, I know. Let’s go home, boss.”

  Padraig shut down his computer and grabbed his stuff, then locked the place behind them. He waited for her to get into her car and drive off before getting into his.

  He was pretty sure it was Kaos’s turn to fix dinner—they had a good system going with the cooking—but if it wasn’t, Padraig could always dig out something from the freezer. He also needed to go get groceries soon. Most of all, he needed to get his brain and his heart and, God forbid, his dick under some sort of control.

  IT FELT odd to park in front of the house and see lights inside, even after coming home like that a few times already. For such a long time, Padraig and Marcus had inhabited the house and each other’s space, and then there had only been emptiness.

  Now, there was life, and wasn’t that the problem?

  Padraig didn’t know how tonight’s conversation would go. He wasn’t even sure where it would lead them. With that in mind, he got out of the car and went inside.

  Kaos was nowhere to be seen, but there was a covered wok pan on the stove with some fragrant vegetables and noodles inside.

  “Kaos?” Padraig called toward the stairs.

  Soon Kaos—this time fresh-faced without makeup and wearing a worn-out-looking large T-shirt and equally ratty jeans—walked into the kitchen.

  “Hey, I had a veggie kind of day. If you want any chicken, I can—”

  “No, it’s okay. I just wanted to know if you’d eaten.” Padraig could see the cautiousness in Kaos’s eyes, and hated that he might’ve put it there.