Falling Hard

by J. K. Coi

  Chapter Nine

  Amelia’s wings were nothing but a shared secret between them as she climbed into the passenger seat of the car. Gabriel drove back around the front of the building to return the room key and check out.

  The sun had only just begun to rise, giving the new morning a dewy peacefulness that wouldn’t last very long in this busy part of town. The rain had stopped sometime in the early, still-dark hours, leaving good-sized puddles scattered across the parking lot. The mustiness of wet leaves and earthworms was strong, combining with the smells of spilled oil on the asphalt and grease from the burger joint next door.

  Gabriel walked inside and approached the front desk. The crusty clerk from last night had been replaced with a smiling woman of about the same age. Handing over his key, Gabriel smiled back at her as she squinted at the handwritten ledger on the Formica countertop.

  “Checking out already?”

  “Yes ma’am. I’m on a pretty tight schedule and have to get back on the road.”

  “Okay then. I hope you and your wife had a nice rest, even if it was only for a little while.”

  He glanced over the woman’s shoulder as the miserable old man from last night appeared in the doorway of the office. His expression was anything but friendly. He eyed Gabriel as if expecting him to pull a gun and leave their lifeless, bloody bodies on the floor while he took off with all the cash from the register.

  “Thank you again for the…hospitality,” Gabriel said, his gaze leveled at the suspicious codger. As he turned to go, he was pretty sure he heard a mumbled “Good riddance,” and despite the sweet old lady, Gabriel felt pretty much the same way.

  He got back in the driver’s seat and Amelia asked, “Do you know them?”

  He snorted. “Not on your life.”

  “Then why does that man look as if he severely dislikes you?”

  Gabriel put the car in gear and reversed out of the parking lot a little faster than was absolutely necessary. “Because he’s got a stick up his ass and a serious prejudice against anyone under the age of fifty-five?”

  “I don’t understand.”

  He sighed. “He didn’t like the way I look and made assumptions about my character because of it.”

  “And do you experience such a reaction often because of the way you…look?” She studied him with that focused regard he was coming to recognize as her curious look—although she would, of course, deny feeling anything so base as curiosity.

  He wondered what she thought of the way he looked, but then pushed that aside. It didn’t matter, did it? Shrugging one shoulder, he ignored the question and focused his attention back on the road, looking for signs pointing in the direction of the interstate. Truth was, there had been a time—not too long ago—when Gabriel had cultivated exactly the kind of reaction he’d gotten from the old man. His normally dark brown hair had been dyed black, then red, then purple for a while, and he’d had a hell of a lot more piercings than he kept now—in places seen and unseen—not to mention a chip on his shoulder the size of his home town.

  When he and Dani had been dumped into foster care, he hadn’t protected her like he was supposed to. The couple they went to was more interested in the money they were paid than the children that came along with the deal, and the woman had been especially short on patience. Dani was scared, and he remembered telling her to suck it up for just a couple years. He never thought she could be in any real danger—much like he’d never thought David could be in danger—but when he came home from school one day and found his sister dead, he’d immediately known the bruises on her neck were finger marks.

  Gabriel had stayed with David’s family after testifying against the bitch, but he’d caused so much trouble for them, the very model of an angst-ridden, rebellious teen, he’d eventually taken off. He worked in dirty clubs and played guitar whenever he could. When his music took off, he dove into the lifestyle of a selfish, self-absorbed musician. The money came so easily then, and so he blew it, usually on drugs and booze.

  Basically, he’d been an asshole and then an addict who thought of nothing but himself, believing it was his right to take from the world what he could after all he’d lost.

  Until his selfishness and irresponsibility had cost yet another person’s life.

  Leanne had just turned twenty. Young, so damn young. Not a baby like his sister Dani, but he’d felt responsible for her just the same. And he’d failed her just the same.

  Gabriel finally grew up. And while a lifetime of defensiveness and anger hadn’t just gone away, he started to take responsibility for who and what he’d become. The adolescent impulses to flaunt his dark antisocial edge had faded and been replaced with a need to find some way to atone for his multitude of sins, even though he believed deep down he’d never be able to.

  Blinking, he chanced a sidelong glance at Amelia, but she’d turned away to look out the passenger’s side window and couldn’t see the misery he still spent every day trying to hide.

  Traffic was starting to get heavy as morning commuters began their daily trek into the workplace. Gabriel checked his rearview mirror as he tried to decide which direction to take. To Chicago and Lila, or the opposite direction?

  “Do you think your buddies will be able to find us again?”

  Amelia looked away from the window. She paused before shaking her head. “No, I don’t think so. At least not right away. Cassiel was severely drained and he won’t be able to come back for a long while. Also, once my strength was restored, I was able to rebuild the shield around us to make keeping track of our energy signatures more difficult. If we keep moving, they shouldn’t be able to get a lock on us.”

  “A shield? Are you kidding me? Like some kind of invisible force field?” What he should have asked was how quickly this newest form of protection would start to weaken and kill her again. “How long will this thing last?”

  “I don’t know, but I feel strong enough to give you some time with your friends, if that’s what you need. Truthfully, the others finding us isn’t what concerns me the most at the moment. Something else is…not right.”

  He waited, but she didn’t elaborate. “Tons of things aren’t right about this whole situation, baby. You’ll have to be more specific than that.”

  When she frowned, he almost told her not to bother. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know.

  “Your aura has been altered.”

  She could see his aura? What did the state of his aura have to do with any of this? Did it give away what he was feeling? Like a mood ring? Was it a mottled, angry black color, or the color of his red-hot desire for her?

  Now he understood why she’d been watching him so closely since leaving the hotel. “Well, what the hell does that mean?” His fingers tightened over the steering wheel. “It was your buddy Cassiel, wasn’t it? What did he do to me?”

  A small crease marked a wavy line in her forehead. She looked as if she wanted to object to being associated with the rogue angel. He almost dared her to go ahead and say something about it, but knew she wouldn’t. That would imply she cared.

  “I should have sensed what was happening and been able to stop him…” She faltered.

  “Amelia, I didn’t ask you to don the hair shirt and beat yourself up over this. Maybe there’ll be time for that later. Just tell me what the damn aura thing means and what kind of trouble we’re in for because of it.” Every minute since they’d met had brought nothing but trouble, so why should this new development be any different?

  “I don’t know for certain,” she admitted. “But it probably means my job just became a lot more difficult.”

  “While Cassiel was healing you, he was working on me too, wasn’t he?” Gabriel remembered Amelia’s restrained, detached version of outrage on his behalf, after the other angel had finished doing his thing.

  “I didn’t realize it at the time. I never considered he would know how, or that he had the power…but it seems he used his angel song to strip away the barriers I erected
around your soul when you were only a baby, barriers that were never meant to be removed.”

  “You put one of your invisible force fields around my soul?” Gabriel retorted incredulously, twisting his head to glare at her. When he reluctantly turned his attention back to the road, he was forced to slam on the brakes to avoid colliding with the slowing traffic in front of him.

  Amelia braced her palm on the dash. “Not to keep angels from seeing you, but to keep what is inside you from getting out. It was the only thing I could think of to keep a young child from crumbling under the force of an angel’s strength.”

  Jesus. As if that was supposed to make him feel any better. It was a good thing the car was already stopped. Driving would not be a smart thing for him to be doing at this particular moment.

  “And just what the hell is inside me that everyone is so desperate to either hide or reveal?” Gabriel already knew what the answer was going to be, but after all this time, all this bullshit, he had to hear it from her own damn mouth.

  “You are the key. The soul of Lucifer resides in you, and only you can release him back into the world and give the angels free reign on earth once more.”

  Chapter Ten

  Amelia couldn’t tell if she’d upset Gabriel with her revelations, or if his brooding silence meant he was simply contemplating the significance of all that had been said. She’d actually expected more questions and a good blast of his customary temper, but he’d been quiet for a long time now.

  In fact, the only real sign that he was affected in any way was the muscle tapping beneath his cheek as he kept his gaze narrowed on the long strip of road in front of them.

  After a few hours, Amelia finally admitted the silence between them was disconcerting. She’d tried to disregard it, just as she kept trying to ignore his larger-than-life presence and the way it overwhelmed her senses.

  Trapped within the small rental vehicle, Amelia couldn’t escape the masculine scent that wrapped around her like a warm blanket. She couldn’t take her eyes from the hand he curled negligently around the stick shift so close to her left thigh, or help but remember the soft touch of his hand caressing her skin and her wings, and how his firm lips had felt when he’d slanted them across hers.

  None of this should have mattered to her, but somehow it still did.

  And that was the most unsettling thing of all.

  “Is this the way to Chicago?” she asked, finally. Her voice sounded stilted and too loud.

  “I sure as hell hope so,” Gabriel grumbled, not looking at her. “As long as you can guarantee we won’t be bringing down the wrath of angels on my friends’ heads, then that’s where I’m going. This is something I need to do.”

  Amelia heard the unspoken worry underlying his cross voice, understood that he’d weighed his own needs against the safety of his friends’ lives and was still unsure of his decision. She wasn’t sure of anything either. Truthfully, the only way to guarantee Gabriel’s safety was for both of them to hunker down while she worked a way out of this mess. But for some reason her chest constricted when she thought of denying him this chance to make amends with his friend’s family.

  She nodded, refusing to examine her desire to reassure him. “Yes, I’m certain our location is being successfully concealed for the moment.”

  “Promise to let me know if that changes even a little bit. We’re working together now, no more secrets and lies.” It wasn’t a request. She heard the hard edge in Gabriel’s clipped voice.

  It was in his nature to take charge of his circumstances, to take care of those around him. Being unable to control the situation and having to rely on her for anything had to be extremely difficult for him. She had no intention of making that worse.

  “Of course,” she replied, and for the moment, at least, it wasn’t a lie. “How long will it take to drive there in this vehicle?”

  “Since I’m doing all the driving? I might need to stop and rest once or twice for a few hours, but barring delays-by-angel, we should be able to make Chicago by late-afternoon tomorrow.”

  “Why is it so important for you to do this?” she asked.

  “I owe it to David’s wife and son to face them and apologize.”

  “Why would you apologize for something you had no control over? What occurred wasn’t your fault.”

  “Are you curious, Amelia? I thought that wasn’t allowed?” He smirked, but she sensed no humor in his tone. “Of course it was my fault. Aren’t you the one who said all of this is happening because of me? Even if the attack at the concert had been a random act of violence—would David have been anywhere near that back alley if not for me? If not for my career? My music?”

  “You don’t know that your friend would not have met his end some other—”

  “I can guarantee he would’ve been home with his family. He would’ve been making meaningful memories for his wife and son to cherish instead of trucking across the damn country with a bus full of narcissistic drug addicts who needed a babysitter more than they needed a fucking manager.”

  His anger and bitterness was unmistakable, even to someone who wasn’t supposed to be able to feel anything. “I’m sorry I questioned you,” she whispered. “I understand.”

  He glanced at her with an odd look as if she made no sense. After a long moment, he shook his head and turned back to the road.

  Amelia stared out the window at the scenery rolling by. She’d been mesmerized by the beautiful vistas as they passed through the mountains of Nevada and wondered if the rest of their trip would prove as picturesque. The signs on the side of the road said they were now just outside Salt Lake City.

  With a mumbled curse, Gabriel turned on the radio. He shuffled through the channels, gaze flicking up to the road and back down, until she heard the bold notes of a familiar tune coming through the speakers. “Shit,” he muttered and quickly pressed the button again. A more reserved guitar paired with a man’s soft, lovelorn voice took the place of Gabriel’s own rough, battered lyrics.

  “Why did you turn that off? Wasn’t that one of your songs?”

  “Yeah. I try to avoid listening to my stuff on the radio. It’s a little too freaky, you know? Sometimes it’s weird enough standing up on that stage and looking down at all those people. People who have spent way too much time alone in their bedrooms listening to my voice through their ear buds, if you know what I mean.”

  She didn’t understand. “If you don’t enjoy your success, why have you worked so hard for it?”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I enjoyed it for a long time. Enjoyed everything a little too damn much.” His laugh held the bitter edge of remembered pain.

  They both seemed surprised when Amelia put a hand on his shoulder, but this time she didn’t pull away. “The death of that girl was not your fault.”

  “How did you—? Oh right, I almost forgot that you’ve been spying on me my whole life. Quite the little voyeur.” He shook his head. “I brought Leanne to that party. She’d been hanging around the band playing at being a groupie. She was only twenty years old and I brought her to a fucking industry party when I knew she’d be out of her league. Not only did I bring her, but then I ditched her to get high. Well, I got high all right. I got so fucking wasted I didn’t realize she’d disappeared until someone else found her OD’d in the bathroom.”

  His jaw clenched. “Leanne’s death is completely my fault. I can own that. I’ll live with it every day. But it’s changed me. There are things about my own life now that I can barely endure. Things about myself I despise.”

  She’d been studying humans—and Gabriel especially—long enough to have learned that a man can only be accountable for his own actions. The woman whose death Gabriel tortured himself with had been foolish. Young, foolish and starry-eyed. Looking for adventure but unprepared for its consequences. Still, she had not been a child and should have been capable of making responsible decisions.

  But Amelia didn’t try to tell him again that he hadn’t been at fault. He believ
ed he was to blame, and so it became the truth. “I think it’s only natural to be changed by difficult experiences, but it seems to me you could have succumbed to the burden of those experiences and turned them into crutches to hold you down. Instead, the guilt and sorrow of your past only made you stronger. You never ran from it, and that took tremendous strength and courage.”

  He flinched. Swearing, he slammed his hand flat against the steering wheel. “Damn it. That’s enough.”

  Amelia braced herself as Gabriel swerved onto the gravel shoulder. He whipped open the door and stalked around to the rear of the vehicle. She followed, getting out more slowly, confused. “What’s the matter?”

  “What’s the matter?” He swung around to face her. “Fuck you, angel. Where the hell do you get off telling me about strength or courage? What the hell do you know about it, anyway? What do you know about anything?”

  Several cars slowed down as they passed, strangers staring out their windows curiously. One driver went so far as to blare his horn and yell at them out his open window. Gabriel didn’t bother to look back but threw up his arm, making an odd gesture with his hand even as he continued to rail at her.

  “Do you honestly think that just because you sat back in some distant place in the clouds, watching me through your fucking looking glass all these years, that you know who I am or what I feel? That you know anything about me or the life I’ve led?”

  Amelia wasn’t sure what to say. She supposed he was right. How could she know anything about his feelings when she didn’t have any of her own?

  But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? Regaining her power hadn’t completely pushed out the emotions. She could ignore them better now that she had her strength back, but despite what she’d purposely led Gabriel to believe, they were still there, battering away at her to get out.

  But letting anything other than logic dictate her actions would be a disaster.