She tensed slightly, because she knew I was going to get her to talk. Part of her wanted to, but she’d want to be forced to tell me. I didn’t know if that’s the role I wanted to take, because it could come back to haunt both of us. But if she wanted to survive—and she’d already proven that a thousand times over—she’d have to share her burden.
“I don’t want to make you an accomplice to this.”
You think I’m not? She’d turned to see me mouth the words. I brushed a tear from her eye. You think I’m worried about a fight? About being targeted?
“Maybe you’re not, but am I not allowed to be worried for you?”
Yeah, I guess she was. And I’m not going to lie, it felt good. But it didn’t change what needed to happen. Let it go, Jessa.
She sighed, almost inaudibly, but it caught on a sob she tried to swallow down with a soft hiccup. I pressed my palm against the back of her neck, cupping it, massaging the tense muscles until she surrendered to the touch and hung her head. I didn’t stop for a long while, until she pulled away reluctantly, turned and caught my hand in hers.
“It’s bad, Mathias,” she said urgently, her voice a pained whisper. “The things I know...I should be dead for knowing them.”
Then why didn’t Charlie have you killed? Because that would’ve been simpler than selling her and coming up with the elaborate kidnapping scheme.
And then I knew. You were in on the kidnapping.
She nodded, the briefest of gestures, like acknowledging to me was physically painful. I let go of her hand, tried to anyway, but she gripped mine tightly, like she needed that contact to make me understand. “Mathias, you have to believe me. What you rescued me from, that was all real. Charlie betrayed me. What I found out...I thought he was as upset about it as I was. That’s what he told me. He said that we’d disappear, that the LoV would help us disappear, and then we could find a way to let the world know about what was going on. We’d get across country to the bunker in California, tell the senators who were housed there. And if not, he said we’d get out of the country, that some world leader would help us. That they’d listen to us, because of who we were.”
I didn’t know what she was talking about. Her words stumbled, her cheeks flamed red with anger and shame and I wanted like hell to believe her.
“Charlie’s dad...he was planning on having internment camps set up. Ordering executions. He called it natural order. Starting over. Razing the bad and keeping the good.”
And when was this going to happen?
She paused for a second, touched the corner of her mouth nervously with her tongue. “It’s already started.”
Over my head
Jessa
When I’d discovered the plans, completely by accident a month earlier, I hadn’t believed what I’d been hearing. I’d stumbled into the war room—as the tiny, closed space was called—and I’d been watching the cameras, eager for a glimpse at the outside world I hadn’t been allowed to see for myself in more than a year. When I’d heard Charlie’s dad and other members of the cabinet coming, I’d hidden, because I didn’t want to get in trouble or embarrass Charlie any further. Already there had been talk that his marrying me was a grave mistake, that I wasn’t the kind of woman prepared for the politics of the brave new world.
Looking back, I wasn’t sure if this had all been a setup from the start, if Charlie already knew I liked going in there. If he’d left the door unlocked purposely to set me up.
And if Charlie was in on that plan, was anyone else? My parents?
“I hadn’t been allowed outside at all for a year, because they’d been doing their eradication of problem areas for that long. No one else was supposed to know. We were on total lockdown and told it was because it was too dangerous. It was dangerous because the people our fathers were trying to kill were rebelling.”
Mathias was staring at me, his dark eyes full of the understanding I’d craved. He believed me. His hand gripped mine again, a solid caress. His arm went around my back to pull me close. It was only minutes later I realized it had been to stop me from collapsing, because the revelation I’d spilled had me shaking.
“I wish you didn’t have to know that.”
Can’t unknow it.
“That’s why I’m in so much trouble.” I knew he’d tell Bishop—he had to. They were nearly the same person, and then Bishop would have to run too.
We’ve got to tell Caspar and the others.
“No.” I pushed away from him violently and he let me. “I won’t do that. Bad enough that Charlie’s dad knows he’s being held here.”
We’re already a target for what you’re telling me Charlie’s father is doing. Defiance deserves to be prepared.
God, I hadn’t thought of it that way. Maybe I’d been selfish holding this back, refusing to let Defiance prepare to defend itself against an onslaught. But there was no way to prepare, not for what I’d seen.
Jessa. Come here.
He was signing and I knew those signs, knew my name. Even if I didn’t, he got a certain look in his eyes when he wanted me to come to him—they darkened, his pupils taking over—and he seemed so steady and sure.
I did what he wanted, went back to him, laced my fingers into his—both hands—and we stood facing each other. Finally, he let go of one hand so he could sign to me, fast at first, and then slowly, until I understood.
You told me. It’s going to be all right.
“I was part of my own kidnapping. I brought this on myself.”
You thought you were going for help.
I had. It wasn’t until the LoV tied me up that I realized how badly I’d miscalculated everything. “My father said government needed to use the Chaos to their own advantage. That Charlie’s father approved, but he couldn’t be the one issuing the orders. That they had the chance to create a better place. And that they had the means to do so.”
If they had the means, then they could’ve made things easier during the past three years.
“Yes, they could’ve. The satellite they use is doing the bare minimum. Purposely.”
Survival of the fittest, Mathias mouthed as he signed. That’s what the old head of this MC used to call it.
“I told you that politics had a lot in common with MCs.” Being right was of small comfort though.
Think the president wants him back badly enough to leave Defiance alone?
“I think the second they get him back, they’ll try to destroy you.”
And that’s why he can’t go back.
I’d grown up in a world of politics, where rules were meant to be broken and everyone has a price. This time, the price was too high. I shuddered, not so much because I felt sorry for him, but because of how the world had changed for the worst. Charlie’s dad’s vision had disgusted me enough to leave my bubble and go with Charlie to seek help. But Charlie had never planned on going against his father’s wishes at all. He wanted to destroy the people he deemed subversive and dangerous to the very nature of government. What he’d wanted to destroy was me, because I threatened those plans.
“There’s no way the U.S. can hope to survive in any meaningful way unless it neutralizes its enemies. And our very worst enemies are those who seek to destroy us from within.” My father’s words, echoed by Charlie’s father.
“I won’t go back there. No matter what happens. You have to let me run, Mathias. It’s what’s best for Defiance.”
Not without me.
“You’d go with me?”
He nodded, like he was surprised I’d even ask. “But...”
He put a finger on my lips to stop me, signed as he mouthed, Me and Bish.
They were a package deal. Now I was part of that package. “I’ll be running forever. I can’t ask you to do that.”
Running is what Bish and I do best.
>
“But you want to settle here.”
He shrugged and I could see the struggle going on inside of him.
Putting down roots these days isn’t smart.
“But Defiance survived.”
He nodded as he contemplated that, then said, So will we.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I got the boys to make the noise
Mathias
“Keepin’ her here, it’s fucking crazy.”
Caspar was always blunt as hell. Normally, I appreciated it because it was close to the way I operated. Now, having to be told the truth I knew from the start wasn’t appreciated.
Bish put a hand on my shoulder, a reminder that talking to myself out loud was a mistake. Caspar could read my hands. We were mere hours post-fight. Keller had left the compound willingly. Easily, and maybe too much so. But we’d thrown down the gauntlet and the next move was his.
Defiance was ready for a fight, but I had an eerie feeling that fighting the way Defiance knew how to wouldn’t be enough this time.
It was Bish who said, “If we let her go with Charlie, we’ll still be in the same boat.”
Rebel added, “Unless we give them back and take no money.”
Charlie will never agree to say we saved them. Makes him look bad.
Caspar stared at me. “I never said anything about giving Charlie back.”
“Shit,” Bish muttered.
So you expect Jessa to go home and keep her mouth shut about that?
Caspar said, “Yeah, I do.”
What about Keller?
“If we don’t move fast, he’ll get to the VP before us, tell him she’s alive,” Caspar reasoned. “If we don’t give her to her family, we give her to Keller.”
You’ve got to be kidding me with that shit. I flung Bish’s hand off my shoulder as I spoke.
“Not.” Caspar’s eyes were pure ice. “Want you and Bish here. You’re family. You saved Jessa and I get why you did it. But now we’ve gotta figure out what’s best for Defiance.”
“And if we give her to her parents, Keller’ll still be pissed,” Bish said.
“Not if he gets the reward,” Caspar offered. “Everyone wins.”
I don’t.
Caspar stared at me steadily. “She told Tru she’s not sure about staying here. Not sure about anything.”
She doesn’t know what she wants.
“Do you?” Caspar shot back.
I know I can’t let her go back, for her own good. Whether she wants to be with me or not is entirely up to her.
Behind me, Bish sighed, but I had to speak the truth. He said, “We’ll leave Defiance with her, if that helps.”
Which it wouldn’t, because of Keller. If we released Charlie, it would mean death for Defiance. We’d have to run. It was all or nothing with the war on Keller.
Giving in to Keller now is only a Band-Aid, I told Caspar. You think he’s not going to try this bullshit again?
Caspar considered that, then said, “It’s not the perfect solution, but you’re asking me to risk Defiance for a woman who might not be loyal to us. And for two men who haven’t made up their minds about the MC either.”
That was a blow, one we deserved. I couldn’t argue. You didn’t come into Defiance to save someone else. We’d given a lot to Caspar and we’d never been disloyal. Because of that, we were still standing here in one piece.
Bish ran a hand through his hair and stared at Caspar. “Agreeing now wouldn’t mean a damned thing.”
“Which is why I didn’t bother asking.”
For a long moment, the weight of what we’d learned tonight settled over us.
There was this one guy Bish and I met in the military who swore the Chaos was God’s way of punishing us for our sins—specifically, reality TV and the internet. I never bothered arguing with him, because when someone believed something that strongly, I think you should let them.
That’s not to say that the Chaos didn’t completely suck. I think the worst part of it is the not knowing. Not knowing exactly what was happening in the rest of the world; not knowing when the next storm would hit. Even if the sun came out, would that stabilize the environment enough?
And now, we’d learned that the satellite most likely could’ve come out more often, that the government had been working against the people who were only trying to survive. The people who trusted them.
Of course, conspiracy theories to that effect had abounded, especially in the MC world.
“Lot of guys around here gonna realize how right they were.” Caspar’s words held an anger to them he wouldn’t show to the majority of Defiance. But to me and Bish, there was no reason to hide it. Rebel and Hammer were there too and they both sat quietly, with Rebel shaking his head and Hammer looking disgusted.
“It’s not like we weren’t prepared for anything,” Rebel said finally. “But the rest of the world isn’t. And fuck me, no one should have that much power that they can select whole groups of people to live and die.”
Hammer got up and stared out the window. The stress of the past months, coupled with what had happened to Aimee, had really begun to show. He’d been short-tempered, with everyone but her. It seemed like the better she got, the more he fell apart.
Bish clapped him on the shoulder and Hammer’s tension seemed to ease a little. He asked, “How are we going to let the others know?”
“Don’t know if we should. Not sure what the hell it would change. Gonna cause panic we don’t need. Like Reb said, we’re prepared for anything.”
The thought of being forced underground for the majority of the time though... What if they find a way to fuck with the tubes?
Caspar stared at me for a long second, and then he smiled. How I’d missed it was beyond me, and I could only blame the fact that he’d kept me and Bish busy enough that we would, but it was clear as fucking day now.
He’d been building another compound somewhere. He’d been disappearing for weeks at a time for years now. Rumors were that he’d been out fighting or whoring or on jobs for Lance, and Lance had let him go. Which meant... Did Lance know?
“He did. Agreed with it. Might be the only thing we ever agreed on.”
“So we’ve got an out,” Bish said.
Reb smiled and shook a finger at Caspar. “Tricky fucking bastard—glad you’re on my side.”
Caspar smiled—Reb was probably the only one who could call Caspar a bastard and get away with it in one piece.
“There’s a lot more to this than uprooting the entire compound,” Hammer pointed out and Caspar acknowledged that with a nod.
“What do you think we should do then?” Caspar asked. It wasn’t a challenge—not really. But in some ways, it was a way to force Hammer to step up.
And he did. “Defiance has never run. We stay and we fight.”
“We don’t know what we’re fighting,” Reb pointed out. “Could be bombs. Or lack of sun.”
“Or it could be an army of men sent to take us out,” Hammer said evenly. “Maybe we should find out before we think about cutting and running.”
Caspar was silent for a long moment, an icy look settling over his face. Then he held his hand out to Hammer and said, “Welcome back,” when Hammer shook it. Then he said, “Got a source on some of this. I’ll confirm when I can.”
* * *
“Think it’s Kian?” Bish asked me later over take-out burgers on the hill overlooking the compound. His rifle was slung carelessly behind him, the burger loaded with everything he could possibly fit on it and still bite into it.
I chewed my own burger for a few minutes before shaking my head. Caspar would’ve said it if it was.
“Don’t know about that. Icy bastard still plays it close to the vest.”
It wasn’t a
defamation—Caspar had to, for his own survival and security. Being president of an MC was a lot of moving chess pieces on the board—and he knew he was the most important piece of all. He always needed to be in play, always looking over his shoulder.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Watching the world wake up from history
Jessa
I knew the next twenty-four hours would make my head spin. I paced inside the guesthouse, wondering when and how I’d run. Wondering how easy it would be for Keller to come for me.
Wondering how close the Secret Service might be to Defiance. If they were even coming.
A knock on the door made me jump. I went to it, uneasy, prepared not to open it until a familiar voice called in.
It was Tru. I let her in and she closed the door quickly behind her.
“Everything’s okay. The guys are just meeting.”
“What about Keller?”
“He’s not on the compound anymore. He left almost immediately.”
So Mathias had told the truth about that. I let out a sigh of relief. “I still can’t believe he was let in here.”
“It’s a calculated risk.”
“I don’t understand your world, Tru. I’m not you.”
Tru nodded, like she’d known she’d be walking into this. “This world is so different, Jessa. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know. But I think you’re grasping so hard for the old ways that you don’t see that these new ways aren’t so different. But it’s easy to run and hide and rebel when you’ve got a place to land.” Tru paused. “The thing is, you do have a place. It’s here, with us. Maybe we can’t change the world, but we can stick together. Do what’s right. Try to have a life.”
“Mathias doesn’t even know if he wants to stay here,” I blurted out, but it was obvious that I hadn’t told her anything she hadn’t already known.
“Everyone has to make their own choices,” Tru said. “We don’t keep people against their will, unless they’re a threat to the club. And I don’t think you are.”
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