by Sarah Noffke
Aiden sits up a bit straighter. “Not necessarily. You might have traveled at the time of death, which was almost what happened.”
“Well, I don’t see much why it matters what she thinks now,” I say.
“Because she’ll tell Chase and this could buy us some time before he figures out that it’s false,” Trey says. “If he’s instigated this whole thing so he can use the emotional modifier on you then we need as much time as possible to prepare.”
“He hasn’t,” I say, frustration overloaded in my tone.
“I believe he has, Roya,” Trey says decisively. “And your denial will only prevent you from battling anything he’s attempting to do to you. The sooner you come to terms with what has happened to your emotions the sooner you can take back control, which is especially important before he has the emotional modifier perfected.” He turns his attention to Aiden. “Are there strategies Roya could use to resist the programming from the emotional modifier?”
Aiden still looks half crazed. He pulls his hand from his hair, which is more chaotic than usual. “Quite possibly. Without knowing how competent his device is I’m uncertain of the effectiveness of any strategies.”
“It’s better than nothing,” Trey says, rounding back in my direction. “I want you working with Aiden on this.”
Yes, of course I should have seen that coming. Nothing would be more humiliating than having Aiden help me identify ways to resist loving a madman.
“Sir,” George says. “Since I was involved with the creation of the project I might be able to help as well.”
Wait…Now that’s more humiliating.
“Thanks, George,” Trey says. “Roya, until we get to the bottom of this Chase situation I don’t want you to dream travel alone. The Institute has been released once more to dream travel freely, but I only want you to do this when you’re with someone else.” He hesitates, remorse briefly flicking through his eyes. “This is merely a cautionary measure for the time being. I’m sure it won’t last.”
I nod reluctantly.
“Thank you all for sharing these events with me,” Trey says to the group, and then he trudges out of the infirmary without another word.
“Well, that was uncomfortable,” Joseph says, nudging me over in my bed so he can lie down next to me. Everyone’s filing out of the room or turning their attention to smaller conversations. “You couldn’t make your disdain for Trey any more apparent unless you actually called him an asshole in front of everyone.”
“I would never call him that. Maybe a tyrannical, deceptive jerk.”
“What’s your deal? Why you hate him so much?”
“I don’t hate him. I just don’t like liars and people who get into my head without my permission.”
“It seems to me he’s probably hiding somethin’, but I don’t sense that he’s lying about Chase.”
“He’s one of those who lies through omission. That’s still considered deceptive in my opinion.” I stare at the exit, thinking over the last few minutes. “I’m glad that you sensed he was withholding information too. I want to know why.”
“Maybe he was right and he doesn’t wanna worry until there’s somethin’ more concrete.”
“Hmmm…maybe,” I ruminate. “You know, Joseph, this bed really isn’t built for two.” I try to recapture some of the blankets he’s tugged in his direction.
“Oh, I bet Anders would disagree,” Joseph says, giving George a sly grin.
George pretends not to hear him as he marches back to the showers.
“If I wasn’t afraid of pulling another stitch I’d punch you in the face again,” I say, suppressing a laugh.
“Sad that you can say ‘again.’ It’s rude to hit your family. Didn’t anyone ever teach you that, Stark?”
“Yeah, well, didn’t anyone ever tell you that it’s rude to not tell someone they’re your long-lost twin?”
“You know, oddly enough, that one never came up during bible study,” Joseph says, edging me farther over on the bed.
“Seriously, if you push me over any more, I’m gonna fall out of this bed.” I elbow him in the ribs. “You’re going to feel awful then.”
“I won’t feel that bad.”
“I’ll make sure you do,” I say, the threat laden in my tone.
“So how’s it being stuck between these two?” He motions to the empty beds on either side of mine. Aiden’s on the far side of the infirmary, deep in conversation with Shuman.
“They’re fine, I guess. I’ve mostly been sleeping.”
He rolls his eyes. “I didn’t mean your current sleeping arrangements. You forget so soon that I witnessed the whole sending George back to the Institute followed by the steamy reunion with Aiden.”
I avert his eyes. “Things are complicated.”
“To say the very least.” He whistles through his teeth. “You got some luck, don’t cha? Having to be stationed between your two secret love interests for the next week, that’s brutal.”
“Yeah, I’m fairly certain my whole life is just comedic entertainment for God.”
“If it makes you feel better you do a fantastic job of pretending you don’t care about either of them when others are around.”
“Honestly, I don’t think anything makes me feel better right now. I’m in love with three different guys. One I want. One I don’t. And another I can’t have.” For the first time since I arrived back at the Institute I let the regret and heartbreak billow out of me. A single tear peeks from the corner of my eye. I press it away with a fingertip. “I’m grateful Aiden is back and George will recover, but now…”
“You have to make a decision,” Joseph says, leaning his head on my shoulder. “Kind of sad that you thought one of you wouldn’t survive to this point and therefore the decision wouldn’t have to be made.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing against a pain this conversation has uncorked. As long as I’m imprisoned between these two beds I can’t feel these emotions. They’ll have to wait.
“So how come my spirit animal is a freaking peacock and you get the majestic osprey?”
“Whatever,” Joseph says, snuggling in closer to me. “You control the wind, and can resist being hypnotized literally to death, and also fight like Bruce Lee. I think even with my majestic osprey, I still got the short end of the genetic stick.”
I smile, enjoying the moment. It feels so good to know that Joseph is safe and acting like his old self. I lay there snuggled up with him and realize that he’s the only person in the world who I think I feel this comfortable with.
Joseph squeezes me into him. “Yeah, me too.”
“Stop doing that,” I say with a puckered brow.
He laughs. “Don’t worry. I can’t do it all the time. It’s usually only when we’re in close proximity.”
I sigh. “Hey, will you dream travel with me tonight? Since I need a chaperone and all?”
“Sorry, I wish I could but I’ve got plans. Actually now that you’re doing better, I’m gonna start working on that project again.”
“So you’re going to pretty much disappear, aren’t you?”
“I’ll come around, but not as much. The project is demandin’.”
“Joseph, you said when I was sleeping that there were things you needed to tell me. You said that if I woke up you’d share them.”
Joseph closes his eyes, a sudden strain on his face. “It’s true I said that, but I was desperate and…well, I do need to tell you some things, but there’s one I’d rather show you. It’s the project I’m working on and I don’t think it will take me much longer.”
“And the other things you need to tell me?”
George limps back over to his bed, sliding under the covers.
“Not now. Later,” Joseph says, pushing me over a bit more. “Why don’t you scrunch over?”
“Cause it’s my bed. Go get your own wound, you dork.” I almost laugh.
“Na-uh, been there, done that. I’ve got the stained T-shirt and nightmares
to prove it.”
Chapter Forty-One
Sleep is still heavy in my head when I awake that evening. Probably cold by now, my dinner plate sits on the tray next to my bed. The idea of food makes my insides churn with unease. Water, on the other hand, I crave. Too soon the bottom on the glass stares back at me, empty besides a few drops.
“Thirsty?” Aiden says, walking over to my bed holding a pitcher.
I nod and he refills my glass. “Thanks,” I say my voice still raspy from sleep.
He sets the pitcher on the tray and sits beside me on my bed, his leg pressing up against me. “I feel like everything is my fault,” Aiden says. The bruise around his eye has turned green and yellow. “If I hadn’t created the emotional modifier,” Aiden continues, “then you wouldn’t…”
“Then I wouldn’t be in love with a madman,” I finish his sentence. “Yeah, I think you can own some of the blame for this one.”
“That’s not exactly what I was going to say,” Aiden says, pressing his lips together, restraining a smile.
“You’re not really in love with him,” George interrupts on the other side of me. He swings his legs over the side of his bed, looking as tired as I feel.
“I know,” I say, wishing Aiden wasn’t sitting so close to me right now. “It’s just that at times I feel like I am.” My fingertips press firmly into my eye sockets. This can’t be a real conversation. I keep pressing until the white sparks shoot through my vision.
“But it’s an artificial love,” George says. The springs of his bed squeak when he moves forward. I withdraw my hands from my eyes, my vision taking several seconds to focus properly on George. “Roya, when you love someone it feels much different than how you’re feeling about Chase.”
“I don’t think what she needs is a lesson on how love feels,” Aiden says over his shoulder to George.
“I’m not giving her one. I’m also not speaking generally about love.” George scrutinizes Aiden with a cold stare before turning his gaze to me. “What I was referring to was the way you specifically feel when you love someone. I’m acquainted enough with your emotions, Roya, to know your love for Chase is different, it’s shallow and weak, like an imposter emotion—which is exactly what it is.”
I hold my breath and George’s eyes, wishing he wouldn’t have done this. He’s making a play right in front of Aiden. Maybe I was being too unrealistic to think he’d pretend nothing had evolved between us in the last week.
“You said you could help me,” I say to Aiden. “That there were strategies I could use against Chase’s attempts.”
“Yes,” he says, still watching George. “I need more time to figure them all out though, but there’s one that I think might be especially helpful.”
“Oh?” I say, nudging him once with my leg.
He finally turns his head to look at me. “Yes,” he says, a jealous heat in his eyes. “The good news is I think I can alter your protective charm to fight against Chase’s emotional modifier.”
“No one ever says there’s good news without having bad news to follow,” I say.
“You’re almost too astute for your own good, Ms. Stark,” Aiden says. “Yes, it’s true there’s not so good news. It will take me some time to have the specs for your protective charm mod ready. First of all I can’t start work until I’m out of here. Second of all I have to finish the blueprints for the emotional modifier and then—”
“Why is that necessary?”
“Because a patch to your charm isn’t going to work seamlessly until I know exactly how the emotional modifier works.” He sighs. “Sadly, it will probably take me a month or more to have something.”
“Great.” I give a similar sigh of frustration. “Maybe it would be easier to create a device that changes Chase—makes him not a deranged murderer.” I laugh morbidly.
Aiden gives me a punishing look. “Then would you allow the embedding?” he asks.
“Oh yeah, and we’d ride off into the sunset.”
“I don’t think you mean that,” he says, a sharp edge in his voice.
“Of course I don’t,” I say. “I’m simply trying to make light of my incredibly ridiculous life. Maybe when someone starts manipulating your emotions you’ll sympathize more.”
“I do sympathize and I’m trying to help. It’s killing me inside what’s happened to you.” An uncomfortable tenderness echoes in his words. I see his desire for me erupt in his eyes like a curse. I guess we’re both in devastating positions.
“Doesn’t the reason Chase is after you consume your thoughts?” George says, pulling my attention from Aiden.
“It does,” I say to the floor. “But not as much as it should. I guess I’m used to unanswered questions. I don’t know who my parents were. Have a twin I didn’t know I had. And recently discovered I can harness wind. So if a lunatic wants me to be infatuated with him, it’s just another mystery to this farce called my life. What consumes my thoughts is how I’m going to stop Chase.”
“Maybe I can help you with that,” George says, dragging a seat over beside my bed and sitting. “I came up with a tactic that might help—until Aiden has a more permanent fix.”
“Thanks, George.” I exhale, one of relief. “I’ll try anything at this point.”
He smiles, his lovable dimple surfacing on his left cheek. “Okay, first I want you to close your eyes.”
I do.
“Now focus on your heart’s center. Really try to feel your heart. Can you sense its intensity?”
I nod, knowing his eyes are on me.
“Good. Now think about Chase. I want you to answer with the first thing that comes to your heart. All right?”
I nod again.
“How do you feel about him?”
“I love him,” I say automatically.
Aiden slips off my bed with an exasperated groan and begins pacing, his footsteps impatient.
“Okay.” George’s voice is even, calm. “Now think about Joseph.” He pauses. “Are you doing that?”
I nod.
“Good. How do you feel about him?”
“I love him,” I say again. These words sound altered somehow.
Aiden’s pacing halts.
“Now is there a difference between the love you feel for Chase and Joseph?” George asks.
My focus hones in on the distinct, separate emotions. One is within me, an ingrained part of my soul—so deep and pure it opens my heart. It feels like a magical force, one I’d fight to protect, one I’d die to keep. And the other…it’s inside me too. A deep-rooted emotion, but it isn’t in my heart, rather attached to it like…a disease. It’s a self-serving emotion which doesn’t inspire any magic within me, only fear that if I don’t feel it I’ll die. If I don’t love Chase then this cancer will spread through my heart.
My eyes bolt open to find both guys staring intently at me. “I feel the difference,” I say, breathless.
A relieved smile spreads along Aiden’s face.
“So how do you really feel about Chase?” George asks.
“I hate him,” I say confidently. “I really, really hate him.”
Aiden leans over my bed and high fives with George. “Nice going, Mr. Anders. That was genius.”
“Thank you. I’m glad it worked,” George says with a subtle smile. “So Roya, you can use this anytime you need to reset your emotions, anytime you think Chase has tampered with them.”
I’m about to thank him when we’re interrupted by James wheeling a flat-screen TV into the infirmary. He tosses a remote at Aiden and says, “As you requested.”
“Thanks, lad,” he says, tipping his invisible hat at him.
Without a word Aiden plugs in the TV and turns it on. He’s wearing an endearing smirk and humming excitedly.
I pluck one of my grape tomatoes off my dinner plate and toss it at his head. “When are you planning on telling us what you’re up to?”
Spinning around, a look of mock offense on his face. “Well, I didn’t much plan on te
lling you, actually. The way I figure it is you have no choice but to lie there. And since I’m the one with the television remote, it looks like I’ll be choosing the feature.”
“Oh, come on now,” George says, tossing a pillow at Aiden’s head.
“Hey, you could have messed up my hair,” he says, patting the elegantly disordered mess atop his head.
Aiden pushes a couple of buttons on the remote. “Well, it was supposed to be a surprise, but, all right. Have either of you ever watched any of the Star Wars movies?”
George and I both shake our heads.
Aiden gives a look of disappointment. “That’s what I feared. So we’ve got roughly five more days left in this joint. If my calculations are correct, and they always are, then if we start watching right now we can get through the entire series.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. There’s like what, four movies?”
“Six,” he corrects me. “Don’t worry, very soon you’ll be thanking me.”
“That’s going to take forever for us to watch all of them,” I say.
“Not forever. Actually it will take exactly thirteen hours and fourteen minutes.”
“It’s not really my genre,” George says, trying to sound diplomatic.
“George, that’s inherently false. Star Wars is everyone’s genre. Now you all pipe down. The movie’s starting.” Aiden turns to me with a smile before settling down on his stomach and resting his chin on his hands. The words begin scrolling through the stars. I turn and shrug at George. He frowns.
♦
Lucky for me, I’m not asleep when the movie is over, although I am dead tired. George is, which earns him a punishing look from Aiden.
“You’re obviously too overwhelmed by the awesomeness that is Star Wars to accurately express the myriad of thoughts this film has inspired in you. This is typical,” Aiden says, sitting down on his own bed. “I’ll let you deliberate on it and you can unload on me first thing tomorrow morning.”
I let out a long yawn and nod in agreement. Although I’m thoroughly exhausted I’m still somewhat aware when he plants a soft kiss on my cheek. Aiden hovers over me, a mesmerized expression in his eyes. My hand finds his face and caresses his skin. Still only semiconscious I think I imagine his hand taking mine, but then he pulls it to his lips and I open my eyes wider. With a calm wanting he kisses each of my knuckles, pausing on the last one.