He wanted to bring her pleasure. He wanted her to forget about her sister. Her loneliness. He wanted her to think only about the infinite pleasure he knew he could bring her. He wanted to be good. Good to her. For her. She deserved him to be. She deserved everything.
He continued to stroke her in that way, kissing other parts of her body, making circles with his pointer finger on the spot she would never return from. He could feel her body rising to climax, and he wondered if she had ever climaxed before, or if he would be the first, and she said his name in a kind of desperation.
She saw him, then, looking up through that light hair she found so sexy, but she lost her train of thought when his tongue found different parts of her body and lingered in the most sensitive of places. She felt like she might explode any second, into particles or stars or something inexplicably interstellar.
She had no idea what was happening to her body, but her entire being was on fire, hot, a gushing of blood swishing around in her ears, pounding as if she were under water. She felt paralyzed, helpless to move, helpless to stop him from what he was doing, and it felt like freedom. Every inch of her body was attuned to his touch, the strumming of his kisses. She couldn’t get enough; she was getting too much. She was burning up, on the edge of something she had never felt before. Blissful and indescribable. Painful and euphoric.
“Colton,” she heard herself whimper loud as he slowed his strokes from between her legs
“Do you know what I’m doing to you?” he questioned, removing his hand from under her panties.
“Yes,” she admitted. “No. Maybe…” She tried to find her breathing, to find her mind. It was lost in some other world. “Whatever it is, don’t stop.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
He was slightly nervous. He wanted to make sure that he had her full permission. She was about to fall over a cliff that he worried she may never be able to come back from, and he knew he should stop. He knew he shouldn’t be taking advantage of her this way, and yet, he wanted to see her pleasure more than anything he’d ever wanted before. He wanted to watch her crash all over him to wash away any worries or pain she had.
“Do you know what you’re about to feel? Have you ever felt it before?”
“I…” She stopped talking when he flicked his tongue across a nipple again, and she arched her back up to meet his tongue. He smiled at her reaction. She was so sensitive. So responsive to everything he did. He felt power. And he felt responsibility.
“Answer me, Lauren,” he commanded.
“I can’t think when you do that.”
He stopped and took her face in his hands again. “Let me be clear. I’m going to make you come, Princess. Have you ever come before?”
Her whole body quivered, and he watched her close her eyes, embarrassed.
“Lauren,” he growled. “Answer me.”
“No. I never have.” He watched a burning, embarrassed crimson travel up her whole body as she admitted her utter lack of experience.
“Do you want to?”
“I think so…”
“You think so?” He stilled. He was going too fast with her.
“I mean. Yes. Please. Yes. I want to. I’m just…I’m a little scared.”
He drew her into his arms, trying to reposition himself so that it didn’t throb so much. God, he wanted her. But there was no way he was going to push her if she wasn’t fully ready. He didn’t want any regrets.
“Please don’t stop,” she begged again when he gave her a chance to speak between kisses.
“Not right now, Lauren.” He kissed her. “You’re not ready.”
“I’m ready. I’m really ready. I promise. Please, Colton.”
He found her uncharacteristically sweet but also too tempting. His breathing was as labored as hers was. He looked into her eyes, wide with anticipation, trust even, and though teasing her was a little more fun than it should have been, that’s not why he was stopping.
“No.” He was firm. “Plus, I have to go soon. I don’t want to make you come and just leave you alone after.”
“Oh.”
Sadness gripped her. She didn’t want him to leave. But what did I think? He was just going to stay in bed with me forever? Hold me forever? Soothe me forever? Of course not. She knew that.
He looked down at her as she lay in his arms. “You’re fucking sinfully gorgeous, you know that?” He traced the outline of her breast through her bra, and Lauren felt her whole body light up again.
He kissed her.
“Please don’t do that,” she whimpered. “Especially if you’re just going to leave me.”
He stopped; and didn’t deny it.
Lauren tried to breathe, taking in long breaths and exhaling. She sat up, bent her legs toward her stomach, and drew them in, wrapping her thighs in her arms. She rocked slightly.
“You okay?” Colton asked.
“Yes. I’m fine.”
“Trust me, Lauren. I didn’t want to stop either.”
“Who’s the girl downstairs?” Lauren blurted and immediately wished she hadn’t.
Colton paused before speaking. “Her name’s Tiffany.”
“And…” She really didn’t want to know and did at the same time. “Do you have sex with her?”
Colton angled up on his elbow to look at her. “Why are you asking this?”
“Because…”
“Because why?”
“Because. I think I have the right to know.”
“The right?”
Lauren could feel the mood shifting and felt Colton shifting too. Lauren had the feeling these types of questions were precisely why Colton didn’t want to have a girlfriend. In fact, she was certain of it.
“I really don’t think that’s your business, Lauren.”
She couldn’t help but get that heart-wrenching sickness in the pit of her stomach. How could she be with someone who slept around, who didn’t care about her, who probably made a different girl come each day? She wondered if he made every girl feel the way she felt.
She decided to drop it. She needed to distance herself from him. She could feel herself inching closer and closer to a heartbreak that she might not recover from.
“You should probably get going,” she said, feeling completely self-conscious. She was practically naked with this boy she barely knew. She needed to get her wits about her. She shimmied to cover up her body under her sheets.
“Hey,” he said. “Don’t be like that.”
“Be like what? Someone who’s not an emotionless robot?”
“No. That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what? I shouldn’t care that you can make any girl come that you want to? That I should feel good about the fact that you’re probably going to leave here and make Angela come? Or Tiffany? Or Beth for god’s sake, or any other girl who’s stupid enough to let you do it.”
“You were about to let me.” He smirked. “And I don’t think you’re stupid.”
He felt bad the minute he said it. He didn’t want to make anybody else come. Truth be told, he hadn’t wanted to be with any other girl since he laid eyes on Lauren weeks ago.
“Get the fuck out of my room, Colton. And don’t ever come back. Leave me alone. I mean it. Is that real enough for ya? What you came here to see?” Her voice cracked. She seemed angry but Colton knew she was hurt, and it made him feel like shit.
“Hey, look”—he ran his fingers through his hair, feeling uncomfortable—“I’ll answer your question. And then you’re going to answer a few of mine.”
“Who says I even want to know anymore,” Lauren stated unconvincingly.
“Final offer,” Colton said.
“Fine,” she conceded.
She couldn’t understand how sick with need he made her, how much she wanted to know him, how much she just wanted to believe him, believe there was that good in him, that side to him he kept showing glimpses of. That side he liked to keep hidden but that even Beth knew existed.
“I have slept with Ti
ffany.”
“Great. How many others?” She was trying very hard to control the sound of her voice, trying to hold onto anger instead of the anguish she was really feeling. She was treading a slippery slope.
“You don’t want to know the answer to that question,” he said sincerely.
“Yes, actually. I do. I hope you use protection, for god’s sake. Didn’t you have Health Ed at your high school?”
He laughed. And she couldn’t help to smile every time he did, but the mood quickly shifted again.
“I’m extremely careful, Lauren, always. I don’t do stupid sex. I’ve never had unprotected sex.”
“Well, goody for you. Would you like a badge of honor?”
“Hey. You’re the one who asked.”
She had. She realized that. She pulled the covers tighter around her and lowered her face, defeated.
What did I expect him to say? That he’s a virgin, too? That he’s never wanted another girl in his whole life?
Lauren had heard the rumors. She knew who he was. She was naïve but not a moron. She knew exactly what she was getting into, and she’d wanted it. She still did.
“Now you. Tell me about your past boyfriends.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Come on, Lauren. You’re telling me no guys hit on you in high school? You never dated?”
“Of course I dated,” she said exasperated. “I had a steady boyfriend pretty much all through high school, until we broke up, and he humiliated me.”
“What? What happened?” Colton looked genuinely interested.
“We dated. My parents loved him. All-American boy. Grades, looks, you know. Perfect-on-paper type.”
“Did you love him?”
She stared at him. “Why do you get so many questions, and I get one and barely an answer?”
“Tell me, Lauren.”
“I don’t know. It’s a long story. We had some good times. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple. I guess I thought we were too.”
“I’m listening.”
“He didn’t touch me much,” Lauren said quietly, cringing. “He made me touch him…a lot, usually while we were watching football games. I always thought it weird, but I didn’t know any other relationship. He told me it made him happy.”
“So you broke up…because he wouldn’t’ touch you? Or because he liked football games more than you?”
“Well…it’s a little more complicated than that.”
“Go ahead.”
Lauren sighed. “One of the few parties I went to, I found him in bed with a girl.”
“He was cheating on you?”
“I guess you could say that. But that’s not all.” Lauren paused, not sure she should tell him. “He was having sex with a guy too.”
“What?”
“Yup. Turns out he was gay but wouldn’t admit it.”
“Sounds like a real prince.”
“And then he went around telling everyone I was a frigid, emotionally staved-off bitch with emotional issues.”
“That’s crazy.”
“The worst part is that we’d both wanted to go to Juilliard.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. Not kidding. I pulled my application. My parents were furious. I pulled it right before my audition.”
“Lauren, I’m sorry.”
“I’ve wanted to go there since I was about eight years old. It’s all I ever talked about. He still went there. He’s an accomplished ballet dancer.”
Colton rolled his eyes. “Figures.”
“Don’t stereotype!”
“Sorry. He seems like a dick.”
“He didn’t even want to go there until I convinced him.”
“And you didn’t go just because of him? That seems…a bit foolish, Lauren.”
“That, yes, but…and I know you think I’m this rich, privileged kid, and I’m not saying I’m not fortunate in many ways…I refused to go to a school that expensive when I got a full-paid merit scholarship to come here. And it was the only way I would ever escape my overprotective parents. I needed to stop living in my sis…I just needed space.”
“I’m sorry, Lauren, that sucks. Sounds like your parents put a lot of pressure on you. But that’s a good thing, I would think, right? Parents who actually care?”
She didn’t want to get into it. She didn’t want him to know about just how much pressure they put on her, the truth about her sister. “Do I get another question now?” she said, changing the subject.
“Maybe.”
“Were you with Tiffany before you barged into my room uninvited today?”
“You saw that I was with her, Lauren.”
“You know what I mean. Did you have…you know…did you… fuck her?” Lauren hated saying it out loud but persisted. “Did you? Today? Right before you came here?”
He tried to pull the covers off from her body. “I most assuredly did not.”
She was surprised. “Really?” she asked, pulling the covers back towards her body.
“Really.”
“Why not?”
“You really want to know?”
Lauren tensed. She didn’t like his tone. It worried her. She worried what he was about to say. “Yes. I do.”
“I was only using her so I could get into the dorm to see you.”
She inhaled. “That’s not very nice.”
“I’m not that nice.” He smiled.
Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she sighed, crashing back onto the pillow. She was somehow relieved, flattered, and her urge to be with him came rushing back. She wanted him so bad she couldn’t make sense of it. She looked at him long and hard. “I loved your song today.”
“Thank you,” he said, uncomfortably. “It didn’t hold a candle to yours.” He held her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. “I’m sorry I may have misjudged you, Lauren. I didn’t know about your sister or your dreams of Juilliard.”
She tried to look away. She was afraid she was going to cry again. She didn’t want to talk about that. Being away from home somehow magnified her loss, her emptiness, even though she often felt the most alone there. The loneliness could sometimes be all-encompassing. It ate her up inside. So she had no idea why she blurted, “My bedroom is all things Juilliard.”
He looked at her, confused. “All things Juilliard?”
“Yes. When Shelby, my sister, got sick, and she came home on hospice, the house was filled with…just noise, this static, especially the silence. I hated the silence, because I could always hear my mother weeping.
“I’d just go in my room, blast my music through my headphones for hours and sing. I’d order things from Juilliard online, cut out words and letters relating to the school, print pictures of famous people who went there. You name it. It looks like collage-wallpaper or decoupage.
My parents didn’t even notice it really, until after Shelby died. They didn’t really care. They had other things on their minds. And then, it was all they had on their minds, like somehow, if they focused everything on me and my future, they might find purpose again.” She searched his eyes. “I’m sorry I’m dropping so much on you today.”
“Hey. It’s okay, Lauren. I want to know you.”
He got under the covers with her, not even asking for permission, and he took her in his arms. “Come here. Take a nap. You look exhausted. I’ll text Angela and tell her I can’t come.”
Lauren was completely worn down, wiped out, depleted inexorably. She wanted nothing more than for him to stay with her, but she also knew she’d be delaying the inevitable, the pain that would just come back when he did have to leave. And he would leave. He always did.
“Okay?” he asked again.
She sighed again. “Do you sleep with Angela a lot?”
“Lauren,” he scolded.
She bit her lip and tried to stifle her sadness. “Well? Do you? When you go over there? Do you have sex with her?”
He hesitated. “Yes. Some
times.”
“You need to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here. With you. It’s where I want to be. It’s where you need me to be.”
“Don’t be so pompous,” she snapped.
“Tell me I’m wrong.”
She wiped a tear from falling and sniffled, her body shaking and then stiffening. “You’re wrong,” she said firmly.
“No, I’m not. And if it makes you feel any better, I haven’t slept with Angela but once since I met you. I told her I didn’t want to anymore.”
“Oh, just once? Is that all?” Lauren couldn’t keep the bite out of her voice.
“Yeah. That’s all. Now, push over. Snuggle into me and go to sleep. You need it. Let me take care of you right now.”
She gave in because her body gave her no other choice. But he was right—she did need him to be there right then. It felt good. She nuzzled against his chest, kissing it, even as she willed herself not to. She traced his lips, then moved her hands down his neck, onto his chest, making her way down lower until she found what she was looking for.
“Lauren,” he said in that scolding voice. “What are you doing?” He picked her head up by the back of her hair to force her face to look into his. She found his stiffness and stroked it through his jeans. “Fuck, Lauren.”
He couldn’t stop her, and instead, he joined her, finding the elastic of her panties and pushing inside of them again. Before he could stop himself, he started to dance his fingers where they had last left off, and she pressed her lips against his, moaning into him.
“Please. Colton,” she begged.
“You’re so fucking wet, Lauren,” he growled as he stuck a finger inside of her, pushing his thumb against her throbbing need, soon curling another finger into her. He stroked her inside as he listened to the rising melody sing from her lips, and his thumb pressed harder, and she lost all her control to him. And he wasn’t going to stop. He was going to push her right off the cliff, and he would cradle her fall. Her body began to shudder and shake, her face flushed, and her chest glistened with a sheen. “I’m going to make you come, Princess. Are you ready?”
“Oh, god!” Lauren yelled as she orgasmed onto his hand, quickly, violently, contracting and convulsing. “Colton,” she cried out.
Play Only For Me: (A New Adult Romance) Page 9