Wall of Silence

by Dorey Whittaker

  Those expressive eyes are what had attracted Carol Anne in the first place. They sat next to each other in class, and when Susan relaxed into conversation, her sparkling eyes made Carol Anne feel happy. She had invited her over several times, but Susan always declined, saying she had other things she needed to do. Carol Anne was too young to understand that her new friend was actually afraid of her. She had no way of knowing that Susan wasn’t like her. Oh, she knew Susan’s family didn’t have much money, but when you’re in second grade, you don’t think that’s important. At least you don’t unless you have a mother like Susan’s.

  The two girls ran down the back stairs and out the side door where Scott had run into Susan. They ran up the driveway and through the back gate, tossed their towels on a lounge chair, and jumped right into the shallow end of the pool. They could almost feel the sizzle as the heat of their bodies was quenched in the cool water. Within a few minutes Susan relaxed and began to play. Carol Anne noticed that Susan did not know how to swim and said, “Mother was determined that Scott and I would know how to swim if we were going to have a pool, so she made sure I became a good swimmer. I’ve taken lessons since I was three. Would you like me to teach you how to swim?”

  Susan ignored Carol Anne’s offer. While her parents were at work, she and her sister would sneak down to the pond, but she never went in deeper than her knees. The muddy bottom always scared her so she stayed at the edge, content to just splash around. Since this was her first time in a pool, she made sure she stayed in the shallow end. As long as she could touch the bottom, she was fine. Carol Anne offered again but Susan declined by saying, “No, thank you, Carol Anne, I just want to play in the water today.” Time, for Susan, seemed to stand still, and she was determined to enjoy this afternoon regardless of the consequences that faced her at home.

  A beach ball floated in the pool, and the girls began tossing it to each other. After awhile, Susan stopped worrying about the bottom of the pool. They took turns climbing out after the ball and then jumping back in, trying to make the biggest splash. Their giggles and laughter filled the afternoon air. Susan could not remember having this much fun. Reaching for the ball, she gave it a solid hit and giggled as she watched her friend scramble after it. Carol Anne dived toward the ball and batted it back to Susan. Determined to hit it back without the ball touching the water, she swung but missed, causing the ball to sail past her and leave the pool. Susan scrambled after the ball, tossed it back to Carol Anne and jumped in without paying attention to where she was. She was enjoying herself so much she forgot to be careful. As soon as she hit the water she realized her mistake. She couldn’t touch the bottom and couldn’t swim. She frantically grasped for anything within her reach, searching for the side of the pool. In her frenzy Susan finally felt something beside her and with all the strength she had, grabbed hold and climbed upward.

  Carol Anne had quickly come over to help, but she was no match for her hysterical friend. Susan grabbed hold and tried to pull herself up, but in reality she was actually pushing Carol Anne under the water. Carol Anne struggled to get loose, trying desperately to reach the surface in order to catch her breath.

  Susan felt a strong arm pushing her away and she really began to panic. She wanted to scream, but she was still under water. Her lungs were burning, and she didn’t think she could hold her breath much longer. Someone grabbed hold of her again. This time she wasn’t being pushed away but was lifted out of the water. All Susan saw was blond hair and blue eyes and then darkness. When she regained consciousness, Carol Anne’s brother, Scott, and a man she did not know were kneeling over her. Carol Anne was lying on the lounge with her mother sitting beside her. Susan tried to sit up, but the man, who turned out to be Carol Anne’s dad, put his hand on her shoulder and told her to lie down. He explained how they had come very close to drowning, and he was furious they had been in the pool without supervision. He was shouting and crying at the same time. He kept saying, “Scott, if you hadn’t come home when you did, they would have drowned.”

  Carol Anne quickly confessed, “I’m sorry, Mom, Dad. I was so excited to go swimming I forgot to wait for Mom to come out and watch us.”

  Susan was shocked at Carol Anne’s demeanor while making this confession. She didn’t appear nervous as she admitted her mistake, nor did her mother seem to react angrily to it. Susan was imagining how her own mother would have reacted to such a confession. Then she heard Mrs. Thomas say, “Carol Anne, it’s as much my fault. I let myself get distracted and forgot I promised to come out here and watch you girls. I’m so sorry.”

  Astonished by her confession, Susan didn’t notice Scott slide over by her. Shaking her shoulder in jest, he grinned as he said, “You look like a drowned rat, but a strong one. I was the one who pushed you away from Carol Anne. I had to make you let go of my sister so I could pull her to safety, all the while screaming for help.”

  Mr. Thomas chimed in, “It was Scott’s screams that greeted me as I drove into the driveway this afternoon. That kind of scream is unmistakable. My heart dropped, and I knew something awful was happening. Because the screams came from the back yard, my first thought was, ‘The pool!’ and took off running. Caroline here flew out the side door right behind me and we saw Scott struggling with someone in the water and I dove in shoes and all.”

  Caroline joined in and said, “By then Scott had Carol Anne at the side of the pool and I pulled her out of the water. Scott then swam over and helped Bill get you out, Susan, and we laid you on the deck. You had swallowed so much water. You were choking and feeling nauseated, but at least you were breathing.”

  Susan lay there sick with fear. What were these people going to do to her for almost drowning their Carol Anne? Mr. Thomas was so upset, Susan was afraid to look directly at him. He was shouting at everyone except Scott. He kept hugging him and kissing him and thanking him for saving the girls. Scott gave his dad a sheepish grin, and even though Mr. Thomas was clearly upset about the girls being in the pool without supervision, she noticed Carol Anne and her mother didn’t seem stressed or anxious.

  Susan struggled to sit up, preparing herself for whatever was coming. She slowly drew her eyes up to this hulk of a man crouched next to her in his dripping-wet business suit. Everyone else breathed a huge sigh of relief as the tension of the moment subsided, but Susan kept her eyes fixed on Mr. Thomas. She understood at the tender age of eight that you can never let your guard down when men get really angry. Just when they seem to have calmed down, a fist comes from nowhere. He’s teaching you a lesson. Susan had had many such lessons in her short life, she was certain she was about to get another one now. Although he appeared to be calming down, she was waiting for “the next round.” That’s what her mother always called it. She would say, “You’d better learn early on, if a man gets hopping mad, give him what he wants and get out of his way.” Reluctantly, Susan let her eyes meet Mr. Thomas’s as he offered his hand to pull her up. Once brave enough to look him in the eyes, she never took her eyes off his face. But this man’s eyes weren’t mean. He was smiling and didn’t look upset anymore.

  Once the girls had rested, they were sent upstairs to dry off and change. Mrs. Thomas came up a few minutes later and asked, “Susan, would you like to stay for dinner? I’d be happy to call your mother and ask her permission. Then, afterward, Mr. Thomas can drive you home.”

  Susan knew she couldn’t stay for dinner and was sure she did not want Mrs. Thomas to call her mother and tell her what had just happened. The less her mother knew, the better. Her mother must never know she had been uppity enough to go to Carol Anne’s house. If she got home before her parents, they’d have no reason to ask where she’d been. But what time was it? How long had they been playing in the pool? She wasn’t very good at sensing time, and she wasn’t sure how long it would take her to get home. She knew her parents were always home by six o’clock, and she knew she had better be there when they arrived. Susan faked a phone call home and told Carol Anne’s parents she needed
to go.

  She intended to run as fast as she could and try to beat her parents home, but Mr. Thomas was not going to let her walk home alone, not after the events of the afternoon. “You girls finish getting dressed, and then I’ll drive you home.” The finality in his statement was unmistakable. Susan tried to protest, but he would not hear of it and sent the girls back upstairs to finish dressing. Susan struggled to maintain her composure as she got dressed. She’d done it now! Her parents were going to kill her for this stunt. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have ever imagined she could get away with this? A familiar sense of terror washed over her, and she struggled desperately to keep her fingers from shaking as she buttoned her dress. She did not want her friend to see how scared she really was. She did not want Carol Anne to know that she was in real danger because she would then have to explain what that danger was, and she was not prepared to deal with that issue.

  She forced a smile, steadied her voice, and said, “Your brother sure saved our lives, didn’t he?”

  Carol Anne, having no reason to question her friend’s motive for saying this, chimed in with, “Yes, he did. Wasn’t God good to us today? He sent my brother home just in time to save us.”

  Susan was well trained at hiding her reactions but this innocent comment from her friend shot into her like a dagger, causing a frenzy of rage within her. Though outwardly calm, her screaming thoughts were, God had nothing to do with saving us today. He doesn’t care if I live or die; if He did, He wouldn’t have put me in my family. He probably had to save me just so He could save you. So I guess I got lucky today. He had to help me even if He really didn’t want to.

  Carol Anne’s thoughts had already moved on to other topics and as her eyes landed on her bookshelf, she asked, “Have you ever read the story of Snow White and Rose Red?”

  Thankful for the change in subject, Susan responded, “No, I don’t think so.”

  Carol Anne went to her shelf, took down a book of fairy tales, and handed it to her. “Take this home with you and read it tonight. I think you and I are sort of like Snow White and Rose Red—you with your black hair and blue eyes and me with my red hair and green eyes. I think we should have secret names for each other. I’ll call you Snow White and you can call me Rose Red. We will always and forever be best friends, okay?”

  Susan was amazed that Carol Anne wanted to be best friends with her. Did she think she came from a rich family too? They heard Mr. Thomas calling them, so Susan took the book, promising to bring it to school the next day. They ran down the stairs and out the side door, where Scott and Mr. Thomas were waiting by the car. Carol Anne asked to come along, but Mr. Thomas, concerned the pool episode had been rather hard on her, wanted her to go in and rest. Scott jumped in the front seat, and Mr. Thomas held the back car door open for Susan. Leaning back against the seat, Susan knew nothing could dissuade Mr. Thomas. Unable to talk him out of delivering her right to her front door, she sat back and quietly accepted her doom. She knew his intent was to ensure her safety. She also knew she could not tell him, nor could he guess that, his kind deed would ensure just the opposite result—a severe beating.

  Nearing her house Susan began trembling, a nervous habit that usually showed up only when her father was coming after her. As they drove up her street in Mr. Thomas’s fancy new car, not a single person could miss the obviously out-of-place automobile stopping at the Miller house.

  Susan saw Steve Reiner, her next-door neighbor, come out on his porch to get a closer look. Steve smiled as he noticed Scott in the front seat and walked over to Scott’s window and said, “Hi, Scott. What brings you here?”

  Ignoring the question, Scott replied, “That was a great game you played today, Steve. I caught the last two innings after my game was over.”

  Not noticing Susan in the back seat, Steve said, “I think you’d better make tracks.” Giving a wary glance toward the Miller house, he said, “That old Mr. Miller has a really bad temper. If he finds you parked in his driveway when he gets home there’s no telling what he’ll do. He’s a mean one, you know.”

  Steve’s eyes followed Scott’s glance toward the back seat, and only then did he notice Susan sitting there. If ever someone looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole, Steve did. He just hung his head and opened the back door for her, saying, “Sorry, Susan.”

  Susan gave Steve a slight smile and shrugged. There really wasn’t anything to say. After all, he was right. Susan’s biggest concern was how to get Mr. Thomas to leave quickly. Her dad would be driving up any minute and she wanted them gone, but then Scott offered, “Susan, would it help if we stayed and explained all this to your dad?”

  Before she could respond, Mr. Thomas opened his door and said, “That’s a good idea, Susan. I’ll be happy to explain everything.”

  Though she spoke calmly, her eyes blazed with terror. “You don’t have to, Mr. Thomas. I can do it. It’s all right; honest. Steve is right—you’d better go.”

  The expression on Mr. Thomas’s face showed he thought he should stay but knew she wanted him to leave. It was apparent that making her father angry would not help Susan’s situation.

  Chapter 2

  A train’s whistle off in the distance jarred Susan back to the present, and she checked her watch. It was eight-thirty and the neighborhood was so quiet it was almost eerie. Usually when it was this hot, the neighbors were out on their porches, but tonight Susan found herself alone except for her tree and her memories.

  She noticed her tea was gone, but she shrugged and continued her story. “I remember how scared I was running in my front door that night. I can’t tell you my relief when I found only my older sister home. Lisa was seventeen, a junior in high school, and I could always trust her not to tattle. In fact, Lisa was the only person in the whole world I did trust.”

  As these words came out of Susan’s mouth, the image of Lisa sitting in the jail today burned in her mind. Turning to her tree, she pleaded, “I wish people could see that Lisa, the one who loved and protected me. I still remember the look of understanding on her face when I ran in the front door that day. She smiled at me and said, ‘You’re safe; they’re not home yet.’ ”

  With that statement Susan again slid into her past.

  ***

  Lisa had dinner started; the table set, and was busy doing her homework. Susan had no appetite for dinner tonight. She wanted only to go to bed and make this day go away, but she knew that wouldn’t be allowed. Not in this house. Not eating dinner was an insult to Father’s hard work putting food on the table. Asking for seconds was evidence you were ungrateful for what you had been given. That lesson had been beaten into her several times. Even during those occasions when she had been truly sick, she sat at the table and ate. Tonight, however, she thought it would be wise to stay out of sight as much as possible.

  Susan was leaving the living room when the screen door opened and her parents walked in. She quickly studied her father’s face, trying to judge his mood. He tossed his jacket over the chair and headed for the kitchen to get something cold to drink.

  Relieved, Susan thought to herself, “Good, if he had been in a bad mood, he would have ordered Mother to get it.” As usual, her mother headed straight for the kitchen to make sure Lisa had dinner ready. Her mother knew he could go off on her if dinner wasn’t served on time. Both girls knew better than to be sitting when their parents came home. It was always best to be busy, so Lisa quickly headed for the dining room and began fussing over the already-set table while Susan busied herself filling the water glasses. In their house, it was clearly understood that a five-minute grace period was all that was allowed to get dinner on the table.

  Hearing her father open the bathroom door meant time was up so Susan ran into the kitchen to help her mother. As her father took his seat, her mother placed his dinner in front of him, and Susan quickly set his plate of bread beside his water glass. Until he was served, no one else dared to be served. Susan knew she had to sit at the table and had t
o eat, an unbearable task in light of the day’s events.

  As Susan took her usual place, she noticed that her mother had picked up Carol Anne’s book of fairy tales and was thumbing through it. Susan had intended to hide it under her mattress and read it when she went to bed but had forgotten. She was about to explain why she had Carol Anne’s book when her mother tossed it on the couch and came back to the table. Her mother was glaring at Susan as she took her seat.

  Susan frantically tried to think of an excuse for having that book when her mother said, “All those snooty rich people think they’re so special, giving the school their children’s leftovers. They probably made sure their kid’s name was in it so everyone would see it. They probably have so much money the dumb kid hasn’t even missed this book.”

  Susan was stunned at her mother’s comment. She never could have thought up a lie like that. Susan breathed a sigh of relief, thinking she had gotten away with it — but then the doorbell rang.

  Chuck Miller hated interruptions during dinner. He opened the door, and Susan saw the man who lived across the street. Ben was the only neighbor her father considered a friend.

  “Hey, Chuck,” Ben said with a smirk on his face, “who was the mister big-shot in your driveway this afternoon? I didn’t realize the banker himself came collecting in this neighborhood.”

  Chuck stared at him for a moment. “You’re crazy. There was no banker here today.”

  Susan’s stomach churned. She looked over at Lisa, but there was nothing her older sister could do to help her now. Ben gave every detail and when he said Susan had climbed out of the car, she knew her fate was sealed.

  Chuck didn’t even say good bye, he simply slammed the door and headed for Susan. He grabbed hold of her shoulder so hard she thought he was going to rip her arm off. Shaking her violently, he shouted, “What’s this about you riding in some fancy man’s car today? Do you think I like coming home and having all the neighbors thinking the bank is coming after me? Well, do you?”