Ghoulish

by Kat Bellamy

  The confusion in the younger ghoul’s eyes almost immediately turned to mortification and he buried his face in his hands. “Oh, God.”

  “It’s my fault, I should have been more clear.”

  “Please don’t. Don’t be nice about this. That’s just making it so much worse.”

  “Sorry?” Colt cringed. “I mean…fuck you?”

  Ronnie groaned. “That’s it. I wanna die. This is finally what pushes me over the edge.”

  “Come on,” Colt scoffed, draping an arm over Ronnie’s shoulder. The other ghoul tried to shrug out from under it, but Colt had him in a headlock and he was immobilized. “You’re being slightly dramatic.”

  “No. Let me go. My body will be sustenance for the fishes.”

  Colt laughed. “I’m sure you wouldn’t be the first to end up at the bottom of the harbor.” He finally let Ronnie go. “Look, I know it’s awkward, but it doesn’t have to be.”

  “Kind of failing to see how it could be anything but,” Ronnie grumbled, fixing his hair. It looked messier than it had with all of Colt’s manhandling, but he seemed to like it that way.

  “What, you think you’re the first person to confess their undying love to me? I’m a dreamboat.” Except for the ghoul part, he almost added, and barely stopped himself.

  Ronnie rolled his eyes, but Colt could see the smile tugging at his lips. “I tried to kiss you. I wouldn’t go that far.”

  “See? Now we’re even?”

  Ronnie sighed. “I don’t know what I was thinking. You and me,” he snorted. “That’s the biggest joke.”

  “Don’t say that. Any guy’d be —”

  “If you finish that sentence, I’m gonna jump off the dock right now.”

  “It’s true. I’m not gonna lie, Jason’s the only person I’ve ever been into like that. But even if he wasn’t, I kind of see you as a younger brother.”

  “I know you’re trying to help, but fewer cliches might be easier on my ego.”

  “I mean it. When I was growing up, I always wanted a family, but more than that, I just wanted someone who got me. Someone I could look out for, who’d look up to me and laugh at my shitty jokes. Getting close to people wasn’t really something I had the luxury of doing, but I had a brother once. Not by blood, but for three years, it was us against the world.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “He got adopted,” Colt said with a nostalgic smile. “Best and worst day of my life. We said we’d keep in touch, but that wasn’t a promise either of us were in a position to keep. I learned quick that whoever I latched onto, the more I needed them, the more it would hurt when we got sent our separate ways.”

  “I’m sorry,” Ronnie said quietly. “That sucks.”

  “Yeah, it did. It made me stronger, but it also made it harder to connect to people.”

  “Until Jason.”

  “Yeah. Him and my adoptive parents. Then you and your family. Trust isn’t something that comes easy for someone like me, but when I find it, that’s it. Even if it wasn’t for Jason, you mean too much to me to throw it away for something that might or might not work out.”

  Ronnie smiled a little. “Thanks for telling me that.”

  “Never told anyone,” Colt admitted. “Not even Jason.”

  Ronnie bit his lip. “Can I tell you something I’ve never told anyone?”

  “It’s only fair,” Colt teased.

  “I’m scared. I’m scared and I have no fucking idea how to fix any of this.”

  Colt wanted to comfort him, to tell him it would be alright, but he’d been on the receiving end of that platitude enough to know that was just setting Ronnie up for a harder fall if it wasn’t true. “Yeah,” he said, putting an arm around Ronnie’s shoulder. “Me, too.”

  Chapter 31

  No matter how pissed Jason was, he’d always answered his phone. Colt knew he was in trouble when a week passed without a word from his boyfriend.

  Not that he was in the best mood himself. Even though Jason couldn’t have any way of knowing what was really going on, Colt couldn’t help but be irritated by the fact that he couldn’t see Andrew for what he was: a prick with an agenda and an ego to match.

  Jason’s idea of morality had always been black and white. If anyone could withstand the allure of corruption, Colt would have put his money on Jason, but the fact that he was choosing to hitch his wagon to someone who was willing to imprison an innocent man to get to his real target was disappointing to say the least.

  To be fair, Colt knew that wasn’t how Jason saw it. In his eyes, there were missing bodies, so there had to be a sordid reason. Maybe there was. Colt found himself wondering whether he’d gone so far down the rabbit hole that he couldn’t see it all for what it was, but surely the ends justified the means sometimes. Ghouls had to eat human flesh to survive. Didn’t they have a right to live? Humans killed all the time without even needing to. Surely there was some grey area to be found when the alternative was either the total annihilation of a species or the abandonment of restraint altogether.

  Whenever he thought too much about the muddiness of it all, Colt threw himself back into work. Something physical, something that made sense. The philosophical bullshit was the very stuff he’d wanted to get away from when he left college. He wasn’t cut out for it, and he was beginning to realize that it didn’t lead anywhere. All the guilt and justification and mental gymnastics just led him around in the same circle, and it did nothing. At the end of the day, Stan was still in jail, Jason was still pissed and involved in an investigation that would either get him killed or result in the execution of every ghoul in Providence, and Colt was still transforming into a monster among monsters.

  It had been one thing when he was a normal ghoul. Now he was separated from his own kind and he didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. Evelyn hadn’t shown herself again, but sometimes Colt would find another “package” in the front seat of his truck when he left work, or sitting on his kitchen counter. All reminders that he was being watched, he was sure.

  But hey, he was the golden boy down at the Bracher Construction headquarters, and his team was ahead of schedule on the new condominiums, so there was that.

  Looking back, Colt felt ridiculous for thinking that taking the next step in his career was the epitome of a “big move.” Now all he could do was sit and wait for someone else to make their power play and hope he had what it took to protect the ones he loved from the fallout when it happened.

  When Colt finally received a text from Jason at the end of the week, his hopes of a quick makeup were dashed when he saw the curt message on the screen.

  We need to talk. Can you come over?

  Sure. I’m out of work, just say when.

  Now.

  Colt sighed and pulled on his jacket before heading out the door. Time to face the music.

  When he arrived at Jason’s dorm, there was a party going on downstairs, and the music was so loud he wasn’t sure Jason could even hear him knocking at the door. He cracked it open an inch and saw Jason sitting at his desk wearing earbuds and scowling down at the book in his hands. He saw Colt watching him and hopped up, leaving the book on his desk.

  “Sorry,” he muttered without meeting Colt’s eyes. “I didn’t hear you.”

  “Yeah, I can see why. Some holiday I forgot about?”

  “Homecoming. Come on in.”

  Colt stepped into the room, lingering by the door. He didn’t want to get too comfortable in case Jason was only having him over for the reason he feared.

  “So, how’ve you been?”

  “How’ve you been? Really?” Jason asked dryly.

  “Sorry. You know I’m not good at this kind of thing.”

  “What kind of thing?” Jason asked, frowning.

  Colt hesitated. “I mean, when I saw your text after not hearing from you for a week, I figured you called me over so you could give me the axe in person.”

  The genuine shock on Jason’s face made him second guess his f
irst assumption. “I’m not breaking up with you, Colt. God.” He rubbed his temple as he leaned back against the wall. “When did we become so bad at this?”

  “I don’t know,” Colt said quietly. “Maybe it was when we started dating.”

  Jason pressed his lips together but he didn’t say a word. For a solid minute, neither of them did.

  “If you’re not going to break up with me, why did you call me over?” Colt asked, deciding that he was going to have to be the first to break the silence or it was going to drive him insane. His own mind came up with too many troubling thoughts to fill it.

  “I don’t know,” Jason said, flopping back in his chair. “All week, I’ve been hoping you’d change your mind about telling me the truth and asking myself what I’d do if you didn’t.”

  “Come to any conclusions?”

  “No,” he said with a sigh. “Just that I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.” It seemed like so little, but it was all he could give Jason without putting him in even more danger. The distance had allowed him to see that more clearly, at least. Jason had been such an integral part of his life for so long that he had selfishly clung on in fear of the unknown. Of what it would mean to not have Jason in his life at all.

  Now he knew. It was hell on earth, but he’d survived. If he had found a way to be without Jason for a week, surely he could go a little longer and a little longer still. It might not really be living, but he’d find a way to keep surviving. That was more than he could say for Jason if he stayed in Colt’s life. Loving him was the most selfish thing Colt had ever done, and now that the time and distance had opened his eyes to the fact, he wasn’t sure he could go back to not seeing it.

  Jason got up and walked until he was standing right in front of Colt. He reached out and touched Colt’s face, his eyes traveling over his boyfriend’s features, searching for something. “I don’t know who you are anymore.” It was the sadness in his tone that stung even more than his words.

  “That makes two of us,” Colt said hoarsely. The right words—the ones that would end everything—were on the tip of his tongue when Jason claimed his lips. He returned the kiss like he had no choice, and in that moment, he truly felt he didn’t. It was natural for him to respond to Jason that way. His heart couldn’t see any reason in denying what they both wanted, even if his head was full of them. He pinned Jason up against the wall and kissed him harder, exploring his body with his hands like it had been a decade rather than a week.

  Jason was every bit as earnest. He guided Colt’s mouth to his neck, his breathing faint. Colt felt a twinge of guilt when he thought of the fact that Jason had no idea what danger he was subjecting himself to. Just because Colt now trusted himself to keep the fangs that ached to break free at bay while he nipped lightly at Jason’s flesh didn’t mean Jason would trust him if he knew. Just because the feeling of Jason’s bare flesh pressed to his felt as natural as breathing didn’t mean Jason would ever be able to see him as anything other than a monster if he knew the truth.

  “God, I missed this,” Jason gasped, struggling to open Colt’s fly. Colt reached down to help him and started unfastening Jason’s. There was something to be said for a room the size of a cubicle, since the distance from the wall to the bed was practically nonexistent.

  “Me, too,” Colt breathed, reaching down to stroke Jason’s cock. It was already half-hard and the slick of arousal made each stroke smooth. He would have been more than content to pleasure Jason, but his boyfriend pushed him back and straddled his hips, lowering himself down on Colt’s dick like he was starving for it.

  Jason reached for a bottle of lube in his nightstand and squirted a generous amount out into his hand before he reached down and started stroking their shafts at the same time. Colt licked his lips and dug his fingers into Jason’s thighs, thoroughly enjoying the display as his boyfriend prepped them both for the pleasure to come. When Jason reached back to put a slick digit into his own hole, the look of pain mingling with rapture on his face made Colt’s shaft throb with want.

  Colt was almost always the one on top, no matter who he was making love to, but he decided there were some serious benefits to letting Jason take the lead. Jason shifted just enough to let the head of Colt’s member slip between his perfectly taut ass cheeks, and the ghoul growled hungrily as he felt the resistance of his lover’s tight hole. Jason wet his own lips in concentration as he lowered himself down with Colt’s help and took him in.

  Colt groaned, willing away the shift that threatened him whenever he was this deeply aroused. With Jason on top, he’d have a full view of any physical changes and this time, Colt wouldn’t be able to cover it up with sunglasses.

  Just as he thought of changing position, Jason’s nails dug into his bare chest and the pain gave him the clarity he needed. Evidently, Jason hadn’t forgotten his odd request.

  “You like that?” Jason purred knowingly.

  Colt managed a half-smile through the pain, trying to focus instead on the feeling of being buried balls-deep in Jason’s ass. Sadomasochism had never really been his thing, especially not on the receiving end, but it was well worth the benefits.

  “Oh, yeah,” he growled, bucking into Jason. He knew the moment he hit the right spot, because Jason’s nails drew blood on his skin and his eyes rolled back in his head.

  “God, yes,” he moaned loudly. Colt was relieved the party downstairs was loud enough to drown out the noise. The sight of Jason bucking his hips and gasping for breath was truly a thing to behold.

  Colt grabbed Jason’s waist and pulled him closer, carefully turning him over so their positions were reversed. Jason gasped but he didn’t complain as Colt kissed him again, pinning his hands against the bed as he started to thrust at a more forceful pace.

  “Fuck,” Jason cried, clawing Colt’s back with his legs wrapped around his boyfriend’s waist. “Harder, please. Fuck me harder.”

  “You drive a hard bargain,” Colt taunted, pulling out until only the head of his cock was still inside of Jason. He rushed in full force, and if Jason’s hall mates had any doubt of what was going on, his cries of ecstasy obliterated it. He was still bucking and shivering and moaning as Colt finished, and for a few minutes, they laid there panting and high on endorphins.

  When Colt did pull out, Jason rolled over with a sleepy, contented grin on his face. “You know, we really have to find a way to have sex like that without fighting.”

  Colt laughed, stroking his boyfriend’s side. It was the first time they’d had sex since he had come to accept that he wasn’t an active threat to Jason, and it was nice not to feel the guilt set in as soon as the orgasm wore off. “We really do.”

  “I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” Jason groaned, reluctantly rolling out of bed. Colt watched him walk into the bathroom and took no small measure of pride in the fact that he was less than steady on his feet. Once he heard the shower going, he stood and wiped off on a towel in Jason’s hamper before pulling his jeans back on. He looked around the room to occupy himself, studying the covers on Jason’s law books for the semester. It was the thick sheet of sketch paper nestled between his class notes that drew Colt’s attention.

  Colt picked up the paper for a closer look and dread filled him as he realized that he recognized the face staring back at him. It wasn’t a perfect likeness, but it was a close enough approximation that there was little room to question that the sketch was supposed to be of none other than Miles Brown.

  Colt was still holding the paper when Jason came out of the bathroom in clean sweats, water dripping down his bare torso as he dried off his hair.

  “Who is this?” Colt asked, holding up the sketch. He already knew, but he found himself praying that Jason wouldn’t confirm it.

  Jason’s expression turned somber as he looked at the paper. “That’s the sketch they did down at the station. It’s the man I saw in the crowd. I think he’s the one who shot Carver.”

  Colt’s heart sank and he placed the paper back
on the desk. “Oh.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” Everything. There was just nothing he could tell Jason. Colt was beginning to realize that even if he did somehow manage to obtain the elusive best case scenario of staying with Jason while living a double life as a ghoul, their intimacy would always end where the hair-thin edge between one life and the other began.

  Jason walked over to take his hand. “It scares me when you get that look in your eyes.” He hesitated, looking back at the sketch. “Do you know him?”

  “No.” Colt realized he’d answered much too quickly when he saw the suspicion in Jason’s eyes. It was as easy for him to make the switch from person to investigator as it was for Colt to become a predator. A toxic combination, if ever there was one.

  “You’re lying.” Jason’s brows knit together and the line of his mouth hardened. “Again. You think I can’t tell?”

  “I have to go.”

  “Colt!” Jason cried, grabbing his arm. “If you know who that is, you have to tell me.”

  “Why, so you can run and talk to Andrew Wilbur?” Colt growled, shirking away.

  Jason stared at him in surprise. “The man in that sketch killed Liam Carver and if he isn’t caught, he might kill other people. Don’t you care about that?”

  “Of course I care,” Colt snapped. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “How? You’re not a cop, Colt! Protecting people, hunting murderers, none of this is your job. You’re just one person. A normal person.”

  “No, I’m not!” Colt hadn’t meant to yell, but when the words came out, they sounded monstrous. “I’m not,” he said, forcing himself to calm down. “I’m not the person you think I am. I never have been.”

  “I know you, better than anyone,” Jason said, his voice shaking in anger.

  “No, you don’t. You think you do, but you don’t,” Colt snapped. “And you can’t. You could never understand. Not just this, everything. We come from different worlds, Jason.”

  “That’s never mattered before. Why should it matter now?”