This Could Be Rock 'N' Roll

by Tim Roux

  Actually, I found it rather daunting. Jade and I were introduced to Larry on keyboards, Jem on drums, Patrick on bass and Walt on lead guitar, and of course Will Jackson who is Soundworks Studios.

  After a few hours, I got to tell Jason and Jeff apart.

  “All right, Jake, what we propose is that we take your basic tracks and we build on them with the band here and then you can come back in and re-record the vocal and the acoustic guitar and whatever.”

  “OK.”

  “Have you been in a real recording studio before?”

  “No.”

  “Don’t worry. We do it all for you.”

  It was amazing watching them. They had obviously heard my stuff already and just blew in there. From the off, the basic shape was there. It was incredible. These guys were really professional. As I say, I am not really a musician. I am a songwriter, so when people of this calibre just take over the show I am full of admiration.

  They started with ‘For Harry Smith’ which I wouldn’t have had down as one of my greatest hits - let’s face it, none of them were - but the boys seemed to like it:

  You just see Tucker’s Field

  Me, I see a park.

  I see coloured light at Christmas

  You see dark.

  I’ll make with plough and spade and rake

  Fine flower gardens round a lake

  With waterfalls cascading down

  To change the whole face of this town.

  I want to take this place

  And wrap my arms around it

  I want to leave this world

  A little better than I found it.

  I want to take this town

  And let my love surround it

  I want to leave this world

  A little better than I found it.

  Politicians they wage wars

  Whilst tending to amending laws

  Me I see the beauty in this world

  I hear birdsong in the trees

  The sound of summer on the breeze

  The distant whisper of the seas

  The laughter of the little boys and girls

  I want to take this place

  And wrap my arms around it

  I want to leave this world

  A little better than I found it.

  I want to take this town

  And let my love surround it

  I want to leave this world

  A little better than I found it.

  Then it was ‘Old Dusty Road’ which they took faster and rockier. It got Jade dancing at eleven in the morning anyway. Then ‘Loneliness Is Blue’ which turned out so beautifully that it brought tears to my eyes. They really felt as if they had been snatched away from me to be polished and handed back and even I had to admit that they were better.

  There were two days of recording where we basically sat and watched and marvelled. I began to feel like one of the greatest songwriters on the planet and Jade got more and more excited. Then it was my turn which was very painful. They were trying to round my voice, so I had to do take after take for each song to the point where I got really pissed off and threatened to walk out a few million times. Jason and Jeff had their ways of dissuading me. They barred the door. They told me later that they had a back-up plan - to kidnap Jade and hold her hostage.

  I have to say that by the Friday I was feeling pretty chuffed about the whole thing. The songs really were sounding the proverbial million dollars. I don’t like to be influenced by money, but I was beginning to count it. That was the warning sign. Things were getting out of my control. Greed was taking over.

  “Relax,” said Jade. “Don’t take it so seriously, Jake. Souls are eternal. You can sell them over and over again.”

  Yeah, but I had seen the way she had been eyeing Jem and going into huddles with him for a chat and a giggle. I may have been Hull’s answer to Bob Dylan, but somebody was after my Sara. Still, if I could get a ‘Blood On The Tracks’ out of it ……..

  * * *

  My mobile goes when I am heading out towards Anlaby for a showing. “I’m Trevor,” the voice announces.

  “Yeah, and I’m knackered too,” I reply. His presumption that I should know who ‘Trevor’ is really pisses me off immediately, especially connected to his tone of voice.

  “Sorry?”

  “It’s not your fault, Trevor. Too many late nights.”

  “Cathy has asked me to call you to arrange for the children to come over to see you.”

  “OK.”

  “Is this Saturday convenient?”

  “Sure. It’s about time.”

  “Look Jake, whatever it is between you and your ex-wife is nothing to do with me. I am simply carrying out an errand here. There is no need to be so hostile.”

  Or for you to be so pompous.

  “She is my wife actually, Trevor. We are separated, not divorced.”

  “All that is going to change, Jake.”

  “I would rather hear that from Cathy.”

  “She doesn’t want to speak to you right now.”

  “Anyway, Trevor, Saturday is good.”

  “About 11:00?”

  “Yeah, that will give you time to give my wife a quick shag before you come over. Maybe I can do the same with Jade.”

  Why am I at this guy? It really is nothing to do with him. I just feel like beating somebody up and he’s a prat, or so everybody says, so just the guy to turn up.

  There is a bark at the other end of the phone. “You are going to have to watch your hostility, Jake, or I may get tempted to punch you. I’ve been patient so far but I don’t take shit from lowlifes like you.”

  “You’re fucking my wife and you are calling me a lowlife?”

  I pull into a local shopping area. I shouldn’t be both driving and having this conversation. Trevor says something that I miss, but I catch the next bit. “You really are the egotistical pillock Cathy says you are.”

  “That’s true,” I reply, “but she tells me you have a small prick.”

  The line clicks off. I have obviously guessed right.

  * * *

  Jason and Jeff want a photo session around Hull. “We’re going to play you as a local boy made good. Everyone’s really excited about the album, especially Trevor,” Jeff informs me.

  “Trevor? Who’s Trevor?” Is everybody called Trevor suddenly?

  “He’s the boss of Crowflies Records.”

  “Well, I am glad that he is happy.”

  “Happy’s not the word for it. He is beside himself. He wants to do a fifty thou deal with you. I’ve never known him go past fifteen. I’m not surprised though. We’ve been testing reactions out in the market and everybody reckons you are hot. So we need to do the deal and then get the publicity under way.”

  “So what’s the deal?”

  “Trevor wants to meet you and he is back on Thursday, so how about twelve midday at Cherutti’s Two in Beverley, if you know where that is?”

  “Yeah, I know where that is.”

  So there we are, Jade and I, at twelve o’clock sharp. No sign of the Crowflies boys. Twelve-thirty neither, although the staff assure me that the table has been booked. At one o’clock this large BMW turns up and Jason, Jeff and another guy pile out.

  “Sorry we’re late,” announces Trevor in a plumby voice which reminds me of something I cannot quite place. “Trevor Thorn. I hope you two are still sober.”

  “Oh yes, we’re sober.”

  “Keeping a clear head for the negotiations, are you?”

  “Something like that.”

  Jason and Jeff are laughing at all of his jokes even though he hasn’t made any yet.

  “Great record. You are really going somewhere, Jake.”

  “Glad to hear it.”

  “Let’s have a drink first, get to know each other, and then sort out the deal.”

  Well, my price seems to have come down. The offer on the table is £25,000 plus 15% of net profits for the album and a six gig tour. If they decide to go fo
r a second album, they’ll go to £50,000 for a ten gig package. I feel that I’m being stiffed but it is still a lot more than I earn now - well, anything is a lot more than I earn now - and I might even be able to go professional for a couple of years.

  “Think about it, Jake. We are trying to cut you a fair deal here. We have a hunch that you’ll be a big star in a couple of years, and you have certainly paid your dues,” (subtle dig), “but you don’t count any chickens in this business. Still, if all goes well, you’ll be the star of the stable.”

  Jade and I discuss the deal all the way home. For the £25,000 I won’t necessarily have to give up the day job. For the £50,000, I probably will, but £50,000 ain’t bad. The only problem is that it won’t last. Two to three years, the first album will be the best because it is all the stuff I have worked up over the last fifteen years, and they get that for £25,000. The net profit thing is weasel words. They can decide what profit they make. It depends what expenses they load in. Big stars only go for a percentage of the gross. What the hell. It is probably my best shot. Jade thinks so too.

  “So I sign our lives away, do I?”

  “Something like that.”

  So I meet up with Jason and Jeff and sign the contract. It might even be an historic moment.

  * * *

  Harry calls. “Hi, Jake. I think we need to meet.”

  “We do?”

  “Yeah. There is something you need to know. I’m not looking forward to it but it has to be done.”

  “What’s up, Harry? Have you turned contract killer?”

  A short chuckle. “Nothing like that, Jake - or perhaps it is.”

  “What is it, Harry?”

  “I’ll tell you when I see you.”

  “Come round to the flat.”

  “No, it would be better in a public place.” Blimey. “So let’s make it a pub, shall we?”

  The pub we agree on is the Wheatsheaf in Kirkella. I haven’t been there for a long time but Harry judges it to be sufficiently neutral territory. What the fuck is going on?

  Harry is definitely nervous. He is even shaking.

  “So what is it, Harry? What has Cathy done now? Have you made her pregnant or something? Have you murdered Trevor?”

  “Who’s Trevor?”

  “You don’t know either?”

  “No, I have never heard of Trevor.”

  “Well, I’ll find out tomorrow. He is bringing the kids round.”

  “She works fast, that girl.”

  “So what’s on your mind?”

  “Jake, you are not going to like this.”

  “Try me.”

  “You never did like me much, did you?”

  “I liked what you did for Cathy. You really calmed her down.”

  “But you didn’t really like me, though, did you?”

  “I didn’t really have an opinion to be honest.” OK, that wasn’t being remotely honest.

  “It’s about Jade.”

  “What about Jade?”

  “Her baby.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Her baby may not be yours.”

  “What?”

  “The baby may not be yours, Jake.”

  “So whose else would it be?”

  He doesn’t answer that.

  “So whose else would it be?”

  “Take a guess, Jake, seeing that I have asked to see you.”

  “Yours? But Jade can’t stand you. She couldn’t even stay in the same room as you.”

  “There was a reason for that.”

  “Yeah, because she couldn’t stand you.”

  “No, Jake, because she couldn’t bear to be with both of us in the same room at the same time. The pressure was too much for her.”

  “You mean that she has been shagging you all the time we have been together?”

  “Not all the time, Jake. Only since we met.” He grins coyly. “You must think I am stalking you or something.”

  No, Harry, I’m punching you right in your fat gob. Wallop!

  * * *

  When I get back to Victoria Ave, Jade is barricaded in.

  “Jade, let me in.”

  “No way, Jake. Not after what you did to Harry.”

  “He deserved it.”

  “You probably think that about me too.”

  “No, Jade. I don’t hit women - only creepy, self-righteous pricks.”

  “I’m not taking the chance until my brothers turn up. They’ll be here around five. We can talk then.”

  “Don’t worry, Jade. I have nothing further to talk about.”

  “Jake …..”

  “That’s how it is, Jade. Bye. Enjoy your life.”

  I am absolutely seething by the time I reach the office. Maureen takes one look at me and doesn’t want to give me the news. “Roger wants to see you, Jake.” At that moment, Roger spots me. “Jake, my office, please.”

  At the very least it is a drubbing down. I can tell from his voice.

  “Jake, what did I tell you about allowing your private life to effect your work?”

  “It hasn’t.”

  “Of course it has. You have just missed another viewing.”

  “What viewing?”

  “Mrs. Carstairs in Hessle.”

  “That’s for tomorrow.”

  “No, it was for today, Jake. She was not pleased.”

  I check my phone. “Yeah, I’ve got it down for eleven o’clock on Friday.”

  “Friday is today, Jake.” Shit, so it is. “You don’t even seem to know what day of the week it is anymore, and you have just come back from a week’s holiday.”

  “Sorry, Roger. My bad.”

  “No, Jake. Your mistake. This isn’t Los Angeles here, you know. You may be headed there but the rest of us are definitely not.”

  “I’ll give her a call and apologise.”

  “No, we have already been through all that, Jake. I don’t believe that Mrs. Carstairs particularly wants to talk to you. So, Jake, you have an official warning. One more mistake like that and you are out I’m afraid.”

  I look at him and he turns red, great fat slob. Red and flashing. I may even have blacked out for a second or two there. “It’s all right, Roger. I’m leaving anyway. I’ve had enough of working for tossers like you.”

  “As you wish, Jake. You can leave now if you wish. It is Friday, after all.”

  That jolts me but then I think “Yeah, that’s cool. Let’s do it now,” then I say it.

  Roger stands up. “We’ll get the documentation sorted out and you can come in and sign it, or we can send it to your place.”

  “What place?”

  “Wherever you like, Jake. I’m sorry, Jake, you seem to be having a lot of problems at the moment. Believe it or not, I really admire you and I even like your music. It is just that you are not an estate agent.”

  “Not any more.”

  “No, Jake, you never were even if you did manage to sell a few houses.”

  * * *

  Now where?

  I leave the office feeling a bit groggy, followed by Maureen’s anxious glance. I’d better go and find Stoker and see if I can borrow his couch again. I’m becoming a bit of a lost cause - he may not dare take me in again. He might get stuck with me for life.

  I turn the corner and walk straight into myself - a very large poster shouting “Jake Pembleton”.

  “Oh God,” I think, “I am on the wanted list for felling Harry,” but those sorts of posters are not usually in colour, nor do they have me holding a guitar and looking artistic. “Jake’s new album ‘(Just like) El Cid’s Bloomers’ is here! Check out the superstar from Hull.”

  ‘El Cid’s Bloomers’? What the fuck is that? They never consulted me on that name.

  The mobile goes. They forgot to take it off me at work. “Hi, Jake. Jeff here. Have you seen?”

  “Yeah, I have just walked into myself.”

  “Good, innit?”

  “It certainly got my attention.”

  “Do you like
the title?”

  “Not particularly. Where did that come from?”

  “It’s all about the crisis of masculinity, Jake. You see, El Cid was this crusader ….”

  “….yeah, I know who El Cid was ….”

  “But there is no more room for El Cid’s in this world - not around here, anyway. Too macho. So El Cid has been emasculated. He’s having to wear his wife’s bloomers, but that doesn’t make her happy either because she likes the thought of her El Cid out there in the job market, in the bedroom, dealing with shysters, so long as he is all gooey and tender and empathetic with her - listening to her and then paying off her credit cards each month.”

  “Yeah, I get the picture.”

  “And your music is all about the crisis of masculinity, the lone crusader taking on the world without a real war to fight. That’s what we thought anyway, so we just did it. It says in the contract that we are allowed to.”

  “That’s all right, then.”

  “Don’t get sore, Jake. We are going to make you big.”

  “Jason …..”

  “…. Jeff …..”

  “…. Jeff, for the moment, I couldn’t care a toss.”

  “Take your time, Jake. Get used to the idea.”

  Chapter 18

  I phone Cathy. This time she actually answers.

  “I’m afraid that I can’t take the kids tomorrow. Jade and I have split up. Actually, it’s weirder than that.”

  “You mean that Harry might be the father of Jade’s child, not you?”

  “Yeah. How did you know that?”

  “He told me weeks ago. That’s why I kicked him out.”

  “It is?”

  “Yeah, but I had had enough of him anyway. What are you doing now, then?”

  “I’m heading for Stoker’s place on foot. I’ve just been sacked or resigned or whatever.”

  “What a day. You had better come round here, then.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’m sure. The kids are gasping to see you. You won’t believe the shit Josh has been giving me. Sam too. They love their dad.”

  “If only their mother did.”

  “Come round.”

  It takes me half an hour or so to reach Priory Grove. I could take the bus but I prefer to walk. I have a lot of anger to get rid of before I reach Cathy otherwise I will end up punching her.