by Munn, Vella
“What are you talking about?”
“I think you know.” Her head buzzing, she eased forward on the dock and impulsively lowered herself into the lake. Water enveloped her nearly to her waist. She gasped. “Oh, my gosh, its cold.”
“Why’d you do that?”
By way of answer, if that’s what it was, she faced him and rested her forearms on his thighs. This could be one of life’s signature moments if she said the right things and he heard every word. She had to be very careful, not mess up as she had when they were falling apart.
“Vowing to be there for the boys has nothing to do with any agreement you might have made with their school. It’s between them and you—for you.”
“For me?”
“You know what being abandoned feels like.”
He stiffened. “My dad died. He didn’t walk out on me.”
“But a lot of the same emotions are involved.”
“And your point is?”
“You tell me?” She ground out. So much for brilliantly laying out her newfound wisdom. She was taking this one word at a time. “What is the point?”
He paused. “You’re going to freeze.”
“You’re changing the subject.”
“I’m trying to keep you from getting sick. This is crazy.”
Stay here with me. There’s just us and the remarkable setting. “Why is this so hard for you? All right, all right. Let’s go slow, starting with telling me about the field.”
“You really—”
“Tell me!”
“I don’t see—the boys and some of their friends started using the field for motocross racing. They’re building a dirt track and Trever is designing a starting gate. They’re collecting discarded truck tires to place along the course for safety.”
“Where do you come in?”
Jes joined her in the water. “Good grief. You could have told me how cold it is.”
“Sue me. Be careful where you step.”
“Feels like mud.”
“Yep, mud.” Find his pace. Take things slow. Try not to lose him. “We should have done this earlier.” She cupped her hand, ran it through the water, and splashed his chest.
He returned the gesture, drenching her. “Why?”
She splashed him again. “Because it’s easier at Lake Serene.” Would he get what she was really trying to say?
Before she could anticipate what he had in mind, he grabbed her arms, turned her from him, and pushed so she landed face first in the lake. She straightened and shook herself. Her braid flew about, hopefully splattering him.
“Okay, that’s definitely cold,” she announced.
“Are you ready to get out?”
Being in a wilderness lake with her husband was a world apart from responsibilities and issues and a pending divorce. Trying to be wise.
Determined to peel off the layers over his core.
“Not quite yet.” She tried to squeeze water out of her braid followed by wadding up her top’s hem and squeezing. “How about you?”
“Not until I’ve caught a trout.”
“You’re a hard man to please.”
“No, I’m not.”
Was he being defensive? “What do you hope to personally gain from giving up the reins of Silent Wheels? Despite the pressure and uncertainty of getting started, being a photographer has been incredibly satisfying.” She lifted one foot so water washed away the mud. “I’d love to see the same for you.”
“Would you?”
The sky was beyond glorious, a perfect blend of white clouds and blue nothing with evergreens framing everything. Existing for them. Helping them. “Yes, I would. What are you going to do?”
“Spend some of my money providing Cole, Trever, and their friends with the kind of track they can only dream about.”
Another man might splurge on expensive vehicles or a trip to Vegas, but she knew Jes well enough to know those things didn’t matter to him. Just the same, she hadn’t expected him to have already made up his mind.
“That’s generous of you.”
“I’ll get as much out of it as they do.”
“You probably will.”
“But I won’t just hand the park over to them. I want the boys to have to work to bring it to fruition. I’ll run interference with the county and make sure it meets all safety standards, but I want them to be involved with the process.”
“Why?” she whispered.
“Because they deserve something that makes them feel they have a goal and purpose.”
Goal and purpose. “What makes them special to you?”
He pushed through the water to the dock and leaned his back against it. Maybe he didn’t feel the cold. “Trever never knew his dad. He isn’t sure who he is. He’s had a couple of step-fathers. One physically abused him and his mother. The other is in prison. His mother couldn’t handle Trever’s rebellion and turned him over to his grandparents. They don’t know what to do with him, figure letting him do what he wants is easier than trying to rein him in.”
“The poor kid. No wonder he wound up at the alternative school.”
“Yeah.” Jes’s attention went to Mount Lynx. “It took him a long time to tell me about not knowing who his old man is.”
Unlike you. “Can he live somewhere else? If he’s more than his grandparents can handle...”
“Like a foster home? That isn’t what any of them want. The generation gap complicates things but one day at a time the relationship is working as well as can be expected.”
“What about Cole?”
“Yeah, Cole.” Still staring at the mountain, Jes drew out the boy’s name. “His parents got divorced when he was five. He’s lived with both of them but has hardly seen his dad since the man remarried. His mom has a boyfriend Cole doesn’t get along with. Last month the boyfriend kicked Cole out. He went to his dad’s place, hoping he could live there. His dad gave him what money he had in his wallet and told him that was the best he could do.” Jes closed his eyes. “He’s living with me.”
Oh, Jes. You’re such a good person. “How is that working out?”
“Not bad. He wants to get into the military. I’d like to see him back with his mom.” Jes pushed his hands beneath the water, didn’t look at her. “Cole says he wants nothing to do with either of his parents, but I know he’s hurting.”
“At least he has you.”
“Yeah. I just wish...”
Jes was like water, without form. In danger of disappearing. “What do you wish?”
“For him to know who he is. To have roots.”
“That’s beautiful. You had no idea you’d get involved in the boys’ lives like you have, did you?” Seeing the backs of his hands beneath the surface took her back to when he’d cut one on a piece of machinery. When he said he didn’t have time to go to the emergency room, she’d pulled the edges together as best she could with butterfly bandages. The scar would always remind him of what she’d done. “That they’d get to you.”
Jes shrugged and made his way through the water to the bank. He used some tall grass to pull himself out. That done, he turned and held his hand out to her. Instead of taking it, she squared on him.
“They have gotten to you, haven’t they?” she pressed.
“I want them to do well.”
Don’t close up on me. “It’s more than that. Jes, in some respects, you’ve experienced what they have.”
“No, I haven’t.” He shot back. “My mother provided stability Cole and Trever might never experience. Your lips are turning blue.”
That probably wasn’t true. Instead, Jes was determined to avoid this conversation.
“Your mother’s a wonderful woman,” she said as she let him pull her ashore. “But a boy needs a father. You know what Cole and Trever are missing.”
Despite the physical closeness, she was aware of the old emotional barrier between them. Maybe she could break it down but maybe she couldn’t.
“I’m not a boy,” he s
aid. “I’m a grown man with the means to give a bunch of kids a place to enjoy their sport. Don’t take it any deeper than that.”
Chapter Eight
Darn it, instead of telling Shyla about Cole and Trever, he should have limited his explanation of what he intended to do once he’d sold Silent Wheels. She would have lost interest and changed the subject to—to what?
They were in the cabin with the separate documents on the kitchen table where they were sitting. She would have been content to remain outside and, given the sun’s warmth, he should have agreed, but their recent conversation had him off-balance. He’d experienced countless emotions today and needed the upheaval over with. Time to sign papers and move on. Put distance between himself and this suddenly probing woman.
When she looked up from the document she’d been reading, his first thought was that she could read his mind. She knew how vulnerable he was.
“Whoever wrote up your contract is wordier than my lawyer,” she said. “What’s wrong with using everyday language?”
“That’s the way it’s done.” He should ask if she agreed with the generous terms he was offering, should get on the road so he’d be home before night. Needed it to be tomorrow or a year from now. He’d been crazy to think he wanted to return to Lake Serene.
She flattened her hand over the pages. “Did your lawyer ask if you felt comfortable delivering this to me in person? Mine said many couples can’t be civilized around each other. I just wish...”
What do you wish? That we weren’t getting divorced? Given how some of today had played out, maybe he’d understand why she was thinking that if she was. There’d been a lot of good, but a shared love of Montana’s wilderness wasn’t enough. He’d failed as a husband and they’d carved out separate lives. This one day wouldn’t change that.
“Jes, what if Cole doesn’t or can’t return to his mother’s house? Will he live with you until he joins the military?”
He shouldn’t be surprised by her question. After all, this woman truly cared about people. She’d once loved him with everything she had to give. In fact, she believed she’d scared him a little with the depth of that love. Instead of embracing her gift with all his heart, he’d let Silent Wheels suck up endless hours. Now he was trying to make it up to her with money.
“Will he stay with you?” she repeated.
“It’s what he wants.”
“What about you?”
Do you have to push? Can’t we just be? “Cole deserves stability. I have the room.”
She rested her arms on the table and leaned toward him. Her still-wet top clung to her breasts. “That’s not what I asked.”
He hadn’t come here to be psychoanalyzed by the woman who’d wanted nothing to do with him for a year. “We get along.”
“Get along? He’s a teenager. He’s going to want to stay out late, hang with his friends, drive faster than the law allows. How are you going to handle that?”
“I’m not his father.”
She leaned back but kept her arms on the table and her attention locked on him. Wouldn’t let any part of him go. “So you’re going to be what, his landlord?”
“No. He needs more than that.”
“Yes, he does. What kind of relationship do you want to have with him? You and I made mistakes and look where it got us. What’s between you and this boy is more important. Cole is still forming.”
Like I was when my dad died. “I’ve been a mentor of sorts to him and Trever,” he said despite the tightness in his throat. “That won’t change. Him living with me will give me the opportunity to guide him in—”
“Do you love him?”
Love. He would never forget the hurt in Cole’s eyes when the boy admitted his father didn’t want him under his roof. Cole had insisted it was no big deal. He was doing just fine without his old man. Only Jes had known different.
He’d told Cole why he knew Cole was hurting, followed by wrapping his arms around the boy and holding him while he cried. Neither of them had spoken.
“Yes, I love him,” he told Shyla with tears burning his eyes. I’m not sure how it happened, but he has my heart. “There are times when he’s like a puppy. All that energy and curiosity, his inability to sit still. Testing the boundaries. Wanting to do things his way.”
“Because that’s how he’ll figure out his place in the world.” She touched the unsigned divorce papers. “In time, he’ll accept that certain things have to be done. The puppy will stop chewing on slippers.”
“Dogs are easier to train than humans.”
“But you’ll get through to him.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am. You did a great job of getting through to Mackenzie.”
His sister was five years younger and recently engaged to a decent man. She was going to college part-time, taking business classes while working for a contractor. Already her bosses were calling her invaluable. Not bad for someone who’d once been in danger of flunking out of school.
“Mackenzie’s smart.” Talking about his sister was easier than getting deeper into his relationship with Cole or letting Shyla get to him any more than she already did. “She just needed to be reminded that there’s more to life than the end of her nose.”
“Is that what you told her? Your mom wishes she’d been there to listen and maybe learn.”
“A lot of what Mackenzie and I talked about involved Mom so it’s best she never knows what we said.”
“Like what?”
Shyla’s question reached him on a deep level. He’d been wondering how to turn the conversation from personal matters to the weather or finishing what had brought them together today, but she sounded hungry. Wanting something she didn’t have.
She’d admitted she wished she’d had siblings and in turn he’d teased her that she’d married him because he had sisters. Hard as it was to accept that his almost former wife was still in contact with his family, he wasn’t surprised. In fact, Mackenzie intended to ask Shyla to be a bridesmaid.
How would he feel about that? All eyes would be on Mackenzie and Mark—except for his. No matter how he tried not to, he’d be looking at Shyla and remembering when they’d exchanged their vows. Reliving how much he’d once loved her and vowing to be the husband she deserved.
Sharing laughter and tears. Being lovers. Helping her give birth to their children. Growing old together.
Desperate to return to today before he broke down—something he never allowed himself to do—he struggled to remember what she’d just asked. Thankfully the window was open because otherwise he might suffocate.
“I knew it was important for me to listen. Mom had been lecturing her about her grades, her choice of friends, how much she’d changed, and not for the better, since she became a teenager. If I came on strong I’d lose her.”
“Smart man.”
In some things, in others not so well—like Shyla didn’t know. “I asked what she wished she could tell Mom, what she liked and didn’t like about her friends, why her grades were falling.”
“She didn’t close up?”
Shyla and he were sitting at right angles from each other, not quite as far as apart as they’d been when they first sat down, not as close as he needed but was afraid to be.
She was waiting, demanding more from him. Could he give it?
“She didn’t say much at first, but I’m her brother, not her parent. I wasn’t the one who’d grounded her and determined what allowance, if any, she got. Also, I’d recently gotten through the teen years she was experiencing.”
“She needed your take on those years and to help her understand her emotions?”
Exactly. Completely. “She started out saying she just needed to complete some homework assignments to get her grades up. I told her not to BS herself or me.”
“Do you think she wasn’t being honest with herself?”
“When I called her on her test scores, she said she didn’t see the point of it. I told her the rest o
f her life depended on how she did now. She finally agreed with me. We also talked about some of the kids she was hanging with. They weren’t bad, just testing the boundaries.”
Talking was getting easier again. And his hand wanted to cover hers, to let her know that moments like this were what he intended to remember about today.
To apologize for his massive role in bringing them to this end.
“I don’t know how long Mackenzie and I talked.” He glanced at the closest window and noted the lengthening shadows. “Hours.”
“Was there a moment when everything came together, when you said something that resonated with her?”
With both of us. “Yes.”
“What was it?”
Just like that he no longer wanted any of this to be happening. Wanted to walk out of the cabin and get into his vehicle. Drive away.
Be done with Shyla.
And his emotions.
Chapter Nine
She would never understand him.
Jes was standing in front of the living room window looking out at—what? The lake was close enough that he could get to it in about a minute. Reaching the top of Mount Lynx, which stood as proof of how insignificant humans were in the grand scheme of things, would take longer. Was that what had captured his attention or had he intentionally pulled away from her?
“I could have asked Mackenzie what compelled her to get her life together,” she said to Jes’s back. His sexy, strong, silent back. “I think she would have told me.”
When he didn’t acknowledge her comment let alone her, she joined him, careful to keep distance between them. Like when they were at the table, she felt drawn to him. Maybe it would always be like this.
Only after today there’d be no reason for them to be together. She’d been wrong to believe she could open his eyes and heal his fatherless heart.
“I want to apologize.” She didn’t know what to do with her hands so slipped them in her damp back pockets like he’d done. “I shouldn’t have pushed so much. That’s between your sister and you.”
“Yes, it is.”
Although they stung, the three words weren’t enough. “I just—Jes, I’ve been going through something lately that makes me realize I’m no good at communicating with people who are important to me.”