There was no point in putting off the inevitable; Rosa was his wife no matter how much he might wish that she were not! Picking up his kitbag he climbed onto the waiting train which, like the one he had travelled up from the coast on, was packed with homecoming soldiers like himself.
For all those who had come home though, there were many thousands more who would not. All around him Harry could see that relief at the end of the War was tinged by disillusionment, and also bitterness as people counted the cost in the lost lives of their loved ones.
Harry wasn’t particularly familiar with Manchester, but a fellow soldier gave him directions as to which bus he needed to take to get to the address he wanted. The mid-December day was fading into grey dusk when he finally walked up the steps of the terraced house facing onto the small park.
For some reason he had expected his knock to be answered by a maid, and so it came as a shock to see Rosa’s shadowy face in the darkness of the hall as the door was pulled open. But it was not as much of a shock as his arrival obviously was to her.
‘Harry!
It quite definitely wasn’t pleasure or happiness he could hear in her voice, Harry recognised grimly. She turned back into the hallway and looked frantically toward the half-open door behind her.
‘Who is it, Rosa?
Harry recognised her cousin Gerald’s voice immediately, and he could see the sick panic in her eyes as she looked from him back into the house, and called out in a falsely bright voice, ‘Gerald, it’s Harry!
Harry could hear her cousin cursing, and then the sound of a child crying, followed by the noise of a blow and a savage, ‘Shut it you, before Gerald himself emerged into the hallway.
Rosa’s face was already crumpling, and she pushed impatiently at the howling child who had come into the hall and was trying to cling to her.
‘I said shut it, Gerald warned, aiming a kick at the child’s bottom that sent him tumbling forward onto the floor.
Instinctively Harry went to pick him up, unable to stand by and see the boy so ill-used.
‘Aye, might well pick him up, after all he is yours!’
Harry stiffened. This was his son?
As he looked at the grubby, unkempt child with his shock of black hair, and his features in which Harry could see nothing of himself or his family, he acknowledged that he felt nothing other than a surge of pity, such as he might have felt for any child who looked so uncared for.
His lack of fatherly feelings dismayed him. He had been trying to tell himself that, once he saw the boy, he would feel differently about him, but there was just nothing within him that urged him toward the child.
Nothing! He might have been anybody’s rather than his own.
Saw yer front door was open, Missus, so I thought I’d pop me head in and see if yer old man was up for goin’ out for a pint tonight, to celebrate the victory, like!’
At any other time, Harry might have been amused by the way both Rosa and Gerald froze, as though part of a stone tableau, exchanging one brief glance before looking away from one another.
Not tonight, mate,’ Harry heard Gerald answering his friend over-heartily.
Aye, all right then. See yer, Missus. He’s a lucky chap your old man to have such a pretty wife,’ he flattered Rosa, before disappearing into the street, whistling as he did so.
‘Harry, I can explain, Rosa started to say quickly, rushing to close the front door. ‘It wasn’t my fault … I thought you were dead.’ Tears filled her eyes. ‘You have no idea how distressed I was. My father feared for my very reason … and your family didn’t help, going on at me to go and live with them, and that dreadful old aunt of yours. I was just so grateful when Phyllis and Gerald invited me to stay with them.
Silently Harry waited.
‘Look there’s no call for us to stand around here in the hallway, Gerald butted in. ‘Come on in and sit down, Harry. And let me get you a drink. What ull you have. You soldiers are drinking men I know, and I bet that’s not all you enjoyed whilst you’ve been in them foreign parts. He gave Harry a knowing wink. ‘All them pretty French women …’
Harry ignored him and turned to look at Rosa who was now sobbing noisily.
‘Why did that chap refer to you as Gerald’s wife?’ he asked curtly.
‘Don’t look at me like that, she demanded angrily. ‘It’s not my fault, I told you. I thought you were dead. And Gerald always has been sweet on me.
‘Sweet on you! I thought you had a wife of your own? Harry challenged Gerald coldly.
‘She died, Rosa answered for him. ‘And it seemed only natural that we should comfort one another. We are cousins, after all.
Cousins!’ Harry exploded savagely. It’s not as cousins that the two of you are living here together though, is it?’
Oh for Gawd’s sake, Rosa, stop that bawling,’ Gerald yelled. Look here, Harry. Let’s talk about this man to man! You were dead, so we were told, and Rosa here, well, like she said, we have always had a fondness for one another. You know how it is. One thing led to another and, well, it seemed best that the two of us should make everything legal and respectable. So we decided we might as well get married. Of course then we found out that you weren’t dead after all, but by then it was too late, we’d tied the knot.’
‘That’s bigamy,’ Harry told him flatly, and then wished he hadn’t as Rosa burst out into hysterical weeping. Why didn’t you say something to my family?’ he demanded. Why didn’t you?’
‘How could I?’ Rosa yelled at him, ‘and anyway I thought that maybe …’ she broke off and gave him a sullen look.
‘You thought what?’ Harry challenged her. ‘You thought that with any luck I might end up dead anyway. Well I’m sorry to disappoint you, Rosa, but I’m very much alive.’
He could hardly take it all in. Rosa was married to someone else. Rosa had committed bigamy.
‘What are you going to do? If you make me live with you …’
Live with him! Harry was tempted to tell her that that was the last thing he wanted! There’s only one thing I can do, he told her grimly instead. ‘I’ll have to divorce you.
‘Divorce me! No, Harry! You can’t do that. I shall be disgraced. Everyone will know what I’ve done.
‘It ‘ud be much better if you were to allow Rosa to divorce you, old chap, Gerald told him. ‘And it could all be done quietly, so that no one’s the wiser. Rosa and I are thinking about emigrating anyway … having a fresh start, aren’t we, Rosa love? You can have the brat. We don’t want him anyway, do we, Rosa, and seeing as he’s yours anyway.
Harry could scarcely believe what he was hearing.
‘Is that true? he asked Rosa coldly. ‘You don’t want your own child?
Rosa pouted and looked sullen. ‘It’s all right for you to say that, Harry, but you don’t know what he’s like! He’s been nothing but trouble, always sickly and ailing, and besides, like Gerald says, we want a fresh start.
A fresh start! Well, she wasn’t the only one who wanted that. No, by golly, she wasn’t. As the realisation of what her bigamous marriage to Gerald meant started to sink in, Harry could feel his spirits starting to lift. His own freedom, his own future beckoned, and it seemed a small price to pay to take on the responsibility of the child who was after all his, in order to have that freedom.
‘Very well then,’ he agreed, scooping up the child who was sitting on the floor. ‘You’d better pack up his things.
TWENTY-SEVEN
But, Harry, what I don’t understand is why you’ve chosen to teach at a school in the middle of Liverpool when you could have gone back to Hutton, or even taught here in New Brighton. Schools are crying out for teachers.’ ‘I know that, Mavis.’
Come on, love,’ Frank smiled gently. Harry has talked of nothing but hoping he would get this Assistant Headmastership at the City Merchant’s School, ever since he applied for it weeks ago. I know that it would have been nice to have him here living close to us, but Liverpool is hardly the other side of the world,’ Frank teased her fon
dly.
No, I know that.’
Mavis gave a groan as she heaved her pregnant bulk out of the chair. She had only three weeks to go before she was due to give birth, and the midwife had already warned her that she should expect to deliver twins. Not that Mavis minded, after having waited so long, and almost given up hope of ever having a child, she was only too thrilled at the thought of having two!
And what about Christopher?’ she asked Harry uncertainly.
Harry suppressed a small sigh. He knew without intercepting it, that his sister and brother-in-law would be exchanging an anxious look, and he could well understand why.
Despite all Harry’s attempts to love his son he still felt no closer to him; and as though the boy himself sensed it, he constantly threw tantrums and behaved so badly that even Harry’s mother was beginning to make excuses to avoid spending time with him.
I shall take him with me, of course,’ Harry answered her.
You won’t be able to look after him yourself,’ Mavis warned him.
No,’ Harry agreed drily.
Mavis paused and looked at Frank. I had news from a nurse at the Infirmary last week, and I heard that Connie Pride. Connie Smith as she is now, has taken on a house and is looking after other people’s children. She’s got a child of her own now, of course. I know she and I lost touch with one another what with one thing and another, but from what I’ve been hearing this nursery she runs might be just what you need for Christopher. I’ll go and see her for you myself if you like. I’d like to see her again. I’ve missed her,’ she admitted.
Harry was glad that he had turned to look out of the window before Mavis had told him about Connie, that way there was no risk of his sister seeing what he was afraid might be in his eyes.
‘Connie’s married? He had to force his voice to sound natural, whilst his heart thumped in anguished pain, and the old longings he had thought he had successfully vanquished, came rushing back over him.
‘Widowed, Mavis corrected him absently. ‘I did hear about it at the time, but it all happened so quickly. I was here, and what with thinking you were dead … I wrote to her of course, and she wrote back. Living with her sister in Preston, she was.
‘She’s got Vera’s little lad living with her as well, now. Connie was working at the Maternity Hospital when all the mothers were dying from influenza, and she promised Vera that she’d look after her baby for her. At least that’s what I heard from Josie, says that that’s when Connie got this idea of starting up her business.
‘So much a week she charges for taking kiddies in whilst their mothers are at work, and those that can afford she charges a bit more, and then takes in some as can’t afford to pay, for free, Mavis finished.
‘It’s certainly worth considering, Harry agreed as casually as he could. ‘I’ll perhaps go and see her!
‘Well, if you do go and see her, make sure you remember me to her, Mavis told him, adding quickly, ‘and you can tell her that I miss her, too, Harry, and that I’m sorry we lost touch.’
It was March already and almost Spring. She didn’t know where the weeks and months had gone, Connie admitted, as she smiled down adoringly at Lydia.
And just look at this pretty little dress your Aunt Ellie has sent for you,’ Connie told her. She broke off from admiring her daughter, to smile in welcome, as her sitting-room door opened and Iris came in.
I would have knocked, but you said to come straight in when I had finished. Connie, these children really are a credit to you,’ Iris marvelled.
She sat down and gratefully accepted the cup of tea Connie poured for her.
Their families must bless you for what you’re doing.’
Well I don’t suppose they bless me when they’re having to dig into their wages to pay me,’ Connie answered her wryly. But we do like to think that we give value for money. Every child who comes here goes home clean and well fed. Not that it’s all down to me,’ she felt bound to add. It’s Nora who cooks for them and feeds them, and Josie who’s forever wiping their hands and faces.’
And you who has given orders that every one of them has to have their hair checked every day for lice,’ Iris pointed out, and sends so many of them home in far better clothes than they came in.
‘Oh well, as to that, Ellie keeps me supplied with good quality second-hand stuff she’s begged from her well-to-do friends.’
‘It’s a wonderful thing that you re doing here, Connie, Iris told her quietly. ‘How many have you got here now who get free places?
‘Well we re up to ten now, mainly thanks to Gideon and Ellie sponsoring another two. I’m thinking of asking Gideon if he thinks we should look into buying the house next door to give us some more space. But I want to wait a bit and see what happens, now that the War’s over and the men are coming home. There’s a lot of talk about how the women won’t be needed to work in the factories now, and if that’s the case then I dare say there won’t be as many women wanting to leave their babies here.
‘And you don’t regret taking this on? You wouldn’t rather be nursing?
‘Sometimes, Connie admitted laughing. ‘But only occasionally when I’m sick of crying babies. It’s different when you have one of your own, Iris. You feel different yourself.
After Iris had gone, Connie went out into the garden where Davie was busy digging over the vegetable beds. The first touch of the spring warmth to come was already in the air. As soon as it was warm enough they could bring the babies outside for an hour.
Humming to herself she went back inside.
There’s a chap waiting to see you,’ Nora told her as she walked into the kitchen. Wants to know if you’d take his young ‘un. He’s waiting in the front parlour.’
If Nora had put their visitor in the front parlour that meant she thought she felt he could afford to pay a decent fee. And if that was the case, they might be able to take in the baby whose grandmother had pleaded with Connie, explaining that the child’s mother had disappeared with her sailor lover.
Pausing only to pat her hair and straighten her dress, Connie hurried down the hall and opened the parlour door.
Harry had told himself that he was ready to see her and that he had his feelings properly under control, but when the door opened and Connie walked in, he knew that he had underestimated the effect seeing her was going to have on him.
When he got awkwardly to his feet, he could feel his head spinning and his heart thumping as heavily as though he had run a mile uphill.
‘Harry!’
Connie felt the blood leave her face and then race back into it, turning it a burning hot red.
Harry!’ she repeated in agonised disbelief whilst emotional tears blurred her eyes.
Mavis said to give you her best. It was her idea that I call. She heard from Josie about how you were minding other folks’ little ‘uns.’
He was gabbling away like an idiot, Harry told himself, but somehow he dared not stop talking, because he was so afraid if he did that he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from taking hold of her and kissing her.
He had known how much he loved her and how much he longed for her, but the reality of seeing her brought home to him, with shocking intensity, the hot fierceness of his actual physical desire.
‘Mavis! I haven’t heard from her in such a long time … How is she?
Did her voice sound as wooden and stilted as she felt? Had he taken one look at her and guessed how much she longed to throw herself into his arms?
‘Very large and very tired, Harry answered humorously, explaining, ‘she’s due to give birth any time and the midwife has told her to expect twins. I understand that you have a daughter.
‘Yes, Connie answered automatically. ‘Lydia Harriet.
Immediately her face crimsoned. What on earth had she told him Lyddy’s full name for, as though … as though she wanted him to know that she had named her in part for him?
‘Mavis says that Josie has told her that she is very pretty. She must take after you, Co
nnie.
Was he really complimenting her, or was he just being polite?
‘Ellie, my sister, says she’s a true Barclay – my mother’s family, Connie explained dizzily.
She could hardly take her eyes off him, and it bemused her to see how tanned and well he looked, his skin several shades darker than she remembered, emphasising the colour of his eyes. His shoulders were surely broader too, his jaw leaner, harder. A man’s jaw now.
‘And this must be your son? she said quietly, trying not to look at the squirming child Harry was holding in his arms. She did not want to give away how agonisingly jealous she was that another woman had given him his child.
Harry hesitated. The truth was that he was pretty sure that Christopher was not his son.
‘Yes. This is Christopher,’ Harry agreed, ‘he hasn’t really got used to being with me yet I don’t think, he apologised, as the little boy suddenly started to scream and contorted his body into a rigid arc.
‘That’s all right, Connie tried to comfort him. ‘We’ve got a lot of little ones here who haven’t got used to their dads yet. How is … How is your wife?
She could hardly bring herself to say the words, but good manners dictated that they had to be said.
Harry looked away from her. ‘Rosa and I are to be divorced. ‘Divorced!
Connie couldn’t conceal her shock. It was virtually unheard of for anyone, other than the titled and wealthy, to divorce.
‘But Mavis said. I thought …
‘Our marriage was a mistake from the outset,’ Harry told her quietly. Rosa is to marry her cousin just as soon as she is free to do so, and they intend to emigrate to America. Christopher, of course, will stay with me.’
‘Oh, Harry …’
It’s all right,’ he told her hardily, hearing the shocked compassion in her voice. To be honest, Connie, I’m as glad to be free of the marriage as Rosa is. If not more so,’ he admitted. I suppose you think it ungentlemanly of me to say that, but I can’t see the point in lying.’
Before he could continue, Christopher kicked him in the stomach, driving the breath out of his lungs.
Connie’s Courage Page 34