‘Oh dear. Give him to me, Harry, and you sit down and get your breath back,’ Connie urged him, quickly taking the angrily resistant little body from him and holding the boy deftly.
How old is he now?’ she asked, gently but firmly binding Christopher’s hands into his body, and holding him in such a way that his struggles to hit out at her were defeated.
He was two in January,’ Harry told her, ruefully admiring the calm way she was dealing with Christopher’s aggression.
‘Two? He’s a good size for his age then, I’ve got boys here nearly six months older than him and nothing like his size,’ Connie told him.
Harry made no response. Mavis had also commented on Christopher’s size, but for him to have fathered the boy, Christopher would have had to have been conceived on the one solitary occasion he and Rosa had been intimate in the six months before he left for the Front.
And if he wasn’t Christopher’s father, as he was beginning to suspect, he thought he had a very good idea who might be, which made Rosa and Gerald’s callous decision to leave the child behind when they emigrated, even more shocking.
Harry had seen for himself how Gerald had treated the little boy, and he had decided that whether or not he had physically fathered Christopher, he meant to be the best parent to him that he could.
I was sorry to hear about your sad loss, Connie.’
The stilted, formal words hung in the air between them, and it pierced his heart to see how the colour left her skin.
‘You must have loved him a very great deal?’
He had meant the emotional words more for himself than for her, but Connie gasped as though he had struck her.
‘I can’t take your son, Harry. We’re already full.’ She was speaking too fast, and too betrayingly, Connie knew, but she just couldn’t stop herself. She wanted him to go before she betrayed herself any further. She wanted him to go so that she could give way to the tears she could feel burning behind her eyes. She wanted him to go before she flung herself into his arms and begged him to stay.
There was a loud knock on the parlour door, and before she could say anything, the door itself opened and two men came in. They pushed past the little tweeny Connie had hired more out of pity than anything else.
The moment she saw them, Connie knew who they were, and the blood ran cold in her veins with helpless fear.
‘Out you! one of the men ordered Harry, holding open the door, whilst the other walked over to Connie.
‘What’s going on? Harry demanded immediately, recognising Connie’s shocked terror.
‘This is none of your business, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll do as you re told, the man by the door responded, spitting a plug of tobacco onto Connie’s immaculate floor.
‘Please go, Harry, Connie begged him white-faced, handing Christopher to him.
He could hardly stay if Connie didn’t want him to, but Harry had no intention of going very far. Not when he could see how afraid she was.
Quietly he walked into the hall, and then instead of leaving went into the garden. He had no idea what or who it was that had brought that look of tension and fear to Connie’s face, but he intended to find out.
Like a lot of men returning from the War, Harry had discovered that he was now in many ways a different Harry to the one who had left England to fight for his country.
For one thing, since his return home he had discovered within himself an unfamiliar strength, allied to a sense of purposefulness, and determination to live his life as he wished to live it, and not as others dictated.
Connie, he had sensed immediately, shared those feelings. They were, he felt, a part of a new generation who having gone through the War shared a special awareness of the frailty of life. And a special need to preserve it and nurture it, where and whenever they could.
Everything he had heard about her since his return, had not only strengthened his love for her, but had added admiration and respect. All this meant that, in his estimation, if she felt afraid then there was a very good reason for that fear.
He could see a man digging fiercely at the bottom of the garden as though his life depended on it, and Harry began to make his way toward him. Connie could send him away as many times as she wished, but whilst he felt she might need his help, he intended to return, and to go on returning.
Alone in the parlour with her visitors, Connie lifted her chin and faced them as calmly as she could.
‘We’ve come from Mr Connolly,’ one of the men told her.
She had guessed as much, of course, having recognised them as the thugs who had beaten up poor Davie. Bill Connolly must be getting very sure of himself and his power if he felt able to have his name spoken publicly by his men, Connie acknowledged.
Although she was struggling not to let them see it, she was seized with ice-cold dread. She could feel the frantic thud of her heartbeat, and the sick panic caused by her own fear.
So far as she knew, she was well outside the area Bill Connolly had marked out as his territory. Were his men here because he was planning on extending that territory, or for an even more sinister purpose? Had Kieron’s uncle somehow realised who she was?
If her relationship with Kieron ever became public knowledge, she would be ruined, Connie acknowledged. And not just financially.
‘Mr Connolly thought as how you would like to know about this business service he runs, protecting people from having their property damaged by some of these rogues that are about, the man continued, watching her slyly.
Connie waited in silence, already knowing what was coming next.
‘Mr Connolly reckons as how you must be making a tidy bit o’ money here, and because you re a woman, he’s prepared to be generous. Twenty per cent is normally what he charges for protecting his customers. He told us to say as how he will just take the ten from you. First Friday in the month we calls for it. In cash if you please … And seeing as we are halfway through March already, he’s said as how he’ll only charge you for half of this month, and he won’t collect until the end of next month. Thirty pounds that u’ll be, when we comes for it!’
Thirty pounds! Connie stared at them, anger swamping her fear.
I can’t pay you that much! It’s impossible. I
don’t …’
Don’t give us any of that. Mr Connolly knows what you charge, and how many brats you’ve got here. Thirty pounds the last Friday next month, otherwise you’ll be getting a taste of what happens to people’s property if they don’t appreciate Mr Connolly’s generosity to them. Nice house you’ve got here. It ‘ud be a shame if anything was to happen to it …’
When Connie made no response the second man, who so far had remained silent, demanded grimly, ‘You do know who Mr Connolly is, don’t you?’
Yes, Connie wanted to respond, he’s a murderer and a thief, but of course she couldn’t, instead she answered quietly, I hadn’t realised he had extended his interests to this part of the city.’
The first man laughed. ‘Aye, well, Mr Connolly knows how to spot a good business opportunity when he sees one, and he’s already got a couple of properties hereabouts. It’s thirty pounds, don’t you go forgetting – Mr Connolly doesn’t like customers who forget what’s owing to him.’
From his vantage point in the garden where he had been talking with Davie, and more informatively with Nora, who had come down to see who was with her brother, Harry watched Connie’s visitors leave.
Then, re-claiming Christopher who had struck up an immediate friendship with Davie, he headed purposefully for the house. Thanks to Nora’s good offices, he was not only able to leave Christopher safely in her hands, but also to make his way to the parlour via her kitchen.
Connie could not make up her mind what to do.
Ordinarily with any kind of problem, she would have turned immediately to her brother-in-law Gideon, and without the potential added complication of Bill Connolly recognising her, she would have done so.
But, although Gideo
n and Ellie knew about Kieron, they did not know all the facts, and the truth was that she felt so ashamed of, and so shamed by, them that she did not want them to know.
The book she had been reading the previous evening lay on a small table beside her chair, and more for something to keep her occupied than anything else, she picked it up and pulled out a set of library steps, intending to restore the volume to its correct place on the top shelf of the elegant mahogany cupboard.
She had opened the glass door and was just perching on the top of the library steps, when she heard someone knock on the parlour door.
Her immediate fear was that Bill Connolly’s men had returned.
At the same moment as Harry entered the parlour, Connie turned anxiously toward the door, forgetting that she was on the steps. The book fell to the floor first, and would have been followed by Connie herself had not Harry raced across the room to catch her.
She felt as light as thistledown in his arms, Harry thought achingly, and her eyes were the most magical colour he had ever seen. Even her tears could not disguise their beauty. He wanted to gaze into their deep green depths for ever.
When had Harry become so powerfully muscular? He was holding her as easily as she might have held a child. The warm, male scent of him surrounded her and there was a look in his eyes as his hot gaze held hers that turned her heart over.
Connie!’
Her name seemed to be wrenched from his throat as though it hurt him to say it, and then shockingly, but oh so sweetly, he was kissing her. Not a hesitant, uncertain, youthful kiss this, but a man’s kiss. Immediately Connie responded to it and to him, letting her love speak for itself.
Connie, Connie … I have wanted you so. Loved you so …’ The words thick with longing and need tumbled from his lips between the passionate kisses he pressed on hers – the sweetest of balms to her aching heart.
She wanted to stay held safe like this within his arms listening to his words of love for ever.
Upstairs one of the children fell over and cried out, bringing then both sharply back to reality; but even though Connie drew back from him, Harry continued to hold one of her hands.
‘Throughout my darkest hours, it has been you and your sweetness, and my unending love for you, that I have thought of most often, Connie. It was my memories of you, and my longing to live to see you again, that sustained me when I would have given up hope.
The simple words caught at her heart, reminding her of all the things she would rather have forgotten.
‘If that is true, then you had no right to do so, she answered him immediately. ‘You had a wife to think of and to love.
Harry shook his head. ‘No. I can say this now without guilt – I never loved Rosa.’
‘But you married her!
Connie froze as she heard the betraying pain in her own voice.
‘I had no choice, Harry told her quietly, adding when he saw the white-faced look of shock Connie couldn’t quite conceal, ‘Rosa had made public announcements to the effect that we were to be married even though there was no intimacy of any kind between us, other than inside her head.
‘I thought that perhaps you had fallen in love with her because I had … after you had realised that you did not, after all, care for me,’ Connie told him painfully.
If you are referring to the fact that you, very properly, chided me for my forwardness, then I have to tell you, Connie, that all that did was make me all the more determined to woo you,’ Harry told her drily. But I know I should not be speaking to you like this. You may be the only woman I have ever loved; the only woman I shall ever love …’
‘No, you should not,’ Connie agreed, fiercely pulling her hand free of his, and turning her back on him.
She didn’t know how she was to bear this! Harry loved her. He had always loved her! But how could she allow him to give her that love?
Connie, what is it? What’s wrong? Those men?’
‘Nothing’s wrong,’ Connie lied fiercely. ‘And those men were just … just enquiring about whether or not I could take another child!’
Harry wasn’t going to be fobbed off. Not after what Nora had already told him, and even more importantly, not after the sweet passionate way Connie had just returned his kiss. She could say what she liked, he knew now that she shared his feelings!
You and I both know that that’s not true,’ he told her quietly. Those men had been sent round to threaten you into paying them protection money!’
Connie’s face paled.
‘I don’t want to talk about it. You had no right to come back in here.
Her obvious distress tore at Harry’s heart.
‘I have the right of a man who loves you, Connie,’ he stopped her fiercely. ‘I have the right of wanting to protect you. Why won’t you let me do that? You re treating me as though I’m your enemy, and yet five minutes ago in my arms, you returned my kisses as though … Is it because of your husband? he asked her simply.
‘There was no husband!
Connie couldn’t believe what she had said.
As he saw the way her eyes widened in shocked guilt, Harry went over to her and captured her hands in his own. ‘Connie, please don’t look like that! Please don’t. I can’t bear it. If you loved him, and he …
‘No!
Despairingly Connie tried to drag her hands from his so that she could cover her face and hide her anger and shame from him.
‘Harry, I can’t let you love me, she told him brokenly. ‘I wish that I could. I wish that more than I have ever wished anything. But if I were to accept your love, ultimately you would end up hating and despising me. If the truth about me ever got out in the eyes of the world, I would be a creature to be treated with contempt and loathing. I would be dragged down, Harry, and you would be dragged down with me. You saw … You know yourself what I was … what I am. If your family knew of that …’ Connie bit her lip to prevent herself from crying.
It was Bill Connolly who was responsible for the debased condition in which you saw me in Back Court. As a young woman I behaved very shockingly, Harry. I ran away from home with Kieron Connolly, Bill’s nephew. Foolishly I believed I loved him, and we had planned to start a new life in America, only Bill paid Kieron to desert me.
On the occasion on which you saw me, Bill had taken out on me his rage at finding that I had survived whilst Kieron had gone down with the Titanic. He had threatened to put me to work in one of his brothels. Fortunately I managed to escape.’
Connie, Connie. I care nought for any of that. To me you have the only purity which really matters, and that is purity of heart! You are pure and good in ways that few other people can match.’
Now Connie couldn’t control her tears. They welled in her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, causing Harry to groan and draw her into his embrace.
My love, my precious, precious love. Do you really think what others might have to say would alter by so much as a breath how much I love you? And besides, as a divorced man,’ he began more humorously, I am scarcely …’
‘That is different,’ Connie stopped him firmly, before adding more emotionally, Harry, I am so afraid that Bill Connolly might see me and recognise me, and if he does, he will blackmail me. If I don’t pay him I shall be totally disgraced.
Harry hugged her as tightly as he could, knowing that what she had said was the truth.
‘I can’t allow you to be disgraced and brought down with me, Harry. And I won t.
‘There is only one thing that will make me walk away from you, Connie,’ Harry told her quietly.
Helplessly she looked up at him. ‘What’s that?
‘If you were to tell me that you care nothing for me.
Connie took a deep breath. She ought to do it; she had to do it for his sake. But no matter how much she tried, she just could not say the words.
‘Harry, you cannot do this, Connie wept. ‘And besides, you do not even know the whole yet.
‘Then tell me, he encouraged her tenderly.
/> ‘I am not a widow. I do not have a husband, but I do have a child. And that child … I was attacked, Harry, r … raped.’
‘Connie! No! You do not have to say any more!
‘No please, please let me finish,’ she begged him when he made to comfort her. ‘I must tell you the whole, and if I stop now … It was an act of hatred and violence against me, Harry, a punishment rather than an act of lust.
‘Whoever he is, I shall –‘
‘Harry, he is dead, she told him. ‘And although I should not do so, I thank God for it! As I thank Him, too, that Lyddy has none of him in her. When I first discovered I was to have her, I couldn’t bear it; I even thought of taking my own life. But then, by some chance, I stepped into the street in front of our friend Iris’s car. She recognised me and took me home to Preston and Ellie.
It was Ellie who counselled me to pretend that I had been married and widowed. You must despise me for such a lie!’
No,’ Harry told her vehemently. Never … never, Connie. I could never ever feel anything for you other than love!’ he assured her.
No, Harry, you must not love me,’ she protested. I cannot let you love me, Harry. Knowing my past, who would believe -’
Putting his fingertip against her mouth he corrected her lovingly, Knowing you, who would believe? You do yourself and those who love you the gravest injustice, Connie, if you think we cannot see you for what you are.’
But you must see …’
What I see is a beautiful, courageous woman from whom love and compassion shine out to others like a beacon. I can’t wait to meet Lydia Harriet … We must be married before she learns to talk, Connie, so that she will learn to call me Daddy and not Harry.’
‘There is Georgie as well,’ Connie reminded him.
And I have Christopher,’ Harry agreed calmly, before adding softly. And I hope most sincerely that there will be others …’
Connie turned away from him. The temptation he was offering her was almost more than she could endure.
‘Harry, I should not be allowing you to speak to me like this. You are a schoolmaster. You hold a position of great respect, my past …
‘I care nothing for any of that. If necessary you and I can create a whole new life for ourselves. There are other countries in which to live besides this one, Connie.
Connie’s Courage Page 35