Baby Momma Saga

by Ni'chelle Genovese

  I’d followed the sound of the music all the way up to what I guessed was someone else’s beach backyard. They had Tiki torches goin’ and a bonfire. As I got closer, I could see it was a party or cookout of some kind and there were women all over the place. Guess I’m crashin’. I was glad I wore what I did; as I passed a few guys standin’ by the fire I noticed ereone had on all white. My view was blocked by a line of trees, but as I walked aroun’ the small forest that served as a privacy fence I woulda sworn I’d jus’ died and this was heaven.

  The house looked almost ten times bigger than the one me and Michelle were stayin’ in. The sand traveled halfway up toward the house and then turned into white stone with a huge, dimly lit pool in the center. The pool was so damn big they put a small island in the middle of it, with trees and even what looked like a small cave. The entire back of the house had white columns that ran like some Greek shit I’d seen in a book when I was a kid. Everything ’bout that mufucka screamed money, like Oprah or Bill Gates money. I could start to see more people as I got closer. There were tables set out all over the place with white tea light candles and white flowers on ’em. A few tables were full, but no one really paid me any mind as I walked through and tilted my head in greetin’ to the few people who did look my way. All I saw was black folk. I jus’ knew this was someone famous, a ball player or a singer—somethin’.

  A nigga’s spider-senses were definitely tinglin’. I passed a couple of bitches in the pool kissin’ and almost tripped ova my own feet. I was used to strippers, fat-assed, down the street, thick, everyday bitches. These were model, TV, half black an’ somethin’, titty job and Botox injection, exotic-lookin’ bitches. There was a buffet table set up jus’ before the steps leadin’ into the house. I picked up a plate and grabbed myself some wings.

  “What up, you eva been to one of these before?” I looked up; some dark-skinned nigga was pilin’ up his plate on the other side of the buffet table, talkin’ to me.

  “Oh, yeah, nigga, shit nice, huh?” I answered, soundin’ like I did this kinda shit ereday.

  He looked aroun’ and leaned like he ain’t want anyone to hear him, even though there was no one within’ a ten-foot radius.

  “I bought the Empyrean package. The shit was a flat two hundred grand. I’m hopin’ it’s worth it. I ain’t neva spent that much before.”

  I raised my eyebrows and nodded. “I’m sure you gonna have a good fuckin’ time. I’m ’bout to head inside.” I had no idea what he bought, but I ain’t wanna be an accomplice to a damn thang; sounded like product to me. I started eatin’ my wings and walked into the mansion.

  This was the kinda shit you see on TV. The first thing that caught my eye was what I thought was a statue of a woman. I walked toward it, admiring the glitterin’ gold ass and was ’bout to admire some glitterin’ gold titties until the mufucka looked at me. A nigga almost shot up outta there, chicken wings and bones trailin’ behind all over the marble floor. I didn’t even notice all the different metallic-hued statues when I came in. People were crowded aroun’ a few here and there. I brought my eyes back to goldie. Her hands were palms together in front of her stomach, like she was prayin’ standin’ up. She looked back at me silently with the sexiest grey eyes. I heard someone walking past me say somethin’ ’bout livin’ statues, they completely naked ’cept the body paint. I had to start thinkin’ ’bout baseball and doughnuts ’cause a nigga was ’bout to show goldie and anyone else who wanted to see that I was enjoyin’ the display. They had a free bar set up on the side. I went over and ordered a shot of Remy, then ordered myself two more. I needed to relax.

  I saw niggas who looked like they could be from ’round the corner or outta a movie. It was hard to tell who had paper and who didn’t. The same went for the women. They were everywhere, some in white dresses, some in white skirts and tops, some in nothin’ but bikini bottoms. I made my way through a crowd of people gathered aroun’ what I thought was a Soul Train line or some people dancin’. I was tryin’a get closer to see what had everyone’s attention. We were in the middle of a huge foyer an’ the walls were all lined wit’ pillars. There wasn’t a single light on in the entire place. Candles were set up everywhere. I slowly pushed my way through the crowd to get a better look at whatever new performin’ artist surprise had them starin’ in silence. I’d jus’ excused myself past a tall-ass nigga I swear coulda been a playa I know from the Suns, but immediately lost all thought as the movement in the center of the room finally caught my eye.

  The floor was draped with red silk. I could smell jasmine and what I thought was weed. I found myself frozen in place watchin’ as this lean ebony-dark girl wit’ long jet-black hair was lyin’ on her stomach. I had no idea if she was cute, ugly, or what ’cause her face was buried in anotha bitch pussy. What the hell did I walk into? The crowd was a mixture of men an’ women. Everyone was watchin’ and jus’ enjoyin’ the show. I crossed my arms in front of me and acted like I belonged. The bitch eatin’ pussy stopped and started to get up, while the other girl got on all fours. I could feel myself gettin’ excited. The dark-skinned one was actually finer than a mufucka. As she got up I noticed she had thick, full lips, big, round titties—nipples pointed—and . . . What the fuck . . . The bitch had a dick! I had to fight every muscle in my body to keep my composure. No one else seemed even the least bit shocked. She was a he and she/he was postin’ up to fuck the otha bitch and that definitely was not a strap-on!

  I slowly eased my way outta the group jus’ as easily as I’d eased in. I was backin’ my way toward the doors and I bumped into what I’d have to say was one of the most beautiful women I’d eva seen in my entire life. She was small, ’bout five one, and she had the face a million bitches would sell they souls to have.

  “Damn, I didn’t see you down there.” I chuckled. Shit, I was actually nervous. For the first time in my adult life, a woman was givin’ me the jitters.

  “Maybe you should pay more attention to where you stomp, Sasquatch.”

  She had a slight accent. I’m from the streets so if it ain’t Spanish or Chinese I really can’t place it, but it was sexy than a mufucka. “Wow, why so hostile? I apologized to you an’ erethang.” She was staring up at me angrily like a mini tigress ready to pounce. For a moment I jus’ stared back and found myself amazed at how fuckin’ beautiful she was. I couldn’t tell if she was white, light-skinned, or what, and her eyes were a sexy golden-hued brown. A breeze was comin’ in through the door behind her and her fragrance drifted into my senses. She smelled like sweet coconut and vanilla.

  “Calm down, love, let me make it up to you. What’s ya name?” What can I say? I’m jus’ a charmin’ mufucka. Her name was Leilani and I was in complete lust with her fine li’l petite ass. A human sculpture walked past. I did my best to ignore the fact that it was a naked green nigga, and grabbed two champagne glasses off his tray.

  She took her glass and started to walk outside.

  I followed her like a puppy.

  “How do you like it here so far? Have you played yet?”

  I wasn’t sure what she meant, but if what I saw inside was how these niggas played, I wasn’t goin’.

  “No, love, it’s not really my scene. I’m even tempted to ask if you all woman from what I seen up in here tonight. What the fuck kinda party is this?” My cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I jumped. It was Chelle. I ignored the call. She’d been ignorin’ my needs this whole trip and I needed to relieve some tension. I put my phone back into my pocket and waited for Leilani to answer my question.

  We’d walked out of sight of the house opposite of the way I’d wandered in from the beach. There was a gazebo with torches set up ’round it. I could see dozens of pillows scattered ’round on the floor. I was gettin’ even more excited and nervous as I followed her toward it. I gulped down the rest of my champagne and was relieved to see a bottle sittin’ in an ice bucket inside. I picked it up and poured us fresh glasses, then sat down on what had to be the softest red and gold pillo
ws I’d eva put my ass on.

  “This is Hedonism. You probably shouldn’t be here, but I like how you are different so I will not say anything.” Her accent made her pronounce all of her words so fluently. I couldn’t wait to see what she sounded like moanin’ my name. I really didn’t peg her as the screamin’ type.

  “Hedonism, ain’ that some kinda Sodom-an’-Gomorrah-type shit?” I felt like a li’l kid again, all this shit was so new and so different.

  “No, babee, you misunderstand the term. Hedonism is universal love and passion. There is no jealousy. No boundaries. People pay great amounts of money to participate here. There are no rules and there is no one to tell you that your desires are bad or wrong.”

  One word was swirlin’ in my head as my eyes widened in understandin’: Jackpot!

  Turned out her husband ran the whole fuckin’ thing. He even dipped and dabbled wit’ men and women, but ironically was too jealous to let Leilani do her thang and too involved to give her any attention. Over the course of the next two hours I fucked her in every position I could think of and some that would have never crossed my mind in this lifetime. I was in heaven, but I needed a quick break and reluctantly separated myself from Leilani’s body. As I reclined against the pillows she took a sip from her glass and started suck a nigga dick with a mouthful of cold champagne.

  “Love, jus’ gimme a few minutes. I promise daddy got a lot more.” I was close to bein’ fucked up from all the shots and champagne on a pretty much empty stomach. This shit felt like a dream. I was watchin’ Leilani’s lips while she worked me back into stiffness. I didn’t see her husband watchin’ us, I didn’t hear him walk up on us. My head was leaned back and my eyes were closed. I felt a sharp, splittin’ pain as I was hit across the back of the head and then it went black.

  The Greatest Man Alive

  20

  It felt like my mouth was full of sand and I was burnin’ up.

  “Chelle, turn the AC on. Baby, it’s hot.” I thought I was home in my bed. I tried to open my eyes, but the light was too bright and I felt a searing pain shoot across my face and temples. I managed to squint as best I could and was hit by a wave of nausea. I rolled onto my side and vomited ’til there was nothin’ left but dry heaves. I was naked. The night before flooded back to me in one large flashback, up ’til the part where I was gettin’ head an’ then nothin’. What the fuck did she do to me? I could barely make out my linen shorts in the sand a few feet away. It hurt like hell to move, but I needed to get the fuck outta there. I maneuvered into my shorts and was relieved my wallet and cell were still in ’em. I did my best to stand and began limpin’ my way across the beach, prayin’ that if God jus’ got me back to the house I’d be a good nigga from now on.

  I passed the colossal house that now looked cold and deserted. The party was over and ereone had left to go back to their normal lives. It felt like forever but, finally, I could see the white stucco of the house we were stayin’ in. That was all I needed. There was no energy left in my body and I collapsed by the bedroom doors that overlooked the beach. My ears were ringin’ and my head was poundin’. No. My ears weren’t ringin’, it was a woman screamin’ my name.

  “Rasheed. Rasheed, baby, please open your eyes for me, look at me. What happened to you? Baby, please, open your eyes.”

  Michelle was kneelin’ down beside me and her voice was slammin’ ’round in my head, makin’ it hurt even worse. Damn, a nigga felt like he was ’bout to be sick again.

  “Please, lower your voice, you killin’ me right now.” Michelle was so happy I replied, she grabbed me in a tight hug, but quickly let me go when she realized how much pain I was in.

  “Baby, what the hell happened to you?”

  Somewhere during the painful trudge from the gazebo to our bedroom doors I’d figured out what happened. Leilani’s jealous husband must have seen us, and I didn’t know how she kept him from killin’ me right there on the spot.

  “Baby, I went to get somethin’ to eat an’ got jumped. They tried to rob me. I musta blacked out when someone hit me ’cross the head.”

  Ya boy deserved an Oscar. Chelle helped me up and into the house. She already knew not to even mention callin’ the police. What’s done is done when it comes to violence in the streets, or on the beach for that matta. You get caught sleepin’ it’s ya own damn fault. She helped me lie down on the bed and went to get me some water and a towel with ice in it.

  “Rah, I was so mad at you, baby. I jus’ knew you were up to no good. I prayed you would learn your lesson one day. I had no idea you were really in trouble. My poor baby.” She started cryin’ and did her best to wipe the dried blood off my head and neck. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I thought I smelled coconut vanilla and smiled. He mighta knocked me out, but I still got dat ass. And what a fine mufuckin’ ass it was!

  I spent the nex’ three days in bed recuperatin’ and Chelle finally put her job on hold to take care of me. Despite erething, the shit seemed to be workin’ out in my favor. We only had a couple of nights left and Chelle decided we should try our best to enjoy ’em, and I agreed. We spent a lot of time talkin’, jokin’, and really becomin’ friends again. I’d forgotten how much alike we were. We had the same sense of humor, liked the same kinda movies; hell, I’d even forgotten that we were both left-handed.

  I was sittin’ at the kitchen table, lost in my thoughts, watchin’ Michelle work around the stove through the steam. Fresh garlic and olive oil scented the air and my stomach growled. I couldn’t wait until that veal Parmesan hit my lips. My phone went off. It was a text from Honey.

  Hey, daddy, I’m really missin’ u rite now. Big Baby been a big pain in da ass, wen u commn home?

  I laughed and looked up at Chelle.

  “Big Baby say he thinkin’ ’bout marryin’ Shiree!” She laughed. If I acted like I was talkin’ to him she wouldn’t pay me any mind. I texted Honey back.

  I miss u 2 baby. U keepin’ it tite fa me or u out there givn it away?

  She replied right back.

  Um keepin’ it fa u. But dey sayin’ u wit ya baby momma. I didn’t know u had a baby momma or a baby. Dey lyin rite???

  I sighed. I’d kept my family life as far from Honey for as long as I possibly could. I guessed it was time I told her wassup.

  Yeah, luv, my bitch-ass baby momma here too. I don’t like mufukaz to kno I got fam. I only got one son an even if his momma a asshole I gotta keep her stupid ass safe 2. Bein’ stuck listnen to her dumb ass makin’ me miss you so much. U don’t evn kno. It’s a big house tho. I stay in my part an’ she stay in hers.

  I didn’t get an immediate reply like I normally did. I got up to go relieve myself and walked out of the kitchen toward the study.

  “Where you goin’, baby? Dinner’s ready.” Chelle was fixin’ my plate, lookin’ extra right in a snug pink sundress.

  “Be right back, gotta take a leak.” She moved toward me as if she thought I might need help. “Damn, woman, I’m not gonna fall in. I’ll be okay, I promise.” I didn’t mean to snap at her. But damn. I needed to feel like myself again. I needed to feel in charge.

  A soft humming sound caught my attention as I walked past the cracked door of the study. Chelle’s BlackBerry was lying on the desk next to her laptop, vibratin’ and threatenin’ to shake itself right onto the hardwood floor. I couldn’t help myself. As much as I hated it when women went through my shit, I needed to see who she’d been talking to so much. I tapped the screen, momentarily forgetting that it wasn’t like my own touch screen phone, and found myself feelin’ clumsy and awkward handling her petite pink phone.

  The trackball lit up and I scrolled to her message box. 1 new text D. I immediately recognized Derrick’s number. A dull thud started in my temple that painfully throbbed in tune with my speedin’ heart. I clicked on the envelope.

  Take all the time you need sweetheart. I’ll be here whenever you need it.

  Michelle had been deleting her messages so I couldn’t find whatever
it was she sent to make Derrick reply. What the fuck did she say to him? Sweetheart? Why the fuck wasn’t he backin’ down? My appetite was gone. I deleted the message and put the phone back where I’d found it. I needed to compose myself quick. My palms were cold and clammy and the pain in my head was so intense I was squinting. I splashed cold water over my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. What’s done is done, an example would be made.

  “Smells good, baby. Come feed big daddy an’ later big daddy gonna feed you.” I planted a false smile on my face as I strolled to the table and took my seat.

  “Five more seconds and I was gonna come lookin’ for you. Glad you made it back.”

  Michelle smiled and pressed a warm, soft kiss against my forehead as she set my plate down in front of me. I picked my phone up from where I’d left it and secretly chastised myself for leavin’ it unlocked. I locked my phone and put it away.

  I was finally feelin’ like myself and after dinner, while Michelle cleared the dishes, I went into the bedroom and drew a bubble bath. I poured honey in the water and dropped in a few fresh peach slices I’d found sittin’ in the fridge. Don’t get it twisted, this nigga knew how to get romantic. Bitches love this shit; any nigga who like pussy as much as I did gotta fuckin’ PhD in how to get panties off. I grabbed some petals off a bright orange somethin’ outside the bedroom door and prayed the damn thing wasn’t poisonous as I dropped ’em in the tub. Chelle was in the kitchen, washin’ the dishes. I walked in and hugged her from behind, scarin’ her outta whateva daydream she was in. She jumped and dropped a plate in the sink, splashin’ dishwater on us both.