I searched my memory trying to come up with something romantic that he had done. A perfect guy would be perfectly romantic, right? I rolled onto my side and stared at the back of his head, since he had rolled away from me.
Romantic. On that thought, when was the last time we had “excitement?” All couples go through this after being with someone for so long, right? I racked my brain trying to figure out if I ever felt excitement with Charles.
It was nice when we first met, but was it exciting? No. It was everything my parents had wanted.
I want excitement. I want romance. I want toe curling sex in the bedroom.
Charles is safe. He knows me. He knows all my silly quirks.
He loves me.
Why would I chance throwing that all away to try with the next guy?
Excitement. Lust. Fun.
Those are the reasons people screw up their relationships. They cheat just so they can have that and keep their relationship if they don’t get caught. I could never do that to Charles. I could never cheat on him.
Break up with him. I kept saying to myself. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Could I?
Charles rolled towards me, facing me. I stared at him. Tears started to spill at the thought of losing someone who would be the perfect man for me. Someone my parents would always love. Someone who would always love me.
So what was wrong with me? Was needing sex or more romance something so important in a relationship that I would toss this all away?
Perfect brown eyes opened up slowly to stare at me. A warm smile greeted me. “Hey you,” he whispered.
I smiled back at him, angry that I could think such thoughts of breaking up with him. “Hey,” I whispered back.
His hand reached out to wipe my tear while a frown appeared on his gorgeous lips. “You doing alright?” He asked.
I nodded. “Perfect. I’m perfectly fine, Charles.”
He smiled brighter, the frown leaving as he licked his lips. I leaned over to kiss his perfect lips. He pulled back. “Hang on to that thought,” he whispered as he got up, leaving me questioning what he was doing. I was answered a second later by the faucet in the bathroom and the sound of Charles brushing his teeth.
Spontaneity. Add that to my “less” than perfect Charles. Was I going to create a list now? God, what is wrong with me?
He returned a second later and jumped back into bed with a handsome smile on his face. He glanced down to my breasts and his smile became brighter. His finger slid under my bra strap and he tugged, bringing it down my shoulder. His eyes flicked back to mine as he leaned in to kiss me. As soon as our tongues brushed, he pulled back and bit his lip.
I nodded, knowing the reason. “I’ll be right back this time,” I excused myself as I got out of bed to brush my teeth. I returned a second later, resuming my same position and we began to kiss. After making out for a little while, his hand moved down my body. I tried so hard to feel something. To feel “into” him. To feel.
Nothing. I started flipping through all the sexual positions I’ve wanted to try with him. All the things that I know he would never go for. All the things that I’ve tried to do with him that he’s shot down. Charles likes missionary, I found out quickly. My stomach started to churn as I thought about no longer being attracted to Charles.
I wasn’t ready for him at all. He pulled his head up and ran into the bathroom. A second later he returned with a tube of lubricant. He squirted a small amount onto his finger before hopping back in bed. “You know, sometimes women have trouble during certain times of their cycle. It’s nothing to be worried about, Vanessa.”
I gave him a meek smile as he reached between my legs to “help” me out. He slipped off my panties and then moved on top of me. I tried to let go of my anxieties, knowing I usually could work myself into the mood. I continued to think that as he pushed his way into me slowly. Charles was always very careful to make sure I wouldn’t hurt. Before my thoughts could concentrate on sex scenes, I heard his familiar grunt as he collapsed on to me.
He pulled back to look at me and his face immediately became concerned. “Did I hurt you, Vanessa?”
I shook my head. “No. Charles, you didn’t.”
“Then…what’s wrong? Is it almost time for your period? You’re not due for another two weeks now that I think about it.” My face must have asked the question when he went ahead and answered me. “I have it marked in my calendar just so I know your mood swings and how to interact with you.”
“I…” I swiped at a new tear that fell and at the same time I realized he was still “inside” of me. I moved slightly making it seem as if I were uncomfortable. He immediately withdrew and ran to the bathroom. He returned to me, laying on his side, propping his hand under his head to look down at me.
“I just.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “Charles. Are you...happy with our relationship?” I stared at him and started to bite my lip, nervous of his answer.
“Yeah, of course I am. I think we’re on the right path. We know each other very well. You’re perfect for me.”
There was that damn word again. God, I was never going to be able to escape it, was I? My life was doomed to achieve to be “perfect.” I could never do it for my parents. What made me think I could do it for my husband? Panic set in. My mouth became dry and I began to breathe heavily as tears flooded my eyes.
Charles sat up. “Vanessa? Are you alright?” I sat up, staring at him. Tears flowed as I realized what I was about to do was going to change this perfect relationship.
“Charles. I think…I think I need a break from our relationship.” I stared at him, waiting for him to say something to me.
He ran his hand through his hair as he looked around the room nervously. His eyes landed back on mine as he frowned. “What makes you think that?” He asked me in an uncertain manner.
Because you’re perfect. Why would that make any sense to him? It doesn’t even make any sense to me. I closed my eyes and tried to respond. “I think I’m just…” Just what? What was I going to say to Charles? I should have thought this through better.
His fingers brushed through my hair, placing it behind my shoulder. “Is it your parents again? Are they just too much right now?” He asked, his eyes pulled together showing how completely concerned he was for me.
My eyes widened as I tried to find a reason for him. He deserves something more without being hurt. “I think I’m just having a tough time with my new job and moving into a new place. I feel like I need some time to myself.” Or to date other people. Why couldn’t I be honest and tell him that?
His eyes softened as he nodded his head. “Okay, Vanessa. If you need time alone for a little bit, we can do that. I mean, I have a lot of studying and I’m working all the time anyway. I know that makes you…lonely. We could take a break from our relationship for a little while.” His eyes sparked with an idea. “We could put a time on it and revisit our relationship. I’ve read about many couples that do that. We could even list out things that we like and don’t like. Or things that we could change.” He seemed excited about writing down this list of things and I began to wonder what he would write about me on his list of things to change.
I was terrified to ask him, but felt like I needed to know. “Charles.” I looked down at my hands as I twirled my engagement ring around. “Do…do I…excite you?”
He seemed to chuckle as he gave me a questioning look. “Of course you excite me. I mean it’s nice and comfortable between us. We know how to please each other in bed.” He gave me a small smile. “This stuff happens with all couples, Vanessa. Sometimes people just need a little time apart to appreciate each other again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
I nodded and gave him a small smile as I stared down at my ring. “I’m so sorry, Charles,” I whispered.
He pulled me towards him, wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my hair as I buried my head into his neck. “All couples go through this Vanessa. We’ll be okay.”
“Do you feel the same way?”
He nodded. “A little. But I think my side is because I have to work all the time and I can’t be the best fiancé to you right now. I mean, we keep putting off the wedding because of my job. I never even stop to think about what you’re going through with your career.” He pulled back and gave me a faint smile. “If this will help you concentrate more on your job, then we’ll just take a small break.” He pulled his brows together before saying, “I don’t think we should tell our parents, though. Let’s just wait and see what happens, alright?”
I nodded, seeing as that was more than okay with me. I wasn’t ready to fight my mom on this just yet.
Charles pecked my lips with a caring kiss and then pulled me into a hug. “It’s going to be alright Vanessa. Things like this make a relationship stronger.” I nodded snuggling into his chest, hoping he’s right.
Maybe this would work out the right way and we would get a spark to our relationship. Time apart might be just what we needed to rethink things through.
I walked back into my apartment with a heavy heart after my ‘needing a break’ discussion with Charles. To make me feel even worse, he let me borrow a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt since I was scantily clad last night.
Aubrey was watching TV on the couch, sipping her coffee. I walked over, dropped my purse on the coffee table and flopped next to her. Aubrey’s eyes warily swept over me and I could tell her questions before she even asked. “Are you okay? Did you break up with him?”
I nodded as I wiped my tears and sniffled. “Umm, we’re going to take a break for a couple of months. As he put it, we’re going to “revisit” our relationship and see where we go from there. We’re going to keep the engagement up for our parents.”
“What?” She asked as she sat up and placed her coffee cup on the table. “That makes no sense. At some point you’re going to have to announce it’s over.”
I cleared my throat and realized I was getting nervous just explaining this to her. “Well, just for now. We’re actually just taking a couple months break.”
“Why wouldn’t you just break up completely?” She crossed her arms in front of her and glared at me. Seeing her anger made me realize why I had been so nervous in explaining our “break” to her.
“We are. Sort of,” I maintained, avoiding her eyes completely.
Aubrey shook her head, her face telling me what I already knew, as I glanced back at her. “You should’ve just made a clean break. It will be so much easier. It’s gonna linger, Vanessa. You’re just going to have to break his heart later.”
I slouched back not wanting to look at her as I whined, “You didn’t see him. He…how can I break up with him when he’s…”
Aubrey interrupted me mid-sentence. “Perfect? You use that word one more time to describe him and I’ll have to bitch slap you.” She threw her hands up in the air and let them slap her thighs showing me her frustration.
I knew she was right. But she didn’t see the look on his face. “He looked like he wanted to help me. How could I break up with him?” She threw a loud huff, glaring at me as she did. I continued, “He told me he wanted to revisit our relationship hoping he could be a better fiancé. He feels like it’s his fault and it’s not. It’s just…us,” I said as I glanced around the room not wanting to meet Aubrey’s stare. I bit my lip as I felt the tears coming. I’m such a horrible person.
“He deserves to know he’s not the right person for you. You’re just leading him on.”
“He wanted it,” I threw out in defiance of her statement. Shit. I am leading him on. “He insisted on continuing to try.” Didn’t he? I was trying to remember our exact conversation. Did I lead him on?
Aubrey leaned forward and hugged me. “You’re going to have finally break up with him in a couple of months.” All I could do was nod as my tears fell. After a few moments, I pulled back and wiped my selfish tears.
I pasted on a fake smile and asked, “So, how was your date? Who did you go out with?” I bit my lip, pretending to show my eagerness to listen to her details, hoping to change the subject.
I knew she couldn’t resist my question as she grabbed her coffee off the table and leaned back. She began to retell her evening with last night’s stranger. Actually, he wasn’t a stranger. He was a guy from her job that she’s told me about before. Poor guy. I wonder if he knew beforehand that he’d never get a second chance with her. They don’t have a “no dating” policy in place and I quickly wondered what it would be like on Monday for those two.
After she regaled me with her night, she peered at me from under her long black bangs. “Are you really doing alright?”
I nodded, but then the dam burst and I began to cry. Really cry. Aubrey put her coffee down again and shot forward, wrapping her arms around me while I continued to heave sobs into her shoulder. It was the ugly cry; the kind you usually do in your own room and if I had been any better at hiding my feelings, I’d have done that. But Aubrey has always been there for me. She’s seen me through all my highs and lows through college.
After I finally regained some composure, I sat up and wiped my eyes. I was sure this was something that we’d probably talk about after I calmed down a little. Aubrey gave me a small smile as she turned on the TV and flipped through the channels while I curled up into the corner. We watched in silence until my eyes fluttered shut and I fell asleep.
I awoke to the TV on and Aubrey flipping through the channels again. She smiled at me and walked into the kitchen, returning with a cup of coffee for me. “Here, have some coffee. You’ll need to perk up before the wedding. Your mom is going to be a handful at this one,” she told me with a smile.
I cringed. I had forgotten all about the wedding. “I don’t think I should go. I think I’ll tell Mom I can’t go because I feel sick.”
Aubrey shook her head. “Nope. I’m not letting you out of this one.” She smiled and added, “You know how I love to seek out single guys on the prowl, especially at weddings. It’s as if they’re all ready and waiting. And since this is a huge one, there’ll be tons to choose from.” She nudged me. “You should have a one night stand tonight after your mom leaves. You need to get into singles mode, pronto.”
I shook my head. “It just happened last night. And technically to my mom, I won’t be single.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean you still can’t get some. You’re technically broken up with Charles, right? Except for this fake engagement for your parents.” She rolled her eyes on the last part, which I ignored. “Hey, stop thinking about Charles. It’s going to be okay,” Aubrey’s voice was soft as she spoke. I nodded and gave her a fake smile.
“Let’s go get a workout in before the wedding. You’ll at least get your frustration out and get your endorphins kicking in.” Aubrey exclaimed excitedly as she put her coffee down on the coffee table as I started to try to protest. “Come on. It’ll do you good. You’ll feel fantastic and be ready to dance the night away as a single girl!”
I rolled my eyes as she took my cup and grabbed my elbow leading me toward my bedroom. She gave me a slight nudge and told me to change. I tried to protest, but knew that she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Especially since I was in a sulky mood. She firmly believes that exercise will brighten any mood. I leaned against my closed door and knew I was in for a tough workout. Aubrey was going to push me today so that I wouldn’t think about Charles and our breakup. If I were to be honest with myself, I’d realize that I loved her for it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Matt
FLYNN AND MEL’S WEDDING. Man, I can’t believe they finally got together after all that back and forth. Flynn should have manned up and just taken her in the beginning.
At least he proposed to her the right way. He flew her down to St. John in the Virgin Islands for a vacation getaway and proposed to her on the beach. I told him to make sure to do it at the beginning of vacation so he wouldn’t be nervous the entire vacation and could enjoy his time with her. He wound up propo
sing mid-week because he was so nervous. As if she’d say no to him. Fat chance. Mel was always head-over-heels for him. Any idiot could see that. Except Flynn.
Izzy told me that Mel actually stumbled across the ring before they left. It was in his sock drawer and she found it when she was putting away laundry. Dumbass. He should have hidden it in his nightstand underneath stacks of porn and car magazines. Girls never look through that shit.
I’ve been sweating my ass off in this monkey suit standing up here as one of his groomsmen. I glanced over at Z standing next to me. He was sweating bullets too. A sunset wedding outside at this gorgeous winery and they couldn’t have done it in the fall? What the hell was Mel thinking?
I glanced out at all their guests, scanning the crowd for the single ladies. Several of them were crying over what Flynn just said. Something romantic I’m sure. I tried the romantic route and look where that got me — my girl dating another guy at the same time. Romance does get the ladies hot and bothered. I continued to search the crowd, looking for the ones that were hot and bothered by what he said instead of crying.
Hello. We have a winner. I watched a chick with long strawberry blonde hair giggle with her friend as she elbowed her playfully. She was eying either Clark or me. I couldn’t tell from here since we’re standing next to each other. I gave her my best sexy stare down –– small turn up of the corner of my mouth, eyes slightly hooded, you know, to make them think you’re all horny for them. She smiled back and licked her lips. I held her stare for a short time and then glanced away. Gotta play hard to get a little bit. I nudged Clark next to me.
“Two o’clock. Strawberry and her blonde short hair friend,” I whispered.
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