Her eyes reminded me of the color of the lake, shimmering water in the sun. She paused, giving me false hope as she glanced around nervously before responding, “I…if the circumstances were different, I might have,” Tears began to stream from her eyes as she finished what she was saying. “…but I have a daughter now.” She squeezed her eyes shut as her lips quivered. I watched tears slide down her cheeks as she opened her eyes and turned her head away, averting her eyes from mine.
With that statement, I knew she was shutting the door on any possibility I’d ever hoped for. I swallowed back the huge fucking lump in my throat and crossed my arms again over my chest. I nodded and tried to appear as unaffected by what she just told me. Inside was an entirely different story. Thoughts of dropping to my knees begging her to choose me ran through my mind; wrapping my arms around her legs and not ever letting her go again.
Thank God I didn’t follow through on either thought. I felt like it was ending all over again. The pain I felt years ago, standing at her apartment door, holding flowers like a jackass while she tried to explain that the guy who answered the door was her boyfriend. Damn flowers. I held them the whole time I screamed at her for being with another guy while she was supposed to be just with me.
“I’m sorry. I just…wanted to tell you that. You still have a special place in my heart.”
The fucking dam broke loose and I couldn’t control what flew out of my mouth as I screamed, “You have my heart, Stephanie. You fucking have my heart.” I hated myself for letting that out, but fucking A I still loved her. Standing right here, right now, looking into her eyes, feeling her so close to me, smelling her sweet perfume…memories of how much I wanted her to be my wife, how I wanted her to have our children rushed through me. The little girl she has with her husband should have been mine. I had wanted that so badly with her. I was that stupid jackass who actually started planning out our life before she did. Fucking idiot.
Tears ran from her eyes. Not loving tears. Stupid fucking sympathetic tears. Pity, as Izzy said to me once. No wonder Izzy said that she feared that look so much. Stephanie giving me that look gave me the worst feeling and made it hurt even more than if she hated me.
Her lips quivered as she tried to hold in sobs that were escaping her sweet pink lips. “I’m…I’m giving it back to you, Matt. Your heart wasn’t mine to hold on to. It just wasn’t meant to…” a sob escaped her mouth before she continued, “…to be between us.”
I pressed my lips together to hold back any stupid words that might try to escape my lips. Tears were stinging my eyes and I was not going to fucking cry like a pussy. I was already pissed at myself for being pathetic enough to tell her that I still loved her. What fool does that? I looked away quickly, giving her a slight head nod. That’s twice now I let her in. Only fools do that.
She rubbed her hand up and down my arm, fingers lingering just a little more than I think she wanted to. I jerked my arm away from her touch, unable to look at her again. “I really am sorry, Matt.”
I gave another slight head nod and cleared my throat. “You said that already, Stephanie. Enjoy the rest of the wedding,” I dismissed her, wanting her to just hurry up and leave so I could try to regain some sort of control again. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she gave me a meek smile before she turned towards the door.
I tried my best not to look, but my eyes darted to watch Stephanie walk over to the doors and head back inside. She stopped for a second at the door to look back at me. In that small split second I prayed she would come running back to me. She didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that hurt worse.
I stood there staring at that damn door trying to let go of Stephanie. Finally I turned my gaze out to the vineyards. They were lit up by the moonlight and a soft breeze was in the hot air. I took a deep breath and tried to sort it all through.
She would have chosen me that night. Who wouldn’t fly off the handle after just finding out that your girlfriend had another boyfriend? If I had remained silent and listened to her explain, would we be together now? Would that little girl be mine? The pain in my heart and head hurt worse than it seemed to the first time. I cursed myself for even wanting to have her back in my life.
The door opened again and I glanced over to see Z walk towards me with a drink in each hand. I wondered how many other guests had watched Stephanie break my heart a second time through the windows. Z came over to me, handing me one of the drinks and I took it, quickly taking a long drink. The Red Bull and Vodka went down nicely, especially since it was so hot out. I had forgotten about the heat while my heart was being crushed by Stephanie. Again.
Z stood next to me, looking out to the vineyards and took a drink from his glass. The staff for the venue was starting to fold up the chairs from the ceremony. We stood there silently watching them stack the chairs against the outside wall of the building.
After a long pause and without even a glance in my direction, he advised me, “Just remember that right after Sheila cheated on me, I found Izzy. Best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes it’s just meant to be that the next one might just be the one.”
I cleared my throat, making sure to hold back the lump in my throat as I swallowed it down. I glanced around, my eyes not really focusing on anything but the searing pain. “Is my little brother trying to give me advice?”
I glanced back at him as he gave me a firm head nod. “Yep.”
After a long pause, I nodded. “Thanks.”
CHAPTER NINE
Vanessa
“DEAR GOD, Vanessa. This wedding might just be a lesson in what not to do for a wedding. I need to make sure I find out who her wedding planner was so I don’t hire her,” my mother said under her breath, leaning towards me. I wasn’t even sure if she was really talking to me since her eyes were still taking in the reception.
I took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. I actually loved everything about this wedding. Well, except for the heat. I was glad I left my hair down, the tendrils that fell around my face actually curled up nicely with the temperature. For once, the humidity worked in my favor. Well, for my hair. My makeup was another matter. No worries though. Mom made sure to bring makeup for me and directed me how to correctly apply it, griping the whole time about making guests sit outside in the hot sun.
“And her dress. My goodness. Are we at a brothel where she has to have a slit showing her leg?” She gave a half cackle that shot annoyance up my spine.
I spoke up since I actually adored her dress. “Actually, Mom I think her dress looks beautiful and is completely different than anything I’ve ever seen. The peek-a-boo split is really tasteful,” I swallowed, “…I think.”
My mom glared at me and let out that irritating huff letting me know she completely disagreed and I should never have said anything. “No, Vanessa. I hope you realize that’s unacceptable in our class. The other women at the country club would be throwing her out at the sight of that dress.”
Aubrey leaned over me to add in her two cents, “Then they’re just outright bitches that shouldn’t talk.”
Mom sneered at Aubrey. Again, I was in between yet another one of their fights. They hated each other and I was always caught in the middle. “You will never be allowed back to our club. I still can’t believe you called Marjorie a…ugh, I can’t even say it.”
Aubrey had no trouble repeating her words. “Frigid bitch. I would say it again to her snotty face too.” She gave that attitude head twist to drive her point across that she meant what she said.
Nervously, I tried to change the subject to avoid a full blow up between them. “The food was excellent I thought.” I swallowed and glanced my mother’s way hoping she for once would agree with me.
Mom scoffed, “Really? Chicken and steak. You might as well have brought us to a chain restaurant to feed us.” She touched my hand as if she cared. “No, your wedding will have lobster tail and the finest mignon. Maybe even a choice of fresh sea bass. Oh, I meant to tell you that they also offer a sushi tab
le that we could provide your guests.” Talking about my wedding seemed to pick up her mood. For Aubrey it had the opposite effect. She slumped back into her chair and rolled her eyes.
After listening to my mother carry on about my wedding, Aubrey sat up suddenly as if a burst of energy rushed through her. “Come on, everyone is dancing,” She bluntly said as she grabbed my wrist and stood. My mom grabbed my other wrist and pulled me toward her, making me the real life rope in their tug of war game.
“Don’t make a fool of yourself and do that young dance you girls do at the bars. There are too many guests here that are also club members. I can’t have them see that.” I nodded, giving her the response she wanted, more so just to get away from her.
“What took you so long?” I huffed at Aubrey as soon as we were out of earshot from my mom.
“I thought I would let your mother have her time with you so I could have the rest of the night with you.” She smiled at me and shimmied her shoulder slightly as I giggled at her thought process. We arrived at the dance floor and proceeded to dance our “young girl dance” just to let loose and have some fun. I decided I would deal with mom on this matter at another time. I released all the stress I felt from having to sit through the wedding and dinner with my mother and tried to forget that Charles and I were actually on a break. Or broken up. Or...I don’t even know what to call it anymore.
My eyes wandered while Aubrey and I danced. I spotted Matt Williams up at the bar with the other groomsmen and several bridesmaids. All of the groomsmen now had their jackets off and shirt sleeves rolled up. Some still wore their cummerbunds, others had already taken theirs off. Most had their bow ties undone and hanging down from their collars. Mom made sure to point out how real men keep their clothes on. I had the completely opposite thought –– each one of them looked even more sexy and alluring with everything ‘undone.’
While I was completely surprised to see Matt Williams here, I also had the oddest flutter in my heart. The same I felt when he first walked into my office, but I still want to count that as nervous jealousy. I still have this hidden fear that he has so much more pull at the office and so much more respect. Respect that I was trying so hard to gain from all the other officers.
Earlier during the ceremony, I nudged Aubrey and pointed out Mr. Williams to her. I whispered to her who he was and of course she smiled brightly. Since he’s already a very attractive guy, he looked even more handsome in his tuxedo. I had watched him scan over the crowd, obviously looking to catch a woman’s eye. He continually nudged the groomsman on each side of him and whispered to each of them. The best man looked like a slightly younger version of him. They looked so much alike, except the cocky self-assured look Mr. Williams has at all times.
Watching him sweat throughout the ceremony was priceless. As much as I tried to look away, I have to admit that my eyes continually wandered back to him. I almost wanted our eyes to meet. Towards the end of the ceremony, I noticed he became more serious, but I couldn’t understand why.
I observed him up at the bar after the dinner plates were being cleared off the tables. I watched as a beautiful petite blonde woman casually walked up to him. They exchanged some words and then they walked out the side door. I couldn’t help but wonder who that woman was and what she meant to him. I tried to watch their interaction through the huge glass windows, but my mother continually competed for my attention. He seemed quite upset while talking to her from what I was able to gather from my glances.
Aubrey and I continued to dance and have fun. After several songs and ignoring my mother’s glare, we decided to cool off with a drink. We casually started our walk to the bar.
“Holy shit, Vanessa. All those guys up at the bar are…wow.” She sighed as we both observed the sea of people gathered around the long bar area. Her eyes grew wide and excited at the amount of good looking men at the bar. She wore a lot more makeup than usual, especially around her eyes. They were smoky and sexy complementing her navy blue cocktail dress. It was a simple spaghetti strap dress, which wrapped around her extremely ample cleavage. The slit on the side of the dress was just enough to give you a peek at her beautiful legs. She was ready to find someone tonight and watching her always intrigued me. She could always pick up a guy just by giving them a “look.”
I had to agree with her assessment of the people up at the bar and even the guests attending this wedding. Even the older ones were incredibly attractive.
I started walking towards the corner of the bar and out of the way, but Aubrey grabbed my elbow and guided me towards Mr. Williams and the other groomsmen. She always went straight into the heart of the action, while I always wanted to head to the corner and just observe.
“So you’re telling me that gorgeous man standing right there is the annoying new sales VP you were telling me about? How can you stand so close to him and not have your pussy melt for him?”
If I had taken a drink, I would have spit it out through my nose as I gave her an incredulous stare while laughing at her comment. “Pussy melt for him? You seriously did not say that, did you?” I smiled with wide eyes.
“I did and I will. Mind if I take him for a ride?” She asked as she continued to eye him like a piece of candy. The smile dropped from my face. For some reason her comment sparked huge jealousy in the pit of my stomach. I started to twist my engagement ring around as I contemplated how to respond to her. “You don’t want me to. I get it,” Aubrey responded before I could come up with something.
I gave a weak smile as I tried to explain myself. “I think it would be awkward for me at work, that’s all.” She nodded, but I could tell she sensed a different reason.
“Seriously, he is sex on a stick. Don’t you just want to try to lick him?” She asked as she eyed him again from behind. He had his back to us and was barely chatting to the groomsman next to him. He seemed to be nodding his head a lot in agreement while staring off into space. Watching him chew on a piece of ice from his glass, I thought how even his profile was quite attractive.
“He’s a player and I’m pretending to still be engaged, might I remind you.” I held up my hand showing her my ring to jolt her memory. I decided that since my mom was here and probably a slew of her country club friends, that I would continue the charade of my engagement. I didn’t want to start any waves of gossip that might cause Charles any undue stress.
Ignoring my ‘engaged’ comment, she said, “You mentioned that he was a player, but not how attractive he is. Dear God, I could seriously come just by looking at him.” I snorted at her depiction. “Who’s the guy with him? He looks really familiar, doesn’t he?”
I looked over to his friend, but he didn’t spark any recognition to me. His dark wavy hair and dark glasses gave him a serious thoughtful appearance. But he seemed to be constantly scoping out women and joking around with the other guys.
“Superman!” Aubrey burst out. “No wait, what’s his alter?” She snapped her fingers. “Clark Kent!”
“Who?” I have seen pictures of Superman, but have not actually seen the movie. My mom didn’t watch TV unless it entailed anything to do with Hollywood society. Movies weren’t part of my growing up unless I locked myself in my room and watched my girl reality shows. Aubrey’s mission has always been to enlighten me on movies I should have watched during my childhood. I take it Superman will be something I’ll be watching for our movie marathon nights.
“Oh that’s right, only child and of “higher class.” She turned her nose up in the air as I giggled. I never disagreed with her description of my upbringing since it was true.
“He looks like he could take me around the world, and then some.” I gave a half laugh as we arrived at the group of men and women at the bar. Mr. Williams still had his back to me, but his friend “Clark Kent” was zoned in on Aubrey.
“Fuck if you don’t look like a wild ride,” “Clark Kent’’ said to Aubrey as he disgustingly eyed her up and down like a piece of meat.
“I’m the best ride you’ll ev
er have,” Aubrey replied breathy and dripping with sexual innuendo. She eyed him back in the same manner. The whole interaction was disgusting to me with every word they spoke and I was stuck standing there like an idiot.
“Anyone ever tell you how much you look like Clark Kent?” Aubrey added as she licked her lips and shook her head so her black hair brushed away from her face.
A smug smile crept over ‘Clark Kent’s’ face as he huskily replied, “All the time. I wouldn’t mind having my Lois Lane tonight. You definitely fit the bill.” He licked his lips in the same manner as he perused her body again.
Aubrey wasted no time with a comeback as she ran her hand over his arm. “I’m pretty sure I could find your kryptonite.”
He snapped back with a sexy smile, “I wouldn’t mind trying to find out if you are my kryptonite.” He stepped towards her, looking down to her face.
Their bodies were pressed against each other and I really couldn’t take another second of this. I’m all about helping out my best friend, but this was just…repulsive. “Excuse me, the two of you. The amount of cheesy lines going on between you both is ridiculous.”
He turned to me and his brows quirked up underneath his dark frames. “Are you jealous? I wouldn’t mind you joining in. Believe me, my cock is insatiable.”
Aubrey turned her gaze back at him with a wild spark in her eyes. “Really? I’d love to find out how long you could go.”
“Aubrey!” I exclaimed.
“What?” she asked with a laughing smile to me.
Clark Kent gave a brief look towards me nodding his head toward Mr. Williams before bringing his gaze back to Aubrey. “Don’t be jealous. Matt probably needs a good distraction tonight.” Clark Kent shoved Mr. Williams’ back. “Look alive Matt. There’s a DLW here and she’s got your name written all over her.” I gave Clark Kent a questioning look as I watched him chuckle to himself and grab Aubrey’s hand. He led her out to the dance floor and grabbed her hips pulling her in close to dance.
Alluring Promises Box Set (Books 1-3) Page 43