I curled my lips into a seductive smile. “Nope. I’m here all by myself.” Completely available and more than willing to let you use me.
He nodded as he heard someone calling for a bartender. Slapping the counter, he told me he’d be right back. I stared into my glass knowing he’d be my next one tonight. I looked around and knew I’d have to wait until closing and after clean up. I’d been around Allure enough to know how long it would take before I could sink my teeth into him.
Deciding to try to pace myself, I pulled the glass to my lips and sipped. I loved how that initial taste dulled my tongue. I rolled it around my mouth and let the liquid slide down my throat enjoying the slow burn. That first taste lingered in my mouth as I ran my tongue along my lips feeling that first taste start to dissipate. It would be tough not to slam more down my throat, but maybe I’d start to really enjoy the process to becoming numb a little more if I went slower.
Owen, as I learned the bartender’s name to be, continually came back to my area to chat with me. The game finished and slowly the bar started clearing out. I was on my third drink and starting to feel slightly numb. Nowhere near as much as I wanted to be, but for some reason I wanted to be a little less numb for Owen.
He leaned over providing me a clear image of the muscles in his forearm. I glanced to his bicep and noticed just as much strength. The guy works out which added another thrill for some reason. “I’ve got a break coming up. You feel like getting some air?”
I licked my lips as I looked at his full ones. “Yes,” I simply responded. I downed the rest of my drink and walked around the bar. He grabbed my hand and led me to the door.
Somewhere at the back of my mind I knew how strange that is. Mark never left the premises during his break, although I wasn’t sure if that was a rule or not. An eerie feeling gripped me and suddenly I wished I had drunk more to push away those thoughts.
As he held my hand and we strolled down the sidewalk, his senseless chatter put me at ease. Those feelings of oddity left me as he joked and teased me. We turned a corner and he playfully pushed me against the brick wall. All too willingly, I wrapped my arms around his neck as he pressed his lips to mine. Even though his kiss was more forceful than my liking, my normal sexual cravings grew inside me. His lips invaded my mouth as his hands thrust through my hair, followed by his hands quickly groping my body.
Feeling his body press against mine, I felt how hard he was. He stopped for a moment and smiled down at me before glancing down the alley. He grabbed my hand and led me deeper into the darkness. The alarm bells in my mind returned as I glanced down the black alley. I pulled back attempting to let him know I wasn’t going to walk there, when he tugged me hard.
The moment I tried to pull from Owen’s grip, hands hit my back and shoved me forward. My heart raced immediately when I realized I wasn’t alone with Owen. Another push from behind caused me to stumble and this time, Owen caught me in his arms. I looked up to see his snarl and knew the quickie I was looking for was turning into something horrible.
The hands from behind me roughly pulled my elbows together, shooting pain in my shoulders. There’s nothing like panic that will sober you up. Adrenaline kicked in as I looked around trying to figure my way out of this situation.
“Fuck she’s hot, Owen,” the voice from behind me growled as I felt a hand squeeze my ass hard. “Where’d you get this one from? The bar again?” My heart beat furiously as I realized how bad this scene had turned so quickly. I tried to jerk my arms free so I could run, when the guy from behind me tightened his grip and lifted my elbows higher. Pain shot through my shoulders and I cried out.
His hot breath churned my stomach as he licked my ear and then laughed. “You ain’t going nowhere, sweetheart,” he growled as his other hand reached in front and groped my tit. Owen ripped my shirt open and jerked my bra down exposing my breast completely. His other hand clutched at the crotch of my jeans. With everything I had, I kneed him as hard as I could, hoping to hurt at least one of them.
Creepy guy slammed me face first against the brick wall and pain shot through my forehead. Owen was doubled over.
“You fucking bitch,” he screamed as Creepy Guy braced me against the brick wall. Searing pain continued through my shoulders as Creep Guy pulled my arms up higher.
“We’re gonna fuck you so hard, you little bitch. You’ll wish you’d never kicked my friend in the nuts.” I was paralyzed by fear, unsure of how the hell to get out of this as I felt a hand reach around and try to undo the button to my jeans. I pressed my hips hard against the wall, hoping to hurt him or at least make it tougher for him.
I tried to think clearly as to what to do, when I was jerked around to face them. Slammed against the wall of the building, my head throbbed with pain when it knocked against the brick again. Owen stared at me with hatred in his eyes. His jaws locked as his eyes roamed over my body while Creepy Guy pinned me against the wall.
With no time to process his next move, sharp pain blindsided me as Owen backhanded my cheek. Physical pain that I didn’t think I could feel anymore sliced the side of my head.
As he grabbed me again, I screamed out “Help!” at the top of my lungs as I felt a hand completely cover my mouth. I opened and bit down on the flesh as hard as I could.
“Ow!” Owen cried out as creepy guy lunged forward and punched me in my stomach. I doubled over in pure pain.
I felt a hand on me, but before anything happened I heard Creepy Guy scream out, “What the f…” Owen shoved me against the wall and I fell to the ground as I tried to get over the pain coursing through me. I heard grunts and punches, but I couldn’t process what was happening until I looked up.
Thick black wavy hair and strong shoulders were silhouetted by the light from the street at the end of the alley. I squinted to see Clark fighting both Owen and Creepy Guy. And it seemed like he was winning too.
I wasn’t about to chance Clark getting hurt, so as soon as Creepy Guy stumbled back, I grabbed a bottle from the ground and hit him over the head with all the strength I had left. He stumbled backward and then fell to the ground. He seemed to be unconscious. I hoped. I was too afraid to go near him again. That's how characters get killed off in movies.
I looked up just in time to see Clark cock his arm back and throw a hard punch to Owen’s jaw, knocking him to the ground. He looked over to me briefly before checking to make sure Owen wouldn’t get back up. The warmth of Clark’s hand shot relief through me as he grabbed my hand and led me toward the street.
“You okay?” He asked when we hit the sidewalk outside of the alleyway. His concerned eyes grazed over my body and he tugged my shirt closed and pressed it hard to my body. When his eyes returned to mine, I was still too stunned to talk. I nodded right before he looked behind us again.
My fingers were shaky as I double-checked the button to my jeans and by the time I started to press my shirt against my stomach, all the feelings swirled together of what just happened. Clark grabbed my hand again just as I glanced toward the alley. I didn’t see anyone coming, but I was glad he wasn’t going to take any chances.
Clark flagged a taxi down and told him to take us to the hospital. Once there, it was a flurry of questions from the nurses and the police officer. My mind was exhausted by the time I was released.
Neither of us spoke the entire way home from the hospital, yet he held my hand the entire way. The grip on my hand tightened and loosened as I watched him seem to have an argument in his own head. Possibly the one he’s going to have with me when we return home.
My cheek throbbed with pain and I realized how bad of a headache I had. Just remembering the reason why I was in so much pain, shot another dose of fear through me. I continually looked behind us to make sure no one was following.
The moment we entered the elevator, he leaned against the opposite side of the car. My heart still raced and I tried to process how quickly it all had happened. I glanced at Clark. Staring at his shoes, he continuously mashed his lips together
, shaking his head every once in a while.
We reached our door and he unlocked it, pushing it open, making sure I could only walk inside. Slowly, I entered feeling the impending lecture. Probably deserved, but I couldn’t help wonder why he would care.
The door slammed hard behind me. It seemed fitting for what was to come. I watched him place his hand on the white metal door and lower his head. I knew I should say something, to thank him, at least.
“Thank you…for rescuing me,” I sputtered out as I turned toward the kitchen. “Do you want a drink? I mean, that was pretty intense, wasn’t it? And wow, the way you clocked that jerk! That was insane.” I entered the kitchen and reached for two glasses as I continued to ramble, knowing I needed a drink from that horrific attack. “Did you learn all that from when you work out with Z? Down at the boxing place? Maybe I should take a class down there.”
I stretched on my tiptoes and reached in the cabinet for the liquor. I didn’t see any. I opened several more cabinets thinking maybe he moved them and didn’t tell me. There weren’t any. I glanced around the kitchen wondering where else the alcohol could be. That’s when I noticed the recycling bin. There were several liquor bottles in there.
All of them were empty.
Clark appeared in the doorway and leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His deadpan expression hinted to what he had done, but I didn’t want to believe it.
I walked over to the fridge, knowing a beer could help instead. I peered in, but didn’t see anything. I shut the fridge and looked down into the bin again. Empty beer bottles were in there too.
My stomach dropped and I began to figure out a way to get more liquor. I knew I might also still have some mini bottles left in my room. I wasn’t sure if he knew about those or not. I glanced back to the bin and noticed those in there too.
Empty also.
Maybe there’d be a way I could sneak out of here to the nearby liquor store and get something. The fact that I’d have to leave the apartment to get something to drink pissed me off. I felt my face get hot and my cheek throbbed with the rush of blood flowing through me.
“What did you do with all the liquor?”
His jaw clenched tight, his eyes turned cold. He shook his head as he spat, “That’s what you care about?”
Quickly, I changed my tone. It wasn’t all I cared about. I’m glad we’re safe and everything. “Well, yeah, I mean, it was a tough night. I’m sure you could use one too. I just…I…” want to go back to feeling numb. I didn’t finish my thought out loud. Instead, I felt the walls of the small kitchen begin to close around me. A cold sweat started to hit me and my stomach churned. I rushed passed him, but he caught my arm and swung me around.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” He asked quietly and with an odd sincerity in his voice.
“It was a tough night, we both could use a drink right now.”
“That’s not what I asked. I’m talking about all the guys that you let use you.”
“No. I…” I straightened my posture. He was such a hypocrite. “I was doing the same thing you do. I was just going for sex. It wasn’t my fault the guy had a friend. Of course for a guy, that would have been great to have two women attack you.” It was a lame attempt at reasoning with what happened.
“I have sex with women who aren’t going to hurt me. I make a conscience decision. You’re not even trying to make any type of decision. You’re just letting all of them use you. Again and again. I watched you tonight…”
“You what?” I interrupted him. “You followed me tonight?”
“Yeah. You’ve been coming home drunk every single morning. I needed to know where you went.”
“Why? Why does any of this concern you? You want me going around following you while you get head from some bimbo at Allure?”
“What concerns me is the drinking binge you’ve been on lately. You don’t even care whom you’re with. You’re not even trying to be safe.”
“Don’t. Don’t do this Clark. Don’t try to pretend you care when you really don’t.”
“Oh really? I don’t care? I didn’t hold your fucking head over the toilet just about every single morning this week while you threw up from your drinking binges?”
“I didn’t ask you to!” I yelled. His jaw clenched as he glared at me. “I never asked you to do anything for me.” I walked to the apartment door and grabbed the handle. I had no idea where I was going, but I wasn’t going to stand here while he judged me.
Just as I pulled the door to open, Clark’s hand slammed it shut. “You’re not fucking going anywhere. You can’t just keep running from whatever it is that’s bothering you. You can’t just keep getting drunk every night and fucking any guy that comes along!” He yelled at me and then gripped both my arms tight. “This isn’t you, Aub. I don’t know where the fuck my roommate went, but you’re sure as fuck not her.” He released me with a small shove, probably to get the rest of his anger out. I’ve never seen him so angry before.
I wasn’t doing anything to him.
I stormed to my room and tried to shut the door. Again, Clark’s hand stopped me from going anywhere by myself. Where was I supposed to go to be alone?
“I need you to see a doctor. A therapist. Or someone,” he stressed. I rolled my eyes having no idea why he’d want me to see a doctor or therapist. “There’s something wrong, Aub,” he persisted. “Everyone is worried about you. Your best friend just had a miscarriage. Do you even care?”
“What? Of course I care. Who are you to judge how I handle things? Who are you to judge how I live my life? How dare you say that I didn’t even care about Vanessa’s miscarriage!”
I stormed over to the window to look out, at least try to get away from him since I felt trapped. I don’t care? Of course I care.
I felt his hand on my shoulder and like a child I shook my body until he released his hand. “I’m sorry. That…came out wrong. Of course you care. You just…you aren’t here with us.”
“I’m here. I’m right in front of you!”
“You need to see someone, Aub. Anyone. Or just talk to me. Something. Because what you’re doing—leaving, getting drunk and fucking guys non-stop—it isn’t working.”
I pressed my forehead to the window remembering my thoughts of trying to break the glass. The images I had pictured in my head of how my body would hit the concrete. He’s right. I do need help. I can’t keep doing this. I rolled my head to the side to peer at him.
“All right.” I exhaled a deep breath. “I’ll see someone,” I gave in. I watched him let out his own breath. As if he really did want me to get help and get better. He pulled me in for a hug and as his strong arms wrapped around me, I began to realize he might actually care.
I OPENED the door to our apartment holding the bag for my new prescriptions in my hand. Two bottles of pills. One pill was to be taken for only two weeks just to help wean me off the alcohol and it was also supposed to help me with my anxiety. The other pill was more for long-term use and I still wasn’t sure I wanted to be on drugs all the time.
I didn’t bother seeing some psychiatrist or therapist. I don’t feel like a crazy person, so I just thought seeing my regular doctor would help. She understood what I was going through with the breakup of Gregory and Vanessa’s miscarriage. I hadn’t told her about my uncle. For what? She’d probably just tell me to see a therapist. I’ve been to therapy before. While it helped for a little while, the relief had been short term.
I walked into my bedroom and plopped down on my bed. After I removed my shoes, I tore open the pharmacy bag. The contents in these little orange bottles were supposed to help me. I was going to make an effort seeing as Clark was so serious about it. He was right though, Vanessa needed me and I wanted to be there for her. If these things could help with the nightmares, maybe make them go away, I could swallow them down in order to become a better person for my friend.
I popped the one that I was supposed to start taking immediately into my
mouth and swallowed it. I sent a text to Vanessa to see if she wanted company for a little while. I was more than thrilled when she told me to come over and hang out with her.
The relief on Matt’s face told me everything. I hate to see how upset they both have been over her miscarriage. He patted my shoulder as he started to leave. Vanessa sat on the couch; her eyes were swollen and red from crying. I lifted her feet as I took my seat on the couch and plopped her legs on top of mine. The TV played some infomercial.
“There’s nothing really on.” She sighed as her tears welled up again. I nodded knowing it was more that she just didn’t care what was on.
“I don’t suppose you feel like working out?” I lilted, hoping to maybe just get her out for a walk. It would probably do us both some good.
She gave me a sad smile. “Is there ever a time where you won’t try to get me to workout?” I shook my head, glad that I could at least garner a smile from her.
Just seeing her face with a tinge of happiness gave me hope that both of us would be alright. Knowing that I could do that with just a small joke made me feel like I could finally be the friend again that Vanessa deserved.
“Well, I’ll let you off the hook this one night.” I stood up and walked over to where the movies were. Knowing I left my old copy because it was our favorite movie, I popped Beaches into the DVD player. We were already crying, so a best friend tearjerker was more than required. I pulled her legs back on my lap when I sat down.
Velvet smooth hands grasped mine with a small squeeze causing tears in my eyes. All I could do was smile back at her and nod when she whispered, “Thanks.”
I exhaled knowing things would be better from here on out. I hope.
LITTLE DID I know that only a couple of days later, my world would come crashing down around me.
The phone I held in my hand was now a black screen. All I could do was stare at it. One simple phone call from my mom now spun my world out of control as I repeated the words she said to me.
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